Chapter Thirteen
“I thought we decided last night that we didn’t have to rush into anything.” Sky tried to keep the smile pasted on her face because Montana was still singing out the “married” word and tossing petals all over herself and the back seat of the truck with a few directed toward Sky.
“No need to wait. Already four years too late.”
“Kane.” Sky tried to keep her voice calm and level even though panic began to bubble in her stomach.
“Don’t make me spell it out,” he said in a low voice.
“Spell what out?”
“Why it’s imperative to do it now.”
She needed it spelled out. She’d thought with their efforts at honesty and opening up to each other last night and their concerted effort to leave the past in the past, Kane was no longer on a matrimonial tear. She sucked in a breath and then another. She hadn’t been this winded after the second spin class and that had been advanced.
Meanwhile Kane held on to his calm demeanor while Montana bounced with excitement. Sky suddenly noticed Montana had on a pale pink lacy dress and pink sandals. Even her toenails had been painted pink.
“You’ve been busy,” she said faintly.
“Prepared.”
Sky looked out the window, determined to harness her thoughts and lay out her arguments why this rush up the aisle—okay probably rush into a county clerk’s line—was totally unnecessary. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t fantasized about getting married when she’d been younger, and if she were honest, all her dreams had featured Kane, but he’d been devastating in a tux, and she in a flowing white dress. In her dreams, she’d walked toward him carrying daisies, and he hadn’t been able to take his eyes, shining with love, off her.
And there’d been guests, candles, flowers, the small church where she’d taken her first communion, music, dancing, champagne, and the reception had been under the stars with a real country music band, and Kane had danced with her all night, holding her close and telling her how much he loved her.
What a cliché!
“Thought we’d agreed to talk to each other,” Kane said evenly as he pulled into the county courthouse parking lot. “What’s going through your head?”
Like he really wanted to know. Talking to each other was a joke. He hadn’t mentioned marriage when he’d dropped her off at the gym this morning. He’d only said he’d take Montana and meet her back at noon.
“Are you surprised, Mommy? Are you? Are you?”
“Definitely,” she said through numb lips.
“So what are you thinking?” Kane asked after he parked and then unbuckled Montana from her car seat. Montana scurried over the seat, squishing the bruised petals back into the small basket that had held them.
“That when I fantasized about being a bride when I was growing up, I wasn’t creative enough.” Sky debated if she should even try to comb her hair and then decided the whole messy high ponytail fit with her exercise clothes. “I didn’t know I’d be rocking the athletic bride look so trendily.”
“You don’t have to.” Kane reached behind the seat and pulled out a garment bag and a shoe box.
She stared. “You bought me a dress?”
“Yes. Good or bad idea?”
“Probably better than a razor tank and Lululemon capri athletic leggings.”
She wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. Neither did Kane, because he looked uncomfortable for the first time she could remember.
Before she could think too much about it, Montana squealed, “Oh,” and then she opened a cooler at her feet and pulled out a large bouquet of daisies.
“For Mommy. Daddy said they are your favorite. Are they, Mommy, are they?” Sky took the flowers, but kept her head down. Her eyes swam with tears. Kane had remembered her off-hand comment years ago that she loved daisies and that when she had her own yard she was going to have a border for her garden made of daisies because they were so simple and classic yet beautiful.
“Sky? Are you ready to go inside?”
No.
But she wasn’t going to get a better do-over on a mistake she’d made four years ago.
She blinked back tears. “Yes,” she said.
Grasping Montana’s hand and her daisy bouquet, Sky followed Kane, who had slipped the champagne into a picnic basket and held her garment bag and shoes. Together they walked up the courthouse steps.
Sky slipped into a bathroom feeling like a late hired actress for a movie she didn’t know the title for. Her hands shaking a little, she unzipped the dress.
“Oh.” She stared at the simple strapless white dress that had some beading under the bust line—the only ornamentation. The hem was cut at an angle that looked like it would fall at the longest point mid calf. It was elegant and sophisticated while still seeming like a simple, though beautiful summer dress.
