Chapter 40 - Aiden
When I was coming back from my few days away, I felt like I had it all figured out. Maddy, the hotel, my past, the McCoys… Now, I’m sitting in my cabin staring at the walls and wondering what to do.
The thought of going back to my old life seems so depressing. Even being up here, knowing she’s not a short drive away is killing me. I didn’t know how lonely I was until I wasn’t lonely anymore. Maddy showed me something different. She showed me that happiness is possible for me. I don’t need my father’s business, I don’t need to hang on to my anger, I don’t need to feel that pang of guilt every time a ‘McCoy Trucking’ vehicle passes me on the road.
I can let all that go. All I need to be happy is her.
When I sit on the couch, I remember making love to her on it. When I sleep in my bed, I remember how much nicer it is to have her beside me. When I stand in my kitchen, I remember that little grin on her face as she leaned against the countertop waiting for me to kiss her.
The cabin seems so small now. I drop my head in my hands and let out a breath. Would she even want to live here? She comes from the city! I saw that spark in her eye every time she walked in, but would it last? What if we’re just too different?
I glance out the window and she the corner of the big house. I stand up and look at it through the window, letting the memories of my childhood flood my mind. Maybe she wouldn’t be happy in this cabin, but what about that house?
I ignore the voice in my head telling me I’m being ridiculous. A bigger house can’t fix things, a part of me knows that. I still pull on my boots and head up towards it. This time when I walk in, my mouth doesn’t go dry. I start looking at the house with a critical eye. I inspect the ceilings and the bathrooms, I look at the kitchen and check all the fixtures. It needs some work, sure, but this house has a soul. It saw my brothers and I grow up in it. It saw my mother and father love each other and now it’s been empty for a decade.
I turn on the tap in the kitchen and let the water run. It sputters and spits for a few moments, and then water starts pouring out of the tap. The old pipes sound like they’re struggling under the effort, but after a couple seconds the water runs clear. I nod in satisfaction.
Suddenly, I’m like a man possessed. I walk from room to room, cataloguing all the things that need to be fixed. I grab an old piece of paper and sketch up a new layout for the kitchen and dining room. I run upstairs and rip off a piece of old wallpaper that’s hanging down. I peel up a corner of carpet and smile when I see good hardwood floors underneath.
This house could be a masterpiece. It could be a home.
It would take me a while, but I could do it. I rush back to the cabin and check my phone. There’s no word from Maddy. I hesitate, wondering if I should call her. I don’t know what I would say, though. Hey, Maddy. Do you want to move into my childhood home and live on the mountain with me? Do you want to leave your career behind and be with me?
I cringe, knowing it doesn’t sound like a great proposition. I know she was happy here, but happy enough to give up her life? Her career? Happy enough to get rid of all the small comforts that she grew up with?
I glance back at the big house and take a deep breath. I don’t have the energy to think about that right now. I’ll start working on the house, and within a couple days I’ll work up the courage to call her. Maybe I can go to New York and see her in person. I never was any good on the phone.
The garage is a few steps away. I jog towards it and throw open the door. I take a deep breath. I pull on my mechanic’s overalls and look down at the ‘McCoy Trucking’ lettering across my chest. Today, it doesn’t feel like a dagger in the chest. I feel nothing. They’re just words, and the McCoys are just people.
My tools are hanging neatly, calling out to me from the wall. I stomp towards them, grabbing a few and strapping on my tool belt. I head back up towards the big house. I’ll start in the kitchen and work my way through it room by room.
The rest of the day is a frenzy of activity. I knock down walls, I rip out cupboards, I throw out old carpets. By the end of the day, I’m covered in sweat and sawdust and old insulation. My hair is plastered to my head and I’m breathing heavily.
The entire first floor of the house is gutted. There’s a huge pile of demolition materials in the front yard. I walk over to the other stack of furniture and personal items and pull a big tarp over it for protection.
I take a final walk around the ground floor, looking at the bare timber walls and running my fingers along every stud. I spin around in a circle, smiling to myself.
It feels good to do this. It’s a fresh start. It’s breathing life into the house that I used to be afraid of even looking at. It’s changing my future while still respecting my past. I’m letting go of the things that have held me back and looking forward.
I just hope that it’s enough. I hope that I’m not wrong about Maddy, and that she felt what I felt. I’m hoping that her love for the mountains was real. I’m hoping that what I saw in her eyes was love for me. I peel my sweaty clothes off and walk into the shower.
Today, the hot water feels like it’s cleansing more than my body. My mind and soul are being cleaned as well, and all that’s left to do is rebuild them into something better than before. I can build myself back up as I build the old house, and hope that the newer version of me is enough for Maddy.
I open my eyes and remember that day in the shower with Maddy. My cock starts to throb between my legs and I take a deep breath. I hope she wants me as badly as I want her.