Chapter Twenty-Six
Hannah, her little sister Isabel, and I step out into the cool morning shrouded in fog. Pea soup, as the weather forecasters like to call it. They came down to L.A. to finalize the food and flowers and invited me to join. I zip up my hoodie and tuck my hands into the pockets as we walk the short distance to town. It’s easier to walk than drive, since parking is scarce. When we arrive at the Blue Moon we order specialty coffees and homemade blueberry muffins with streusel topping. “One of Alex’s groomsmen lives around here. The one I told you about,” Hannah says. “Playa Vista, I think? This coffeehouse is adorable, by the way. I love the rustic vibe.”
“Yeah,” I say, taking in the wood floors and cozy nooks filled with an eclectic display of tables and painted chairs. “This is La Playa. Playa Vista is south, by Marina del Rey.”
She frowns as we head to a table by the window. “Huh. Now I can’t remember. I’ve lived up north too long. Anyway, I think I mentioned him once. He’s amazing. I’m not sure if he’s your type exactly, but we love him. You’ll get to meet him at the wedding.”
“Actually, I’ve just started dating someone. He’s also an attorney. It’s early days, but he’s a good guy.”
“Well, that’s exciting. I knew you’d meet someone soon.”
“Yeah. I’m happy.” Just yesterday, I would’ve felt the need to tell her all about Ryan, but something stops me. Maybe it’s progress. “I can’t believe your wedding is around the corner. How do you feel?”
“Excited. Nervous. Everything.”
“She’s been amazing. The opposite of Bridezilla.” Isabel drapes an arm around her sister.
“Why, thank you, Izzie. I really can’t believe it’s all happening. Sometimes I think I should be more established in my career first, but at the end of the day, I know in my heart I want to be with Alex. He’s everything to me.”
Izzie sighs. “I wonder when I’ll meet someone. Being single sucks.”
“You’re in college. Guys are everywhere.”
“Well, they certainly aren’t hanging around the English department. Maybe I should start studying in the bio med library.”
“You know I met Alex in my statistics class.” Hannah cups her hands around her coffee mug. “Do your thing and you’re certain to meet someone. The key is being open to it. Go for the guy who you love spending time with, not the first guy who catches your eye.”
I nod. “Good advice. It should be about having fun with someone.” My heart twinges as a memory of boxing with Ryan flashes through my mind, but I don’t dwell on it. Anyway, I had a fun time with Edward at the Omni. It was nice.
“I wish we could hang out here all day and look at the cute shops.” Hannah checks her watch. “But we need to go. Florist first, then food, and then the two of us fly home.”
“Let’s get to it. I’m excited!”
Hannah presses a hand to her chest. “I know! It’s all happening so fast. I feel like I should be scared or worried or something.”
“The fact that you’re not scared or worried is a very good sign.” I loop my arm around her. “I’m so happy for you.”
As we step outside, the fog has lifted, and hazy sunshine filters through patchy clouds, creating long rays that seem to reach the ground way off in the distance, like sparkly paths. The air is cool, and I take an invigorating breath. Although Hannah and I are on very different paths to new adventures, we’re each heading in the right direction.
I check my appearance in my mirror and like what I see. I’m wearing a knee-length wool skirt with tights and suede booties along with a button-down shirt. Now I’m the one who looks like I circled an outfit in the J. Crew catalog, but I feel good. And I’m sure Edward will appreciate the look—fashionable yet tailored. But aside from the clothing, my cheeks glow with anticipation.
When I arrive at the restaurant, Edward is waiting outside, and he draws me into a warm hug. “Hi, Katie. Shall we go in?” He holds open the door and follows me inside. It was sweet of him to ask me to choose the place, since it’s my part of town. He’s a true gentleman.
I decided upon a casual Japanese restaurant known for its fun atmosphere and delicious but reasonably priced food. As wonderful as the Omni was, I don’t want him to think I’d expect something that nice every time we go out. If this turns into more than one date, I should say.
The host shows us to a table for two. He asks if we’d like drinks and Edward orders Sapporos for us. “Is that okay? Since we’re at a Japanese place, I figured we should drink the beer.”
“It’s great. Thanks.”
The host leaves us with paper menus, and Edward sets his aside, grinning.
“What?”
He shakes his head, the smile clinging to his face. “I’m trying to be cool, but I’m nervous. How is it possible that you’re single?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
Our beers arrive, and he raises his glass to mine. “Cheers.” He sips his beer and fixes his gaze on me. “So really, how is it that you’re single? Did you go through a recent breakup?”
“I’ve been single for a few months.” I laugh and tuck my hair behind my ear. “I feel like I’m at a meeting where I have to confess past mistakes. Let’s just say I’m happy to be here with you now.”
Red blotches spring across his cheeks, and I can’t help but think he’s my doppelgänger. “That’s music to my ears.” He turns his gaze to take in the decor. “This place is cool. Do you come here a lot?”