She shed her clothes and slipped on the dress. It had a hidden side zipper, and the fit was perfect. Where Kane got it at such short notice she had no idea. He’d even thought to add some white lace thong panties and a small sapphire and white lace garter. If he announced he could fly at this point she’d believe him. The shoes were silk mules with beading and low heels. She slipped them on and dared a look in the mirror.
She’d dashed on a bit of mascara and lip gloss at the gym.
Good enough, she supposed, and let down her hair and finger combed it.
She bagged up her tennis shoes and clothes and, grasping her flowers, she nervously exited the bathroom.
Kane was holding Montana, probably to keep her from showering everyone who passed with white rose petals and shouting that her mommy and daddy were getting married today.
Kane’s eyes lit with admiration when he saw her, and Sky was seized with shyness, which was ridiculous after all the years she’d known him, heck after all the things they’d done last night. He had been in deep conversation with a man and a woman whom he quickly introduced.
“The judge is ready for us,” Kane said, slipping his fingers into hers. “And then we get the paperwork signed and we’ll be set.”
Sky nibbled on her inner lip, pretty sure marriage to Kane was not going to be that easy.
*
Hours later, Sky sunk beneath the hot, fragrant bubble bath in the Jacuzzi tub just as the sun started to set.
“Sky Wilder.” She tried out the name. It still didn’t seem real. The whole afternoon seemed tinged with unreality. But in twenty minutes, she and Kane had been married, and the judge had signed off on a name change for Montana Kate Wilder, and she was now Sky Wilder. Kane and his attorney and financial planner had done all the paperwork for passports, birth certificate for Montana, college fund, life insurance beneficiary, insurance and his will.
Her head had spun. His life seemed so complicated.
As each form was signed, Kane had grown more and more relaxed.
She’d wondered aloud if there shouldn’t be a prenup. His attorney had hesitated and opened her mouth to speak, but Kane had said firmly said “no.” Even statistical divorce rates wouldn’t mess with Kane Wilder. Then when they’d been filling out the name change forms for Montana he’d asked her about her middle name.
“Why Kate? Is that a family name?” he’d asked, puzzled.
Sky had laughed a little—the tension rolling off her finally. “Really?” she’d demanded. “You and your big brain should be able to figure that one out.”
He continued to wait for an answer, as did the three other people in the room. Montana knew. She’d jumped up and down in excitement.
“K for Kane,” Sky clarified, “and ate for eight seconds that you ride.”
And then she’d seen Kane turn away and wipe something from his eye.
The rest of the day had flown by. She and Colt had made good progress packing up her apartment and her studio. Colt was going to build wooden crates to transport her sculptures to Jonas’s gallery. She’d met his other brother Laird and his fiancée Tucker who’d been so beautiful and vibrant and funny that both she and Montana had felt dazzled. They’d helped her pack up her small bunkhouse before dropping her off at the hotel. Kane had texted her several times during the day and called twice to tell her he was delayed.
She didn’t mind so much. It was just awkward. She’d changed out of the dress again at the courthouse, and Kane had dropped them off at her house. His brothers had been there along with Tucker, but he hadn’t mentioned their marriage so neither had she, which meant what, exactly? More secrets? More hiding away only legal this time?
Sky nearly hummed in pleasure as she stretched full out in the bath. She heard a faint pop, but was too tired to deal with any more surprises. She didn’t even have the energy to turn on the jets for a quick massage.
“Champagne?” A crystal flute appeared in front of her.
Sky didn’t drink a lot because of her mother, but it was her wedding night, although since she hadn’t seen Kane all day, she wasn’t sure what the night would hold.
“As long as you promise that if I ever drink more than one glass…no make that two glasses of wine, cut me off. My mom drinks. A lot.” She’d meant to make a joke of it, but it wasn’t funny. And she got scared sometimes. She had a little girl to take care of. What if she lost control? People said it was a disease. She could catch it.
Kane was silent. She’d shocked him. Smashed another crack in her perfect family picture. Infidelity. Addiction. Dead perfect son. Unresolved grief and anger. The nuclear American family.
