LUXURE

Cole and I have been sitting in the midst of our angel bonfire for hours now watching the white flames licking up into the night sky. It took a long time for us to clean up the mess we made at the hotel convincing everyone we saw that they weren’t, in fact, seeing us cart body parts out through the lobby. By my count, it’s been twenty-one hours since I last saw Sirena. I’ve had no word from Kade or Selma, and I’m starting to worry. Sirena was out cold the last time I saw her, and as far as I’m aware, she doesn’t know we were unable to save her mom. I don’t want her to hear it from anyone else, especially not Kade. He’s not the most tactful of demons.

As I sit entranced by the flames, I think about what I’ve done here. When Abi died, I thought I had discovered the depths of despair. I thought I had felt rock bottom. I now realize that it was a drop in the ocean. I ran from it and from the people who took her life in front of my eyes. I hid in the shadows for a thousand years abandoning The Brotherhood for my selfish ends. Now I see what true misery is. Just knowing that the Guardians and Vollstrecker have robbed Sirena of her parents has turned me into something I don’t recognize. I daren’t imagine what I would be capable of if any of them harmed so much as a hair on her head.

I have lived through many battles in my lifetime leading thousands of demons to war against any threat that Lucifer deemed too close for comfort. I have seen more death and loss of friends than anyone ever should. I’ve witnessed torture, and I’ve been tortured. I’ve fought alongside all of my brothers garnering the strength that comes from our unity, and yet nothing has ever compared to the surge I felt when Sirena took hold of me. Even the strongest of demons and angels have been unable to siphon my power like that. With my brothers, I gain nothing but strength from them, but they cannot take strength from me. I’ve killed more supernatural beings than I can count, but I’ve never killed for sport. I was always clean and concise, just enough force to kill—no emotion, no investment. I’m concerned by the extent of my brutality toward the Guardians. I lost sight of the task to kill them fast, so they no longer pose a threat to Sirena. Bloodlust blinded me. I enjoyed every moment of pain I inflicted on those celestial beings. I ripped their pure, untainted hearts from their chests with a smile on my face. I delighted in watching the light fade from their eyes.

My mind is consumed with thoughts of Sirena, where she is, and how she will react to the news of her mother’s death. I wonder if she is in control of her growing power, and most of all, I wonder if she will forgive me for becoming as savage as Lucifer himself. I won’t be able to hide it from her. She’ll feel it as soon as we’re in the same room together. I look to Cole who is hypnotized by the burning mound of angels. “I see the concern etched in your brow, brother. Speak to me.”

“What happened in San Francisco? I’ve never seen you fight with such raw emotion before. In truth, it scared me a little, and I’m not one to be fearful of anything or anyone.” He walks around to stand next to me, his eyes searching mine for an answer… or a glimpse of the brother he once knew.

“Sirena’s mom was killed by the Guardians.”

“Fuck. She must be devastated.”

I take a deep breath, enjoying the cold night air filling my lungs. “She doesn’t know yet.”

Cole looks almost as distraught as I feel. “Holy Shit! What the hell happened?”

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Sirena took hold of me and somehow siphoned my strength. I was holding onto her and her mom trying to jump us out of there. Then, out of nowhere, there was this immense wave of energy… I don’t even know how to describe it… like a fucking sonic boom or something. It knocked every one of the Guardians on their asses. It also sent her mom flying across the room. I had to get her out of there before she drained all of my strength, otherwise we were dead. Her mom told me to take her and go. She sacrificed herself to keep Sirena safe.”

“Sounds like Sirena can hold her own.”

“That’s just it, Cole. She has no control over it. Right now, she’s dangerous. I think whatever it was, she was fueled by anger and fear and grief. I don’t know what she could be capable of when she finds out about her mom.”

“Fuck, Luxure. This is a bad situation that just got worse. We need to talk to Kade as soon as possible. I can track him if I go back to the hotel. Once we know where they went, we can make our way there without jumping. The Guardians will be out for blood soon enough. and we don’t want to lead them right to us or Sirena.”

