Chapter Twenty One
Dane had hardly slept a wink the night before and as the sun was first lighting the eastern horizon had flung back the covers and set about preparing for one of the most important days of his life. His valet Stanleys grumbling at the early hour had nonetheless repleted him in buff breeches, a superfine black jacket over a crisp white shirt and perfectly tied cravat and gleaming polished Hessians.
Not caring that it was considered rude to be calling at such an early hour as he was Dane had knocked on the door of the townhouse on Park Lane at half eight in the morning. He was greeted by the dourfaced Filbert who was by now quite accustomed to the odd hours he would show up at the door. Upon requesting to speak with Violet he was escorted to the blue parlor where he patiently waited for another hour.
“Vi, do forgive my early arrival.” He said when she finally strolled through the door looking a little bleary eyed.
“What could possibly have driven you out of bed at such an ungodly hour?” Violet scowled at him, she had not had her morning chocolate which she decided to order, asking for coffee to be brought for Dane.
“There is an important matter I need to discuss with you.” he told her.
Having taken a seat on one of the overstuffed chairs she cocked her head and looked at him closely.
“You are dress rather fine for this time of morning,” she observed with a knowing twinkle in her eye. “It must be quiet important this matter which you wish to discuss.”
“It is of the utmost importance.” He could not believe as a member of the home office he had faced countless dangers, face down many a pistol pointed at him, been in more life or death situations than most men see in a lifetime and yet he was quaking in his boots right now.
Taking a seat opposite his long time friend he rubbed his sweaty palms down his thighs and inhaled deeply. Just as he was about to rush headlong into the speech he had prepared in his head the night before he was cut off with the arrival of Filbert carrying a tray with two steaming cups and a plate of warm scones and jelly.
Knowing Violet would be in a much more amiable mood once she partook of morning chocolate he sat quietly while they both finished their beverages and scone. Fortified by the coffee Dane felt more at ease and when Violet finally set her cup down he went about explaining the reason for his early morning visit.
“You are the only surviving member of Chairy’s family so I thought it only fitting that I come to you first.” After a long pause and after he screwed up his courage he stated.
“I wish to ask your permission to seek Charity’s hand in marriage.”
“About bloody time.”
Her response was not what he had been expecting at all.
“I beg your pardon?”
Violet looked at him with a sly smile as if she had been in on a salacious secret that she found highly amusing.
“It was as plain as the nose on your face that you had developed feelings for my lovely cousin even before you abscond with her out of London.” She told him, her smile growing. “Why else would you have personally seen to her safety?”
“It was my job…”
She immediately waved off his argument, “We both know home office could have easily sent her with another agent just as they did with myself. Deep down you wanted to be with Charity.”
Dane had admitted that Violet had a valid point, in most cases another agent would be assigned protection duty. It hardly signified, he was so deeply in love with Charity he couldn’t imagine his life without her.
Violet’s statement did remind him of something he had meant to speak to her about long before now. “What of you my friend? Was your time in hiding uneventful? Were you treated well?”
Immediately he saw her guard went up, her smile turned stiff, her eyes dropped to her hands clasped tightly upon her lap and she shifted uncomfortably.
“Of course it was uneventful, I was quite beside myself with boredom.”
“What of your protector, the Earl of Gillingford was it not?”
“Yes Charles...the Earl was the epitome of a gentleman, but you are not here to talk about me. There was something you wished to ask about Charity.”
“Yes,” he said pushing to his feet, too jittery to stay seated. “You are correct in your assessment. I have fallen in love with your cousin, so much so that I cannot imagine my life without her.”
He released the breath he did not even realize he was holding. It felt good to finally put his words to his feelings.
“Are you asking my permission for her hand?” The twinkle of humor was back in her voice.
He walked over to the sideboard and without asking poured himself a hefty serving of brandy and downed it in one go.
“There is nothing more in this world that I want than to make Charity my wife but I fear she will reject me again.”
“Again?”
“I proposed twice, before Charity’s return to London. Though I will admit they were not expressed in the most charming of ways they were done so with the best of intentions. It had seemed the most logical thing considering I believed her reputation was completely compromised.”
He saw Violet’s sudden questioning look and she stared at him for a few seconds before continuing, “You speak of good intentions and logic when there is no place in a marriage proposal for such empty emotions.”