“I will always take care of you, Sky.”
She still didn’t open her eyes. She wasn’t quite ready to face him or the rest of her life. So she didn’t know that Kane was naked, until he climbed in the tub with her.
“Cheers.” He clinked classes with her.
Sky’s eyes flew open.
“Strawberry?” Kane held out a strawberry, dipped in chocolate and lightly dusted with crystalized sugar.
“I know you tried to make this day special,” Sky said carefully although the day had seemed bizarre mostly because he hadn’t been there except for the actual vows part, and that had been so…so…impersonal with the judge jumping up from his desk where he’d been eating a spinach and strawberry salad to marry them. “And the dress was lovely and Montana was thrilled, but…” She didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but she also hadn’t wanted to rush into marriage like she had some aggrieved relative wielding a shotgun.
“Seriously, Sky. I couldn’t wait six months to marry you or whatever amount of time you think we should wait to make it legal. I had to act now so that you and Montana are safe. Being my wife instantly gives you rights—money, life and health insurance, ability to act on my behalf if I can’t. You’ll also have an easier time negotiating anything with the AEBR over your art, access, being with me backstage—more respect from the sponsors. I won’t tolerate you being tossed out a side door with Montana because some zealous security guard took my instructions too literally.”
“What instructions?” she asked curiously because all the rest of it was too overwhelming. She didn’t want to think about Kane being injured. He was so vibrant and alive. And the amount of money he wielded freaked her out as well. There were so many changes ahead, and Kane didn’t seem to want to give her any time to process any of it.
“If I get injured, you can make decisions for me and be with me in the hospital, make decisions over my care,” he said, ignoring her question. “If I get killed, you have access to my life insurance within two days.”
“Stop.” Sky pressed her hand over her mouth. Her stomach was churning. “Just shut up right now, Kane. I mean it. It’s bad luck to talk like that.”
“Baby.” He leaned forward and pulled her up on his lap so she could wrap her legs around his waist. She meant to hold herself back, but the heat in his eyes, the intensity in his deep voice, low and warm, melted her resistance.
“I don’t want to scare you, but I’m in a dangerous profession. High injury rate, and you know from what happened to your brother that mistakes or bad luck can be fatal. Already this season, a few riders are out. I doubt my favorite rider Rory Douglas—we all called him Gramps, such a mentor to me, to all of us—will make it to the end of the tour. He’s really struggling with injuries new and old. He’s only thirty-eight, a young man, but this profession is hell on the body.”
Sky could barely breathe. Kane had a beautiful body. He was so vital. The thought of him damaged, hurting, unable to ride or even enjoy reasonably good healthy cut deep.
“Have you thought about what you’ll do when it’s over?” she whispered.
He nodded decisively, and it was so Kane, that her heart lurched. Of course he had a plan. “But I’m rethinking some things, and a lot depends on you.”
Sky liked the sound of that.
“But I can’t rely on hope to keep me healthy and you and Montana taken care of. I need to be prepared. You need to know what to do in case I can’t.”
“Kane, please…” She touched his cheek. “We’re naked in a bath with champagne that we didn’t get a chance to have this afternoon. Can’t this wait?”
“You need to know. Colt and Luke are co-executors of my will. Obviously I rewrote it so you get everything instead of my mom and Luke. I know Colt makes you a little nervous, but he’s so solid, and he has no loyalty to my mom. She keeps trying to reach him, but so far he doesn’t want to play happy family. I was shocked as hell he showed up to drive me home. He’ll make sure you don’t have to deal with…”
Sky leaned up and kissed him, halting his flow of words. “Please. I don’t want to think about it right now.”
“I know.” His fingers trailed under her jaw and he tilted her face up so he could kiss the tears that spilled down her cheeks. He chased a few with his tongue. “That’s why I did the thinking, but as for the rest—where we live, how we manage the time and distance—that’s for both of us to decide. I just needed to make it legal and to provide for you and Montana.”
“We’re married,” she said. “Like a business deal. Because it was practical.”
