The next week crawls by. I keep my distance from Alison, trying to focus on my classes instead of partying. I’m running seriously late this morning, for whatever reason, I can’t seem to get my shit together Wednesday mornings. This is the second time, in just as many weeks, that I’ve been almost late to my physics 101 class.

Luckily, I’m not late today, but I squeeze in about thirty seconds before the class begins.

This class is not my favorite, although Professor Jacobson is pretty to look at, so I don’t mind sitting there, pretending to listen while he talks. I literally have zero clue what he lectures about. I can’t seem to keep my eyes off of his mouth, or his eyes, and then they usually end up traveling down his torso. I find myself wondering if he’s toned beneath his button-down shirts, or if it’s all an illusion. He’s becoming a little bit of an obsession for me, it’s kind of ridiculous.

“Do you think you’ll ace this paper?” the girl sitting next to me asks.

My eyes widen and I turn my head to her. I have zero clue what she’s talking about. Obviously, my day-dreaming about Professor Hot Stuff has caused me to miss an entire assignment explanation. “What’s it about, when is it due?” I whisper.

She rolls her eyes and gives me a sigh. Maybe I’m as annoying as she’s making me out to be, but she doesn’t have to be a bitch about it either. “It’s due Friday. A one page paper on ancient astronomy,” she explains.

I thank her and write a note about it on the blank paper I have sitting on my desk. Damn, I hate writing papers. I always do horribly on them. Actually, I’m not really all that great at much, when it comes to school. I’ve been able to do okay grade wise, by testing well, but other than that, I’m kind of hopeless. Which is probably why I’m undeclared when it comes to my major. I can’t imagine what I would actually be good at as a career.

Class ends, and I toss my book and binder in my backpack before I head out. Glancing back, one last time, to catch a glimpse of Professor Jacobson.

I’m starving, not having time to eat breakfast, so I hurry toward the dining hall. As soon as I grab something to eat, I walk over to a table and sit down. Less than five minutes later, Alison parks her ass right in front of me.

“You’re avoiding me,” she announces. I don’t reply. She’s not wrong, I have been avoiding her. She’s trouble times a million, and I’m not sure I want any part of it. “Look, I was drunk, we were all drunk. It wasn’t cool he tried to hurt you, or whatever.”

Her words are the right ones to say, but I can tell by her demeanor that she doesn’t believe a single thing she’s saying. Alison is manipulative, plain and simple. I shrug, not wishing to make an enemy out of her, but not wishing to be her bestie either. “It’s cool,” I lie.

She reaches for my arm and wraps her cold fingers around it, giving me a squeeze. “Come out to the club Saturday night. No boys, just us girls. We’ll dance and have fun,” she grins.

I should tell her no. I should stay in my room and study like Jessa. Unfortunately, I love to dance, and Alison is the only acquaintance I really have here. Jessa is so not the club and dancing type, and I would never ask her. “Okay. Saturday night,” I nod.

Alison’s eyes brighten as she smiles. Then she lets out a small squeal. “Awesome,” she giggles. We’ll leave at nine,” she calls out as she stands up. I nod my head and watch her walk away.

After finishing my breakfast, I throw my trash away and head toward my next class. Ancient Art, which I actually enjoy. Hopefully, I won’t have to write any papers for this one. I’ve loved learning the history of the pieces we’ve discussed, and today we’re supposed to talk about Stonehenge. I’ve always wanted to travel abroad, though I doubt that I ever will, so I’ll take learning about different places in the classroom, instead.

Students file in, I lecture, and then they file out. Over and over, every day is the same and yet, it’s never completely boring. Sitting in my office, I begin to grade papers as a way to make the time go by a bit faster. I despise office hours, and I wish that I didn’t have to have them. Usually, I have at least one student each session come in and complain about their grade on an assignment.

Today is no different.

“But, sir, I can’t get a B,” the boy snivels.

He’s a boy too, probably just turned eighteen. He’s tall and lanky, his body too thin for his height. I hope he grows into it someday.

Lifting my head, I grunt. “It’s a B. It’s not the end of the world.”

He leans forward slightly, his eyes wild. “You don’t understand. I’ve never had a B before, in my life, I refuse to accept this,” he practically screeches. It takes everything inside of me not to laugh in this kid’s face. Holy shit, there’s one every semester.

“Life is about growing and learning. You can never expect to grow or learn if you continue to ace every single thing you do in and out of the classroom. Take this B as a learning lesson. Study it and figure out how to improve and grow from it,” I explain.

