Kate
The dress I chose shimmered slightly in the soft hall light, and Genevieve’s words echoed around me as I made my way down the stairs holding onto the banisters to prevent myself from falling in my new high heeled shoes.
Jonathan stood at the bottom talking with his housekeeper and something, and when he heard me she disappeared quickly and he turned to look up, his face breaking out in astonishment as he looked over my body, devouring every inch of me hungrily in awe.
“Wow. You look…”
I reached the bottom and walked over to him, slightly nervous and embarrassed under his gaze.
“I hope it’s not too much?”
He shook his head and pulled me in with his hand, his face inches from mine.
“Too much? I can’t take my eyes off you, Kate” he said, his voice low, and he ran his hand over the curve of my waist and down pulling me into him. “Does that answer your question?”
I nodded and I felt the energy between us as I looked up at his lips, wanting him to kiss me and ignore everything I’d previously told him. I wanted him to touch me like he had before, but I knew once we played that game someone was going to get hurt, and all signs pointed to it being me given the fact that his history showed he was capable of breaking hearts.
“Your table awaits.”
Our moment was broken when the butler cleared his throat and stood by the front door.
Jonathan remained close, looking at me for a moment longer before reluctantly pulling himself away and offering me his arm.
I took it and allowed him to lead me outside and down the steps, clinging to him as the setting sun threw colors around the sky.
“Where are we going?” I asked, doing my best to balance on my stilettos.
He smiled.
“You’ll have to wait and see.”
The butler led us along a small manicured path, and then the house and all the trees disappeared around us. All we could see was the beach stretched out in front of us framed by the pinks and reds of the sky.
It took my breath away, and for a moment I stopped watching the beautiful scenery in front of me.
I turned to Jonathan to see what he thought, but he was looking at me, his usual hard gaze softened slightly.
“Are we eating down there?” I asked, pointing to the beach.
He nodded slowly and I rested my head against him while I undone the straps on my Givenchy stilettos, hooking them over my fingers and enjoying the feel of the sand beneath my feet.
I knew it probably wasn’t what wives of billionaires were meant to do, but if we were going to get married I had to show him who I was and how I lived too. Marriage was about two people coming together, and I couldn’t lose myself in the process.
He reached out and took the shoes from me and in silence we walked down the path to a small cove near the water’s edge where there was a table laid nicely.
“Wow…”
He left my side and pulled the chair out for me. I sat down and watched him sit beside me.
“This is… I just… it’s amazing. You planned all this?”
“With the help of others. I think you’re the kind of woman that takes more to impress than fancy restaurants with long waiting lists.”
The butler poured us both a glass of champagne and left with a promise to return shortly with our starters.
“I didn’t think you had this side to you…” I said taking a sip. “I’m pleasantly surprised.”
He smiled across at me.
“What sides do you think I have?”
“Well, I only know from the articles I’ve read online really and…”
“You shouldn’t believe everything they say. They’re written by aging journalists trying to make up anything to save their failing careers.”
“Like what? What do you think they say that’s not true?”
He stared at me and I knew there was something more to him, something he wanted to say but held back.
“Kate, I…”
The butler appeared at our sides, placing the food down in front of us, and again our moment was lost.
We continued to eat in silence and the sound of the waves combined with the warm breeze made me realize just how fortunate I was to have such an opportunity. Not many women with my background and life history could say they felt so happy and content. Something I never for one minute assumed would be on the cards for me.
Jonathan took a sip of his champagne and took a deep breath.
“I don’t want you to worry about tomorrow Kate,” he said. “I need you to understand that whatever happens and whatever they say, it won’t change anything. It won’t change this. You understand that, don’t you?”
I nodded slowly.
“I just want it to be over with already. I’m worried that I’ll show you in a bad light, or cause undue problems for you and…”
“That’s not possible. We’ve got it all covered. I have an important meeting tomorrow, so I won’t be around, I’m afraid, but I’ve booked dinner at Haselini in Midtown. Evan’s supposed to be meeting us and I’ll bring Helen with me. She’s going to show us a summary of the news articles and comments on social media. One of my staff will turn it into a graph for us. I don’t want you to look up anything before dinner, okay? Nothing at all!”
