Chapter Seventeen
Normally Ellie enjoyed taking time off work. But the couple of days she’d taken off for the holidays had been brutal, so she was happy to be back. She’d enjoyed spending time with Nick’s parents, of course, but there had been such a strain between Nick and her it had been unbearable. Nick’s parents were staying for a week, and he’d taken some time off to spend with them and with Henry, which was great for them.
Ellie, on the other hand, couldn’t handle being around Nick, and she was certain he was going to tell his parents about their conversation.
She knew she’d hurt him. It had devastated her to tell him the lies she’d told him.
Not that he’d believed her lies, anyway. The one thing she could always count on with Nick was his ability to read her, to know her like no one ever had. He’d seen right through her. He knew how she really felt.
Not that it made any difference.
It was best for both of them to start fresh, to see where they could go without each other.
Without each other. Just the thought of it caused a stab of pain in her heart.
“Ellie, you have a new patient checking in to room two twenty-four,” Fran said as she came into the break room. “Marion said to tell you she’ll be up from check-in in about fifteen minutes.”
“Okay, thanks.” She blew out a breath.
Fran plopped on the sofa next to her. “Long day?”
“Not really.”
“What’s wrong?”
She lifted her head and smiled. “Nothing. Everything’s great.”
Fran rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I’m a size four. Spill it.”
“I told Nick I was moving out.”
“Why?”
“I guess because I feel it’s time I move on.”
“Move on from what? From the awesome life you and Henry have built with Nick? Move on from that gorgeous, stupidly perfect man who obviously cares for you? Move on from the great house in the ideal location, move on from the only father figure your son has ever known, a guy who, coincidentally, thinks your kid hung the moon? Stop me when I find the flaws here, okay?”
She frowned. “It’s wrong that I’m in love with him.”
Fran laughed. “Wrong in what universe?”
Ellie looked over at Fran. “He’s John’s brother.”
“And who do you think is going to have a problem with that?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Have you even told Nick how you feel?”
“No.”
Fran rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. Go ahead and throw him away. Because I can guarantee you there will be women swarming that man like starving bees within minutes of you tossing him to the curb. And you know why? Because you’re stupid.”
Ellie threw a frustrated look at Fran. “Aren’t you supposed to be my friend?”
“I am your friend. Which is why I’m being brutally honest with you. You’re making a huge mistake. Now go tell Nick you love him and that you had a moment of utter stupidity, and then beg him to forgive you. Then ask him to marry you.”
She clasped her hands together, holding them so hard she felt pricks of pain. “It’s not that simple.”
“No shit. Love never is. It’s hard and it hurts and often it’s awful. So go make it work with Nick.”
Tears welled in her eyes. Everything Fran said—as brutal as it all was—made sense. What had she been thinking? She loved Nick. She should be moving heaven and earth to keep Nick in her life instead of pushing him away.
“But…I don’t know, Fran. I’ve been working so hard on letting him go.”
“Again…stupid.”
She finally sighed, admitting defeat. “I’m scared.”
Fran put her arm around Ellie’s shoulders. “Of course you are. You lost the love of your life once to a situation beyond your control. So don’t let the second love of your life get away due to a situation you can control.”
She sniffled and shuddered in a breath. “His parents are there. He’s not speaking to me right now and they know something’s going on. Oh, God, they’re going to hate me for hurting him.”
“They love you as much as he does. They’ll forgive you.”
She turned and hugged Fran. “Thank you for being my friend.”
“Aww, honey, you’re welcome. Someday I’ll screw up royally with Mark and you’ll have the same conversation with me.”
Ellie laughed. “I’ll always be here for you.”
She cleaned up her mess of a face, then headed down the hall toward her new patient. She ended up having a good day at work, and after she’d helped deliver a baby boy in record time, she put on her coat, intending to drive home. Instead, she found herself at the cemetery.
She pulled over at the curb and walked the steps over to John’s grave, happy they decided on installing the bench in front of his gravesite. That had been Nick’s idea. He’d told her she might want to sit and talk with him. She’d done that a lot the first couple of years, first talking to him about the growing baby in her belly, and then telling him stories about how much Henry had grown, when he’d gotten his first tooth, how cute he looked when he was learning to crawl, how smart he was, and how much she knew he’d love him.
The visits had grown less frequent over the years, but she’d always come at least a few times a year.
She sat at the bench and wrapped the scarf around her neck.
“It’s cold today,” she said, staring at the cement headstone emblazoned with her husband’s name. “But the sun’s out and there’s no wind, so it’s not too bad.”
She knew she was stalling.
Get on with it, Ellie.
She clasped her hands together. “I have something to talk to you about. I know we typically talk about Henry, but this time it’s about Nick. I know this might not be something you want to hear, but I’ve always been honest with you.”
She took a deep breath. “I’ve fallen in love with Nick. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did. And now that it has, I realize he’s been there for me ever since I lost you. He was right there with me that night you died, and he took care of me the entire time I was pregnant with Henry.” She smiled. “He was in the delivery room when Henry was born. He told me Henry looked like you. You see, he loves you and misses you as much as I do, John. But somewhere along the way, our love for you grew into love for each other. And I’ve been doing some thinking on that and I think that maybe you played a part in it. That maybe you wanted this to happen.
“Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I know you’d want someone kind and honorable and honest and trustworthy to be a father to Henry. And I can’t think of anyone who fills those qualities more than Nick. He loves Henry as much as you would have. And Henry loves him so much.”
She fought the tears, but they fell despite her efforts. “I miss you and I’ll love you every day for the rest of my life, John, but I have to let you go. I know you wouldn’t want me to mourn you forever. I know you’d want me to move on, so I’m going to love Nick, and I’m going to let Nick be a father to Henry. I mean, Henry will always know who his real father is. Nick wouldn’t have it any other way. But Henry needs a strong father figure in his life, and I think you’ll be happy that it’s Nick. Just like I hope you’ll be happy for Nick and me.”
She stood, then kneeled down in front of John’s headstone. She took her gloves off, pressed her fingers to her lips, and pressed her fingers to the headstone. “Good-bye, John.”
She got up and walked away and, for the first time, felt a lifting in her heart, as if her husband had given her his blessing to move on.
Just then the sun hit her face and she felt a blast of warmth. She couldn’t help but feel that it was John, giving her his last kiss.