Chapter Five
“Now that’s a walk of shame worth getting to the arena early for.” The voice was low and amused and drawled like warm honey but with enough of an edge that Kane—walking into a side door of the arena in Santa Fe, his duffel bag slung over a wide shoulder, a garment bag dangling from his fingers and his free hand holding his daughter’s tiny hand—paused.
Sky, bare feet burning from the hot asphalt even though Kane had parked as close as he could to the arena, struggled behind him. One hand bunched up the flared lace dress that was too long without the heels. She also held Montana’s backpack and clutched at the front of the dress that was embarrassingly low now that the body tape she’d used to hold the halter dress in place on the sides had lost its stick.
The cowboy, who’d been looking at videos of bulls on his phone, while he stretched in an isolated area of the arena, casually arched into another stretch, but his eyes were sharp on Sky and then her child. His gaze lingered, lit with knowledge and then homed in on Kane. Sky had a feeling he had cool indifference down to an art form.
She struggled to control her blush. She shouldn’t care what some random cowboy thought. But no, full bright pink washed over her, but she did force herself to hold the cowboy’s gaze for all of two seconds. Damn Kane again.
“Prom date?” He smirked.
Kane’s eyes said ‘fuck you,’ while his trademark smile that sold enough products to fill a house, slid easily into place, and the other rider clearly didn’t like it, or him, at all.
“Cody, this is my fiancée Sky Gordon, and I’d thank you to keep your hands and your attitude, and your speculations to yourself.”
Sky was so shocked at the F word he dropped so casually, Montana’s backpack slid to the floor, and as she bent to retrieve it, her foot landed on the skirt, tugging her bodice down precariously low. She clutched at it as if it were the only thing between her and a fiery doom.
The cowboy laughed. “Guess we won’t shake hands,” he said, his eyes briefly lit with amusement, and despite the situation, Sky suddenly had the urge to smile. The whole day was absurd. Her in this glamorous dress at four in the afternoon hundreds of miles from the artist pre-auction brunch she’d been attending. Now she was skulking barefoot through a side door of the arena that in a few hours would be packed with fans and families and buckle bunnies all wanting to watch a bull rider give his all to make history.
“So I guess hanging tight for eight seconds isn’t your entire skill set.” Cody went into another stretch. “Who’s the kid?”
“This is my daughter…” And then Kane’s face shut down like a computer screen. He was pale under his tan, and a muscle ticked in his jaw.
Sky felt his tension like an icy hand sliding down her spine. When would all this unbearable awkwardness and the questions and the doubt and the worry ease? How had Kane, who’d demanded answers to everything she hadn’t wanted to tell him, not asked the one question she’d have been willing to answer?
“Montana.” Sky slid the name into the conversation, but her voice barely hit a whisper. Kane’s eyes swiveled toward hers. They were hot with accusation and again the tremble woke and rumbled deep in the pit of her stomach.
“I’m watching Daddy ride bulls,” Montana told Cody.
Sky winced, worried what the bull rider who clearly was amused by Kane’s predicament would say. Something cynical and sarcastic no doubt.
“Then you’re in for some fun tonight, Montana.” He stressed the name. His eyes narrowed and sparked when he looked at Kane. “Your daddy…” again the word had exaggerated emphasis “…has a reputation…” his gaze seemed to laugh at Kane “…of being pretty good sticking on the back of a bull.”
Montana nodded her head. “He’s the best!”
A small smile might have twitched the corners of Cody’s mouth. “Not everyone would agree with that, but yeah he does okay.”
Definitely not a friend. Sky was so tired of the tension between her and Kane and now there was barely veiled hostility between Kane and the other rider.
“I watch Daddy ride on Mama’s computer on Sundays.”
Kane jerked a little next to her, and without thinking, she ran her hand soothingly down his arm, tracing the corded muscles. A ghost memory of her fingers digging into those muscles so she could angle herself up and he could slam into her harder, deeper slapped her memory without warning.
She jerked her hand away.
Stupid. Don’t touch. Don’t get caught up in him again.