Within the hour we have a location and are back on the road. I feel like I’m always chasing after Sirena, and as soon as she’s in my grasp… she’s gone. Cole took her, she left to martyr herself, and then I sent her away with Kade. As we drive into the cold, dark night, I promise myself one thing and one thing only… I will never let Sirena go again. It’s a physical pain in my chest when we’re apart, a burning desire to be in her presence and an aching need my soul must fulfill.

* * *

By the time we reach them, I’ve just about lost my mind going over all the awful things that could have befallen Sirena in my absence. It’s beyond frustrating having to travel by human means. I can jump to different planes in the blink of an eye, and yet I’ve been stuck in a car with my brother for more than a day, every minute feeling like an hour, every hour equivalent to a day, and we still haven’t heard anything from Kade. He should have been in touch by now. I hate that I question his motives and his loyalty. Unfortunately, he has always been ruled by his power. He never learned to control his envy. Instead, it consumes him. I want to believe he only has Sirena and Selma’s best interests at heart, but a voice inside my head tells me not to entrust them to him ever again.

Cole interrupts my thoughts, the car coming to a stop. “We’re here, brother.”

I was so busy concerning myself with Kade that I wasn’t focusing on the feeling in the pit of my stomach, the one that tells me Sirena is close by. “I can feel her.”

Unaware of our surroundings when I was lost in thought, I take a look. We’re not at a seedy motel or a plush hotel. Instead, all I can see for miles is lush green fields, a fortress of trees surrounding the perimeter, and in the distance a little cottage. It looks deserted but for one solitary, dim light in the upstairs window.

Without a word, I get out of the car and run through the field toward her, Cole following closely behind me. “Wait, Luxure! It could be a trap. We need to make sure the building is secure before we enter.”

“I don’t care. Sirena’s in there!” There’s nothing he can do to stop me. I’ve always been the fastest. I’m at the door in seconds, but it’s bolted shut. I don’t shout for Kade, not wanting to give him time to jump out of here with Sirena. I kick the door in and follow the light upstairs to a bedroom. I’m distracted by the noises coming from within. A woman moaning in pleasure, Kade grunting with each thrust of his hips.

How could he do this to me?

I’m consumed with rage and betrayal as I open the door to find him with her…

“Selma? What the hell are you doing?”

She’s quick to cover her naked flesh before staring me down. “You should know, Luxure. This is what you do best… with everyone except me.” I don’t know what to say. “What’s wrong, friend? You don’t want me, so you think no one else will?”

“That’s not it at all.”

“Or is it that you think no man would want me when they are around a beauty such as Sirena?” Her eyes are filled with the hurt I’ve caused conveying the toll my rejection has taken on her heart.

Kade turns to me, unashamed of his nakedness, a grin on his face. “Well, I would gladly have invited Sirena to join us, but she’s yet to wake.”

Sirena hasn’t woken up? I’ve been gone for days. She should have recovered by now. What if she never wakes up? I have to see her. My intense desire to go to her is interrupted by Selma.

She slaps Kade across the face with such force it echoes around the room. He turns to her as I watch, unsurprised by his need to covet Sirena while he has a beautiful, amazing woman beneath him. She pushes him off, wrapping the sheet around her body before storming off to the bathroom. “You can both go fuck yourselves.” The door slams behind her leaving Kade and me to our own devices.

I lunge for him… naked or not, I will tear him to shreds for mentioning Sirena and taking advantage of my friend. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Kade?” I punch him in the face.

“Whatever do you mean? You told me to take Selma and your precious Sirena to safety. I’ve done that. I don’t see the problem with me… passing the time while we’re here.”

“Selma deserves better than that! Better than you.”

“Now, now, brother. You’re starting to sound jealous. Maybe even a hint of envy in your voice that I’ve had the pleasure of pleasuring your pure, sweet friend, Selma?” He struggles out of my grasp and grabs his clothes from the floor. “Is the mighty Luxure Zonder jealous?”

“Fuck off, Kade! I’m pissed that you aren’t watching over Sirena. What if the Vollstrecker had turned up when you were balls deep in your latest conquest?”

Selma comes barreling out of the bathroom heading straight for me punching me square in the jaw. “Don’t you speak of me in that manner ever again, do you understand me?”

“I’m sorry, Sel. I…” She doesn’t let me finish.

