Chapter Twelve
Nick dropped Henry off at Fran’s house since Ellie had to work late that day. Henry always looked forward to this annual spend the night with Fran. They’d started it when Henry was a baby, as a time for Nick and Ellie to do some holiday shopping. Now that Henry was older, it was his big boy time with Auntie Fran and Uncle Mark when he got to spend the night.
“I’m gonna go to the movies with Fran and Mark,” Henry said. “And then we’re gonna go shopping. And if I’m a good boy, Fran said I might get somethin’ special like a toy.”
“That’s what your momma told me,” Nick said as he pulled into Fran’s driveway. “And you’re also going to be on your best behavior, right?”
Henry shot him a childlike exasperated look. “I’m always good, Uncle Nick.”
Nick grinned. He was generally right about that. Ellie was lucky to have gotten such a well-behaved kid. Henry almost always behaved when he was over at someone else’s house. Plus, he’d spent the night with Fran before. She was great with him.
He walked Henry up to the front door and rang the bell. Fran answered and her smile widened when she saw Henry.
“There’s my buddy. What’s up, Henry?”
“Becca brought a turtle to preschool today. His name was Sigmund and I got to hold him and he pooped in my hand.”
Fran’s lips curved as she looked at Nick, who smiled back at her. She looked down at Henry. “Can’t think of a better day, can you, Nick?”
“Nope.” He handed Henry’s bag to Fran. “Call us if you need anything.”
“Hey, we’ve got this. The question is, Nick…do you?”
“No clue what you mean, Fran.”
Fran leaned over and kissed Nick on the cheek. “Oh, I think you’ll figure it out, honey.”
He really had no idea what the hell Fran was talking about.
“It’s our annual pre-holiday sleepover . We always have fun, don’t we, Henry?”
Henry nodded. “Yup.”
Nick hugged Henry. “Love you, buddy.”
Henry squeezed him tight. “Love you, too, Uncle Nick.”
“I picked up an early shift tomorrow morning,” Fran said.
“Hey, it’s not a problem. We’ll come get him in the morning.”
Fran gave him a grin. “Thanks. And you have a fun night tonight.”
Still no clue what was up with Fran. “Yeah, sure. Thanks, Fran.”
Nick got in his truck and drove home, figuring it would be a couple of hours before Ellie would be there. He was surprised to see her car in the open garage. He hoped nothing was wrong. He parked in the driveway, got out, and walked into the house through the garage.
“Ellie?”
“In the kitchen.”
She was unpacking something from a bag. Whatever it was, it smelled good.
“What are you doing?”
She turned around. “I was going to cook, but then I realized that could get messy and also take time. And I wanted to dress up.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about? I thought you had to work late.”
“I didn’t. I just thought we could have some time alone tonight. You know, so we could talk.”
First Fran and now Ellie, and he was more confused than ever. Then again, they hadn’t talked much since that night after the party, so it didn’t surprise him he had no idea what was going on in her head. “Okay.”
“I picked up toasted raviolis and chicken parmesan from Rigazzi’s.”
No wonder he smelled something good. “Those are my favorites.”
“I know.” She gave him a shy smile. “I also picked up a bottle of Cabernet.”
He leaned against the counter. “What’s this all about, Ellie?”
“It’s about you.” He watched her swallow as she fought to get the words out. “About you and me.”
Now things were getting clearer. “Okay.”
He caught her nervous swallow. “We have to start a conversation, figure out where we stand. Can’t we at least have dinner?”
“We have dinner together every night.”
She sighed. “Come on, Nick. I’m trying. I arranged for Fran to keep Henry overnight. I picked up a nice dinner and I bought wine. I’m wearing a freaking dress. Meet me halfway here.”
Ah. So that’s what Fran meant. He knew the sleepover with Henry had been scheduled a little earlier than normal this year. But he figured it had more to do with Fran’s schedule, so he’d shrugged it off.
Ellie had gone to some effort for this night. And maybe he was still hurt about her trying to get rid of him by throwing women at him.
It was time to get over it so they could talk. Things between them needed to be settled, one way or the other.
“Okay. Let me go take a shower. I’m still work dirty.”
“All right.”
He took a quick shower, then put on his dark jeans and a button-down shirt—the navy blue one Ellie liked.
When he made his way down the hall, the smell of pasta sauce filled his senses. He knew they had a lot to talk about, but he was hungry. He’d started work early this morning, and lunch today had been a fast bologna sandwich. Not very filling.
Besides, they could have a better conversation once their stomachs were full.