His back straightens, and he narrows his eyes on me before he turns around and stomps out of my office, slamming the door behind him. Fucking kid, devastated over a B, shit. What’s he going to do when he gets fired from a job? I shake my head. Unrealistic goals and standards are a hard thing to live up to. I was much like that when I was in college, maybe not to that much of an extreme, but I had unrealistic goals set for myself.

Today, I feel almost like a failure at life. No family, no groundbreaking scientific job, and a wife who chooses to work over being anywhere near me. Plus, I’m a fucking piece of shit cheater and adulterer. I’m everything that I never wanted to be. I’m everything my father taught me not to be.

There’s something to be said for being a perfectionist who has done nothing but fail. I can only hope that I can teach other like-minded students to never end up like I have.

The rest of the day, I try to push my failures out of my head. It doesn’t happen. Then, my phone chimes with a text. I know who it is without looking. I don’t have many friends, and they wouldn’t text me on a Wednesday night anyway. Danielle would though.

Her words fill me with anger and jealousy all rolled into one. I have to wonder if she’s working, or vacationing. She wouldn’t tell me if she was just traveling and enjoying herself, she’d lie. It wouldn’t be the first time that I caught her in a lie. I never call her on them, as my lies are usually bigger, and heavier.

I don’t know why we’re both holding onto something that is clearly not working anymore and hasn’t been for a long fucking time. Running my hand over my face, I exhale. Failure—the word plays on a repeat in my head. I am a fucking failure.

Closing my eyes, I do what I’ve done the past week and I think about the dark-haired beauty from Huskies. I doubt, at this point, that I’ll see her again but there is something about her, something that still calls to me every fucking moment I have to myself. I know that if I get the chance, I’m going to find her, and I’ll make her mine.

* * *

It’s after eight when I’m finally able to leave the library. My homework load this next week is intense. I have another paper for physics due, plus a test for my art class. I have to memorize important facts about certain pieces, and then the teacher goes through slides, and we have to write those facts down for each artwork. I feel like this semester is some kind of experiment, like a test. So far, I feel like I’m already starting to drown a little.

I don’t bother dressing extra sexy tonight. Once I’m in my room, I tug on a pair of black skinny-jeans and then grab a deep V-neck white shirt. It shows off quite a bit of cleavage, so maybe it is kind of sexy. Brushing my hair, I slip into a pair of black high heels, swipe some lip gloss on and then I’m out the door.

Alison and the other girls are waiting outside of my building and they all look like they’re ready for a night of serious clubbing. Their dresses are all extremely tight and short, making me feel completely different than them. Part of me wants to run back upstairs and change, and another part of me doesn’t really give much of a shit.

“You look cute,” Alison lies with a fake beaming smile. She’s trying to get on my good side, and I’m still not sure why. I don’t trust anything about her at this point.

Choosing to ignore my gut, which is telling me to run, far, far away, I fall in line with them. I hate that the club is several blocks away, it always kills my feet.

The conversation buzzes around me, but I’m not part of it. I have no desire to be part of it. I just want to get this night over with. I don’t know why I’m even here. I should be back in my room, doing homework or sleeping.

“C’mon Ines, don’t be a stick in the mud,” Alison sings as she wraps her arm around mine.

I look over at her with a smile. “I’m not, I’m just tired,” I shrug.

“Oh, man. I haven’t been tired at all, but that’s because I’ve been buzzing,” she winks.

“Buzzing?” I ask, furrowing my brows together.

She nods and reaches into her purse. I watch as she takes out a pill and hands it to me. “The energy this little thing will give you is amazing,” she grins.

I’m no stranger to drugs. I watched people deal in the hallways of my school, but I was also a good girl and just stayed away from it all. I had a dream and a focus. I didn’t want to be stuck living at home forever, my goal was to work hard and go away to college. Staying away from drugs was just one of the ways I accomplished that.

“What is it?” I ask.

Alison giggles. “Oh my God, you need to chill the fuck out. It’s a caffeine pill,” she states rolling her eyes.

A caffeine pill doesn’t sound too bad. I’ve actually taken those before when I needed to cram for finals in high school. I know that I’ll completely crash tomorrow, but since it’s Sunday, it won’t be that big of a deal if I sleep all day. I did all of my Monday’s assignments today, so what could it hurt?