“I’m going to check on Sirena. You two can carry on your pissing contest, or be of use and figure out what the hell we’re going to do now. We can’t stay here forever, and if you two stop for a minute to think with your heads rather than your dicks, you’ll realize that we need to work together if we’re going to survive this. Not bicker like children.”

She leaves us feeling pitiful and small. Kade and I have always brought out the worst in each other. “She’s right. We need to stop this… the mistrust and the posturing for dominance. We are brothers, and if we can’t find a way to work together, we’re all going to die.”

Kade pulls his t-shirt over his head, his face somber in reply. “You’re right. You trusted me to keep the two most important women in your life safe, and I don’t take that lightly.”

“Well, act like it. Fucking Selma is just going to complicate the situation, and as for Sirena, if you ever mention her in the context of you touching her in any way, shape, or form again, I will fucking kill you. Understood?”

“You used to have a better sense of humor, Luxure.”

“Consider me one hundred percent serious in all matters that concern her.”

He has a look in his eye that tells me I haven’t had my last conversation with him regarding Sirena, but for now, I need to be satisfied with his intention to help us. “Yes, sir.”

The overwhelming proximity of Sirena is too much for me to ignore a moment longer. I must go to her. I turn to leave, but as I reach the door, I need to make one last thing clear before I walk out of here. “Hurt Selma, and I’ll break your dick. She’s not a fuck buddy or a quick lay, she is the forever girl.” I don’t look back, and I don’t wait for a sarcastic answer.

I hear Selma’s voice coming from the darkened room across the hall, the door ajar ever so slightly. I quietly wait at the threshold listening to her whispered words. “I hope you know just how lucky you are, Sirena Sovende. You have the love of the most misunderstood being in existence… the most amazing, caring, and loving man I’ve ever met. I’ve loved him for a thousand years, and he’s never once looked at me the way he looks at you. He would die for you. And because of that, I will stand by him and fight. If he is willing to give up his life to save you, then you must be worth saving. But don’t worry, I will be here fighting for his life. I’ll make sure he stays alive, I’ll give everything I have. So…” She pauses, unshed tears thick in her voice. “I’ll make you a deal. If you could do me a favor and stay alive, then I’ll be here to ensure Luxure stays alive, too.” She weeps softly. “I’ll make sure you both live a long and happy life together. If that’s what I have to do to keep the man I’m desperately in love with alive, then so be it. Just remember how lucky you are to have a man like him love you so completely.”

It breaks my heart to hear her so lost and in pain. She has been nothing but wonderful to me from the moment she found me all those years ago wounded and in need of a friend. She has been my rock, my guardian, my friend, and my family—my everything. I can never repay that debt, and even if I tried, it would never be enough. I can’t give her the one thing she craves most—me. I will never understand how it came to be that not one, but two incredible women are in love with me. I have done nothing to be worthy of either. I am selfish and self-serving. If I were half the man they believe me to be, I would have left Selma behind a long time ago and allowed her to move on. Instead, here she is in the midst of danger trying to protect me. And Sirena… she truly is unique in her capacity for love, kindness, and compassion. She is a pure soul choosing her path. There is no rhyme or reason to why she loves me, and yet I can’t let her go. I can’t walk away. I never planned for this. I never intended to fall in love. I never expected… Sirena. None of my experience in my long, dark existence could have prepared me for her.

I give Selma a few moments to compose herself before entering the room. She looks to me, not with surprise, but a knowing look on her face. “You were listening… I meant every word. If keeping her safe will keep you alive, then you have my unwavering loyalty. I will not let her come to harm.” I move to take her in my arms, to comfort her, to show how much she means to me, but she shies away. “Please don’t. It’s too hard.”

“You’re my best friend, Selma.”

“I know that. And I always will be, but if I’m going to be of any use to you in this fight, then I need to create some distance. You have to give me that. You have to let me at least try to get over you. It’s not fair to Sirena or me if we continue as we have for hundreds of years—me loving you, and you unknowingly giving me hope with your friendship and affection. Don’t be mad at Kade. It was I who instigated our dalliance. I needed to feel close to someone. He loves you, Luxure, and I truly believe that deep down his intentions toward you are honorable. You need to give him the benefit of the doubt.” She lifts her head to meet my gaze. “I’ll leave you to spend some time alone with her. She hasn’t woken since you jumped her.”