His gray eyes searched hers. Regret lingered, but determination shone through. “We’ll make it work. We had to make it right, Sky.”
She rolled her eyes at the R word.
“But, Sky, baby, you took all my options by not telling me you were pregnant. You took away our choices together. Newton’s Law.”
He held out the strawberry again, and this time she took a bite of the huge berry swirled with dark and white chocolate. Flavor burst in her mouth. Delicious. And there was a gorgeous liquor in the berry. She was for the first time in her life heading toward tipsy and she so didn’t care. She held out the strawberry for him to share, careful to keep the liquor from spilling out. His mouth brushed her fingers as he finished all but the stem. He chewed and swallowed while holding her eyes.
“Which one?” she whispered. She’d always found his quirky math and science references endearing. Her husband was a hot bull rider and a nerd.
“The third one.”
“And which one is that?” She was pulling his chain, but Kane was way too earnest to ever get that, and Sky found she got a little of her equilibrium back.
“For every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
He leaned forward and tried to kiss her.
She didn’t feel quite ready for that, and he could tell.
“What’s wrong? Are you mad that I was gone most of the day?”
“No,” she sighed. “I know you have many demands on your time.”
“You and Montana are my first priority,” he said quickly.
And he probably believed that. But… “I just don’t feel married,” she finally said, not wanting to hurt him, but also wanting to strive for honesty and openness between them.
“It will take time.”
She pressed her lips together and looked down at her bare finger.
“Is it a secret?” she finally asked.
“No, of course not.”
“But you didn’t tell your family.”
“No.”
She waited. And waited. So much for honesty and openness.
“So it is a secret.”
“I want to get married for real,” he said. “In a church or on the property my brothers have. We’re trying to get together enough land so that we can each work it how we want—bull breeding, horse breeding and training—hell, Laird even wants to grow hops and brew beer and distill organic whiskey or something like that, but I want to marry in front of my family so that they can be your family and Montana’s family.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“So I didn’t want to tell them until I proposed, but I didn’t want to wait to legally marry you.”
Sky looked at him. Sincerity shone through.
“We really got it backward,” she said softly, leaning in toward him so that her mouth was so closer to his, and her fingers held on to his shoulders. “Baby, marriage, proposal, family wedding.”
She stared down at his chest, the honed muscles, the half-moon scar on his left side that was new and wasn’t, she hoped, part of a bull hoof.
“My head is still spinning,” she told him.
“Mine too.”
“Really?” Kane had seemed in total control since he’d entered the gallery except for his aberrant stalking off into the desert.
“I just now feel I can breathe again,” he said. “When I saw you at the gallery my brain just…” He made an exploding sound and flexed his fingers like a starburst. “Gone. I was gone. I kissed you again because I couldn’t really help myself. It was like four years hadn’t happened, and then I turned around, saw our little girl, I just…I just…”
For the first time he broke eye contact. “My world just collapsed. I…” he spread out his fingers again “…I was not functioning. All I had was instinct. And this anger. I’d always sworn I wouldn’t be that man who walked away from a kid, and suddenly there I was. A stranger. A man you couldn’t trust. A man who didn’t know his kid.”
“Kane, we’ve gone over this, and I’m so, so sorry,” Sky breathed. “But it’s my first wedding night.”
“Your only wedding night,” he growled and pulled her more firmly onto his lap.
She lifted herself up and teased his erection by rubbing up and down it. Shock waves danced along her clit and through her bloodstream.
“You said I’d have two wedding nights. The legal one and the family one, and I intend to take full advantage.”
“You can have a hundred wedding nights as long as they are all with me.”
And then he kissed her. And she kissed him back, losing herself to his heat.
“I missed kissing you,” Sky said when she could finally talk again. The water rippled around them, and Kane’s erection was like a flaming sword between them, one that she intended to sheath in herself for hours tonight. “You always make me feel like I can fly. I want to fly with you.”
“Let’s get out of here. I have to have you and we’ll make the floor too wet,” he whispered harshly in her ear, already standing and lifting her with him.
