Matt watched the clock tick painfully slowly toward five o’clock. Before he’d arrived, he’d have argued there was no way this course needed to be three days long. The integration between emergency services and the hospital network seemed pretty straightforward to anyone who could intuitively use a computer, but it turned out that was only a small subset of people involved in healthcare delivery.

And he had another sixteen hours of listening to the instructors patiently explain—over and over again—how to do a basic records search.

At ten to five, one of the instructors said, “Okay, so that wraps up today’s material.” Matt was halfway out of his seat before she continued. “And now we have a ten-minute peer debrief session.”

Fuck. Fine. He took a deep breath and dutifully buddied up with the two people closest to him.

One of them was obviously a goody-two-shoes. She’d sat, ram-rod straight, and taken detailed notes on the entire day. Four pages of notes.

He was quite certain she already knew how to use the system, but one of their jobs was to take this knowledge back to their home EMS stations and act as a subject matter expert. He supposed notes might be helpful in that regard. Probably better than his preferred plan to sigh loudly when people didn’t just fucking get it. That’s the spirit.

He scowled at himself and quickly scrawled the key takeaway points for the day on his blank notebook. Then he turned to the other guy in their debrief triad who still looked confused.

Matt took a deep breath. “So, got any questions?”

It turned out the other guy had made the classic error of overthinking it, and between Matt and Ms. Goody-Two-Shoes, they got him up to speed, but it was five-thirty before they broke up.

“What are you two planning for dinner?” the guy asked.

Anything but more of this. “Uh…” Matt cracked his neck. “I need to call home. I’ll probably go grab something in town after that.” He held his breath until the other two agreed to grab food together in the restaurant on site. “All right. See you guys tomorrow, then.”

And he was on his own for fifteen hours. Not something he’d have been thrilled about a day ago. Not something he was thrilled about now, either, although…

He looked at his phone. Still no text message from Natasha.

Go out. Forget her. But it wasn’t that easy. Yesterday had been something interesting. Something new and different.

She was magnetic on a brand-new level. He couldn’t stop thinking about her.

He shoved his phone into his pocket instead of messaging her again. If she wasn’t sure, that needed to be okay. He’d give her time and space.

He’d go out tonight, grab some fries and a beer. See what else the universe had on offer.

But he wouldn’t forget her.

It turned out, that was never a risk. When he stepped through the door of Bailey’s, the pub recommended by the hotel clerk, Natasha was behind the bar, pouring a drink for the customer in front of her.

Thank you, universe.

He strode toward an empty barstool, a grin growing on his face. But as soon as she looked up and saw him, her expression froze.

Ah. Shit.

His steps faltered, but he drove himself forward.

Him walking into her bar was a sign. Or something. Whatever, he was taking it.

“Hey,” he said softly. Easy.

“What can I get you?” She asked it carefully, plastering a polite smile on her face. I’m a bartender, you’re my customer. Got it?

He got it, even as wildly inappropriate hope fired inside him. He leaned against the bar and nodded toward the bank of taps. “What do you have that’s local?”

She listed a couple of craft breweries. “I like the Neustadt lager, myself.”

“I’ll take a pint of that.” He scanned the room. Most of the tables were big, and it was pretty busy. He’d be an asshole to take one for himself, but he wasn’t in the mood to make friends, either. At least not any new friends beyond the one behind the bar. The same one who was surprised to see him, and maybe not in the best way. Damn it, his usual skills were suspect. Better to do an honest check-in. “Do you mind if I sit here?”

She shot him a quick glance from where she was pouring his beer. “Sure. It might get busy, though.”

“I won’t stay long.” Lie. He’d stay as long as he could without making her uncomfortable.

She set a tall glass in front of him on a coaster, and he slid a ten-dollar bill across the gleaming wood.

“Do you want a dinner menu?”

“I hear you’ve got good wings.”

“Where you’d hear that?”

“Clerk at the hotel.”

She gave him a tight smile. “Yeah, they’re good. You just want those or do you want to see a menu anyway?”

“I’ll take a menu.”

She moved back to the other end of the bar and, after grabbing his menu from the rack, took a quick drink order there before dashing it back to him.

He could watch her work for hours, he’d guess. And he just might, because once she took his order, she made a point of being elsewhere. Of being busy.