“That was over two days ago.”

“We’ve been vigilant of her heart rate and breathing. She’s fine, her body is just exhausted. Remember, she was human for thirty-one years. This is all new to her, and it will take its toll, but she’ll wake up soon.” She pats my shoulder as she walks past me and out of the room.

“What did I do to deserve you, Sel? Why did you save me all those years ago?”

“Because I saw greatness in you that you couldn’t see, and you still can’t. But one day you will, and you’ll understand why so many people are willing to stand and fight for you.”

I’m left speechless as she walks down the stairs, and I listen to her talking with Cole about what happened a few days ago. Gladly, he doesn’t give her all the horrific details opting instead to simply say we ‘dealt’ with the problem. If she knew what I did to those angels, she wouldn’t be talking about a greatness inside of me. It would fly in the face of everything she believes about me. I can’t listen anymore—it makes me loathe myself to remember the depths I sank to. Instead, I focus all of my attention on Sirena as she sleeps. There is a chair beside the bed, and it dawns on me that Selma was telling the truth. Her and Kade have been watching over my sweet angel in my absence. I sit down beside her taking her hand in mine. I’ve been so lost without her these past few days. So worried about how she’ll take the news of her mother’s death, scared she won’t recognize me as the same man I was before the Guardians attacked. I’m so disconnected from everyone and everything around me that I don’t even know what state we’re in.

She looks so peaceful in sleep. Her flaming red hair falling haphazardly across the pillow, a stark contrast to the crisp white sheets. Her features show no fear, no pain, and no grief… only serenity. She’s breathtaking. I could look at her for all eternity and not tire of her beauty. “I’m here, angel. Please come back to me. I’m so lost without you.” I drop my forehead to our intertwined hands resting on the bed. “I need your light to guide me home. I promise I will never leave your side again. Come back to me, Sirena. I love you.”

I sit for hours just watching and waiting for her to wake. I grasp her other hand in mine entreating her to open her eyes when her grip tightens—that same surge I felt back in San Francisco, our bodies glowing together as she takes the power she needs. Her eyes fly open, fierce red, her gaze finding mine. “Luxure.”

The vibrant flush of humanity returns to her cheeks. “What happened? Where am I?”

“You’re where you belong, with me.” I sweep her into my arms, my lips finding hers in a kiss that restores my soul, my belief in myself. No kiss has ever tasted so sweet. She pulls me down onto the bed tearing at my clothes. The urgency in her touch is intoxicating, spellbinding. With every kiss and every caress, I can feel her strength returning as she takes what she needs from me. I give her everything I have, and in return, she gives me hope—hope for the future, hope for us, hope for my wretched soul. We spend hours lost in each other reacquainting ourselves with every line and curve of each other’s bodies. I can’t get enough of her—her smell, her moans of pleasure, the way her body fits perfectly against mine, and the taste of her skin under my tongue. I love the feel of her body writhing beneath me silently begging me for more. I can’t take my eyes off of her—the way she moves, the way her tattoos shine brighter than the sun, blinding me as she comes, screaming my name without a care in the world. It’s transcendent to witness—and knowing I’m the reason for it forces me over the edge—pouring myself inside her as I cling to her body to keep me grounded in reality.

The explosive nature of our connection is only getting stronger with every moment we spend together—a force to be reckoned with—giving me hope that we might just survive all of this, as long as we stick together.

* * *

When morning comes, and light begins to stream in through the sheer curtains, I awake to find my angel asleep in my arms. Sirena is curled into my side sound asleep with a smile touching the corners of her lips. I don’t want to wake her. We had such an amazing reunion last night, and today I know she’ll have questions about what happened in San Francisco. Selfishly, I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to burst our happy bubble. We have such a hard road ahead, I just want one day, one day to let her be happy. But I know her too well. She won’t let me past breakfast without telling her everything.

“I can practically hear your mind in overdrive.” Her eyes remain closed as she speaks.

“Morning, beautiful.” I press a gentle kiss to her lips. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No. I feel like I’ve been sleeping for days.” I haven’t explained that part to her yet either.

