Chapter Thirteen
The sun was tracking low in the western sky before Dane and Charity were able to slip out the kitchen door again. It was warm enough that Charity didn’t bother with a wrap as Dane tuck her hand in his arm. They strolled around the small garden for several minutes both laughing at Dane’s failed attempts at naming the many different flowers in bloom.
“I was never meant to be a gardener,” Dane chuckled good naturedly.
“My mother had a lovely garden and we could always find her there kneeling in among the flowers she loved so much.” Charity told him, surprised that she had even mentioned her mother. Normally she did not talk about her parents much, even after so many years their deaths still brought so much pain. Yet talking with Dane seemed natural as if somehow he would understand.
“You were young when your parents died.”
She could hear the compassion in his voice not pity that some many other people expressed.
“We lived in Oxford at the time and my parents were returning from London. The weather had turned ugly, it was late at night and the driver lost control and...and then I went to live with Violet and her parents.”
She was sure he must have felt her trembling for he covered her hand with his cradling it in his warmth. For the next quarter hour she told him about her parents and the home she grew up in. It felt good to have someone to open up to other than her cousin but the one thing she didn’t tell him was that her parents were returning after meeting with officials from a prestigious Paris school of music where they were arranging her attendance. They had been in London because of her, they were rushing home late at night in a storm because of her. That was a guilt she carried with her too deep and painful to share with anyone.
“You were fortunate to have family to go to.” he said breaking through her thoughts.
“Yes I suppose I was fortunate despite how things ended.” Charity couldn’t keep the cynicism out of her voice.
Dane stopped turning toward her, “I did not mean to make light of your condition Charity. I just know how grateful Violet is to have you. She spoke often of her childhood memories, they all included you.”
Continuing their stroll Charity asked, “How long have you known my cousin? She never did say.”
She felt Dane’s arm stiffen under her hand and it seemed as if he hesitated to answer. Charity could help but wonder why, was there something about his friendship with Violet that he didn’t want her to know.
“I met Violet through her late husband though I don’t recall the exact date.”
Charity could tell by his tone that there was an underlying reason why he was being vague and she felt her ire rising. She had share memories with him that she had told no one. She had opened up and spoke of her parents in a way that she had never done before. Yet he was not willing to share one thing about himself. She didn’t want that to hurt but it did.
As if sensing her displeasure Dane pulled her, “Come there is a stone bench about five steps ahead and on your left. Let’s sit.”
The bench was too small by half with the two of them sharing. Dane’s thick solid thigh rested against hers when he sat next to her. The sleeve of his coat grazed her arm and she was sure if she turned just slightly toward him it would brush her breast where she was suddenly longed for him to touch.
No, no, no. She could not think like that. He said it was a mistake. He made it clear he was not interested in her that way. If only she could convince her body to think the same way.
Remembering what he had said earlier before supper she asked,”You said there was something important you needed to discuss?”
“Yes.”
Did he just run his hand up and down his thighs as if he was nervous?
“Miss Price...Charity I wonder if you understand the full extend of the reverberations that you will face when this is over.”
He was sounding so mysterious and definitely nervous.
“I know there will be some questions certainly but…”
“Charity you reputation will be and probably is already ruined. There was talk circulating about our involvement before we even left London. Speculation as why we were in the garden together.”
“But we were not together, surely people will understand that if we were to explain.”
Charity knew the ton was notorious for gossip but even they could not possibly believe that she and the Duke of Westbrook had an assignation.
“It matters not what we explain,” she could hear the pique in his voice and felt him turn on the seat to face her. “You have spent several days and nights alone with a man you do not know with no chaperone. Your reputation will be in shreds, you will be looked upon as the worst sort of woman. No one in society will welcome you into their home even the shops will close their doors. You will be given the cut direct.”
