Naomi
I’D ALWAYS BEEN quick on my feet. Fast reflexes, critical thinking, informed decisions… it was all part of the job description, and I prided myself on being one hell of a capable pilot.
Until my early morning flight home to Seattle.
Never had I felt so incompetent and ill-prepared in my life. After spending the entire three hours in the sky brainstorming about how I’d approach Eagle with our situation, the plane touched down and I still had nothing. Nada. Zilch. Null. As I waited for my luggage, I mentally created a checklist of my current obstacles and accomplishments.
Pregnant, check.
Walked away from my military career, check.
No job or employment prospects, check.
Turned in the key to my furnished apartment, check.
Sold or gave away all my belongings except what I’d stuffed into my luggage, check.
No place to live, check.
Okay, that last one wasn’t entirely accurate. I always had a room at the fire station, so I’d never be homeless per se, but I wasn’t about to raise my kid in a biker clubhouse. Sure, I’d turned out okay (arguably), but I’d also seen a lot of shit that I’d like to shield my kid from. Besides, a crib wouldn’t fit in my room. I barely fit in my own room. I needed a place of my own.
Back to the list.
A baby-daddy who—according to my friend, Kim—slept around and was a known asshole, check.
That one was a doozy. I’d known how Eagle was before I’d ever sneaked into his room, and I never would have selected him as my child’s father. Who knew if he even liked kids? What if he didn’t want to be involved in the raising of ours? Then again, what if he did? His slutty asshole status sure didn’t make him a promising candidate for any Father of the Year awards.
Then again, being wasted when I conceived no doubt slid that Super Mom title well out of my grasp.
Honestly, based on our wild drunken trysts, neither of us were qualified to own a puppy, let alone raise a child. But really, who was? My mom wasn’t a drinker and she looked great on paper, but she couldn’t even hang in there until Link and I hit double digits. I, on the other hand, had never quit anything in my life. Softball, college, my ten-year commitment as an Air Force pilot… when I agreed to do something, I saw it through.
Maybe I wouldn’t be Super Mom, but at least I wouldn’t cut and run.
Rubbing my belly, I silently promised the baby I wouldn’t give up on him or her. No matter how tough life got, my kid would be able to count on me to hang in there and keep trying to be a good parent. I just needed a game plan, stat. According to the base doctor who’d checked me out before I left, I had approximately thirty weeks to get my shit together and figure out my life before this little bundle of joy came screaming into my chaos.
Piece of cake.
My first move would include telling Eagle and seeing whether or not he wanted to be involved, which I planned to get to as soon as I figured out how to break the news.
Maybe I should send him a congratulatory balloon and a card?
That would be easy, but I refused to sink to that level of chicken-shitty. No, I’d handle this like the slugger my dad believed I was. Collecting my luggage, I used my phone to request an uber, realizing it was the first time I’d ever arranged for a ride in Seattle. Growing up in the club, prospects had taxied me around until I was old enough to drive. Then I’d built my bike with Tank, Dad’s old vice president and the man who used to run the auto shop before he retired and Wasp took over.
My first taste of real freedom came in the form of a 1985 orange and black Harley Sportster that was still garaged at the fire station. Now that I was home, I planned to give it a good tune up and take it out for a drive. Hell, I could take it out for all the rides I wanted now.
I was home.
For good.
Mixed emotions churned my stomach and possibilities buzzed in my mind as the driver dropped me off at the fire station. Since I didn’t want anyone to know I was home yet, I had him park on the side, unloaded my luggage, and wheeled everything around to the back. I still had a key, so I let myself in the back door and snuck my bags upstairs, stowing everything in my room, which suddenly seemed tiny and cramped, moving the task of getting my own place right to the top of the list.
Grabbing my purse, I crept down the stairs to the floor Eagle’s room was on. I knocked on his door, but he didn’t answer. He’d been working the day of the wedding rehearsal, and I’d overheard Link saying that he usually got off around three. Glancing at my phone, I saw that it was just past two. I had lots of time to kill, and I didn’t want to go back to my room and risk running into Link or one of the guys, so I tried Eagle’s door. Finding it unlocked, I let myself in.
Eagle’s room was spotless and his bed was made, all tucked and tight with hospital corners and everything. It was the type of bed I could bounce a quarter off. Clearly, he still clung to the discipline and attention to detail the service had drilled into his head. They say once a Marine, always a Marine.
No surprises there.
Setting my purse on his bed, I did a sweep of his space, searching for clues about the man who was fathering my child. It was a gross violation of his privacy, but since he’d knocked me up, and he didn’t see fit to lock his door, I reasoned that he couldn’t be too private.