It had been four years away from all that masculine energy and animal charisma, and she had to fight the urge to not touch him, to not fall under his spell. She should not fall victim to the desperate need for love and attention that had plagued her during her childhood, nor would she languish in the guilt trap where she’d spent her teen years, sorry for her existence. Sorry for everything far beyond her control. And she wasn’t going to put Montana in that situation—ever. Kane Wilder and his questions and demands could go to hell.
Stay strong.
Cody’s expression slid back to cold as he eyed Kane. “Alicia will be pleased with the news,” he drawled.
Kane didn’t react. His hard body and harder attitude already out-harded the damn sculpture that had landed them both in this mess.
“She’s heading out late tonight for a family wedding if you want to keep a low profile.” He jammed back in his earbuds. “Like you ever would.”
Then the side of his mouth kicked up slightly, and Sky realized this man would be devastatingly attractive if he ever made the effort. “Sky.” His voice sounded like a taunt. “Like the name.” He looked up at Kane, his gaze definitely indicating this wasn’t over.
Cody turned his attention back to his phone and another video, but Kane was already striding away.
“Um…bye,” Sky said and walked after Kane, forcing herself and her short legs not to run. She already looked ridiculous enough.
He slowed a little, clearly impatient.
“What was that about?” she asked.
“Nothing.” His face and voice were tighter than ever. He swung Montana up on his shoulders, and she laughed reached above her head as if she could stretch and touch the ceiling. Again his strides ate up the long, cement hallway.
“Stop rushing.” She had to rush to catch up.
“Can’t be late. I have two interviews scheduled at four and four ten with local radio stations and a TV sportscast at four twenty-five. Then a meet and greet with some local sponsors and their families.”
“Great, this again,” she huffed, pissed to have to chase after him when she didn’t want to even be in the same state, and frustrated that she kept stepping on the fragile stretch lace hem of the dress. She was going to trip again. Or rip the dress and lose her deposit.
“This being my job?” Kane’s jaw was so tight and tense he could pulverize walnuts.
He didn’t stop walking.
“Yeah,” Sky said. “You used to always stash me away when you went to your meet and greets and interviews and even most of the shows like I was a secret.”
It had hurt how he’d hidden her away for the most part, leaving her in the trailer waiting for him to come back.
“Is that why you left?” Kane stopped walking. “You wanted to punish me for my career?”
“I wanted you to be happy,” Sky burst out, tired of being the only one in the wrong. She quickly smiled up at Montana to cover the lapse and then lowered her voice. “I wanted you to live the life you wanted.”
Couldn’t he see? It had been about him. All about him. Keeping him happy. If he’d loved her, it would have been different. She would have been thrilled about the baby, excited to share the news. But he hadn’t. Not once had he said he’d loved her. Never. And she’d blurted it out their first time together like the immature and sappy idiot she’d been.
“You and Montana are my life.” His voice and frustrated expression dismissed her motivation. His fingers around Montana’s ankles tightened fractionally. “How was I supposed to be happy without my child?”
Before she could fully register that Kane had listed her importance first, and his heartfelt question, he turned around and started walking quickly away. Sky had no idea where he was going. And she was tired of being in this stupid dress, and looking like a hookup that had gone badly. Cody had been right. She probably did look like a lost high school girl who’d escaped a really bad prom. With a baby. The visual she presented was funny, or would have been if it had been someone else.
“Kane, just stop for a moment. Just stop.”
He didn’t.
“You’re acting irrationally. You can’t keep us…” She paused, hesitant to use the word ‘prisoner.’ Would Montana know what that meant? Plus it sounded more than a little melodramatic. What she wouldn’t give for five minutes with him without her overly curious and sometimes disturbingly brilliant little girl listening.
“I don’t even have shoes.”
Or proper underwear.
“My dress is about to go pull a full wardrobe malfunction. I am supposed to be at a party tonight.”
He stopped.
Icy gray eyes locked on to her.
