Chapter 12

Stephanie

There’s a knock at the exam room door and before I can answer, it’s pushing open and Lucas is walking through. I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable in nothing but this paper gown and my socks as I sit on the examination table with stirrups to the side, waiting for the doctor to come in. I honestly didn’t think Lucas was coming since he wasn’t here when I was called back from the waiting room. My mind raced as to what that could mean while the nurse was instructing me to disrobe while handing me the gown.

It took me no more than two minutes to strip, put the gown on, and hop onto the table, but in that time I’d talked myself into believing that Lucas wasn’t going to be a part of this. We’ve hardly talked in the last week and he canceled our date—well, our hookup—the other night. I knew he was going to be pulling back after his talk about the play-offs, but I didn’t think it would include pulling back from the pregnancy stuff.

“What are you doing here?” I ask dumbly.

He just shakes his head at me as he shuts the door. “You knew I was going to be here.”

“But you weren’t,” I say somewhat petulantly, and I hate that tone coming out of my mouth, but it doesn’t stop me from saying, “You’re late.”

“Have you seen the doctor yet?” he asks me, and I want to punch him.

“No,” I mutter.

“Then I’m not late,” he says with a smirk.

He’s right and I give up on discussing it further. “I guess you’re not.”

I drop my head and study my hands for lack of anything better to do. Another knock on the door and its opening again, this time an older man with silver hair and black framed glasses comes in. He looks first to me and sticks his hand out. “Hi, I’m Dr. Woods and I’ll be your primary obstetrician throughout your pregnancy.”

“Stephanie Frazier,” I say as I shake his hand.

He turns to Lucas and then his mouth drops open. “You’re…you’re…”

“Lucas Fournier,” he finishes for the doctor as he shakes his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

The doctor gives a little laugh and shakes his head in amusement at himself. “Sorry, that just caught me off guard for a minute.”

“No worries,” Lucas assures the doctor, and then shoots me a wink. He’s in an awfully good mood for some reason and that makes me grumpier.

“I didn’t realize you were married, Mr. Fournier,” Dr. Woods says pleasantly, and it’s an honest guess I suppose. I mean, you don’t have to be married in this day and age to have a baby, but Dr. Woods is from a different generation and he probably just thinks differently.

“We’re not married,” I explain, and Dr. Woods looks to me. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh, I see,” he says with a hesitant smile, but I can tell by the confused tone he doesn’t understand anything about our relationship.

Join the club, Dr. Woods. Join the club.

Dr. Woods sits on a low stool and rolls it to a desk. He opens up a laptop that he’d been carrying, and after a few moments of reviewing whatever information he has on me already, turns and says, “You estimate that you’re around eight weeks pregnant according to your history.”

“It’s not an estimate,” I tell him.

“Well, sometimes you can’t always pinpoint the exact date you got pregnant—”

“I know the exact date I got pregnant,” I interrupt him so we can just get on with this. “It was a one-night stand and there’s no one else in the picture near that time.”

“Oh,” Dr. Woods says as his eyebrows rise. He glances to Lucas, who’s come to stand beside me as I sit at the end of the examination table. “Oh, I see. Well, then…it doesn’t appear that you have any major complicating factors according to the history form you filled out. Here’s what we’re going to do today. I’m going to do a physical examination of you, including a pelvic exam. We’ll also get some blood and urine samples. And then after that we’ll let you get dressed and then go over into my office where it’s a little more relaxed and we can talk about what lies ahead for you.”

I can only nod, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. I’m not sure if I’m giving that vibe off or not, because Lucas’s hand comes to the back of my neck and he gives me a reassuring squeeze. I have to force myself not grab his hand like it’s a lifeboat.

“Good,” Dr. Woods says with an encouraging smile, and stands from his stool. He washes his hands and dries them, and proceeds to give me a regular examination by checking my eyes, ears, throat, and heart. He pushes around on the lymph nodes on my neck and then has me lie down to press on my stomach while asking me if anything hurts.

Dr. Woods then helps me to sit up. “Have you been having any issues so far, Stephanie?”

“Morning sickness,” I reply, as that’s the worst symptom.

With a chuckle, Dr. Woods nods and says, “That should be gone by week sixteen. Anything else?”

“Spotting,” I tell him, and from my peripheral vision I can see Lucas tense up. “Yesterday morning, and it was just a little when I peed. Nothing else since and I’d read that can be normal.”

“You were spotting?” Lucas asks, his voice rough with annoyance. “And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was a big deal since it didn’t happen anymore and I feel fine,” I tell him with my eyes narrowed.

Dr. Woods decides to intervene, so he says a little loudly, “Tell you what, while spotting can indicate something wrong, it can be perfectly normal too. So after the pelvic exam, we’ll do a vaginal ultrasound and check that little baby out.”

“You can see the baby this early?” Lucas asks with wonder.

