Chapter Four

 

Having no idea where Cash had gone or what I should do, I stood there like a dork while Bailey and Bianca tried to figure out what I was thinking without asking me.

I knew that was what they were doing by their faces. They were easy to read. But Gio and Sal looked pissed. The funny thing was, I didn’t feel abandoned. He’d said he’d be right back. Maybe there was something he needed to take care of. I didn’t own the guy.

So, instead of sitting there all butt-hurt over the fact that he’d left so quickly, I followed him while I could still make out his form in the night. I didn’t say anything to anyone else. I just walked away.

We were around the corner of one of the restaurants like Romano’s that served people directly on the beach when I heard Cash speak. Though I couldn’t yet see who he was talking to at first.

“What are you doing?” He sounded stern. I hadn’t known him long, but there hadn’t been an opportunity for me to hear that side of him.

“Nothing. Run along,” another masculine voice answered.

“Like hell.”

Clearly, he had something to handle and I didn’t want to intrude, but there I was and I couldn’t be a lurker. Cash finding me eavesdropping on whatever was happening between him and the other man would be worse than me letting him know I followed him over there.

“Cash, I’m going to head home,” I said, trying to sound normal.

He spun around to face me.

“No. Stay.” His answer could have been dominant and forceful, but the tone said he didn’t want me to go. “Gemma, this is my brother Dante. Dante, Gemma.”

“Hi.” I gave a little wave.

Cash glanced from me to Dante and paused.

Oh. There was a girl behind Dante and she was doing everything to avoid looking at us.

“Aren’t you going to introduce your friend?” Cash cocked his head in a challenge. I didn’t know how I knew that was what he was doing, but for some reason I did.

“Not really,” Dante replied.

“I’m Kennedy,” the girl behind him offered. “Dante was going to show me something.”

Cash snorted. “I bet.” Then he shook his head. “Maybe you two should head back to the bonfire. Where’s Dalton, anyway?”

“Around.” Dante sighed. “You know you’re not our father.” He said the words, but he and his friend started walking back toward the populated area.

“I do know that,” Cash called out after his brother. “I also know that our actual father would probably die of a heart attack if he knew about half the shit you do.”

No one argued with him. This I needed details on. Cash and I walked a few feet behind his brother on our way back as well.

“What’s that all about?” I asked quietly.

“Dante tends to act before he thinks. The twins are troublemakers.”

“I heard that!” Dante called over his shoulders.

“I wasn’t whispering,” Cash called back. “They like pranks,” he said. “And girls,” he said quieter.

“And you don’t?”

“I can get behind a good practical joke, but none of mine have caused my older brother to pick me up at the Sherriff’s Office. But girls? Yeah, I like girls. One in particular, actually.”

He made me smile with the easy way he said it. After our hours together, I found that I liked him, too. Even if my head was still all confused.

We only spent a little a while longer at the beach before deciding to leave.

I never did meet the other twin, but Dante always seemed to be close by. Gio and Bianca didn’t stay very long; I didn’t need two guesses as to why since they seemed not to be able to get enough of each other. Sal and Bailey hung around slightly longer, but I knew that was because of her. I’d never known my cousin to be a social creature, but his girlfriend forced him to be. On the surface, those two couldn’t be more different, but they worked.

When we got back to my house, Cash hopped out of his truck before my feet hit the ground to walk me to the door.

“Hey, thanks for tonight,” I said as we made our way slowly up the walk.

“Not a problem.” He stood behind me, so close, while I unlocked the door. I got it open a crack before turning back to him. “Was it fun enough that you’d want to do it again? Maybe with fewer people around next time.”

Cash was a bit of a conundrum. He was asking me out again. I wanted to go. But he had a mix of confidence and shyness that I’d never seen anywhere else. I liked it on him.

It worked.

“I would like to do it again.” I smiled up at him.

His smile grew wider as this moment passed between us. “How about I call you tomorrow to make plans?”

I nodded as he held his hand out.

“I need your phone,” he said.

I gave it to him and watched his fingers fly over the keyboard, which was followed by a phone ringing.

Then he handed it back to me.