I nodded, relieved that he was taking control of everything and all I had to do was sit back and let it blow over.
We spent the rest of dinner talking about how he’d set up his business and his early life. I tried my hardest to dodge any questions directed at me about my past, but eventually he put down his empty glass and moved his chair closer to mine.
I felt his fingers glide up my thigh under my dress and it made me shudder with pleasure.
“So tell me,” he said, keeping his eyes calmly on mine despite what he was doing under the table. “How does a wonder like you make it this far without being snapped up? I can’t be the first man whose been entrapped by your beauty.”
I laughed and he moved his chair closer.
“I don’t think they’d describe me like that, but to answer you, I’m not interested in love and you’d think I’d have every man after me with that kind of statement, but actually it’s a repellant.”
“Oh?”
“Well obviously not for all men. I’m sure those like you would be glad for a woman with no emotional attachment and no drama.”
He looked at me for a moment and nodded slowly.
“Correct. What can I say? On the other hand, I don’t think women are lining up to marry me either. I think it’s two-sided. I love sex and they love the thrill of being with a real man.”
I burst out laughing and for a second he looked wounded.
“Well, I wonder how many hearts you’ll have to break before you notice that the female gender have feelings. I think you have a lot of women who want to marry you, but you push them away when things get too serious.”
I took another sip of my champagne before deciding to down the rest of it, as I realized the bubbles had already gone to my head. The look on his face told me I’d probably struck a nerve. Damn the drink!
“Let’s walk,” Jonathan said unsmiling, and he stood helping me to get up.
We walked along the beach in silence for a moment with the moon high above. I heard the lapping of the water beside us and the faint hum of music from a party in another house further along.
I’d always heard how great the Hamptons were, but they’d never really appealed to me. I wasn’t the sort of woman who spent her time partying and hanging around the rich and famous hoping for my next break, but now as we walked under the stars, I saw its beauty.
Jonathan stopped walking and turned to me, his eyes searching mine.
“What do you think of me?” he asked.
I thought for a moment, not knowing whether he could handle the truth.
“I think you’re charming and generous and you’re…”
“Truthfully. What do you really think of me? Be honest.”
“Are you sure?”
“I want to know.”
“I think you’re hard, demanding, a heartbreaker, and slightly arrogant at times. I also think you don’t care enough about the women you date which makes you come across slightly heartless, but I believe under all of that there’s a side to you that no one ever sees. A side that’s gentle, caring and loveable.”
“Why do you think they don’t see it?” he asked seriously.
“I don’t know, because maybe they don’t take you seriously? Or perhaps because you don’t show it otherwise people will think you’re actually human?”
He took my hand and pressed it against his chest.
“My heart beats like everyone else’s, Kate.”
“So does mine…” I breathed.
“Then let me in. There’s so much I want to know about you. I want to know what makes you happy and what you want from me.”
I knew I wasn’t going to be able to get away from the beach without telling him what I was feeling and without actually opening up.
The only person who knew almost everything about me had long since gone, and he’d taken my trust with him. I knew if I opened up and let Jonathan in I’d be putting myself up again to risk being hurt, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. Now when it had taken me so long to rebuild my life afterwards.
I looked away from him out to the water, but he turned my head back to face him, his fingers resting against my jaw. I felt small and vulnerable in his arms.
“Where are your parents?” he asked, the question coming out of his mouth slow and steady, yet direct.
I thought about breaking free from his grip and running back up to the house, but I knew at some point he needed to find out from me or the press was going to force the information onto him.
“I don’t know,” I answered, feeling overwhelming sadness and shame wash over me.
“You don’t know? As in, you ran away?” he asked, nonjudgmental, but I shook my head.
“As in, I don’t know because they gave me away when I was three.”
I expected him to bestow pity on me, but he simply nodded.
“Continue.”
“There’s nothing else to say. They didn’t want me so here I am without them.”
“There must be more to it.”
I shook my head.