Besides, I was nosy, and he’d told me very little about himself.
A half-empty bottle of Jack was on top of his mini-fridge. Inside the fridge, I found sandwich fixings, part of a pepperoni pizza, a six-pack of beer, and a quart of milk. Pretty much the basic staples of bachelor life.
A big free-standing black gun safe with an electronic lock stood against the wall behind the fridge. I would have loved to explore his collection of weapons, but they were locked down tight, telling me Eagle was a responsible gun owner.
As I was skirting his bed, I realized it had drawers under the mattress. Expecting to find clothes or Playboys or something, I tugged them open. There had to be more than a hundred hardcover books under his bed, all spine up, in alphabetical order by the author’s last name. The biggest surprise was that he appeared to have all the classics and several newer books as well. Maya Angelou, Jane Austen, Ray Bradbury, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Khaled Hosseini, Harper Lee, J.K. Rowling, J.D. Salinger, J.R.R. Tolkien, Mark Twain, I’d never seen such a comprehensive collection outside of a library, and I sure as hell didn’t expect to find it in a biker’s bedroom.
Now that is a surprise, Marine.
Closing up the book drawers, I turned my attention to the nightstand beside his bed. A Beretta M9 (apparently not all of his guns were kept locked up), a box of condoms, and some bank statements were stashed in the drawer. I wasn’t after Eagle’s money, and couldn’t have cared less about the state of his finances. After all, I’d been banking most of my checks throughout my ten years of service and had built myself up a nice little nest egg. I wasn’t rich, by any stretch of the imagination, but I had enough that I wouldn’t struggle if I waited until after the baby was born to find a job.
I didn’t need Eagle’s money.
What I really wanted, was his participation.
For just a moment, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to dream about what that would look like. Our child would most likely have Eagle’s dark hair and eyes. I could almost imagine him with a baby in one hand and one of those books in the other, reading aloud. The image made my chest squeeze and my eyes burn.
“Damn pregnancy hormones,” I mumbled, blinking back tears.
Refusing to let myself get caught up in what might be, I focused back on the task at hand—operation find shit out about Eagle. I was holding his bank statement in my hand. I considered not looking, knew I’d be able to tell a lot about him by where he spent his money. Besides, like I said, I was nosy. So, yeah, I looked it over.
Eagle’s job must have been quite lucrative, because he had well over two hundred grand in his savings and about five grand in checking. Monthly payments went to the club, no doubt for room rent and club dues. There were no house or car payments, he made bi-monthly transfers into his savings, and he mostly spent his money on meals, drinks at the Copper Penny, groceries, and gas.
Eagle was a simple man.
Well, besides his completely unexpected book collection.
By the time I finished browsing his bank statements, I felt marginally shitty for violating his privacy, so I settled on his bed and pulled my tablet out of my purse to begin the great hunt for a job, a place to live, and an OBGYN. My phone immediately rang. I looked at the display and groaned. Link. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet, but he’d worry if I didn’t answer, especially since he knew I was still stateside.
“Hey, Link,” I answered.
“Hey, Squirt, how you doin’?”
Man, I hated that nickname. “Fine. I’d be fantastic if you’d quit calling me that, though. What’s up? Everything okay?” Link and I hadn’t talked since last week. My brother had always been able to sniff out when something was wrong with me, and he’d know the second I lied to him—he always did—so I’d kept our last conversation short.
“Everything’s good. I’m just checking on you since you haven’t called yet this week. Do you know when your next deployment is?” he asked.
Never. I didn’t want to lie, but I saw no way out of it. “Not yet.” Panicking that he could tell I was full of shit, I said, “Hey, I’m right in the middle of something. Can I call you back later?”
“Well, okay.”
He had to know something was up. Time to go. “Great. Talk to you later. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I hung up and all the air rushed from my lungs. I needed Eagle to hurry up and get here so I wouldn’t have to keep this secret any longer. Desperate to keep myself busy, I went back to my online search.
Not five minutes later, the doorknob turned, and Eagle walked right in. He froze, as his gaze settled on me.
“Hey, welcome home,” I said, giving him my most bolstering smile.
“Naomi,” he said. Something that looked a lot like relief flickered over his expression. He glanced at the phone in front of me and his brow furrowed. “You’re… you’re here. Is everything okay?”
Was it? “I don’t know if ‘okay’ is the word I’d use.”
His eyebrows shot up in confusion. “Link just talked to you, and you were…” He looked back at the door. “What’s going on?”