“Yes, I have come to realize that. So do I have your blessing?”
“Of course, nothing would please me more than to see my dear cousin and greatest friend united in matrimonial bliss.” Violet left her seat to give Dane a quick kiss on the cheek. “It will be exciting to plan a wedding alongside Charity.”
Dane inhaled a large breath not because he was relieved but because there was one matter he needed to broach. One that he and Violet had long ago put behind them and rarely spoke of.
“These past weeks I have come to realize that Charity values honesty in a person more than anything else. What transpired with Dr. Phillips has made it difficult for her to trust and she is only now starting to open up to me. I have told her everything my service to the home office required of me and she has accepted that but is happy that I have resigned my position. If I am so fortunate as to have her accept my proposal I do not want to go into our marriage with any secrets between us. I feel I have no recourse but to be completely open about our history.”
He could see that Violet was clearly taken back by what he was suggesting.
“Do you think that is wise? Charity’s confidence was shattered and she has questioned her judgement ever since. It has only been in the last few weeks that she seems to let down the barriers she put in place upon returning home and that I feel is all due to you. I fear it would be too much, that she would hate us both were we to reveal, no matter how brief the affair, that we were once lovers.”
A very sudden and resounding gasp had them both turning to find the woman of their conversation standing in the open door. Dane’s heart immediately sunk like a stone to the bottom of his stomach and he knew that he would never forget the expression on her lovely face. There was disbelief, pain and anguish, self doubt and heartache reflexed there that had him rushing across the room toward her until it all changed to a fury so deep and strong that it flashed in her amber eyes stopping him in his tracks.
“Charity, my love I…”
She held up a hand to silence him and he watched as her whole body stiffened.
“Do. Not. Ever. Call. Me. That.” She told him through teeth clenched so tight he thought they may snap.
Violet stepped forward to speak but Charity cut her off, her voice filled with loathing.
“You were correct in your fears dear cousin. I believe in this moment I loathe you both more than is imaginable. It is beyond contemptible.”
Dane’s heart thundered in his ears while a thousand different explanations raced around in his mind yet none seemed quite good enough. So he stood there saying nothing while his whole world crumbled around his feet.
“Charity,” Violet said as she held her hand out to her cousin even though she knew Charity could not see nor would accept the gesture, “dear cousin. Please, won’t you let us explain.”
“What else is there to explain. You were and for all I know could still be lovers and you kept that important fact from me. How you both must be laughing.”
Dane could see that Charity was struggling to not break down, her lip trembled and her eyes were bright with tears.
“No Charity, that simply is not so.” He finally found his voice. “Our involvement was very brief.”
“And it ended years ago.” Violet added.
“Please forgive us for not speaking of it sooner,” Dane begged, “but you must believe me when I say that there is nothing more than friendship between Violet and I.”
“I believe nothing you have to say Your Grace.” her voice dripped heavy with contempt and distrust. “You, however can believe me when I say I wish to no longer have anything to do with you. This time respect my wishes and do not call on me ever again.”
With that she spun in a swirl of petticoats and ran from the room but not before Dane saw the silver flash of a tear. He moved to go after her but Violet put a restraining hand on his arm.
“Dane, I think it best if you give her some time.”
“But I need to explain…” He never felt so desperate in his life. All he needed was to get Charity to understand that what he and Violet had shared those many long years ago was insignificant in comparison to the feelings he had for her. “I just need to make her understand that she means everything to me.”
“Do you not realize by now that you cannot make Charity do anything.”
His entire world deflated out from under him. Dane felt lost and frantic like he was drowning in a vast ocean and Charity was his only life raft and she had left him to sink in despair.
“I will speak with her on your behalf and I’m sure in the end she will come to see reason. Just give her a few days.”
Dane wished Violet sounded more certain. He left the townhouse feeling as if he was walking away without his heart the pain in his chest was so great.
∞∞∞
Charity ignored every attempt Violet made to speak to her for the rest of the day and neither Annie nor Filbert dare enter her chamber. Having locked herself in while her emotions ranged from utter despair and heartbreak to unmitigated rage over the betrayal as she cried more tears than she ever had in her entire life. She hadn’t even known she could cry so much, tears had been mostly absent since her loss of vision.