“And hear the heartbeat,” Dr. Woods says with a grin. “But I’m guessing Stephanie might feel a little more comfortable if you step out during this part of the exam.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Lucas says indignantly, and I have to suppress a giggle.

I jerk my head toward Lucas and tell Dr. Woods, “He’s the one that knocked me up.”

“Oh,” Dr. Woods says with wide eyes. “Oh, okay. I see. That’s um…well, okay. Got it. I just thought you were friends.”

“With benefits,” Lucas adds, and this time I can’t stop the laugh. Lucas shoots me a grin.

“Okay, that was too much information,” Dr. Woods chastises us with an easygoing laugh. “So, Lucas, you’re the father and you’re going through this pregnancy with Stephanie?”

Lucas nods. “That’s the gist of it.”

“All right,” Dr. Woods says with a clap of his hands as he grabs some latex gloves. “Now I’m caught up on everything. Let’s do the pelvic exam and then we’ll do the ultrasound.”

“And one other thing,” I say hesitantly, and slide an unsure look to Lucas briefly before I turn back to the doctor. “Can you do a paternity test?”

Dr. Woods’s eyebrows furrow deep with question. “I don’t understand.”

At the same time, Lucas growls, “I don’t want a paternity test.”

“You said you did,” I snap in reminder, although inside I want to dance with joy that he doesn’t.

“Well, yeah…that was back when I didn’t know you any better than I know Dr. Woods here. In fact, I’ve probably had more conversation with Dr. Woods than I did with you that night I knocked you up.”

My face heats up and I glare at Lucas. “Oh grow up, will you?”

Lucas merely turns to Dr. Woods and calmly says, “I do not need a paternity test. I know I’m the father.”

“You could have mentioned that before now,” I grumble, and I can tell Lucas finds me hilarious as his eyes dance with humor.

Dr. Woods’s eyes go back and forth between us a few times before he just shrugs, seemingly to accept our very weird relationship. I’m sure he’s seen it all, though.

Next I suffer the indignity of putting socked feet in the stirrups. When a woman is essentially naked with her legs spread, she shouldn’t be sporting fuzzy socks, and yet here I am doing just that. Then he inserts the speculum, which is perhaps my least favorite thing in the world. I wince a few times as he takes a culture, then probes after removing the speculum.

“Everything feels just fine,” he says reassuringly as he removes his gloves, discards them, and then grabs a new pair. He goes to the machine I’d noticed in the corner of the room and wheels it to the side of the table. He turns it on, adjusts a few knobs, and then picks up a thin wand that’s connected to it. “I’m just going to insert this into your vagina, Stephanie. It won’t hurt, but it might be slightly uncomfortable as I move it around so I can find the baby.”

“Okay,” I say, but my voice sounds small and terrified. I didn’t mean to sound that way but in a nanosecond, Lucas has my hand engulfed in his.

My eyes move to his and he smiles at me. He doesn’t say a word, but then he doesn’t need to. He’s one of the most transparent people I know. A man whose expression will tell you all you need to know about how he’s feeling and doesn’t care if you see it. His look tells me that he’s right beside me and it’s all going to be fine.

He confirms it by leaning over and putting a feathery kiss on my forehead. My eyes go to Dr. Woods, and he smiles back at me as if to say, You’re a lucky girl.

Am I? I don’t feel that way, since things have felt so off with Lucas lately. But here he is acting like I’m precious, and I’m so confused I just want to go to sleep and wake up when the baby comes.

Dr. Woods puts some lubricant on the wand and sits back down on his rolling stool, bringing himself up close and personal with a part of my body that probably only Lucas has seen more of than me. I can’t help but tense up when he starts to insert the wand, and Lucas murmurs to me, “Just relax, Stephy.”

I suck in a deep breath and try to force myself to relax.

The wand is so narrow it doesn’t hurt, but when he bumps the end into my cervix, I suck in a tiny breath from the discomfort. Lucas’s other hand comes to my head and he strokes my hair, whispering, “It’s okay. You got this.”

I let the air out and watch as the ultrasound screen comes alive with a mass of gray-looking static. Dr. Woods moves the wand a little and then says, “There’s your uterus,” as he points to a small black area.

“And right there,” he says with just a tiny adjustment to the wand, “is your baby. Perfect size. Now, let’s listen for the heartbeat.”

My own heart practically stops and Lucas’s hand squeezes mind so hard my bones hurt a tiny bit, but I don’t say anything. I’m too amped up with anticipation to care.

Dr. Woods moves the wand, makes an adjustment on the screen, and then the gray staticlike image is gone and is replaced by long wavy lines that move in cadence with the heartbeat, which comes through loud and clear on the speakers.

