Chapter Twenty-Three

THE BREATH caught in my throat. “What do you mean?”

He didn’t look away. “I mean I want you to quit the job you only have because you have to pay your mortgage and fly back to Melbourne with me. Then it’s up to you if you find another job or not. If it’s not, then that’s okay. I know you’re uncomfortable with it, but I really do have a lot of money that I can support you with.”

I couldn’t believe he could be so dense. “No. I mean in what capacity? Am I coming to live with you as a supportive friend? A housekeeper and chauffeur? A boyfriend?”

He finally looked away, and my heart sank.

I nodded sadly. “You want me to come and live with you as a secret lover. What are you going to do? Get another girlfriend while I’m there, just for show?”

“No.” He looked horrified. “I haven’t worked out the particulars, but no fake girlfriends.”

It wasn’t exactly the answer I was looking for. I kept silent, unsure how to respond. I knew what barriers he was up against. There was the whole coming-out thing if we were open, and in a masculine environment like AFL football, it could be brutal. Media attention would be intense, and I didn’t want to sign up for that either.

But he was the man I’d loved since I was sixteen. That love had only strengthened in the thirteen years since. It hadn’t dimmed with the distance between us. And it was the reason I never could fall for someone else.

So I had a choice—to walk away and be miserable and lonely for what would probably be the rest of my life or to saddle up and see where the ride took me.

“I need to think about this, Ambrose,” I told him honestly. “And we need to be sure we’re on the same page.”

“Okay. I know this is a big thing.” He sounded understanding.

I pulled back and stood, my emotions seesawing in a way they hadn’t done for years. Nothing got me riled up like Ambrose did. I picked up my bag and jacket from the floor inside the door, and then a sudden thought struck me and I turned back to him.

“How long for? How long do you expect me to stay with you?”

He looked at me in surprise. “For always.”

“Like an old married couple? In sickness and in health? Forsaking all others?”

He nodded. “You and me. Together.”

As I got into the shower a few minutes later, I wondered why the lack of the love word between us didn’t bother me. I’d seen my friends declare their love for their boyfriends. I’d seen the happiness on their faces.

Did Ambrose love me? Yes. He did. We thought of one another as brother, friend, and lover rolled into one. We definitely did love each other.

But was Ambrose in love with me? I didn’t know. And if he wasn’t, did it make a difference to me?

THESE WERE the things still undecided two days later. I’d done my research—employment conditions in Melbourne, putting my house on the market versus renting it out, and what life was like for LGBT players at elite levels across several different sporting codes.

Tracy rang me several times to check on Ambrose. I wanted to tell her what was going on—especially about Ambrose’s new ties with his father’s family. In the end all I could do was reassure her he was well and that he had begun to see the doctors he needed to see.

Ambrose didn’t push me to make a decision, although we talked about it a few times. He mentioned places we could explore together, that his house had a swimming pool, that there was a room he was sure was perfect for all-day reading, and even how much Sean and Daniel would like to meet me.

It seemed fateful that meeting Daniel came much sooner than anticipated.

The weather turned nasty, and traffic slowed to a crawl. Coming home on Friday night was horrible. The train had whizzed past the traffic jams, but the stupid government had put the train stations in the middle of nowhere. Once the train disgorged its passengers, they either had to board a bus and join the traffic jams, or get in a car and join the traffic jams. There were literally no houses within walking distance of the stations.

I was stuck on the bus in the pouring rain and not looking forward to getting off and trudging home in the pouring rain when Ambrose called me. I usually disliked taking phone calls on public transportation because I disliked anyone else carrying on a loud conversation while we were all stuck listening to it, but Ambrose never called, and I panicked.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said. “Well, nothing serious, anyway. You’re late.”

“Traffic’s bad due to the rain,” I explained.

“Okay. So you’ll be home soon?” There was a slight sliver of stress in his voice.

“Yes. About fifteen minutes by the time I walk through this rain. Why?”

“Oh. Well. You see… shit. Dan pulled the same trick I did and messaged me as he was getting on the plane. His flight arrives in about forty-five minutes. I need you to drive me out to the airport to pick him up.”

The last thing I felt like doing was rejoining the throng of traffic, but I kept in a sigh. It was Daniel Egan, one of Ambrose’s best friends. “Fine. I’m starving, so can you make me something quick to eat? I’ll probably need to change too. I’ll be wet through.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

Ambrose’s quick hello in the form of a lengthy kiss and his profession of undying gratitude for my chauffeuring skills made up for the atrocious journey through the rain and wind. I dropped Ambrose as close to the terminal as possible and then took a leisurely lap of the airport car park and swung back through the pick-up zone.

They were waiting for me.

I parked and quickly got out to open the boot for Daniel to stow his luggage. Of course I got soaked for my trouble. We didn’t talk—I opened the boot, and Daniel knew what it was for. Meanwhile Ambrose put himself in the front seat, Daniel dove for the safety of my back seat, and I hurried back into the driver’s seat. The heater was on, but I cranked it higher.

“All in?” I asked. At their assent I checked my mirrors and pulled out.