And maybe he was trying to delay that conversation because if it didn’t go well…
He didn’t want to think too long about what would happen if it didn’t go well.
Ellie had set the dining room table with the good plates and wineglasses. She really was going all out. The least he could do was give her a chance.
“Hey, it looks good.”
She smiled up at him. “Thanks.”
“What can I do to help?”
She scanned the table. “Oh. We need napkins.”
“I’m on it.”
He dug into the pantry for the napkins. Typically they grabbed paper towels, mainly because of Henry. But since Ellie seemed to want tonight to be special, he went for the nice linen napkins that they usually saved for when they had company over.
He brought those over to the table and folded each one, setting the silverware on top.
“Nice touch,” she said. “Let’s eat.”
He pulled her chair out for her and moved it back toward the table as she slid into the chair. “Thank you.”
They scooped the food onto their plates and dug in. The food was so damn good he had to avoid shoveling it into his mouth.
“What did you eat for lunch today?” she asked.
He waited until after he swallowed before answering. “Bologna sandwich.”
“No wonder you’re eating like you’re starving. You know there was leftover fried chicken in the fridge.”
He frowned. “There was? I didn’t see it.”
“Probably because you worry way more about getting Henry ready and getting his lunch together. I’m sorry you have to do that.”
What the hell? “Why are you apologizing? You’re up at five in the morning, Ellie. It’s always made more sense for me to get Henry up and to daycare.”
She had laid her fork down and was staring at him. “I know. But there are so many things I feel guilty about. I feel like you’ve been putting your life on hold for me.”
“Have I ever complained about it?”
“No. But you’re not the complaining type.”
He took a sip of the wine. “I complain plenty. Ask Rob.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s work. You never complain to me.”
“Maybe it’s because you don’t give me anything to complain about.” This wasn’t at all what he thought they were going to talk about. “What’s on your mind, Ellie?”
She shrugged and scooted a ravioli around on her plate. “I just feel like I’ve been holding you back.”
“So, that’s what this dinner is for? To tell me about the guilt you’ve been feeling? Because if it is, I have to tell you, I thought we were gonna have an entirely different conversation.”
“I know. I abruptly shifted the conversation.”
He laid his napkin on the table, his voracious appetite suddenly gone. “Why?”
“Because I’m scared.”
He gave her a direct look. “What are you scared about?”
“I’m scared about what I’m feeling. I feel so conflicted. I have equal parts desire and guilt.”
Her admission felt like a gut punch, but if he was going to be in this, he had to let her say what she felt. “Because of John.”
She gave a quick nod. “I know it’s stupid because he’s been gone for almost five years, but I can’t help it.”
“Your feelings aren’t stupid. No one knows more than I do how much you loved my brother.”
“Logically I know it’s time to let it go. My mind and my body keep telling me it’s time.”
“But?”
“I don’t know. It feels like if I let him go, then he’s gone forever.”
He took her hands in his. “That’s never going to happen. You have Henry. You have me. You know how I felt about my brother, Ellie. We’re always going to keep his memory alive.”
Ellie knew that Nick was right, and of course, here she was, on a night that was supposed to be about Nick and her, talking about her dead husband.
Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m getting this all wrong.”
Nick pushed back from his chair and came over to her, kneeling down next to her. “What are you getting wrong?”
“I had planned this whole night for us. To be alone, to find out if you and I…”
She couldn’t finish because Nick had smoothed his hand over her hair and she lost the ability to breathe. He’d casually touched her so many times over the years, holding her hand in times of comfort, putting his arm around her while joking. But this—this was different. Because now she felt differently about him.
“If you and I could what?”
She half turned in the chair and laid her hands on his face. “If we could do this.”
She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, knowing the moment wasn’t right, that they’d just been talking about John. Nick would probably be insulted. Or repulsed.
Instead, he stood and pulled her out of the chair, wrapping his arms around her to kiss her back with an intensity that made it seem as if time had stopped.
And suddenly the conversation shifted, only there wasn’t conversation. There were only lips and tongues, heavy breathing and exploring hands. Nick’s hand roamed over her back, drawing her closer against him, and it was everything she’d wanted—needed—for so long.
It was only Nick in her head, in her thoughts. It was only Nick that she needed as she molded her body against his, as she whimpered for more of the hot neediness of his mouth against hers.
A flame had started inside of her. She couldn’t pinpoint when it had begun, but now it had ignited, and only Nick could quench the fire that burned within her.
So when he gentled the kiss and pulled his mouth from hers, she let out a whimper of protest.