His jeans, short-sleeved T-shirt, and exposed arms and face were covered in a thin layer of dust, and seeing him in all of his blue-collar glory sent a wave of heat straight to my girly parts and short-circuited my brain. I needed him to look less hardworking and drool-worthy so my libido would calm down and I could focus on the conversation at hand. The last time I saw him he’d expressed concern about my well-being and I kind of flipped out and left.
“Uh… we need to talk, but do you want to come in and get settled, first?” I didn’t want to bombard him right after work. “Maybe get cleaned up? Relax? Have a drink?”
Confusion morphed into concern. “I think you should stop pussyfootin’ around and tell me what the fuck’s going on. Why didn’t you tell Link you were here?”
All right, if he wanted to have this conversation now, I’d let him have it, straight up with no chaser, just how a Marine would take it. “I’m pregnant, Eagle.”
It took him a moment to process, but then his eyes widened, and the color drained from his face. “You’re… pregnant?” he repeated.
“Yes. And if you insult me by asking if I’m sure, or if it’s yours, I’ll kidney-check you so hard you’ll be pissing blood for weeks. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know for sure. It’s yours.”
“I wasn’t going to…” He released a deep breath and wobbled to the bed where he collapsed, sitting hunched over. His dark hair was tied back at the nape of his neck, and he ran a hand under it, squeezing the muscles. “Fuck.”
“We did that. It’s kind of how this happened.”
He stared at me, unamused. Probably wasn’t the best time to try my hand at humor. “I take it Jake and Link don’t know.”
It didn’t sound like a question, but I answered anyways. “Nope. I’ve been hiding out in your room because I wanted to tell you first.” Truthfully, I wasn’t worried about Dad. Dad currently wanted two things in life: grandkids, and me to get out of the service before I ended up like my uncle. He’d be getting both of his heart’s desires. He might be a little pissed or disappointed that marriage (or even a relationship) hadn’t come before the kid, but he’d get over it. Link, on the other hand… “I don’t know if your passport’s in order or not, but if you’ve ever wanted to travel around the world, now might be the time.”
The situation was far from humorous, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself from cracking jokes. Lame jokes, even. I blamed nerves, and pregnancy hormones, of course.
“You think I’ll run?” he asked, his brow furrowing again.
“I don’t know what you’ll do,” I answered honestly. “I don’t really know anything about you. I mean we’ve talked about rifles and the service, but spending two nights together over the span of two years doesn’t exactly make us friends. I know this is a shock and all, but I’m having this baby.” I covered my belly with my hand and his gaze followed. “I don’t expect… anything from you.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re having my baby, you mean, and you don’t expect anything from me. Do you hear how fucked up that sounds?”
Well, yeah, when he worded it like that. “Not what I meant. Look, I don’t know if you even want a kid. Hell, I didn’t even know I wanted a kid until I realized I was pregnant and let myself think about it. I don’t know how much you’ll want to be involved in our child’s life, and I don’t want you to feel trapped, like you have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“You must think I’m a real piece of shit, Naomi.”
“Not wanting a kid you didn’t ask for doesn’t make you a piece of shit. Promising to be there, to love and care for the child, and then abandoning them… that makes you a piece of shit. I want to have this baby, and that’s my choice. So, now I’m giving you a choice.”
“Don’t you want me to be involved?” he asked.
He wasn’t picking up what I was putting down, and I was far too tired and emotional for this sort of verbal sparring. Eagle obviously needed time to process, and I’d had to pee for the past twenty minutes. My bladder was on the verge of bursting, and now that I thought about it, I was hungry, too. No, hangry. I was about to start gnawing off my arm if I didn’t get something to eat. It was time to wrap this up and see to my body’s needs.
“Look, Houston, you’re misunderstanding me, so I’m gonna lay it out for you. I’m having a kid. Your kid. I’d love nothing more than for you to be involved in the child’s life, and in mine for that matter. And I know that’s fucking crazy. I don’t know you—you don’t let anyone get close enough to really know you—but I’d like to. I know there’s more between us than whiskey, sex, and guns, and I’d really like to explore that with you. But I know you’re still dealing with her death, and I can’t compete with a ghost. Especially not one that makes you feel guilty for being with me.”
I wasn’t sure about that last bit, but had my suspicions. I paused for a moment to see if he’d deny it, but he didn’t. He continued to stare at me, waiting for me to continue.
“You push people away. You got that whole asshole persona on lockdown, but I know it’s just a mask you hide behind so people won’t see the real you. You don’t want anyone too close because you don’t want to lose anyone else. I get it. I get you.” I really did, too. After watching two of my PJs get mowed down, I understood Eagle on a level I never thought was possible. “But I’m having a kid, so I can’t close myself off like you have.”