She knew it had to be late in the evening, Violet had stopped at her door to bid her good night and to beg her forgiveness for what seemed the hundredth time and the house was eerily quiet. As if the structure itself was mourning her broken heart.
The chill in the room, no fire had been lit in the grate, drove Charity under the covers where she laid feeling empty and more alone than ever before. For hours she went over every moment when Dane and Violet were together in her presence trying to find the smallest indication that they were hiding a clandestine affair and came up with not one clue. They had been so cunning in their deceit that Charity had not even considered the possibility they she was being duped, being made a fool of. It was devastating to know her own cousin capable of such deception but it was far worse knowing how close she had come to giving her heart completely to a man who thought nothing of callously playing with her affections for his amusement.
By the time Annie knocked on her door again Charity had come to a decision. She knew what she must do if she were to salvage any dignity and self worth out of the whole sorted mess.
“Annie, please pack my bags and call for the carriage to be brought around.”
The maid stopped in the middle of fixing Charity’s hair in chignon, “What ever for Miss?”
“I am sure by now you are fully aware. I will not explain my actions just see to it that they are carried out.” Violet didn’t mean to snap at the maid, it was not right to take her foul mood out on the staff that had treated her with nothing but respect. “I am sorry Annie. You should not have to suffer for my stupidity.”
“Opening your heart to someone is not stupidity Miss. I say it takes a great deal of courage.”
Charity could not agree, everyone she had ever developed a fondness for had forsaken her in one form or another. Her uncle who’s violent outburst had nearly taken her life and rendered her sightless. Hubert who had cared but then just disappeared from her life and Dr. Phillips who had perpetrated what she believed at the time to be the greatest deception until yesterday when her heart was ripped from her chest by the two people she loved the most.
“No, it is foolishness when one continues to trust the wrong sort of person only to have their heart broken time and again. I was made a laughing stock by the Duke but it will never happen again.”
“Begging your pardon Miss, I know it is not my place to say but...I believe you are wrong about the Duke and Miss Violet. I know I have not been employed here long but I can safely say that there was nothing untoward going on between Miss Violet and the Duke of Westbrook.”
Charity’s heart beat painfully against her ribs just at the mention of his name. “If not now there was in the past and they choose to keep the truth from me.”
“My way of thinking is somethings in our past are best left there if one is ever to have a happy future.”
“And that is what I plan to do Annie. Leave all this behind me and start anew. Beginning with moving out of this house.” Charity stated in a tone that suggested there was no use arguing. “I had hoped to move into the suite above the school once it became more established. This entire debacle just precipitated the notion.”
“I will be coming with you then.” Annie declared as she stabbed the last hair pin in Charity’s chignon.
“That is very kind of you to offer Annie, but I can not pay your wages. As it is I will be living off the generosity of our mysterious benefactor and only hope that he or she does not disapprove and withdraw the funds.”
“I will not have you living in the big old place by yourself so there is no arguing for it.”
Charity graciously accepted Annie’s offer secretly glad for the maid’s company. The thought of striking out on her own was rather daunting despite her bravado.
Her next task was to inform Violet of her decision and she went in search of cousin, finding her in the breakfast room. Her chair scraped across the floor as she jumped to her feet upon Charity’s arrival.
“Charity dear cousin. I had so hoped to speak with you today. I cannot begin to describe how devastated I am…”
“I only came to tell you that I am leaving,” Charity cut Violet off, her voice harsh and cold. She was not ready to hear Violet’s excuses nor was she anywhere close to forgiving her.
Charity climbed into the carriage with Annie feeling slightly guilty for turning her back on Violet’s tears and pleads for forgiveness but Charity was determined not to give in the the manipulations. She was sure that at some point in the future she would find it in her heart to forgive her cousin. After all they will be still be working together at the music school and as much as Charity did not want to have to face Violet everyday there was no help for it. She would maintain a professional attitude and not let her personal feelings interfere with the day to day business of running the school with someone who a deeply hurt her. At least she hoped she could.
Dane on the other hand, she didn’t think she would ever recover from the agony his betrayal caused. He carelessly took her virtue, toyed with her affections and lead her to believe that she was worthy of something more than her life as a dependant cripple and that in her estimations was the biggest betrayal of all.