“You are going to miss it. I didn’t even know her name.” His voice was a tensely whispered accusation, and again, Sky felt herself flush. She hated this. She’d tried so hard to hold her feelings at bay for so long, protect herself from this man she’d loved whole-heartedly nearly half her life, telling herself that she was protecting her daughter as well, but every moment was a slap in her face that she hadn’t considered Kane’s feelings. Not. At. All.
“My own child’s name.”
‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t cut it. And she wasn’t sure she could have done it differently even if she had thought about Kane’s feelings, but she’d been nineteen. Scared. Hurt. And really self-absorbed.
“Why?”
“Kane, I can’t…” She shook her head. She couldn’t explain. Open herself up like that. Just split herself down the middle and let her heart and guts spill out for his disdainful perusal. He’d admired her parents so much. Loved them. He wouldn’t understand. Wouldn’t believe her. “Please stop asking that,” she said, so exhausted that if she could have sat down she probably would have fallen into a stupor.
“You’re like a dog with a bone,” Sky said, looking up at Montana, who smiled down, blissfully unaware of the tension her presence was causing, and Sky would do anything, anything to keep it that way. “Let’s just have this discussion later.”
“Already four years too late.”
“I can’t do this here.” She looked around at the bowels of the arena. A few people were coming and going, mostly workers with boxes on hand carts.
“Here is where we are. You could have shared the exciting news over dinner or breakfast four years ago.”
“Exciting?”
The way his eyes narrowed and sparked she shut up her mouth. Of course she loved Montana and had never once regretted having a baby after she’d been born. She’d been very conflicted in the months before her birth. So did that also make her a monster? Easy for Kane to be judgey. And if Montana had not been perched on his shoulders playing with his hat and hair, she would have called him on his self-righteous attitude.
Did he somehow not comprehend the concept of privacy when it wasn’t swirling around him? For being such a public figure on the AEBR circuit, Kane Wilder had been intensely private—staying in a trailer far from the arena, usually keeping her far from his profession and rarely talking about his family except his older brother Luke.
“The gallery owner,” he suddenly barked. “Are you involved with him?”
Where had that come from?
“None of your business.”
Like he hadn’t been with dozens, no hundreds, maybe thousands of women since her.
“You’re upset to miss the party.”
“I’m upset because having my sculpture chosen to be a part of the art auction for the hospital guild was an incredible career opportunity.”
He watched her, clearly thinking. “Who picked the sculpture?”
“Dr. Austen Sheridan met me at an art fair where I was a juried artist.” She couldn’t help the note of pride that had crept into her voice. Many artists had to try for years to get into that show last Christmas. “He came to my studio and saw all my sculptures. He loved the western bull-riding theme.” She felt a little embarrassed now, not wanting Kane to read too much into her subject matter. “He chose that one.”
“I bet he did.”
“It was a great honor.” Sky’s temper notched up.
“You’re being played, Sky.”
If he hadn’t been holding her child, no their child, she would have kicked him.
“How so?” she challenged. “You think my art doesn’t belong there?” Her voice rose. She couldn’t help it. She’d been dismissed for most of her life. Did Kane think he was the only one worthy of a stellar career?
“You are insanely talented, Sky. Truly gifted. I am awed by you and your work. It’s powerful and emblematic, but Dr. Sheridan…” he sneered the name “…chose that piece for a reason.”
“Why?” She was momentarily deflected from her anger as Kane’s admiration rang true in his voice.
He made an irritated sound. “I need to get you more practical clothes.” He glanced at his watch and then pushed open the double doors at the end of the hallway.
Sky followed, her head swirling from the change of subject. They had so much seething between them it was like neither of them could focus on what they really needed to resolve. But she would feel better in normal clothes.
*
Kane walked down the outer circle of the arena where all the merchandise and food vendors were restocking for tonight’s show. He felt dizzy, a little out of his body, as if he were slightly out of phase with reality. He couldn’t even remember why he had brought Sky and Montana to the public areas. The doors weren’t open for another hour at least, and he had eight minutes forty-nine seconds to get to the broadcast area for two interviews. In nineteen minutes eleven seconds he had a meet and greet at a whiskey sponsor’s tent. He still needed to check his rope. Stretch. Get focused. He felt like he was underwater. Drowning.