Watch me work, her body language said, but don’t expect anything else.

Okay. Message received. But he didn’t understand why.

Natasha poured Matt his third drink of the night, this one a cola.

He hadn’t tried to talk to her yet, but she could feel it coming. She was relieved when one of the waitresses came to take over for her at the bar so she could take her break.

“Take fifteen,” she said. “Malcolm’s working on a new soup in the kitchen if you want to be a taste tester.”

“Thanks,” she murmured. “I’m going to grab some fresh air first.”

It was a mistake as soon as she’d said it, though. She felt Matt look up from the remnants of his dinner.

Fine. She probably owed him some explanation anyway. Or maybe she didn’t owe him anything, but she wanted to be alone with him for a minute.

Either way, this would be the end.

“If you need me, I’ll be in the alley out back,” she added to her boss.

She headed straight down the hallway, past the bathrooms and the kitchen, to the heavy metal door to the quiet space behind the bar.

Matt pushed through the same door thirty seconds later. “Funny running into you here,” he said as she gave him a half-wave.

“It’s a small town.”

“Mmm.” He grinned.

“So…”

“Yes?”

“You sent me a text today.”

“And you didn’t reply.”

“Yeah. About that…”

He walked a few paces closer and leaned against the brick wall. “Too much?”

“Too complicated.”

“It’s just a meal. Everyone has to eat, so we could do it together. Lunch was one idea. Dinner on your night off might be another.”

She dragged in a deep breath. It was hard to think when he pinned that easy, warm gaze on her. “I use up a hundred and ten percent of my babysitting favours from my sister for covering my shifts. I can’t ask her to watch Emily while I go on a date.”

“Then let’s go out the three of us.”

“I can’t.” This time she didn’t bother to throw out an excuse. It was the truth, and anything else might muddy it.

He searched her face. “Why am I getting the feeling that there’s another reason?”

She didn’t want to lie to him. He’d been kind to her daughter and sweet to her. Hurt welled up in her chest and jammed into her throat. She nodded roughly. “There is.”

“What is it?” His gaze bored into her, and there was no more hiding.

“The county is a small place,” she whispered. “We have a shared past I wish I’d realized sooner.” Before she’d gotten carried away by imaginary promises, easy smiles, and the gentle way he played with her daughter.

“Look, if you know someone I’ve hung out with in the past, that’s all that is—the past. I’m a friendly guy, but I never promise anything beyond a good time. And it’s been a while since I’ve done that, too.”

“What? No, it’s not…” She waved her hand. “I don’t know anyone you’ve dated.” Quite the opposite, in fact.

“Okay…and there’s something here between us, isn’t there? Something more than a good time?”

There was definitely something between them. That’s what made this so hard. Tell him about Jake, her inner conscience said. Get it over with. She didn’t say anything.

He leaned in and braced his arm against the wall beside her head, and pitched his voice lower. “I was thinking we could have a romantic picnic for three. Pink lemonade for Emily, hard lemonade for us, and a bonfire if it gets cold.”

Her heart squeezed. No, not a smart idea. “I’m not a solid bet for a good time, what with the three-year-old chaperone.”

“Maybe my idea of a good time is shifting.”

“I slept with your brother,” she blurted out, and even though her heart was pounding a mile a minute, she didn’t miss the shock and disbelief that rolled across his face. She sucked in a shallow, desperate breath and forged ahead because it needed to be said. “I didn’t put two and two together at first, but when you gave me your last name, I realized you’re Jake’s brother.”

“Jake.” He gave her a slow, searching look. Confusion now instead of disbelief. “Jake’s happily married.”

Wow. Yeah, he would be. Time marches on, and he’d made it clear that he’d fallen in love with someone. But it still hurt a little to know he had the happy relationship she’d wanted and never managed to hold on to. She shoved that feeling away and nodded. “Before that. Before…Emily, too.” She swallowed hard. “I used to work in Elliot Lake, at a hunting lodge he’d come up to.”

Matt’s eyes went wide, and she could see him put the pieces together.

Had his brother ever talked about her before the incident? The hot piece of ass at the hunting lodge who flirted shamelessly for tips? They’d had a casual flirtation that stretched over a year, whenever she was in an off-again phase with David. But it never went anywhere until one night he’d shown up unexpectedly. A friend had died, another was in the hospital, and he’d been out of his mind with grief.