“I called myself so I have your number and you have mine in your recent calls. Save it. I’ll see you soon, Gemma.”

I thought he might go in for a kiss. Actually, I expected it. And he did. Sort of.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. His lips lingered there before he pulled back, then headed down the sidewalk to his truck. The beast roared to life, but he didn’t pull away. He sat there. When I finally gave up trying to figure out what he was doing, I went inside.

That was when his truck pulled away from the curb.

The next day, I went for a run and worked most of the day with Sal, who didn’t mention me going out with Cash the night before. When I thought about it I realized Sal hardly ever talked about anything personal. Well, that had to change. I needed it to change.

We’d embarked on this new life together and I was the odd man out. I needed family. I needed someone I could talk to. I mean, talk to without holding anything back. Sal and Gio were supposed to be those people.

Now, it wasn’t all their fault. I was as closed up inside myself as they were. But I could only change it from my end. I couldn’t wait for them.

“What made you fall in love with Bailey?”

His gaze jumped up from his laptop.

“What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I asked. What was it about her that made you fall for her? You’ve had tons of girls, Sal, yet Bailey you fell in love with.”

“Is this about Cash?” He was perceptive, my cousin.

I wasn’t going to answer him because I didn’t have an answer. I’d gone out with the guy one time and he hadn’t kissed me goodnight. Did I misread the signs? Did he only want to be friends? I didn’t think so with the other things he’d said but then his actions said something different.

I was fine with the idea of being friends only, even if for the first time since I’d been eighteen I might want to do things with him that I’d only done for work before. This time for enjoyment. I’d rather have something with him than nothing.

“It’s all right if you like him,” Sal said gently.

“We’re friends. It’s so confusing. He makes these comments that make me think he actually likes me but then… I don’t know. I’m completely bad at this and I don’t know if I’m ready to try dating.”

Sal sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. “He didn’t look like a friend last night.”

I groaned and rolled the hem of my shirt between my finger. “He didn’t kiss me when he brought me home. Well, he did on the cheek.”

Sal crossed his arms over his chest and tightened his face in confusion. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does. Guys who want you don’t usually beat around the bush about it.”

“Guys who want you don’t. But we’re talking about a guy who likes you. There is a difference.” He paused and took a deep breath. I watched his chest rise and fall before he spoke again. “And as far as you being ready to date, only you’re going to be able to know when that is.”

I shrugged because to me there wasn’t a difference.

If a guy liked you, then he wanted you and you had sex. That was how it worked in my world anyway. Though I did tell Sal that I was going out with Cash again but that I figured we were friends, nothing more. He didn’t reply because either he didn’t know what to say or he didn’t want to say it to me.

Cash called me that afternoon and asked if I had plans for that night. I told him I didn’t and we decided to go out to dinner. When he asked if I had a preference of where I wanted to go, I said I didn’t. It was all up to him.

He took me to the diner for dinner. It was supposed to be a quick bite to eat. Cash was on call that night with the tow truck.

“I’ll have the chopped salad,” I said, then handed my menu to the waiter.

“Salad?” Cash raised an eyebrow.

I nodded.

“Well, I’ll have a burger and fries.” He then handed the waiter his menu. “You eat meat, right?”

“Of course. Why?”

“Just checking.”

At first I thought it was an odd question but then decided he wanted to be considerate. There were a lot of vegetarians in the world. I just wasn’t one of them.

“You worked today?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Sal is determined that I’ll understand profit versus loft and spreadsheets and a lot of other stuff I’ll never actually understand.”

“But he’ll still try?”

“Unfortunately,” I said then sighed.

He ate his burger and all of his fries while I barely finished half of my salad. I couldn’t imagine being able to finish an entire burger. What that must have felt like.

“I’d offer to take you to a movie,” he said while walking me up my front porch. “I have to go get the truck.”

“I totally understand.”

Again, Cash left me with only a kiss on my cheek. A kiss on my cheek when I wanted a real kiss on the lips. This man was frustrating.

I’d learned quite a lot about Cash in the three nights we’d spent together. He lived with his older brother, the one who owned the tow service. Mostly because it was convenient. And he didn’t want to continue living at home. Cash said he could afford his own place but preferred the noise and activity of having a roommate.