“Look Jonathan, there isn’t. I’ve spent my whole childhood and teenage years being bounced between terrible, bad foster homes trying to come up with a reason as to why I wasn’t good enough, but I’ve had to live with the knowledge that my parents just didn’t want me. They didn’t want to see what I could become… or rather what I didn’t become.”
“Don’t say that about yourself!” he demanded. “Look at you. You’re beautiful, funny, and intelligent. I’ve never met a woman like you before. I know they’d be proud of you. Of course they would.”
“Proud of what though?”
“Your soul? The one thing you wanted the most from me was to start your own foundation. What kind of person wants to do that?”
“My foster agency, ‘My Miracle’ was like family to me. They were everything, so it’s only right that I put back in to help the other children out there who aren’t and were never wanted.”
He pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me.
“I’m telling you the truth, Kate. The moment I saw you, I knew there was something different about you.”
“Jonathan, don’t…”
I felt my heart racing, unsure of what he was going to say. I didn’t want emotion. I didn’t want to live in fear of getting my heart broken again. I didn’t want the drama of having feelings. I just needed him to be there for me. I needed him to be my rock and that was all. I couldn’t do love. I wasn’t capable of letting him in close enough to run away with the only part of me that I had left.
He didn’t continue and I seized the opportunity to steer the conversation back to him and changed the subject before he said anything he regretted.
“What about you? What’s the real reason you need to marry me?” I asked. “When are you getting your mega payout?”
He looked confused.
“My mega payout?”
“Yes, you know, the one your sick uncle has promised to you if you get married?”
He smiled sadly and pushed a lock of my hair back behind my ear allowing his fingers to linger there.
“My mother’s dying, Kate.”
Shit!
“She’s what?”
“She’s dying. My mother only has several months left to live…”
“Oh. Jonathan, I’m so…”
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I just…”
He looked away from me and I felt a weird sensation over my body. I wasn’t used to the sentimental emotional side of him and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to deal with it because the more he showed, the more I wanted to care for him and the more I did that, the harder it would be to let him go.
His words kept repeating in my head over and over again. His mother was going to die. The nice woman that I’d met at dinner who seemed so full of life and laughter wasn’t going to be around much longer.
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it.
“So your plan is to marry me before she… passes so she can see you get married?”
“That’s basically it.”
“Nothing else? Nothing for publicity’s sake or because you’re getting to that age or you’re fed up with dating lots of women…”
He laughed slightly and shook his head.
“Like I said, there’s more to me than you think. I’m not the person you assume I am.”
“Then tell me who you are.”
He moved his face closer to mine, and the power and energy I felt from him was more than I’d anticipated.
I wanted to pull myself away, break our connection and go back to the house because I knew where it was heading. I knew what happened next.
Men like Jonathan were put on the earth purely to make women fall for them. It was in his eyes, his charm, and even his voice. Everything about him made my desperation to stay away from being emotionally connected to him so much harder.
I felt his hands run smoothly up my arms until they rested on my shoulder and he pulled me towards him, whispering against the crash of the waves.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”
His lips were so close that I all I had to do was tilt upwards and they’d be against mine. I wanted to. I wanted to trust him with my feelings and with my heart but I just didn’t know how.
Jonathan broke hearts, not mended them, but despite my rule of no love and no emotional attachment I couldn’t bring myself to walk away. My hesitation seemed to only fuel his desire as he pulled me towards him, kissing me hard on the lips, his hands going back down to my backside to pull me in even closer.
I stumbled backwards on the sand, but he held me up with his firm grip, not letting go of me, and I felt safe in his arms. I felt like I could face the whole world by his side.
“Don’t hurt me,” I whispered, pulling away from him momentarily. “If I let you have this part of me, don’t let me fall. Don’t break my heart.”
He didn’t answer, choosing only to stare into my face, his eyes searching over mine and then he took my hand and led me back to the house, the silent sexual tension speaking for itself. For the first time in years I let my guard down, and I just hoped with everything I had in me that I hadn’t put my trust in the wrong man and opened myself up to have my heart broken. I just hoped that Jonathan wouldn’t hurt me.