“Well, you must be starving then. Let’s shower, and I’ll make you some breakfast.”

She runs her hand down my chest and under the covers. “Mmmm. A morning shower with you sounds perfect.” She slinks out of the covers slowly sashaying over to the bathroom door completely naked and every bit the temptress. “Are you coming or not?”

“I fucking hope so.” I spring from the bed chasing her into the shower. We spend entirely too long in there, the water running cold by the time I finish kissing every inch of her water-soaked, shimmering legs and gorgeous tattoos.

By the time we head down to the kitchen, I can smell bacon and hear Selma, Kade, and Cole deep in conversation. When Sirena and I walk in, the room falls silent, all eyes on us. Kade is the first to speak up. “Well, you two must be famished. You just about brought the walls down last night with all your caterwauling.”

Cole laughs but speaks up in defense of us, or so I thought. “Leave them be, Kade. They haven’t seen each other in two days. In young love terms, it’s like a whole year!” The two of them erupt into fits of laughter while Selma can’t even look in our direction.

“Knock it off, guys. Sorry for the noise. Can we just eat some fucking breakfast?”

I pull out a chair for Sirena and sit down next to her. She has a quizzical look on her face. “Two days? We haven’t seen each other in two days? Was I asleep that whole time?”

“Yes, and sadly, I wasn’t here to look after you until now. Selma and Kade have been watching over you.”

Cole looks to me. “You haven’t told her yet?”

“Told me what?”

“Cole, can we have a quiet bite to eat before we launch into all of this?”

“Sure.”

Sirena won’t hear of it. “No! I want to know. Last I remember we were in San Francisco. Where are we now?”

I can’t answer that. I have no idea, so Kade joins the conversation. “A little farm in Tennessee. There’s nothing else for miles.”

I can’t believe he would be this stupid. “Tennessee? Really? We’re fucking demon fugitives, and you bring us to one of the most religious states in all of America? What the fuck were you thinking?”

I’m making him angry, but for fuck’s sake, it seems like he’s trying to get us killed. “I was thinking that sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight! No one would think to look for us here, not the Vollstrecker and certainly not the Guardians. Do you know where to find the least amount of celestial beings on this Earth?”

“Fucking enlighten me.”

“The most densely populated religious areas. The Almighty doesn’t need to send his minions to coax people into believing in him. Why do you think so many bad things happen to good God-fearing people?”

“Because he’s a crock of shit.”

“Well, yes! But a more eloquent explanation is that the Guardians are no longer guarding the righteous or saving them from the havoc we wreak on the world. In truth, they suffer more than most. Heart attacks, cancer, car accidents, poverty, loss—good people deal with these atrocities every day because they have the faith to get through it. Those who don’t believe, who aren’t strong enough to deal with our carnage, they are the ones the Guardians watch over in hopes of bringing them into the light.”

I sit back in my chair contemplating his revelations. I’ve always been aware that the Almighty has a sick sense of humor, but how did I not see this? “That’s so fucked up.”

“I know. But it’s also the reason we are safer here than anywhere else right now.”

Selma sets down heaped plates of food in front of Sirena and me, and in the wake of this disturbing reality, we sit in silence as we eat. I can’t believe how much sense Kade’s words make to me. When I look back at my life and the thousands of people I’ve encountered along the way, it’s a miracle I never made the connection before. Religion as a concept is responsible for the worst acts of terror the world has ever seen.

Whether your followers call you Jesus, God, Allah, or Vishnu, the human race has been looking to the Heavens for answers since the dawn of man. Each faith blames the others for the violence that organized religion has inspired. What they don’t understand is that they’re all praying to the same God. They all seek acceptance and approval from a higher power that hears them and chooses not to intercept such horrific acts against mankind. Surely, if you believe that God is a forgiving being, one who has humanity’s best interests at heart, you must question the fact that thousands of innocent people die in the name of religion every year? Babies die and are condemned to the Underworld because they never had the chance to profess their faith, what kind of God would do such a thing? Pedophiles are seen as the worst criminals that walk the Earth because hurting children is repulsive. And yet, we don’t question God condemning innocent children to an eternity in the worst plane of existence. Why is that not seen as abhorrent?