“About that conversation…” he said, swiping his fingers across her collarbone.
The movement gave her goose bumps. She could already envision his hands on her naked body, touching her everywhere. She hadn’t been touched that way in so long. She almost cried with the need for it.
She shook her head. “No more talking.”
She took his hand and led him from the dining room down the hall to her bedroom. Normally she shut the door for privacy, but they were alone tonight, so she left the door open.
“Unzip my dress?” she asked.
He came up behind her, swept her hair to the side, and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.
There went those goose bumps popping up again.
She felt his fingers at the zipper.
“Are you sure about this, Ellie?” His whispered breath was warm against her skin, making her tingle all over.
“Yes. Absolutely sure.”
She craned her neck to look back at him. “Are you sure?”
She felt the squeeze of his fingers on her shoulders, then turned her around and kissed her. The kiss was passionate, demanding, breath-stealing. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark with passion. “I’ve never wanted anything so goddamn much in my entire life.”
She shuddered in a breath and turned back around again. “Then unzip my dress.”
They weren’t listening to music. The TV wasn’t on in the other room. All she could hear was Nick breathing and the sound of her zipper as he slowly drew it down. It gave her comfort to hear Nick’s breaths, to know that his heavy breathing meant he felt something, that this wasn’t easy on him, because it sure wasn’t easy for her. She was pent up, loaded with anxiety that was part disbelief that she was actually doing this, the other part excitement and hoping they could get to the good stuff in a hurry.
She pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her dress, then let it fall to the floor.
“Wanna hang that up?”
She let out a soft laugh. “Not high on my priority list right now.”
“Good.”
She stepped out of the dress and kicked off her heels.
Nick moved her to face him. “I appreciate you dressing up for me tonight, Ellie, but I have to tell you that you look amazing in your underwear.”
She blushed as his gaze traveled over her body. “You realize it’s been a long time since someone has seen me naked. Or almost naked.”
He smoothed his hand over her shoulder and down her arm, linking his fingers with hers. “You have a body meant to be worshipped.”
Her heart pounded a fast rhythm against her chest. This obviously wasn’t her first time, but it sure felt that way. She still remembered all the components and what to do, though. In fact, the anticipation and mental visuals of how good this was going to be were what drove her.
She reached for Nick’s shirt, concentrating on undoing each button, pulling the fabric apart so she could unveil his amazing abs. She lifted her gaze to his face. “No, you have an incredible body, Nick.”
He gave that half smile, the one that was so incredibly sexy it made her nipples tighten. “How about we get naked and do some joint worshipping, then?”
Her mind was awash in all the things she’d been fantasizing about doing with Nick before chastising herself for thinking her fantasies were wrong.
But nothing was wrong tonight. Everything felt right. She was finally going with her feelings and taking what she wanted.
So when Nick unzipped his pants and shrugged out of those and his boxer briefs, she held her breath, then sighed in appreciation as he stood before her completely naked.
Oh. Yes. This was definitely what she wanted.
And when he stepped forward to unhook her bra, pulling the straps slowly down her arms, all she could think was one word.
Hurry.
But then he paused, tracing his fingers down the space between her breasts.
“I was looking forward to seeing what you wore on that long silver chain that’s always tucked into your clothes.”
She’d worn John’s wedding ring on that chain. Tonight, she’d taken it off and put it in her jewelry box.
A chapter closed. So she could open a new chapter with Nick.
“I tucked it away in a special place for safekeeping.”
“Okay.” He teased the swell of her breasts, making her breath catch.
He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her, sweeping her senses into a maelstrom of desire and passion. A blast of heat seared through her nerve endings.
Suddenly she was swept up—literally—in Nick’s arms. He looked down at her.
“Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?”
His words made her feel cherished. “Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you saying that?”
His lips curved as he walked her to the bed. He held her with one hand, using the other to jerk the comforter down to the end of the bed before laying her down on the mattress. He slid next to her, then over her, kissing her until her body felt like it was on fire. She wrapped a leg around him, arching against him, her mind awash with the unique sensations of feeling Nick’s body rubbing against hers.
“Ellie.”
She felt like she was floating on a cloud of sensual bliss. “Mmm-hmmm.”
He smoothed his hand down her arm. “Open your eyes.”
She lifted her lids to find Nick staring down at her. “What is it?” she asked.
His hand drifted over her breast, making her gasp. “Just making sure you’re with me.”
She brushed his hair from his face and smiled up at him. “I know who’s touching me. I know who I’m in bed with right now. Kiss me, Nick.”