Betrayed. On all sides.
How had he not thought to ask his child’s name in the last six hours?
What was wrong with him? He should have thought of that. Obvious. Why Montana?
Sky had kept so many secrets from him, and a whole life that should have been theirs. Stolen, and she wouldn’t tell him why.
Liar.
The word tasted metallic on his tongue.
He’d trusted her. They’d been friends long before lovers. Sky had been the only woman he’d let travel with him, stay with him and actually sleep with him after they had done so many other things. Sky had given him a glimpse of what his life could be. And he’d craved it. Unconditional love. The only person who had loved him when he lost. When he hurt. Her love had been the one pure and perfect thing in his life. Or so he’d thought.
So many lies. So many questions. Alicia and management were going to want answers he didn’t have. The AEBR prided itself on its family-friendly image and one of its biggest stars couldn’t just show up holding a three-year-old who looked so much like him it was eerie, without an explanation.
A deadbeat dad. He felt it like a blow. Everything he was, everything he believed in just dropkicked, discarded. Sky had made him into a deadbeat dad. Herself a single mother. That shit ended today. Now. That was the only thing that made sense in all the shit running through his head.
Clothes. She needed clothes. No way in hell was he letting Sky parade around in that dress. Fucking Cody. What wasn’t threatening to slip indecently low, clung to her like a beautiful blue, lacy skin making her look like a character in Avatar, even more ethereal and otherworldly than she did already with her huge, heavily fringed deep blue, nearly violet eyes that he’d always drowned in.
His heart burned, but his lungs seemed frozen. He couldn’t get enough air. Couldn’t focus his thoughts. Everything spun and flew and raced dizzyingly around and around, his brain on fire like it used to be before he’d learned to meditate, focus, control, maintain balance through strenuous mental and physical discipline.
And all his famed control had been felled when a little girl with his eyes, his hair and his smile ran across a gallery floor and stopped and looked up at him.
Daddy.
There was his life before.
And now after.
Montana.
And he needed to stop. Focus. Think. Plan. Only no time.
Eight minutes.
Shoes. Clothes. A place to wait until after the show.
Hotel.
Rollaway bed. What kind of bed did a three-year-old sleep in?
His will. Attorney. Financial planner. College plan. Was he even on her birth certificate? He didn’t dare ask until he had himself under control. Christ was he going to have to adopt his own daughter?
His one vow to himself shattered.
He felt sucker punched.
Life insurance. He had it for his mother although she didn’t need money now. He’d have to change the beneficiary. Get Montana and Sky on his health insurance. Passport. Marriage license. The list kept growing in his mind. Blurred at the edges.
He’d sort the legal issues tomorrow when he drove them back to Scottsdale for the Phoenix show. Pack up her apartment or wherever she lived because Sky was not going back to her old life. This morning had been her first day of after too.
Seven minutes forty-nine seconds.
*
“You’re not serious.” Sky was mortified. “I can’t wear this.” She tugged at the frayed hems of the Daisy Duke shorts emblazoned with AEBR in pink bull-horn-shaped bling on the butt. The tight deep V of the white T-shirt with AEBR Tour ’17 and a bucking bull with a cowboy on her chest was almost as bad. She didn’t have a bra, which she felt was screamingly obvious with the thin, stretchy, white cotton T. Slut much? The look was completed by pair of red cowboy boots. Great. Red, white and blue. Kane was probably secretly laughing his ass off. He knew she was modest, well, when not bouncing with him. She looked like a…buckle bunny.
“Not a lot of wardrobe options at the arena,” Kane said sounding so practical that Sky wanted once again to smack him. She did not like this new, emerging violent side of herself.
“If you hadn’t over-reacted…” she objected and crossed her arms over her chest thinking of her phone and purse and change of clothes back at the gallery.
If I hadn’t panicked like always. If I’d have been able to think.
