Chapter 23
Lucy sat in silence throughout the first course of the meal, stealing glances at Robbie every so often. He seemed relaxed. When she caught his gaze, he gave her an encouraging smile. They had talked for a while after making love, with Robbie reassuring her that he had no compunctions about her having a child out of wedlock and Lucy tearfully apologising for keeping the information from him.
He had moved her under him and kissed every single part of her, using his mouth to give her another release, before crawling up her body and taking her again.
Once the main course had been served Robert dismissed the staff and looked at his sister and brother-in-law.
“We, umm, we have some news, Miss Butterworth and I.”
Emily laid down her cutlery and wiped her mouth with her napkin.
“Well, this should be interesting.”
Lord Beattie gave her a look. Emily shook her head.
“Miss Butterworth, I mean, well, I suppose we can call her Lucy now. There is something you need to know about her.”
“Well, get on with it, Robbie, darling. I am eating for two here and I am starving,” said Emily, Picking up her cutlery again. This was no good. Lucy felt like casting up her accounts.
“One of the orphans - Eleanor. The little deaf girl. Well, the thing is…”
Emily put down her fork.
“Oh, good God, Robert, please tell me that you have not just worked it out.”
“Worked what out?”
“That Eleanor is Lucy’s child. The whole village knows.”
“Emily!” It was Lord Beattie. Lucy felt light-headed as she watched Lord Beattie’s mouth move but did not hear his words. He was obviously having words with his wife.
“How was I to know my brother is a dolt,” Emily was saying, as the spinning continued.
“My love, you need to learn not to say exactly what is in your head.”
“What else am I to say. It is obvious.”
“Mayhap.”
“The child is her spitting image.”
“Lucy, are you well?” It was Robbie. His hand was on her shoulder and he was crouched at her chair. “Please Lucy, tell me you are well.”
“Everyone knows, Robbie.”
“I know. Except me, it seems.”
“Lucy, I am sorry. I did not mean to blurt it out like that.”
Lucy looked at her sister-in-law-to-be and gave her a wan smile.
“It is fine. At least I know now.”
“She is very sweet. Do you mind me asking who the fa…?”
“Emily!” Robert and Lord Beattie seemed to growl the name at the same time and Emily put her hand over her lips as tears sprung to her eyes.
“Oh! I am sorry.”
Lucy heaved in a deep breath.
“No please do not apologise. The question is fair, given the circumstances. Lieutenant Edward Dick is Eleanor’s father.”
Emily seemed to pale visibly.
“Oh, the poor soldier who was shot in the head and is now in an asylum?”
“Yes. The very one.”
“Does he know he is a father?”
“I do not think he knows anything.”
“And his family?”
“Our courtship was a secret. His mother wanted him to marry an earl’s sister. Apparently, the sister of a baron was beneath her son.”
“Oh, but he did not have any aristocratic blood. Why would she think an earl’s sister would be interested? Unless he has money.”
“He was not particularly wealthy. Wealthy enough to buy a good commission.”
“Where would he find an earl’s sister or daughter to marry?” Lucy wanted to laugh. Considering Emily had been so quick to work out Eleanor’s origins, she was quite slow to work out the machinations of Mrs Dick. Lucy waited and watched as Emily’s brow furrowed. “He wanted to marry me?”
“His mother certainly wanted him to marry you. What Eddie wanted is anyone’s guess. At the time he just wanted to…” She could not think of a way to end that sentence in polite company. He had just wanted a warm body in which to put his hard cock. And for the first time since Eddie Dick had taken her in that cowshed, Lucy felt truly ruined and spoiled. Instead Lucy stood and excused herself. She needed to leave. She needed to be alone.
But as she hurried to her bedchamber loud footfalls behind her told her that Robert had followed her.
“Lucy, my love.”
“Please, Robert, I am well. I just need…”
She opened her bedchamber door, but he followed her in, using his strength to stop her from closing the door on him.