Charity felt a sinking swirling sensation surround her like she was being pulled into a spinning vortex of despair. Not once had she given thought to that people would think badly of her. She was only trying to save her life and Dane’s, was that so terribly bad. People didn’t need to know what happened between them, not if they didn’t tell anyone. And she had her cousin.
“Violet would…” she started to say.
“Violet will be given the cut just by association.” He sounded so certain.
“But that is not fair,” she cried, “Violet has done nothing wrong. I have done nothing wrong.”
“There is one thing that can be done to salvage your reputation.”
She did not like the somber tone of his voice as if he did not want to make the suggestion.
“You and I should marry.”
The cold unfeeling way he said those five words constricted her chest. It was proof that he really didn’t want her that he was only acting out of honor and duty. He wanted to be tied to her no more than she wanted to be tied to any man.
Leaping to her feet she walked a few steps away, she needed the distance.
“Absolutely not,” she told him firmly. “I will not marry, not for those reasons.”
“Then you will never marry. No man will want you after this.”
His words cut her, left her heart bleeding.
“No man wants me now,” she yelled. Birds scattered from their comfortable perches as her words shattered the tranquility of the small garden. Surprised by her own outburst Charity took several steadying breaths, one, two, three before continuing.
“I have accepted that my blindness would be a burden on any man therefore I am resigned to a life of spinsterhood. I will not be tied to you out of some misplaced sense of duty.” She couldn’t hide her distaste of the very idea of them marrying because he felt obligated. As if his honor compelled him to sacrifice himself on the tons altar of ruined reputations. His next words proved that she was right to think that way.
“I am a man of honor and I promised to keep you safe and if that means I have to marry you to protect your reputation then that is what I will see done.”
“You promised to protect me from the Shadow of Death, that is all. You have done that, there is no reason for you to feel obligated to do more. I will make my own way without the confines of matrimony.”
“Without matrimony there is no way for you to succeed. As my duchess no one would dare say a word against you. As my wife doors will be opened for you more than you can imagine. You could have your music school up and running within the year but without me it will never happen.”
She hated how he seemed so sure of her ruin and hated how he seemed so sure that he was the only solution as if her fate was sealed in his hands. That without him her school was certain to fail.
“Violet and I have already secured two backers for my school. I am certain more will come.”
“Don’t be naive,” Dane scoffed as he stood and approached her. “Even a whiff of scandal associated with you and those backers will be gone along with their money. No one will send their child into the care of a woman with your reputation.”
“No, I disagree. They will see how vitally important the school is…”
“Nothing is more important than a person’s reputation to these people and now that yours is blackened you have no other recourse.” He took her by the shoulders and from the pressure he wanted to pull her into his embrace but Charity would not let him.
“Then I will leave London,” she told him.
“And go where Charity?” His lack of faith in her hurt almost as much as he cold apathetic proposal.
“I don’t know perhap Bath or back to Oxford. Surely there are people there that remember my family and are willing to help my cause.”
“A lady’s reputation follows her wherever she goes. Even Violet will not be able to help you.”
Why couldn’t he understand that the school was her dream, something she had to do for herself. To prove that she could succeed on her own without a man behind her. If she married him and used his money and status to start the school it would be like selling a part of her soul to the devil.
“Then I will go to Paris just as my parents wanted me to,” she declared defiantly.
“Don’t be a fool,” he spoke as if she was a petulant child, “there is a war going on. You are more likely to get yourself killed or thrown into prison that ever starting your music school.”
She wrenched free of his hold and stepped back, her hands fisted at her side. She could feel his anger and she matched it with her own.
“At least then you wouldn’t be tied with a cripple for a wife that you truly do not want to be burdened with.”
“I did not say I don’t want you as my wife.”
“After that sanctimonious self sacrificing proposal am I to believe otherwise or was that your way of expressing your undying love for me.” Her voice dripped with disdain, inside she was quaking.
“No…”
“Good because I decline your offer..”
“You are not being reasonable,” he interrupted.
