Chapter 26

Stephanie

I awaken slowly, and the first thing I notice is that someone’s banging on my door. The next thing I notice is that my wrist and head are throbbing almost in tandem.

Groaning, I roll out of the bed, banging my cast on the nightstand. “Shit.”

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I stumble out of my bedroom and head to the door. I freeze when I hear Lucas’s voice come through. “Stephanie…open up, please.”

Holy shit. Am I still dreaming?

I stare at the door as I cradle my casted wrist in my other arm. What in the hell is he doing here?

“Stephanie, please,” he calls out. “I’m worried. I heard about the accident and I went to the hospital but you weren’t there, and I just want to make sure you’re okay, then I’ll leave you alone, okay?”

That spurs me into action and I reach the door in three quick steps. I pull it open and Lucas is there looking beyond fatigued. His eyes are bloodshot, his hair is a mess, and his clothes are wrinkled. I take this all in as he takes me in, his eyes doing a quick once-over before spending a few moments on my cast before moving to my head. His jaw clenches hard and I can almost hear his teeth grinding.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him, still almost half believing this is a dream.

He doesn’t answer my question and instead says, “I’ve been knocking on your door for almost five minutes. I was about ready to call the police.”

“Sorry,” I say as I open the door further to invite him in. It’s the polite thing to do. “Guess I was sleeping too hard.”

“Why in God’s name would you check yourself out of the hospital like that?” he asks angrily, and already we are off to a bad start.

My hackles rise and I’m extra grumpy because my head is really throbbing right now. “How about you answering my first question…why are you here?”

Lucas steps past me into my living room and I shut the door, turning to face him. He looks me over again, and says, “You should be in bed. I’ll make you some breakfast and coffee.”

“Lucas,” I say sharply, and he blinks at me in surprise. “What are you doing here? If I remember correctly, with my concussion and all, you have a play-off game tonight in New Jersey.”

“Did you honestly think Jules was going to keep this to herself?” he asks me with a slight sarcasm in his voice that I’d normally welcome, but not now. I have a massive headache and it’s hard to wipe my butt with my nondominant hand. Let’s just say I’m grumpy.

Still, I admit, “No. I figured she’d call Max and word would get back to you.”

“And did you honestly think that you could have a near-death experience,” he says quietly as he takes a step closer to me, “and get seriously injured, that I wouldn’t come to see how you were doing?”

“The baby’s fine,” I mutter as my hand rubs my stomach. Lucas’s eyes drop there briefly before coming back up to meet mine. “I’m sure Jules passed that on too.”

“I’m not here for the baby,” Lucas says in a low voice. “I’m here to make sure you’re okay.”

I have to bite the inside of my cheek to take my mind off the fact I’m getting ready to burst into tears, and I’m not sure it has anything to do with hormones. The fact that Lucas is checking on me when I’ve pretty much resigned myself that he didn’t give a shit at all has me feeling all kinds of stuff that’s extremely uncomfortable right now.

“Why?” I ask, and that’s really all I can say or I might start blubbering like a baby, and I don’t like to cry. My parents hated it when I was growing up so I learned how to contain my feelings, but fuck if they’re not threatening to break free right now.

Okay, yes…that must be hormones.

Rather than answer me, Lucas spins away from me, scrubbing his hands through his hair before grabbing the top of his head while he stares at my kitchen. I remain silent because the ball is in his court.

When he turns back around, his expression is guarded. His words come out in a forced manner that I know means it’s difficult for him to say them. “The thought of you dying was unbearable to me.”

“What?” I whisper, my heart starting to flutter madly, and I wonder if I’m having a stroke or something. I was, after all, hit by a car yesterday.

Lucas drops his hands from his head and shoves them deep into his pocket, as if that move provides a security blanket. It keeps him removed…safe. I know all the body language signs because I do it myself. He doesn’t want to be hurt, and that breaks my heart. He’s shielding himself the way I did.