I pop the pill in my mouth and swallow. We arrive at the front doors and Alison walks up to the bouncer, whispering something to him, but I can’t hear them. My mouth feels a little dry, and I decide I need some water. Once we’re inside, I begin to head toward a water fountain.

“Where are you going?” Alison shouts, wrapping her hand around mine.

“Water,” I call out.

She shakes her head. “Sorry, no can do. Let’s dance,” she cries.

I feel a little confused, wondering why she won’t let me drink any water, but I shrug it off and follow her and the other girls to the dance floor. The music starts to flow through my veins like a breathing entity. Holy shit. Alison and the other girls are dancing, a lot, and my body starts to move as well.

My heart starts to race, and I press my hand to my chest, wondering if it’s going to actually jump out of me. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did leap from beneath my ribcage and land on the floor. I try to relax a little as I dance with the girls. It’s hot and sweaty, a crush of people, and I feel a little dizzy by the time the fourth song starts to play.

“Going to the bathroom,” I call out to Alison. She waves her hand and continues to move as though she’s not even the slightest bit winded.

I clench my teeth together, as I walk toward the bathroom. I hate that it’s all the way on the other side of the club. My vision is blurry and my heart continues to race. I don’t feel right. I press my hand to my forehead and stumble to the side before I straighten and continue on to the bathroom.

“Girl, you look fucked up,” someone says as soon as I step into the ladies' room. She laughs and passes by me. I hurry to the sink and look at myself in the mirror.

“That bitch drugged me,” I slur.

I break out in chills and I start to panic. Then for whatever reason, a wave of sadness washes over me. Poor Alison. I don’t think she really meant it, she probably just wanted me to have a good time, and I have been kind of distant with her. My bottom lip starts to tremble and I hurry out of the bathroom, on a mission to make my way to her again.

When I finally get through the crowd I find her, still dancing, although the song has changed she’s jumping and moving all over the place. I rush over to her and envelop her in a hug. “I’m sorry I’ve been bitchy, I probably hurt your feelings,” I cry out.

“Oh shit, she’s a crier,” Rachel states.

Alison laughs and hugs me back. “You know I think some guys are looking at us. Want to give them a show?” she asks.

“Alison?”

I feel her hands slowly slide down my body and she grabs my ass, then slaps it hard with her hand. “Let’s dance, Ines. You’re so fucking curvy, I’ve been wanting to feel all of you,” she giggles against my ear.

I stumble backward a few steps, and my back crashes against a hard, tall body. “Ines,” a deep voice grunts. Turning my head to the side, I see that it’s Russ. His hands wrap around my hips as Alison takes a few steps closer toward me.

“You, Rachel, and Ines. It’s going to be hot as fuck,” he growls over my head. I look up and see Rachel, one of the other girls I’ve been hanging out with, give me a smile. “C’mon, let’s get back to the frat house. She should be good to go, now,” Russ announces.

He tries to pull me backward with him, but I don’t allow it. I do to him, what I did to that guy the other day. I pick up my foot and I slam my high heel down against his foot. He bellows out a cry and I turn around, lifting my knee to his junk. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Alison screams. “You’re done bitch, you are so fucking done,” she calls out.

I ignore her. Turning from the group of them, I run into the crowd. I don’t make eye contact with anyone, my only goal to get out of the club. I’m dizzy and nauseous. My heart is racing even faster, and my entire body feels stiff. Stumbling out of the back door, I inhale a deep breath and look from side-to-side. I don’t know where I’m going to go, but I don’t feel like I can just waltz back to campus right now.

Tears fill my eyes. That bitch gave me drugs and I took them, like an idiot. I want to go home where I know I’m safe. Kosmo was right, this entire thing is a mistake. I should be like the rest of my siblings and find a good trade school, learn something that I can make a decent living doing, and just work. Fuck this college shit.

I walk around aimlessly for what feels like hours. I’m not cold, my body is sweating and I try to exercise whatever she gave me out of my system. I cry until the sun comes up, my legs feeling like jello but I don’t rest for even a moment. When I glance at my phone, I notice that it’s after six in the morning, and only then do I feel safe enough to go back to campus.

Once I’m in my room, I look over at Jessa who is sleeping soundly and I envy her. She doesn’t get duped by bitches, she stays away from them all. She’s got her douchebag boyfriend, a good job, and her studies. I need to be more like her.

I lay down on my pillow, forcing my eyes to close. Tomorrow I will make a change. No more party shit, no more crazy bitches. I’m really going to focus on school this time. I’m going to make my mom and my siblings proud of me.