She’d mistakenly thought he might want to do it again, but she’d been wrong.

Then she found out she was pregnant. And for a hot minute, she’d wondered if maybe there was a way it could be Jake’s child.

“You’re…” He huffed a short, disbelieving laugh and stepped back. So he did know about her. Great.

“His needy knocked-up friend? Yeah. That’s me.”

Matt frowned. “That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

It was the truth, though. She’d known that David wouldn’t want the baby to be his, so she’d let herself hope it might be Jake’s, even though the chances weren’t nearly as good.

Jake Foster had been a friend when she needed one, but that kindness came at a cost—when everyone found out that Jake had a female friend who was pregnant and in trouble. She hadn’t known he’d already moved on to another woman, a woman he loved with his whole heart. Natasha had just wanted her child to have a father, so she’d latched on to the fact that Jake was a good man and forgotten for a short period of time that he wasn’t the right man.

His rejection of her had been embarrassing and public.

When she’d pushed her luck and reached out again, Jake had been less than impressed. “It’s what your brother would say if you asked him.”

Matt’s jaw flexed, and his eyes darkened, but he didn’t retreat further. “I hope that’s not true.” He moved in closer again, his dark gaze liquid as he searched her face. “And I don’t care about what he thinks.”

“I didn’t know that you were his brother,” she whispered. “If I had, I never would have invited you to come to the park with us.”

“We didn’t do anything wrong.” He dipped his head like he might kiss her, and oh God, she wanted that.

She wanted that so much it hurt.

But they couldn’t. She planted her hand on his chest and pushed. He moved back immediately, giving her some space, and the look on his face matched the twisted ache in her chest.

“I need to get back to work.” She ducked her head and stepped past him.

He didn’t reach out to stop her, and that hurt, too. She wanted him to grab her and push her against the wall. Wanted his hands on her body, his mouth on her skin, like a demand. I can’t give myself to you. Take what you will. But he wouldn’t.

He closed in behind her, catching the door so he could hold it open. She stepped back into the warm, noisy hall at the back of the pub and took a deep breath.

When she turned around to say goodbye, he was right there, and she was in his arms.

Big, strong, solid arms. Wide, sure hands pressed against her back.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she leaned into him. She couldn’t, wouldn’t kiss him. But a hug…friends hugged, right? She could sink into the broad strength of his chest for just a second.

“I only have one regret about yesterday,” he murmured. “I don’t regret meeting you, or spending the afternoon together, or even giving you my last name.” Her heart pounded in her chest as his lips brushed the curve of her ear. “I’m sorry we didn’t use the chocolate icing.”

She pulled back, lifting her face in surprise. “Why?” she found herself asking, even though what she should be saying was stop or enough, even though it would never be enough and she definitely didn’t want him to stop.

He brought his hand to her cheek in a gentle caress. “Because you deserve some things to be just for you.” He rolled his lower lip through his teeth and shook his head. “I know you need to go back to work. But if things were different, I’d be kissing you right now.”

She could feel how it would be, too. His lips on hers, soft at first, then more demanding. “It would be good.”

“Are you kidding? There’s no point pretending I don’t have a ton of experience in this area. It would be great.”

She laughed. “I know. I’m missing out.”

His gaze dropped to her mouth, then dragged back up her face. “Nah. I’m the one who’s missing out. Tonight, anyway. I’m not sure this is as much of a deal-breaker as you think.”

It had to be. She wanted to curl up into a tight ball of nothing when it came to Jake Foster and his perfect life. “It’s too weird for me,” she whispered. Not the whole truth, but close enough.

Matt gave her a soft look. “Ah, Natasha.” So much was loaded into those two words. “I hope you reconsider. I like you a lot.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. What else could she say? She still had complicated, messy feelings when it came to his brother? That could only be misinterpreted badly.

“Have a good rest of your shift, okay?”

“Yeah.”

This time when he stepped back, it was for good. She watched him duck back out the door to the alley, removing himself from her life exactly as she’d asked him to. The door clicked shut with a definitive, painful click. She took a second to mourn the lost opportunity of a kiss that didn’t happen and a friendship that wouldn’t get a chance to bloom.

Then she smoothed her hands over her jeans. Okay. Back to real life.