Three weeks into the summer tourist season, Cash still hadn’t kissed me, even though we were hanging out regularly. I began going for a run most mornings early to avoid the crowds and have somewhere I could go at my own pace without having to slow down for the walkers.

That’s where Cash found me early on a Saturday morning. I was in the zone, tuned out to everything else going on around me. Until I heard his voice. He had a way of snapping me right back to reality.

“Hey,” he said, jogging up beside me.

“Hey.” I loved the fact that I was sounding less and less like a dying animal as I ran. It meant I was getting back into shape.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were running so early?”

“Didn’t know you’d want to join me. The crowds are getting ridiculous, so it’s my only choice.”

Cash fell silent. The only thing I could hear was the sound of our feet against the boardwalk.

“Don’t I know it,” he finally said about the crowds. “And I always want to go with you.”

We made it another half mile before he asked if we could stop to talk. I wasn’t sure I wanted to but didn’t have a reason to say no.

“Something wrong?” I asked, trying to get my breathing back to normal. My hands were on my hips as my chest rose up and down.

“I’m not sure.” He walked to the closest bench and waited for me to join him. When I did, he turned himself so he was sitting sideways facing me. “What is this to you?”

“Uh… exercise.” What else could running be?

“Not what I meant,” he said, shaking his head. “You and me. What is this to you?”

“We’re friends.” I had a feeling that my answer wasn’t the one he wanted when his face sort of dropped and it made me nervous.

He blinked exactly three times before speaking.

“Friends? Is that what you want to be?”

“Well, yeah. Don’t you want to be friends with me?”

Now panic was setting in. A different type of heart racing. This one made me lightheaded. He was the only person I talked to in Harbor Point. I didn’t want to lose that.

“No. I don’t. Do you go out with your other friends the way we go out?”

“I don’t have any other friends beside you, Bailey, and Bianca.”

“This is going to sound so middle school, but I honestly don’t know how else to say this so that there’s no misunderstanding. I want you to be my girlfriend, Gemma. I want us to continue what we’re doing and not do it with anyone else.”

What? My brain screamed.

I didn’t see those words coming out of his mouth. Suddenly, I was trying to replay every moment we’d spent together to see if there had been some signs. There must have been and I’d missed them because I hadn’t let myself believe he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

“Is that what you want?” he asked, pulling me from inside my own head.

“I… don’t… ” I still couldn’t think straight.

His jaw tightened and he worked his hands together like he needed something to do.

Clearly, I wasn’t saying what I needed to. My life up to this point had left me so unprepared for this moment.

“I don’t know how to do that,” I said.

“What?” A half-smile played on his lips.

I wanted to elbow him because this was absolutely not funny.

I sighed. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.” There. I’d said it. I bit my lips together, waiting for his reaction, unsure of whether I actually wanted it or not.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

I shook my head.

“Then I’d love the honor of being your first.”

“I didn’t say you’d be my first.” My hand slapped over my mouth. I hadn’t needed to say that.

Something was seriously wrong with me.

Cash flinched, then schooled his face back to normal.

“I meant boyfriend.” The sound of his voice told me he was clearly curious.

I only prayed he wouldn’t ask. There were things that were locked up so deep that I didn’t think they’d ever come back.

Being the nice guy he was he didn’t. “Ok?”

“Ok.” I tried to smile. “But I don’t get it. You haven’t even kissed me. Or tried to do anything. If you actually like me then why is that?”

“Because I like you.” He sighed deeply. “That first night at the carnival, I put my hand on your back and it was like I electrocuted you. You flinched. I made you uncomfortable. I never want to make you uncomfortable.” He eyed me for a reaction, but I didn’t give him one. “So, what do you say?”

“Ok.” I took no time to think about it. I wanted to give this a try and I wanted to give it a try with Cash.

“Ok?”

I nodded and while he clearly tried not to, he smiled. Maybe he thought it’d scare me away, but a smiling Cash was a thing of beauty.

Cash walked me back to my house. We made plans along the way, then I stood on my front porch watching as he started to jog back toward his house. I didn’t know exactly where he lived, but I expected I’d find out eventually.