He bent and took her mouth in a kiss that was pure passion, that made her forget anything but the feel of his hands across her flesh, his breath mingling with hers, and the scrape of his beard stubble across her neck as he began a slow trek south with his tongue.
Nerve endings that hadn't been awakened in years leaped to joyous life as he flicked his tongue over her nipple, then drew it into his mouth and sucked. She slid her fingers into the silken softness of his hair, lost in the raw sensation of what he was doing to her.
She was damp, aroused, and desperately needy in ways she couldn't articulate. At least not verbally. Instead, she told Nick how she felt with gasps and moans and the arching of her back, asking for more of that intense pleasure.
And oh, did he give it to her.
He made his way down to her sex, and when his tongue glided over her clit, she gasped. Heat engulfed her, a thousand points of pleasure quivering within her. She’d almost forgotten what it was like to be strung up with taut desire until she couldn’t stand it.
And when she came, it was with a cry she couldn’t hold back. The force of her orgasm blasted through her. She craved this release, needed it like she needed breath. She soaked it in, reveled in it, and let herself fall.
It was glorious.
She was still heaving breaths when Nick kissed his way up her body to lick and nip at her breasts. She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to take all this bliss.
Though she was going to give it her all, because she didn’t want this to end.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered, brushing his lips over hers.
He disappeared out the door, and she sucked in a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling.
“Wow.” She’d forgotten how amazing sex could be.
Nick came back in the room holding a condom wrapper in his hand. He climbed onto the bed and rested his hand on her hip.
She flipped onto her side to face him.
“Everything okay?”
She sighed. “Everything is...really good.” She touched his face, rubbing her fingers across the stubble of beard on his jawline. “You have an incredible jawline. Have I ever mentioned that?”
He slanted a sexy smile at her. “Not that I remember. But do continue.”
She moved her fingers over his bottom lip, shivering with desire as she remembered where his mouth had been just a few minutes earlier. “Also, you have an amazing, extremely talented mouth.”
He grinned. “Glad you think so. Wait till you see what I can do with my amazing, extremely talented dick.”
She laughed. “Oh, really. You’re that confident in your…skills?”
He waved the condom wrapper back and forth. “Absolutely.”
She rolled onto her back and stretched. “Show me.”
“Spoken by a true Missouri woman.”
He got up on his knees, tore the wrapper open, and slid the condom on. Given that he hadn’t lost his rather impressive erection when he’d left the room, she hoped there was an element of truth in his bold statement.
She was more than ready for this, and when he leaned down and covered her body with his, she sighed in contentment, wrapping her legs around his hips.
He looked down at her. “I sense you’re in a hurry.”
“You have no idea.”
“Oh, I have an idea. I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time. But, you know, sex should never be hurried.”
“Says the guy whose cock is currently rubbing up against me.”
He grinned. “Yeah, but we have all night.”
He surged against her, teasing her and making her want to grab hold of his most important asset and take control. But then he kissed her—a soft, sweet kiss that made her lose all thought except for the utter perfection of his mouth. She tangled her fingers in his hair, lost in the softness of it. Maybe she wasn’t in such a hurry, because the way he kissed her made her want to stay like this all night, just kissing each other, entwined together, passion fusing the two of them into one.
But then he slid inside of her, and she moaned against his mouth.
Oh, yes, this was so much better.
Their tongues collided, the kiss deepening to one of hard passion as their bodies connected in the most intimate of ways.
Every time he moved within her, her body wept with sensual joy. She felt Nick everywhere, in the way his hands moved along her rib cage to cup her breasts, in every kiss, in every murmured word.
She opened her eyes to see the hard passion in his. He swept her hair away from her face, and she felt the stun of an emotional connection with Nick she hadn’t been prepared for. So instead, she arched her back, letting passion take over, letting her body overtake her mind and her emotions.
Fortunately, he went with her, deepening his thrusts until she trembled through an incredible orgasm that left her shaking, but in the best way. Nick gripped her hip and drove into her, then shuddered as he came.
He buried his face in her neck, kissing her there, eliciting chills that ran along her skin.
She was out of breath, and her body had gone lax.
It had been so, so good.
Faint warning bells pinged in her head as reality tried to make its way to the surface.
But she pushed them aside as Nick rolled off of her and pulled her against him.
Reality could wait until morning. Tonight, she had Nick, and she was going to enjoy every second of this time she would share with him.
Tomorrow—and all that reality would bring—could wait.