And oh boy, it’s so fast, and it sounds like it’s in a drum and sort of squelchy sounding, but it’s definitely a heartbeat. Dr. Woods listens, checks something on the machine, and says, “Your little baby’s heart is functioning very well.”

I roll my head and look at Lucas. His eyes are round and wide as they stare at the machine, his mouth slightly open in wonder.

“Amazing,” he says softly, and then looks down at me. “Isn’t it amazing?”

I cannot help the smile that breaks out across my face. In fact, it may be the biggest smile I’ve ever worn in my life, and it’s all because of this man right here. I don’t know what will become of Lucas and me in the future, but I can say he’s given me one of the happiest moments I’ll ever have and I’ll treasure this time together for the rest of my life.

Lucas and I walk out of the doctor’s office and he follows me to my car. I’m exhausted after that visit. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat was the most amazing thing ever, and looking at Lucas’s expression was the most beautiful thing ever. Getting all of the information that came afterward, however, was extremely overwhelming. Lucas carries it all in a folder under his arm and he assured me we’d take our time and go through it together.

So yeah, I’m exhausted, I’m confused about my feelings for Lucas, and I’m hungry. All three of these things make me weak of mind, so I succumb to the pressure of wanting to know where we stand exactly.

“I can’t believe you asked Dr. Woods if it was safe for us to still have sex,” I reprimand Lucas as we come to a stop by my car door, but it’s really not a criticism. I just want to open up a conversation about what he’s thinking.

He smirks at me. “I’m sure the good doctor isn’t embarrassed about sex talk, Steph.”

“Regular sex talk, sure. But when you ask him if we can have wild monkey sex during the pregnancy, that’s a little too much information.”

“He had an answer for me, didn’t he?” Lucas retorts with another grin. “So it wasn’t that unusual a question.”

True. I was interested in the answer too, and it appears that sex is a go all the way up until my water breaks. Still, Lucas gives me nothing as to why he asked that question, particularly since things seem to be cooling.

“Do you have to go back to work?” Lucas asks, changing the subject before I can throw a good comeback at him.

I nod. “Yeah.”

Is that disappointment on his face?

He leans in closer to me, bringing his palm to my cheek, then pushing his fingers through my hair where he holds tight at the back of my head. Dipping his face, he brushes his lips softly over mine and whispers, “And when might you and I be having wild monkey sex again?”

Whenever you want.

I blink and pull away slightly. “You want to?”

Lucas pulls his chin in and looks at me like I’ve got antennas sprouting from my head. “When have I not wanted to fuck you?”

“Night before last,” I remind him.

He releases his hold on my hair and gets a guarded expression on his face. “I told you, I had to deal with that stuff with Simone. And I wanted to see you the next night after my game but you put me off, or have you forgotten that?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” I snap at him, and then instantly I’m filled with regret. With a heaving sigh, I tell him, “I’m sorry…I think these hormones are getting the best of me.”

Lucas’s face softens. “Stephy, I wasn’t getting much from you when I was on the last road trip. You weren’t overly chatty in our texts, and the times I called you at night, you didn’t answer.”

“I was sleeping,” I hastily point out. But he and I know I was avoiding him. He just doesn’t understand that I was doing so because I thought he was backing off from me. So I give a tiny admission. “I thought you were pulling back from me.”

He shakes his head in denial. “It just seemed like things had cooled between us, and honestly, I didn’t think it would be a big deal to you if I canceled the other night. In fact, I kind of thought you were relieved.”

I look off to the side, across the parking lot. Taking a deep breath, I blow it out and turn back to Lucas. “Not relieved. Afraid.”

Understanding dawns clearly on his face. “That we’re getting too close.”

I shake my head to clarify. “That I’m opening myself up too much. You were gone on the road trip, and well, I missed you, damn it. And that scared me. I can’t afford to start missing someone. I’ve been there and done that, and it didn’t work out for me in the end.”

Lucas responds by pulling me into his arms, pressing my head to his chest, and murmuring, “I can’t stand your fucking parents, Steph. They did a number on you.”

I can’t help the laugh that bursts out from my mouth but gets muffled by Lucas’s shirt. I can feel him chuckling as his arms wrap around me. I slip mine around his waist and we squeeze each other.

“If this is too much,” he murmurs, “I’ll back off. But I want to keep seeing you. You and I have the most phenomenal chemistry that I think can exist between two people and I don’t want to give that up.”

“I don’t either,” I whisper back. “But—”

“It’s still just casual,” he guesses.

“No, it’s not casual anymore,” I disagree, and I can see the surprise at my admission on his face. “But I am scared and I don’t know how much further I can go into this. I’m compelled to be with you and also compelled to run away from you, and I don’t know what’s going to win out. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“And I don’t want to hurt you,” he assures me. “Let’s just take this one day at a time and see where it goes.”

“Okay,” I answer softly, because that means I get him for at least one more night.

Then we’ll take it from there.