He closed the door behind him. And then he pulled her into his embrace. Rubbing his hand up and down her back and pressing kisses onto the top of her head
“Really My Lord, I cannot make love to you now.”
Robert stepped back and frowned.
“I am not here to make love to you. I am here to check on your well-being. I want to comfort you. You must be… well… I have no idea how it must feel to know you have kept this secret so long and even Em guessed the truth.”
“You did not.”
“I was not in Cumberland when Dick went off to war. I spent a lot of time in London at that point. Besides, I keep myself to myself. I know it does not make for a good Lord, but I… I do not know how to speak to people. My mother died when I was eighteen. She did all the visiting of the poor and ill in the village. And my father died when I was sixteen. He was cold and hard. He did not have the common touch. Em did well enough once she was of age, but she does have a habit of occasionally saying the wrong thing and she is quite clumsy. Now, of course I do not think it is her fault. I think my father’s ire and my teasing made it worse. She seems much better now, if we ignore this evening’s unpardonable outbursts. I shall have words with both her and Beattie about her prying questions.”
“No. Please. She loves you Robert. She is your sister. She has a right to know what kind of lightskirt you plan to marry.”
Robert’s features hardened.
“You are no lightskirt. He took advantage of your innocence.”
Lucy shook her head. “Oh Robert. I was a silly little girl. I knew better than to lift my skirts for the first handsome man who whispered sweet words in my ear.”
“Did you? Your mother was ill at that time, was she not?”
“She was dying, and my father had already passed on. I did thing Edward loved me and planned to marry me and he assured me I could not conceive the way we did it. Even though he left his seed it me. We were standing, and he made me straighten immediately and his seed ran out of me.”
Robert sighed and pulled her into his embrace again and she sobbed into his waistcoat.
“Lucy?”
“Yes?”
“Does Eleanor know you are her mother?”
“N-n-no. My aunt thought it for the best lest she say the wrong thing.”
“If everyone already knows, would it not be wise to tell her? Before somebody else tells her.”
“And if she asks about her father?”
Robert seemed to think about that.
“Is she not too young to know how babies come about?”
Lucy laughed and pulled away from Robert. “It seems that I am too young to know how babies come about given Eleanor’s presence in my life.” She gave him a wry smile.
“He took advantage of you. And if Lieutenant Dick was not already in that asylum, I would slap a glove in his face for his behaviour towards you.”
“That is very noble of you, My Lord, but it is unnecessary. I love Eleanor. I just hope she can forgive me for not telling her sooner that she was not alone in this world and how much she is loved.”
“I think she knows how much she is loved. It is clear in your eyes when you look at her. Now, come back downstairs and finish dinner.”
“I am not hungry. Go if you wish. Or you can stay and make love to me.”
“I need you to be there when I tell my sister you have agreed to marry me, and she can cancel her plans for me on the marriage mart.”
“Oh, well I suppose…”
“Besides, I shall not make love to you until we are wed. I have taken advantage of you enough. It was wrong of me to do so.”
“Robbie! I gave myself willingly.”
“I know.”
“Did I… was I not good enough?”
Robert threw his head back and laughed. “My love, I can barely keep my hands from you. With every fibre of my being I want to lay you down on that bed and sink into your sweet body. But no. I think it best that we refrain. I owe it to you to show my bride-to-be some respect. Come, let us go and discuss this wedding with my sister. She shall be so pleased.”
“When do we speak to the children?”
“You know the children best. I shall leave that to you. If you wish me present, I shall be there. If you would prefer me not to be there, I shall understand. You also must decide whether Eleanor learns as part of the group or on her own.”
“I think the sooner, the better. If I put it off I shall become ill at ease around them. I believe that when possible, telling the truth is for the best, however ironical that may sound at present.”
“No, it makes perfect sense. Considering how society treats unwed mothers you had every right to keep it a secret. I am surprised you have not been shunned by them. That said, the fact you pretended she was an orphan probably allowed them to pretend you were not an unwed mother. Perhaps society gives us a new idiom, what the eye pretends not to see, the heart does not grieve over.”