“I know it’s very cavewoman of me, but I absolutely love how strong you are.”
Kane barely bothered with a towel. He carried her to the bed, even managing to grab his glass of champagne. Sky managed to snag the bowl of strawberries as they left the bath. Kane laid her carefully down on the silky sheets, which she could feel grow damp behind her back.
“Don’t worry, baby, all your heat’s going to dry everything off.” He spread her out, and then sat back on his heels to look at her.
“Trying to decide where to start.”
Sky dipped her finger in the champagne and then traced her lips.
“Here?” she whispered. She did it again, only this time she dripped the champagne on her nipples. “Maybe here?” she asked. Then she dipped again and spread her legs. “Or here?”
Kane’s eyes glittered. “All of it. I want it all.”
Sky picked up the glass and deliberately spilled some down her body. “It’s yours. Everything is yours.” She reached for a strawberry from the bowl and tucked it slightly in her slick, heated entrance.
“Jesus, Sky,” Kane breathed. “You kill me—you really do.”
“I hope not. I want you to feel, very, very alive when I make you cum.” She lay flat on the bed, only elevating her head with her elbows behind her.
“I hope you are very, very hungry, Kane.”
*
Sky should be sleepy. She’d been so keyed up for the hospital’s art auction and dinner last week that she hadn’t been able to sleep and since Kane had come striding back into her life, sleep had been even more scarce, and yet tonight they’d made love three times almost without a break. They’d been so hungry for each other, as if they’d been starved and were now gorging. Kane had been so tender and then assertive, almost rough, and she’d loved every minute of it.
Now she lay tucked into his body, his arms wrapped tightly around her. One hand was splayed against her stomach, and one finger traced her small scar over and over so she knew he wasn’t asleep.
“I want to have a baby with you,” Kane said into the dark of the room. “I want to feel it grow and kick. I want to run out to the store at midnight and get you crazy foods if you have a craving.”
She laughed even though she knew she shouldn’t encourage him.
“Kane, you are crazy,” she said. “We just got back together two days ago, and now you have us married and are talking about another baby.”
“I know what I want and I move fast.”
“More like you strike,” she said, and she should be way more disturbed than she was by this conversation. “Cobras are slower. And I didn’t crave weird food. I hardly had an appetite, and had to force myself to eat. Brown rice noodles in vegetable broth was the only thing that stayed down until the third trimester.”
He rolled so that they were facing. His hands were gentle on her face.
“I want to cut the cord.”
“And bury the placenta facing north.”
He started. “Did you do that?”
She laughed. “No. I barely acknowledged I was having a baby so I was no earth mom. I nursed because it was free and easy.”
“I want to taste your milk.”
“I love your kinky ideas,” Sky said. “But can we learn to manage our first child together before we embark on another?”
“So you’d consider another baby?” Kane asked, triumph in his voice.
Somehow Sky felt conned. She wanted to make a joke about diapers, but then she thought that wouldn’t be kind. For all she knew Kane was jonesing to change a diaper or hopefully a hundred. She leaned forward and kissed him, putting a promise into her kiss.
“Kane, I love you. I do. I never stopped loving you, but we don’t even know where we are going to live or what our life will look like in another month or two. You’re packing all of our things except for what fits in a couple of suitcases, off to Montana. I don’t know where we’ll live in Montana. I don’t know where we’ll live if we go on the road with you. I don’t know how I’ll do my art. Colt said he could convert one of the barns to a studio for me, but…” She trailed off. “All of that is logistics. I’m still figuring out how we are as a family.”
“You love me?” he whispered. “Even after all I put you through?”
Her whole practical speech and that was what he got out of it? Her unconscious revelation that had come out as a declaration, but it was true. Loving Kane was what she’d always done best. Even when he hadn’t loved her. And he still didn’t love her. It hurt. Her heart felt like someone had stomped on it, but she had to get up and keep going. Open and honest. She’d survived without love before, her whole life, and she knew Kane cared for her. He did.
“Always,” she said simply. “Forever.”