When I woke up the next morning, the sun was shining but my bed was empty. Cole must have gone home. I drew my knees up to my chest and tried not to feel abandoned. Tears were starting to burn the edges of my eyes and I fought against the feeling of loneliness. Then I heard the front door open and shut and steps down the hallway. Cole came around the corner with two cups and a bag from the donut place down the street. Relief flowed through me.

“You woke up!” he said. “I hoped I would get back before you did.”

I grinned at him, feeling foolish. Of course he wouldn’t disappear on me. Cole was a gentleman. “All is forgiven if there’s a glazed donut in that bag for me.”

“There might be.” His sexy smile was better than breakfast pastries.

I crawled out of bed and wrapped the bedsheet around me carefully at the same time. I’m not usually the modest type, but just springing out of bed naked was beyond even my exhibitionism. After all, Cole had clothes on. He looked disappointed at my modesty.

We ended up sitting on the couch to eat our breakfast. I snuggled up under Cole’s arm and he squeezed me around the waist. “This is nice,” I told him. “I like this.”

“I could get used to this, too,” he replied. “You look cute in the morning.”

Considering that I hadn’t taken my makeup off the night before, I probably looked like a greasy raccoon from the smeared mascara, but I decided to accept the complement graciously. “Thanks. You look cute in the morning, too.”

“Do you have to work today?” Cole asked.

I nodded. “I have to work twice as much when Ward isn’t around.”

“Can I see you tonight?” His expression was hopeful, and I hated to squash it.

“I have to work until close.”

“After that?”

“Unfortunately, ‘after that’ will be about three-thirty a.m.”

He seemed totally undeterred. “Do you want me to drop you off and pick you up?”

“I said three-thirty a.m. not p.m.”

“Yeah I know.” He grinned at me. “I really want to see you.”

My heart fluttered. “Oh. Ok.”

I could hardly believe this was happening to me at last. Cole wanted me. We’d had sex and he still wanted me. This was real. I had to admit it to myself. I’d been holding myself in reserve for so long that it was hard to admit the truth to myself, but I couldn’t help but see this for what it was. I was in love with him. And it seemed like he was in love with me, too. For the first time, I started to imagine a future for myself that had him in it. And it was beautiful.

Lily came into the bar with Ivan around three that afternoon. They were ostensibly there to watch the soccer game with some of their European friends, but Lily came looking for me almost immediately.

“Alright, I’m going to need a full update on your new man,” she said.

Lucas, who was sitting a few seats down the bar, turned to look at us. I cringed, and then realized that had probably given me away even worse. He turned away again, hiding a smile.

Crap. Well, that’s another person who knows.

Cole had shared with me the details of the conversation he’d had with Willie, as well as the obnoxious journalist Eddie. Telling Ward the truth was pretty much our only option at this point, because it seemed like the entire rest of the world now already knew.

Lily was still staring at me expectantly. “Hello,” she prompted, leaning over the bar to poke me on the arm, “Kate? Are you ok?”

“Sorry,” I replied with a small smile, “let me grab a couple of drinks that need to go out and then we’ll catch up in fifteen minutes?”

Lily nodded. “Ok. Meet outside?”

“Ok.”I spent the next fifteen minutes desperately trying to organize my thoughts. When I got outside to meet Lily, however, all that came out was, “I’m in love.”

Lily grinned at me. “That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you.” She hugged me, and I hugged her back with a giddy feeling in my chest.

“I never thought it could be like this,” I admitted to her. “I mean, I know I’ve liked guys before, but it’s never been so… intense. All I can think about is Cole.”

“His name is Cole?”

“Cole Rylander. He’s actually a very good friend of Ward’s.”

Lily’s expression turned from elated to guarded in a flash. “Wait a moment,” she said, “is this…that guy? You know, from your freshman year?”

I’m not sure why it made me feel embarrassed to admit that it was, but my nod was small and hesitant. Lily digested this new information with a carefully neutral look on her pretty features.

“Does he know what he put you through back then?”

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“But does he know?”

I shook my head. “No. And I’m not sure that I want him to.” I was still somewhat embarrassed by the whole thing. Both the fact that I’d been in love with him, and the fact that we hooked up in a way that probably meant nothing to him but everything to me. He’d been my first, and it had been special to me. Even if it was only special to me. I wasn’t going to let anything tarnish that night for me.

“He doesn’t know that he was your first?”

“I mean, maybe he figured it out back then and just didn’t mention it.”

“Please. He was what? Twenty-one? Guys that age fuck like rhinoceroses.”

They fuck like rhinoceroses? That was unpleasant mental image. Cole had not fucked like a rhinoceros. He’d been perfectly lovely, thank you very much.

“Huh?”

“They lack finesse,” she clarified. “He wouldn’t have known if you didn’t tell him. It’s not like he could see your hymen or anything.”

“He didn’t hurt me.” I probably sounded defensive.

Lily’s doubtful face was her reply.

I amended my reply to be clearer. “He didn’t physically hurt me. I swear.”

Lily took a sip of her beer before replying, and the look she gave me over the rim was resolute. “I think you need to tell him everything. You need to tell him how much you cared about him back then. You need to tell him how much he hurt you when he rejected you. You need to tell him that you had a seriously downward mental health spiral. And you definitely, definitely, need to tell him you were a virgin when you slept together.”

I hung my head. “Why?” The guilt had begun to eat at me already but telling him meant admitting so much weakness on my part. I’d gotten this far without telling him. Why rock the boat?

“Because if you love him, you owe it to him to be honest. Don’t you think?”

I sighed. Lily was right, as usual. My head had started to hurt, and I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was definitely going to need an aspirin to make it through this entire shift. The next twelve hours were going to be hard.

“So, will you tell him?” Lily pushed.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, good,” she said, brightening. She hugged me again and the light was back in her green eyes. “I’m glad you’ve found someone that you really like.”

I had been walking on air, but heading back into the busy bar, I now felt like my feet were made of lead. I wanted to tell Cole the truth, I really did. I just wanted to protect myself from humiliation and hurt more. The thought of telling him everything was terrifying. At least I had twelve whole hours to figure it out.