“I will not marry you or any man just to save myself some unpleasantness. As all things with the ton the gossip with be forgotten as soon as the next scandal comes along.”
“This will not be forgotten, why can you not understand that.” It was Dane’s turn to raise his voice. His anger radiated off of him like the flames of a fire causing Charity to take another step away from him.
She remained defiant even in the face of his obvious displeasure with her, “I will not marry you, not to save my reputation, not to give up control of my school, not for some misguided sense of honor, and not to have some man control everything I do. Not for any of those reasons will I marry.”
“Ha, be a spinster the rest of your life then. You are right, no man wants a cripple for a wife. Thank you for saving me from that interminable torture.” He spoke with such repulsion.
Charity staggered back as if he had actually struck her. Her chest constricted she could barely draw a breath. Blood roared in her ears drowning out the sounds of the garden, and her legs felt weak beneath her. Ever since she lost her sight she had known that it would be near impossible to find a man that was capable of looking passed her handicap to see the woman that she is, but to have Dane, who she had shared intimacies with put those thoughts to such harsh words was devastating.
∞∞∞
“Charity stop.”
Dane called to her as she pushed passed him to stumble her way back to the cottage, the door slamming behind her. He flung his head back with a growl and curled his fingers into a fist.
“Insufferable, aggravating woman,” he roared to the sky. After a moment he plopped back down on the the stone bench, leaning forward he held his head in his hands elbows braced on his knees wondering how he could have made such a muck of things.
He hadn’t meant for his proposal to sound so cold and apathetic but then he didn’t want to give the impression that it was for any reason other that a good sound business arrangement. That is all a marriage to him would be and by marrying him she would get the music school she hoped for. He could give her anything she needed, he had the connections in the ton to make it possible, he could supply her with any building of her choice and he had the money to buy all the musical instruments she wanted. He could pay for all the help she needed. Hell, she wouldn’t even have to teach he could afford to pay others to do that for her too.
Why couldn’t she understand that going back to London now would mean the death of her dream. No young single lady of good standing could survive being alone even for a short while with a man of his reputation much less over a week. She would be completely ruined, there would be no salvaging her reputation after this. For him it would be different, society was more lenient with men, they were allowed to behave salaciously and as a duke it was even expected of him. Besides he would just leave on another assignment for the home office and his role in the scandal would be forgotten. But not for Charity, she would be stuck in London and society would make certain she paid the price for there little adventure.
Raking his hands through his hair disheveling the sandy colored curls even more. His trouble was he didn’t know how to talk to a woman he could not use his charms on or was not part of his mission. Normally he would seduce them with his bright blue eyes raking them over her body mentally striping her of her clothes. He would let a slow sensuous smile curve his lips until his dimples appeared, women loved his dimples. He wouldn’t even have to say anything and women would fall at his feet to do his bidding but with Charity he couldn’t depend on his usual tools of persuasion. He had compromised her twice since leaving London yet that seemed to matter not to her. He certainly wasn’t going to compromise her further to see his end met. She would be stubborn enough to deny the loss of her virtue and still refuse him.
Marriage was not something he had ever considered before now and yet the idea of being married to Charity was not at all unpleasant. Still he never thought of himself as husband material, not with his job with the home office that took him away for months at a time and required him to do things that were not advantageous to a happy marriage. But if he did marry Charity would he even want to continue working for the home office?
Dragging his hands down his face Dane puffed out his cheeks and expelled a long breath. How did things get so complicated. He had wanted to tell her that he did not consider her a burden, that she wasn’t just an assignment, a duty to fulfill. In fact, she was becoming the one constant bright light in his life.
God, now that he thought about it he was shocked to discover that he was already falling in love with her but how would he convince her of that after he let his temper rule his tongue and he said those awful things to her.
Well they say deeds are more precious than words so he would have to show Charity that he truly did want her for his wife. If he could show her just how good they were together, how absolutely breathtaking she was in her sensuality then maybe he could convince her that marriage to him would not be so bad.