“Oh, shoot,” I murmured. “Cash!” I called out as he got to the end of the block. He stopped and turned back but I was already jogging toward him. “I can’t go out tonight. I forgot I already told Bianca and Bailey that I’d go with them to Bill’s for a drink. They like to play pool there or something, I don’t know. Gio has a table in his basement, but they like to go there. Anyway, do you want to come with me?”

“Yeah, Bill’s is iconic around here and I don’t care what we do as long as I get to do it with you.” He leaned down, kissed my forehead, and took off again. “I’ll pick you up at seven,” he called out over his shoulder.

I didn’t have to work, but he was covering for his brother for a few hours. I had all day to get ready for tonight.

Shit.

I had all day to think about the night.

The last thing I needed to do was think. Seriously. My stomach was already turning over, knotting itself beyond repair. Logically, I tried to tell myself that this was no different before when we’d hung out, but it sure as hell felt like it.

I needed the only people I could talk to about this and I knew that they were at work. So I went inside, quickly showering and changing, not bothering with makeup or doing my hair, which was a big deal. I always left the house put together, but I couldn’t take the time. My car jumped with the slight touch of my foot to the gas pedal and within ten minutes I was parked across the street from Romano’s.

The place was packed. No surprise there.

Inside I found both Bailey and Bianca waiting tables. They each glanced toward the door when it opened and made the little bell ring. I waved them my way then headed to the break room.

There I waited. The minutes ticked by until finally they both came through the door, Bailey trailing Bianca.

“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked like she was ready to mother me.

I didn’t need to be mothered; I needed a friend. “I’m not sure,” I said. “I’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“What are you freaking out about?” Bailey stood shoulder-to-shoulder with her best friend, though Bailey was slightly taller.

“Cash asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Both of their eyebrows went up in synchronized surprised fashion.

“How very thirteen years old of him,” Bailey said with a smile.

“No. It’s my fault. He said he didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding and I’m a complete spaz these days.”

“You’re not a spaz.” Bianca took two steps toward me but stopped a foot away. “You said yes, right?”

I nodded.

“That’s why you’re freaking out then. Have you ever… ” Bailey shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

It was sometimes easy to forget that our normal wasn’t normal. We knew it when it was happening but just went with it. I hated myself for that. Bailey took over where Bianca left off. She definitely had less trouble with Trinity’s history. She hated it with the passion of ten thousand suns, but she didn’t shy away from it.

“Has a guy ever liked you without wanting sex?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Ok, I’m going to hit you with this straight on,” she said. “Cash is a good guy. I don’t know him all that well, but I know Joe. We would have heard something by now if he wasn’t. So try this out, Gemma. If you don’t end up liking him that way, no harm.”

“I do. Like him like that.” I couldn’t meet their eyes. To most people that wouldn’t have been much of a confession, but to me it was the world.

“Even better,” Bianca said. “And if you need to, you can talk to us, but I think at some point you should talk to the guys. They’re the only ones who can truly understand what you went through. They went through it, too.”

“I can’t talk to the guys about this.”

“Talk to us about what?” Gio entered the room.

Ugh. I cringed. I didn’t want to deal with him. I loved my brother so much. He was the only person who watched out for me at all, but talking to your brother about boys took “uncomfortable” to a whole new level. So I bit my lips instead.

“Gemma has a boyfriend.” Thanks, Bailey.

“What?” he snapped.

“Gio,” Bianca warned. “Gemma and Cash are together.”

“If he—”

Bianca interrupted my brother, giving him the stare down. She was one of the few people who had the balls to do that. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

“He’s coming with me to Bill’s tonight.” I had to give them something. Maybe getting to know Cash would help Gio make amends with the fact that I was putting myself out there the way he had.

I knew he didn’t want me to get hurt, but what he didn’t seem to understand was that nothing, literally nothing, could hurt me more than I’d already been hurt.

Once I realized that it didn’t seem so scary.

“Perfect.” Bailey smiled. “We can all get to know him a little bit better.”

For obvious reasons, my stomach turned on its side. Stepping into unchartered territories was scary no matter how old you were. But this… no, this was terrifying.