Even just looking at the events of the past few weeks, the way Sirena’s life has been turned upside down and torn apart. She didn’t believe in God, but she was a walking symbol of everything that is good and pure in this life, and yet the Almighty has abandoned her, tearing her world to shreds, leaving her with nothing of her former life to hold onto. What kind of God would do that?

I’ve spent so much time wishing I was worthy to sit at the feet of the Almighty, and only now do I realize that he’s not worthy to be in my presence—not the other way around. He gave up on Earth a long time ago leaving us to run amok. If he can turn his back on someone as amazing as Sirena, he’s not the God I thought he was. He protected her from birth by sending Gabe to watch over her. He looked the other way when Gabe chose to fall and give Sirena a mother. And as soon as she is discovered as being a free soul who chose her path, someone to be revered, he sends Guardians to kill her. That is abhorrent to me. I thought humanity was morally corrupt, but it turns out the very embodiment of morality has abandoned it in service of his own ends. One thing is certain, I will protect Sirena from anything and everything the Almighty dares to throw at us. As for the Underworld, I’ve already shown to what depths I will sink when it comes to Sirena’s safety. If Lucifer wants to send Azazel for me, he better be prepared. Colère, Kadedus, and I will be waiting ready to take down his pitiful excuse for my replacement.

If that’s the best he has, I hope he’s scared.

Sirena brings me back to the present with the touch of her hand on my arm. “Luxure, what happened in San Francisco? You’ve been sitting here lost in thought for the past ten minutes. Please tell me.”

The others quickly disperse from the table, their faces solemn as they contemplate the conversation we’re about to have. “Let’s go for a walk, and I’ll explain everything.”

* * *

The air is crisp and fresh as we walk hand in hand through the fields. I avoid the topic for a while drinking in the feel of Sirena by my side once more. I never realized just how much peace she brings me. She captivates me making me believe in a better world and a better life for us someday.

After twenty minutes of silence, Sirena can’t stand it any longer. “Please, talk to me. I can sense your trepidation, and it’s making me more nervous by the second. Just tell me, I can handle it.”

“I’m not sure you can.” I cup her face in my hands. “Your powers are growing, angel. You’re not in control of them, and I’m afraid if I tell you everything, something bad could happen.” I drop her hands, and as she reaches for me, it pains me to deny her comfort at such a critical time. “Your powers were fueled by me the last time. You drew strength from my body to magnify your power. I think you blacked out with the immensity of it.”

“Okay.” She looks scared. “Last I remember we were about to be attacked by the Guardians.” Then it dawns on her. “Where is my mom? Where did you jump her to? Can I see her?” For the first time in my existence, I have a lump in my throat. I can’t bring myself to say the words that will shatter Sirena’s world more than it already has been. “Tell me.”

We stop walking, the quiet calm of the leaves blowing in the trees around us, an eerie precursor to the storm that threatens. “When we realized that the Guardians were upon us, your mom told me to take you and leave.”

“Tell me you didn’t.”

“I didn’t. I grabbed her and tried to jump all three of us.”

“Tried?”

I can’t stand to see the way she’s looking at me right now. “The Guardians descended, and you grabbed me with both hands. I tried to hold onto your mom, but when you siphoned my strength, I started to weaken. Some sort of blast emanated from you, sending everything and everyone around you flying. I wasn’t strong enough to hold on to your mom, and I was unable to let go of you to get to her. I tried. You have to know that. By the time the Guardians regrouped and were upon us, I was almost too weak to jump. Your mom told me to go, and I had no other choice. She wanted you to live, and the only way I could keep that promise to her was to get you out of there. I wasn’t strong enough to fight off the Guardians without my brothers. I’m so sorry I failed you.”

Tears fill her eyes as she looks to mine. “I killed her.” She drops to her knees in the field —a broken woman. “I killed my mom.”

I drop down beside her careful not to touch her in her turmoil. I can’t risk triggering another blast of energy. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“My inability to control my powers caused this. I made you too weak to save us both. I killed her.”

She throws her head back and screams to the sky. “If you’re there ‘Almighty,’ know this, I’m coming for you, and you better be fucking terrified!” She falls to the ground wailing, her pain consuming her, and in this moment, I see it—the change.

The loss of her humanity.