“Thanks for picking me up,” Daniel said from the back.

Ambrose shuffled around in his seat the best he could in its small confines. “Thanks for the notice,” he said with a note of sarcasm. “And Dan, meet Shane. Shane, this is Daniel.”

I waved and made eye contact in the rearview mirror. Daniel smiled at me. “Nice to finally meet you.”

I was uncomfortable with the finally, so I said, “Welcome to Perth. We turned the weather on especially for you so you’d feel more at home.”

Dan laughed. “Only if this clears up in the next thirty minutes and gives us a heat wave. It may seem like it’s always raining in Melbourne, but it’s just that the weather changes so rapidly.”

Ambrose muttered an agreement, so I said, “So what brings you to our isolated capital city? Passing through on your way to nowhere?”

“Nah, mate. Came for a weekend jaunt. The baby’s being a pain, so I’ve dropped my parental responsibilities and ran away.”

I sympathized. “That good, huh?”

Dan got a big grin on his face. “I love her to bits. Just between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. Outside those hours, I wish for earmuffs and a live-in nanny.”

I clucked my tongue. “Never mind. I hear they eventually sleep through the night.” I waited three heartbeats and then added, “At around five years old.”

Dan groaned pathetically. “I’m never doing this again. I’m going to have a vasectomy.”

“If you do that,” Ambrose put in, “I think Marie would chop something else of yours.”

“God, no,” Dan whined. “You guys don’t know how good your life is without a baby who won’t sleep more than three hours.”

“Count your blessings,” I said cheerfully. “It could’ve been twins.”

And the great Daniel Egan let out a sob from the back seat of my car. “Marie’s a twin. There’s a possibility that next time it will be.”

So I pulled into the next large shopping center, and Ambrose and Daniel strode off to the liquor store while I grabbed a trolley and filled it with boys-night-in stuff—chips, chops, and chipolatas. There were also peanuts, pizza, and pies and then Coke and cake to top it off.

Then I made another pass and brought all the stuff I knew Ambrose liked—healthy stuff like salad and fruit.

I wondered where the boys had gotten to until I saw a bunch of teens crowding around them on the other side of the checkouts. Daniel and Ambrose were signing bits of paper. They were both tall and muscular and stood out in the Friday-night crowd. Ambrose had always been taller than me, so it was normal for me to feel shorter, but I noticed they were taller than most in the crowd.

And more handsome. Or maybe I was biased.

Finally they broke away and came to help me put the groceries on the checkout for scanning. Ambrose pulled his card out and paid for them, and Daniel took charge of wheeling the trolley back to the car.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you back at your mum’s house?” I asked Ambrose again. “It’s bigger.” My little villa was only roomy for one.

“No. I’m staying with you.”

So Wallpaper Shane escorted two big, star Hawthorn football players—one past, one present—to his little house and ushered them inside. Since we hadn’t had dinner, Ambrose and I set about making a meal. Ambrose with his crutches was pretty useless, so he turned the chops and chipolatas in a pan and made sure they didn’t burn. Meanwhile I made some of the healthy stuff. They chatted, occasionally directed a question my way, and caught up on the news.

I passed glasses to Dan, and he poured drinks for us to get the party started. Then we turned on a movie. Ambrose chose the lounge and propped up his leg on the coffee table as usual. I chose the seat next to him, where I usually sat, while Dan took the armchair. After about an hour, I took over the armchair and watched the end of the movie alone while the guys chatted.

Ambrose told Dan about meeting his grandfather, and I listened closely but didn’t find out any more about what happened when I left the room that day. Ambrose was being remarkably tight-lipped about it.

I chucked the dishes in the dishwasher and took the empty bottles outside to the recycle bin. Dan and Ambrose had dug in for the duration. They looked super comfortable, so I had a shower, and while getting dressed, okay, just maybe my book fell open to the exact page where I was up to and I just had to read it. Books are funny like that.

“There you are.”

I jumped and guiltily snapped the book shut as Ambrose entered the room. I was sitting cross-legged on the bed, and I swiveled around to check out the time. It was eleven.

“Oh, hi.”

Ambrose had a smug smile on his face. “Hi, yourself. I told Dan you’d be reading. He said you’d fallen asleep.”

I could feel my face flush in embarrassment as I stumbled to my feet. “Sorry.”

Ambrose crutched toward me and stopped directly in my path. To my surprise he lifted his hand and ran the backs of his fingers down my cheek. “Please. Don’t be sorry. I wouldn’t change you.”

I felt a rush of love envelop me. This man, he was the one. Even though there were a lot of obstacles in our way, I would fight to be with him. Hadn’t I waited nine years for him to come home to me when he could? Wasn’t it time to be bolder and take a chance on Melbourne?

Would it matter that he wasn’t in love with me, when I was in love with him? Was it enough?

“I didn’t mean to ignore you guys, though. I was giving you some space.”

Ambrose nodded and smiled softly—and he stole a quick kiss, so I stole a quick grope—and then we rejoined Dan in the lounge.