“Lucas,” I say as I tilt my head at him, and then I flounder. I don’t know what to say. I want him to be brave and to tell him to say fuck all my insecurities and take that leap of faith, but his name floats into silence and we just stare at each other.

Finally he coughs to clear his throat and says almost with embarrassment, “Look…I’m sorry I barged in here like this. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am,” I say automatically, and it’s an absolute lie. It comes out involuntarily because I’m used to projecting to the world that I’m okay, even when I’m not.

He nods in understanding and gives me a small smile. “Good. That’s good.”

Again, we stare at each other, both submerged in awkward silence that feels as thick as mud.

“Well, I’m going to get out of your hair,” he says hesitantly, but then adds, “unless you need anything.”

I can only shake my head, my throat completely constricted in fear that he’s getting ready to walk out my door again. This time on a polite note, which somehow seems worse because apathy is ten times the devil that anger is.

“Okay,” he says softly, then turns toward the door. I want to call him back, but my body won’t move and I’m not sure even a squeak of distress could escape.

Luc’s hand grabs the door knob and I scream inside of my head for him not to go. I’m pathetically weak that I can’t voice my needs to him, but Lucas already told me that’s what I was.

He was so fucking right.

Tears well up in my eyes, and just as the door starts to open and my heart starts to splinter down the middle so painfully it obliterates the pain in my wrist and head, Luc growls and spins on me. His face is mottled with anger and his eyes are blazing as he snarls, “Fuck this shit. I’m not leaving. And we’re figuring our crap out right now. No, we’re fixing this crap right now. It’s time to put up or shut up, Stephy.”

I just blink at him in astonishment, even as my entire body almost sags in relief that he didn’t walk out that door.

In two strides, he’s standing in front of me with a fierce glare of determination.

“Cat got your tongue?” he says tauntingly, but it’s not menacing. It’s almost as if he’s daring me to tell him to shut up, but he knows I won’t. “Okay, I’ll start first. Here’s my put up or shut up. I’m in fucking so much love with you I can’t sleep at night. Half the time I don’t think I can breathe because I miss you so much. I don’t want to be friends with you, and I don’t want a casual fuck. I want you to let me love you. I want you to love me back equally. I want to go out and get a ring and put it on your finger with superglue so it doesn’t fucking come off ever. I want to put you into bed right now and curl myself around you until you recover from the accident. I want to talk with you into the wee hours of the morning for the rest of our lives because we have too much to say to each other to ever want to sleep. And, Stephy, I swear to fucking God…if you just tell me that you’ll try to give me those things even if ultimately you can’t, I’ll be happy with just that. My world will be made if you can just give me that much of you.”

Luc’s words are so dynamic, so impactful, they completely destroy me and then build me up like I’m fortified with steel. For the first time in my entire life, I feel empowered. I feel worthy.

I feel loved unconditionally.

“Oh God,” I practically moan as I lurch up from the armrest of the couch. I stumble toward Luc and whimper. “Oh God…just…Oh God.”

Luc’s face pales with fear and his arms come out hesitantly as I fall into them. “Stephy?”

“Oh God,” I say again, this time with complete self-loathing, and I know he hears it in my voice because his arms tighten securely around me. “What in the hell have I done?”

“Stephy,” he says, this time in admonishment.

I shake my head furiously. “You are the most amazing person in the entire world, and I was the fucking dumbass who was too stuck in my own stupid thoughts not to latch on to that.”

“They weren’t stupid—” he begins, rushing to my defense, but I roll over him, pulling out of his arms.

“So fucking stupid,” I castigate myself as I wave my hands around like a lunatic. I look at him despondently and ask, “How could you want someone so stupid?”

I can tell when Luc’s had enough of my pity party, because his lips curve upward in a smirk. “You’re really going there, Steph?”

“I’m trying to bring home the full magnitude of my own absurdity,” I tell him with a glare.