“Mayhap.”
“I wonder…” Robert was biting his lower lip and seemed hesitant to continue.
“You wonder what?”
“Would you allow me to go and see Lieutenant Dick? Perhaps suggest I take over the care of Eleanor.”
“Robert, Eddie does not even know of her existence. I went to see him a few times after he came back from the war. At least once I came back from staying away for my confinement. He is a shell of a man. His thoughts incoherent, he cannot remember anything from one moment to the next, he seemed aggressive, violent even and eventually his mother shooed me away saying I made him upset. I tried to tell him about his babe, about his little girl. But then, that was when I thought he had gone off to war in love with me, thinking of me as his love and the one he would come home to and marry. But he had no intention of doing so, did he? Even if he had not been injured.”
She could not help the note of bitterness in her voice. Robert cupped her face.
“We do not know his intentions. We probably never shall. But I do have to find out if he is recovered enough. I cannot claim some other man’s child and raise them as my own without at least finding out if he wants to or is able to provide for that child. It is a matter of honour. Do you understand?”
Honour? Where was the honour when Eddie had her skirts up over her back in a cowshed after telling her he would become ill if he did not get relief soon? Where was the honour when he said she could not get with child since she was standing and oh look his seed was already running down her leg? Where was the honour when he was six months away at war and did not once write to her?
“No, not really, Robbie. But who am I to understand the ways of gentlemen. It is only my child who you wish to barter over.”
“I shall not barter over her. I care for her. It is just the right thing to do.”
“Perhaps. I just… It is a chapter of my life that I had closed and thought I had dealt with. Meeting you has brought up so many memories, opened so many wounds and caused me to deal with things I…” She could feel the tears. It was almost as it they rose from the core of her being. “Oh Robbie…” she sobbed. “Eleanor shall hate me.”
Robert gathered her in his arms and held her. Her mind was a jumble of half sentences, malformed thoughts and fears that loomed up at her like monsters waiting to devour her. She had always known she would have to tell Eleanor one day. She also knew that it was a very dangerous secret to keep, which would one day come back to haunt her. Now she must face up to her child and let her know she had lied, even if it had been a lie of omission, for five years. She doubted that the child would understand the distinction, or care for that matter.
“It would be wrong of me to fill you with false hope that Eleanor shall not be upset. I suspect she shall, but you are her mother and her sole care provider. She loves you and in time, she will understand. Children are very adaptable.”
“What do you know about children?” she snuffled into his waistcoat.
“I used to be a child.”
“I am told you were a rather horrid child.”
“Only to Em. And I now regret it terribly.”
Lucy felt terrible. “I am sorry. I know you feel terrible. I should not have...”
“Shh! You are right to chastise me. I was horrid to Emily. But she adapted. She learned to survive despite the way I was. Despite our parents. She was willing to go against the will of my great aunt Gertrude to visit her friend in Herefordshire when her friend needed her. She adapted, even as a child. She does not hate me. Look how excited she is. I believe she knows I have convinced you to marry me. She wants me to be happy despite the fact I made her unhappy. And when she arrived here with Beattie last summer, all she wanted was my approval. Because when all is said and done, I am her elder brother. And when Eleanor gets over the shock, you will be her mother.”
Lucy had to admit to herself that Robert’s words made her feel slightly better.
“Fine. Let us go and speak about weddings to your sister.”
“And may I go and see Lieutenant Dick?”
She waved a hand as she stepped out of his arms. “I doubt it shall do you any good, My Lord, but you are welcome to try. I shall come with you in case seeing me helps him remember.”
“Are you certain?”
“I am not a child.”
“No, you are not. But you are under my protection.”
“My Lord, I have never required the protection of a man. I thank you for your concern, but I have visited Lieutenant Dick alone in the past therefore going with you should not be a trial to my delicate feminine sensibilities, I assure you.”
“That is me put properly in my place. I do look forward to our marriage. It shall never be dull. Of that I am certain.
He offered her his arm and led her out the door and downstairs.