His gaze roamed down to my flat abdomen before drifting back up to my face.
“I want you to do this with me, but this kid’s a lifelong commitment. Regardless of what happens between me and you, this baby is forever. If you can’t hang—if you can’t get emotionally attached and are going to need to bail—you need to tell me now, because if you walk out on our kid and fuck up their life like my mom did to me and Link, I swear I will hunt you down and end you. I’m in this for the long haul, and I need to know where you stand, so don’t answer now. Take some time and think about it. Then let me know what sort of relationship you want with this baby, and with me.”
My voice cracked a little at the end, but I pushed through. Before he could respond, I fled from his room. Hands shaking, words replaying in my head, I hurried down the hall and straight into the women’s restroom. After I took care of business, I splashed some cold water on my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror.
I’d told Eagle everything. How I felt, that I wanted him in my life.
Had it been a mistake?
God, I must have sounded so desperate.
I’m pregnant, love me. Or at least love our kid.
If you walk out, I’ll find you and kill you.
Awesome.
Maybe I should have stuck with Monica’s “Houston, we have a problem” opening. It honestly couldn’t have made my little speech any worse. Ah, well. The ball was in Eagle’s court now, and I needed to wait to see how he’d play it.
I thought about going back to my room, but I was starving and needed some fresh air to clear my head. Since I’d already broke the news to Eagle, there was no reason to keep my homecoming a secret. I marched down the stairs and through the common area. The room was strangely empty, except for a beautiful brunette I vaguely recognized and an adorable little boy I’d never seen before. Surprised, I stopped to introduce myself.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Carly, and this is my son, Trent.”
“You were at the wedding, right?” I asked.
“Yep. I work at the Copper Penny. We’re here with Wasp, now. He’s meeting with Link.”
The surprises continued to roll in. “You’re here with Wasp? As in with Wasp?”
She laughed, nodding.
The kid had to be around five or so, and I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around the idea of Wasp having a child. “Is he…” I glanced at Trent and realized how rude my question would sound. Wincing, I said, “Sorry. I, uh… am socially awkward. And that’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s totally fine. Wasp and I started dating about a month and a half ago. He works fast, though.” She held up her hand, showing off the old-fashioned looking engagement ring on her finger.
My jaw just about fell off my face, and my eyes felt like they were going to roll out of my head. “Wasp is engaged?” Then my cheeks heated. “My God, I’m so sorry… I… haven’t seen him since Link’s wedding and he wasn’t… I… I have no idea how to end this sentence, so I’m just going to keep rambling until you take pity and stop me.”
She only laughed harder. “Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are. Things have changed a lot since Link’s wedding.”
Yes, they had. “Clearly.”
Trent looked up from the Army men he was playing with long enough to beam me a smile and say, “Two girls want to marry me.”
It was so random, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Only two girls? Are you sure? I bet there are far more than that.” I booped him right on his cute little button nose with my fingertip. “I would marry you.”
“Tomorrow?” Trent asked.
“You don’t want to go there,” Carly warned. “He’ll hold you to it.”
Since I didn’t want to break the kid’s heart, I shifted gears. “Talk to me about these other girls. Did you tell them no?”
He shook his head and grinned. “Nope. I’m keeping my options open.”
Carly rolled her eyes and shook her head. “God help me.”
“You sure he’s not Wasp’s?” I asked. “He certainly sounds like him.”
“You have no idea,” she replied.
My stomach growled, reminding me what I came down to do. “It’s been so great to meet you. I’d love to get to know you and hear more about how this whole thing between you and Wasp went down, but I’m starving. Do you guys want to go grab something to eat?”
“Thanks, but Wasp should only be a few more minutes, then he’s taking us out.”
Wasp. Engaged. To a woman with a kid. I felt like I’d slipped into some sort of bizarro world. Still, it gave me hope. If Wasp could grow up and set his manwhore ways aside, maybe Eagle could open up to me and we could make this thing work.
As I moseyed out of the fire station and headed down the street, my mind was full of possibilities, and I felt cautiously optimistic about the future. I was so focused, that I didn’t notice the black van pulling up beside me until two men grabbed me and shoved me inside. Realizing what was happening, I swung, kicked, and tried to get free, but my arms were yanked behind my back and secured. I opened my mouth to shout for help, but the driver turned around and stuck his gun in my face.
Scruffy and unkempt, his eyes were hard and his scowl was tight as he said, “Knock her out.”
He seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I was still trying to place him when I felt a pinch in my arm. Then everything went black.