“Stephanie,” he says softly, opening his arms back up to invite me into their safety.

But I haven’t earned that right yet.

“I love you, Luc,” I tell him truthfully. The most truthful words I’ve ever spoken in my life. “I just…I love you more than anything, and I can’t believe I was so afraid to admit that. I’m just so sorry if it made you feel bad about yourself that I couldn’t admit it. You’re the last person in the world I’d want to hurt.”

“You didn’t—”

“I did,” I reaffirm, and that beautiful, sweet, loving, and understanding man lets me shoulder the responsibility of this because he knows I need to. He merely nods to give me that.

Stepping up to him, I put my good hand to his cheek and warmth flows through me as he leans into it.

“I love you,” I tell him again, and it sounds even better this time. “And I’m not afraid to love you. I’m not afraid what that means. I’m not even the tiniest bit worried that I’ll get hurt by you. It’s all so clear now…”

My words drift away, along with my gaze, which slides off to the side for a moment as I consider just how very close I came to losing the best of what life has to give me. When I look back to Luc, I admit, “Actually…it was clear from the get-go. I just refused to give myself credit that I deserved it.”

“But you do,” he tells me.

“Oh, I know I do,” I say with a smile. “Just as you deserve to be happy, and Luc…I’m just so grateful it’s me who does it for you.”

“You so do it for me,” he murmurs as he leans down to brush his lips over mine.

My hand curls around his neck and I press my mouth to his. We don’t kiss, we just stand there with our lips open and touching, breathing into each other.

Luc murmurs into my mouth, “Say it again.”

“I love you.”

He pulls back and frames my face with his hands. “Let’s see if I can freak you out some more.”

I give myself over to him with absolute trust. “Bring it.”

“Will you marry me?” he asks without hesitation, and he does so because I see a reciprocal trust in his gaze.

“Yes,” I return without hesitation, and I’m absolutely charmed for life as his eyes fill with so much happiness I’ll never forget this moment as long as I live.

“Really?” he asks. I know he’s having a hard time believing that I’m just taking the leap so easily.

“You’ll catch me,” I tell him.

“Pardon?”

“I’m jumping off knowing you’ll catch me,” I explain. “I just know it.”

“That’s right,” he promises me. “I will never let you fall.”

Luc bends down and kisses me properly this time. A welcome-home sort of kiss, and oh my…this man is my home. No doubt about it.

The kiss melts away and then I’m in Luc’s embrace, my head pressed into his neck as we squeeze each other in further silent affirmation.

Suddenly, I jolt with the realization of something important he needs to know. I pull away from him and beam a megawatt smile his way. “Guess what?”

“What?” he asks, thoroughly amused by me.

“I’ve got a baby bump,” I say proudly, then I lift my pajama top so he can see.

“Oh wow,” he murmurs, placing his hand on the very slight but totally noticeable swelling there. “Just…wow.”

“Cool, huh?” I ask as I watch his hand just lying gently on me.

“Totally horny right now,” he says as his eyes come to mine and we grin at each other for a brief moment as we share the inside joke between us. “But seriously…it’s amazing. You’re amazing.”

“I feel like a new person, Luc,” I say softly. “It’s so fucking weird…but you told me it was time to put up or shut up.”

“I feel like a new person too, Steph,” he says, and I get another sweet, light kiss that speaks of newfound happiness that will grow each day.

“What do we do now?” I ask him, eager to get started on this new life with a man I’ve been insanely in love with for a long time but was too afraid to admit it until now.

“I have an idea,” he says slyly. “Let’s go pick out an engagement ring.”

“Right now?” I ask dubiously.

“Chicken?” he taunts.

“Let me just get dressed,” I tell him sharply as I turn to the bedroom to get some clothes on so I can go get engaged. “It will make a good story for your teammates when you fly back tonight.”

His laugh follows me back to the bedroom and I smile to myself how lucky I am.