“Over-reacted,” he echoed in disbelief. “If you hadn’t been so secretive you would currently have a sprawling house in the town or city of your choice and a walk-in closet full of clothes. Yours and mine.” He emphasized the last word as if she’d somehow forgotten that he had declared his intention to keep her.
Like she was a tea set he didn’t really want but felt he should keep as a gesture of family respect. And a beautiful house wouldn’t have prevented all the rifts that would have driven them apart.
“You’re trying to humiliate me. You’re enjoying this.”
Sky noticed the salesperson, whose booth wasn’t yet officially open, but who had been stocking up her small, colorful display, and who was studiously trying to look like she wasn’t listening.
Kane smiled. “Darlin’.” He leaned toward her with the famous dimpled smile easy on his beautiful mouth that she wanted to slap. The worst part was that even as his mouth claimed hers, she forgot that she wasn’t ever going to kiss him again. Her lips parted, and her breath feathered. She felt like he was pouring fire down her throat and she swayed into him, one hand coming up to hold his arm to steady herself. A sound escaped, and she sighed into his mouth.
“I’m enjoying nothing. You’ve ensured this is the worst day in my entire goddamn life,” he whispered against her mouth, his lips still feathering hers apart. “I’m finding nothing enjoyable in the fact that my child is a stranger to me—as is her mother.”
He winked and straightened, his eyes hard as metal. “We’ll discuss all the details later, baby.”
Sky felt like he’d dumped an ice bucket on her head. He hated her and he could still light her up. Her breath was embarrassingly ragged, and she couldn’t look at him. Not. Ever. Again. He was so much better at pretending than she could ever be. One more strike against Kane Wilder. And, oh God, now her nipples were getting in on the action.
“Mama pretty.” Montana tugged on her hand.
Montana now sported a pleather fringe jacket, cowgirl hat and cowboy boots and cuddled a bull stuffed toy.
Kane made a bit of small talk with the girl who had sold them the clothes. Another woman had found Sky and Montana the boots. Both of the vendors had probably been burning with curiosity, but they’d tried hard to hide it. Kane had handed out hundreds like they were candy to pay for the boots and clothes.
Show-off.
“Kane, the T-shirts for the 4-H group you sponsor in Phoenix are back and ready for me to distribute. You usually sign them before the kids get here. He has so many groups he sponsors.” The young girl, sweetly crushing on Kane, turned to smile at Sky.
“Thank you, Janie, I will.” Again Kane glanced at the massive watch that looked like it did a heck of a lot more than tell time. “Once I finish a couple of interviews, I will come sign all the shirts. Let’s roll.”
They walked toward a large cordoned-off area marked ‘press’ with lots of people, lights, equipment and a buzz of activity. Sky slowed, feeling massively uncomfortable. She’d always felt bad that he left her out of this part but now that there were more people moving about, most of them with a strong sense of purpose, Sky balked.
“What?” Kane waited. “You wanted to experience my job, all of it, the whole tour.” His voice had a definite edge.
“We’ll just wait…” She looked around for somewhere to sit or something to do. Montana had books in her bag. And now a stuffed bull. And blanket. She might take a nap.
“You’re going to be busy,” she said looking at the press area, nervousness making her voice husky. “Really busy.”
She didn’t like crowds on a normal day. Walking the gauntlet of press with an AEBR celebrity while she was wearing a buckle bunny outfit was not in her plans. She knew her parents didn’t watch anything that covered the AEBR or rodeos since Bennington had died, but they still owned a huge ranch and other properties in Scottsdale. Some of their friends might catch a glimpse of her and Montana and Kane and put two and two together. She’d already ruined their lives enough. She didn’t need to rub their noses in their grief by hanging on the arm of the man they blamed for their son getting into bull riding instead of heading off to college to study business and law like they’d expected. She didn’t need to add one more insult.
“I am not hiding my daughter away like a secret,” he hissed.
“There you are, Mr. Wilder.” A man with a headset walked out of the press area. “Right on time as usual.”
