Chapter 38 - Clay
She’s wearing a bathrobe, her hair is wet and she has no makeup on. My voice catches in my throat when I see her. She looks amazing and all I want to do is wrap my arms around her.
“Val, I need to talk to you.”
She’s standing at the door and slowly steps aside for me to walk in, closing the door behind me. She runs her fingers through her hair and pats them down the side of her housecoat and then looks up at me.
“Did you mean the things you’ve been saying to me, about being different? Have you just been telling me what I want to hear?” Her voice is strained, and her eyes look like she’s been crying.
“No! Of course not, Val…”
My heart is pounding in my chest. I want, I need to make her understand that it’s been different with her. In a couple weeks she’s made me reevaluate my entire life, my priorities, my goals. Having her near me has changed the way I think. I don’t know how to put that into words and I just stare at her, speechless. She waits for me to talk and then sighs.
“Would you like some tea? I’ve just boiled some water.”
“I, uh.. Sure.”
She walks by me into the kitchen and I turn around. Her apartment is small and cozy. She has an old couch that looks comfy and a flowery rug that dominates the room. There’s eclectic hangings on the wall in a sort of boho chic kind of way. It’s styled in an effortless kind of way, but I can tell lots of effort has gone into decorating. I walk over to a poster of Andy Warhol’s Marilyn when I hear her re-enter. She’s holding two steaming mugs and sets them down on the coffee table. She sits down on one end of the sofa and I take the other.
We both take a sip of the hot liquid in silence. I still haven’t found the words to say anything. She’s staring at me with those blue eyes and I simultaneously want to look away and want to get lost in them. Finally she breaks the silence.
“Since you won’t start, I will. Clay, it hurt me to hear that you’ve been feeding me the same lines as all your other girls.”
“Val! It’s not like that, I - “ she puts her hand up and I stop talking.
“It made me feel like what I felt between us was a lie. It made me feel like opening up to you was a mistake, and that you were just using me for sex. I know that you’re leaving, you’re going to Seattle, but I just thought… I don’t know. I thought we had something different between us.”
“We do!” Finally I can speak, I’ve found my voice. I lean in towards her, putting my mug down on the table. “Val, these past few weeks with you have been happier and more exciting for me than the past few years combined. I’ve been working so hard and avoiding any sort of relationship so much that I didn’t know what I was missing. Until you.”
I take a deep breath and I see the tears gathering in her eyes.
“Val, babe. I’m so, so sorry that I hooked up with Emma. You have to believe me that it was before I’d ever met you, and it didn’t mean anything to me. If I’d have known then that it would cause this between us I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her. I know - ” my voice cracks, “I know what that feels like and I never, ever, ever want to make you feel that way.”
The tears are overflowing down her cheeks and she brings her hand up to wipe them away. She takes a sip of her tea and all I want to do is gather her in my arms and hold her close.
“I won’t lie to you, I used to like going out and picking up women but since you walked into my office that Saturday morning I haven’t even wanted to, not even a little bit. You’ve shown me there can be more. I want you. Only you.”
“Oh, Clay just be quiet,” she says, putting her mug down on the coffee table. She flies over to me and our lips collide, her arms are around my neck. My hands search for the waistband of her housecoat and untie it, reaching inside to feel her skin in my arms. She’s naked underneath, and I pull her nearer to me, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight.
I bring my lips to her neck, breathing in deeply to smell her fresh scent. This is where she belongs, in my arms. I tilt her chin up with my fingers and place my lips over hers again, kissing her more slowly. I want to taste her, smell her, feel her next to me. I don’t want to miss a single second of this.