He shook Kane’s hand, glanced at Sky and kept staring. His eyes lit with interest and Kane frowned.
“This way,” he said motioning for Kane to follow. “Ma’am, you can come too. Tom Davis.” His voice oozed charm and he held out a hand. “It’s lovely to see Mr. Wilder bring a guest.”
Sky barely restrained an eye roll. Kane Wilder probably squired busty, blonde beauties to interviews on a daily basis. With her slim body, barely there breasts and long black hair she definitely didn’t fit Kane’s dance card.
“Welcome to the AEBR,” he gushed, still holding her hand. “You are in for a great show. I can let you sit in the press area if you’d like. I can give you some pointers on what to look for with the bulls and the cowboys during the rides if you are new to the tour.”
Sky dredged up a smile, and gently tugged back her hand. “Aaaah, thank you.” She hated how she looked to Kane for the answer. Already she was reverting to her teenaged self or worse, her mother. Apologetic. Submissive. Looking for direction.
“Thanks, Tom,” Kane said easily. “But I have Sky and Montana in the family section.” Two bull riders walked by, greeted Kane and stared at Sky, glances clearly taking in the view. They spoke in a language she didn’t speak, probably Portuguese. They gave Kane a thumbs-up.
“I’ll wait for you outside the press area,” Sky said stiffly, arms crossed high on her chest. She’d always been small breasted, but with the T-shirt, she felt like she was flaunting the small gifts nature had given her in bright lights.
“Hold up a sec,” Kane said unzipping his garment bag.
The way he’d been checking his watch, Sky didn’t think he had a second to spare, but even time cooperated with Kane Wilder.
He pulled out a light blue silky western-style shirt with black snaps and fed her arms through the sleeves.
“Kane, I can do it,” she said conscious that some of the din of the press area had quieted. She could feel the looks and smirks even though she kept her eyes glued to his hands as they moved up the shirt. Snap. Snap.
“More fun this way.”
She quickly looked up to discern his mood. Could he be forgiving, letting go of some of the tension that had ridden him so hard the last six hours? His eyes were hooded, his face intent, but his hands were gentle.
The shirt was silky against her skin, and she had to fight the urge to hug the fabric close to her body. He cuffed the sleeves four times, and they stood toe-to-toe, and for a moment, his gaze dropped to her mouth. She held her breath. Was he going to kiss her again? Did she want him to?
“It’s like a dress,” Kane said, amusement tingeing his voice. Then he slid a belt off the hanger and from a separate sealed compartment he pulled out a buckle.
He wrapped the belt around her waist, and worked on fastening the buckle. Sky held her breath when his knuckles brushed against her. His hands were warm, and she could feel goose bumps rise along her arms and her tummy as they tingled with awareness. She gasped and his sandalwood and cedar scent teased her senses, making her feel a little dizzy.
“Won’t you need this to ride?” she whispered, recognizing the buckle for what it was—the AEBR World Championship buckle from last year.
He finally met her gaze, seeking something Sky thought with a sinking heart that wasn’t there. Once again she was coming up short. Her breath squeezed in her lungs. This close, she could see his long, spiky lashes that framed his beautiful eyes so dramatically. His pale blue irises that seemed to go silver when he when he was angry or aroused darkened to turbulent gray. She’d never seen him angry close up until today, but she remembered the color when he was aroused. She’d mixed pigments trying to match that mercurial silver shot through with a little blue.
His eyes were spectacular. But so were his dark brows, his bones, his sensuous mouth that still managed to shout masculine. “You’re so beautiful,” she said helplessly, unable to censor her thoughts.
He let go of the belt and straightened up slowly, his gaze not wavering, and Sky realized with a thud of her heart that she could see forever when she looked at Kane. She had no idea how she’d found the strength to push him away four years ago. Her fear had been more powerful than her love, which was truly pathetic to admit, but she didn’t think she’d be able to do it again.
Somehow, in one day and one mad dash across the southwest desert, her life had once again changed.
“I’ll wait,” she said, meaning it, hating it, but knowing with despair that it was true.