“Sometimes.”
“I hope this time will be memorable for you.”
I struggle for a response. “It already is.” I clear my throat. “Did you see the water fountain over there? I love the way it creates an illusion of water spilling down the wall.”
“It’s not an illusion,” he says, straightening his tie. “The fountain is constructed that way. We have a smaller version in our office. I should install one in my condo. They’re soothing, aren’t they?”
“Very. I could look at it for hours.”
A server arrives, and I give the menu a quick glance before placing my order. Edward orders the same thing, along with a side of tempura shrimp, and I wonder if he likes yakisoba or if he didn’t have enough time with the menu.
“Are you having fun?” he asks, leaning forward.
“Yes. Thanks for driving all the way up here.”
“I was happy to. In fact, I arrived early and walked around the town. I haven’t been up here since I was a kid. I forgot how these beach cities have such a small-town feel. It’s nice.”
“Yeah. I love being here. It seems like we’re a million miles from L.A.”
He smiles and shifts his chair to the side as a large group of guys follows the host to a table in the corner. I glance at them as they squeeze past, and my heart kicks up to an alarming rate.
Ryan’s with them.
I admonish myself for choosing one of the most popular restaurants in town. Nonetheless, I can’t help but sneak glances at him. He’s wearing jeans and boots and the gray leather jacket he wore to the photography exhibit. I reach for my water glass and sip slowly, hoping to quench my parched mouth.
“Have you lived here for a long time?”
I set my glass on the table and train my focus on Edward. “Um, yes, I have. I’ve been here since I graduated from college.” Although maybe it’s time to move from this dinky little town if I’m going to see Ryan everywhere now. “How about you? You said you live in Brentwood, right?”
“I do. I bought a condo there three years ago. It needed a little work, but I was lucky enough to have some money left for renovations. It doesn’t hurt that I work at my parents’ firm. They’ve been a big help to me.”
As he talks, the guys take their seats around the table. I subtly watch Ryan as he turns to sit. He brushes a hand through his hair, and any doubt I had that it might not really be him is absolved. Even though his face is shadowed, the tattoos on his knuckles give him away. His chair faces in my direction, so if he looks a little to his right, he’ll see me.
Edward continues talking, but my mind wanders down a rainy highway. I’m holding onto Ryan, pressed into the warmth of his body. My legs are snug against his, and my hands grip his torso as rain dances across my back. In seconds he’ll stop and swoop me across his shoulder. I can smell the rain on his skin, the oceany scent of his shampoo. And then…
Chuckling, Edward says, “Katie? You there?”
His words knock me from my reverie—before I reached the kissing part—and my face flushes. “Yes! I was just thinking about what you said. How do you like it? Working for your parents, that is?” I press a cool hand to my cheek and rest my chin on my hand as I lean in. Edward’s great. I need to be present in the here and now, not wandering around in some former fantasy.
“It has its challenges, of course, but for the most part, it’s great. How about you? How’s life at Janks and Lowe?”
I bite my lip to keep from blurting the news about Kenneth. “Great. Interesting. It’s definitely keeping me on my toes.”
Our food arrives, and Edward toasts once again. “To our first official dinner together.”
I clink my glass to his. “To our first official dinner.” To anyone watching, I’m sure I look like a girl who’s happy to be out with a great guy. They’d have no idea that my insides are caught in a tornado. Damn Ryan for coming here tonight. As I set my glass down, curiosity gets the best of me, and I risk a glance at his table.
My tenuous grasp of calm crashes to the floor when I see he’s already looking at me. His gaze grips me with so much force, I can’t look away. It’s like he has mind-bending powers that make it so that nothing exists but him. His jaw is tight, and he stands, his eyes still on me.
But maybe he’s nearsighted and I’m nothing more than a vaguely familiar blur. In fact, it’s possible he can’t see me at all and just needs to use the restroom. He rubs a hand down his mouth as he walks toward my table. I fumble for my napkin and slide it to my lap.
Edward smiles. “Hey…”
I look up as I smooth my napkin. “What?”
“Don’t be nervous about eating in front of me. I know you have perfect manners.”
“Thanks. I guess I am a little nervous.” It’s wrong to let him think he’s the cause of my nerves, but the truth is too pathetic to admit. Ryan’s only feet from our table now, and my heart is pounding out of control. It’s inevitable. I have to look up. Steeling myself, I turn to him, my mouth dry.
He meets my eyes. “Hi, Katie. It’s good to see you.” He turns to Edward, offering his hand. “Hey, man. I’m Ryan.”
Ever the gentleman, Edward stands to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Edward.”
Ryan turns to me as Edward resumes his seat. “I don’t want to interrupt your dinner, but I saw you over here and wanted to say hi.” His eyes blaze into mine, and I feel a rush of heat engulf me. “I was hoping to see you at the gym again, but Javier says you’ve been too busy to come back.”
My napkin falls to the floor, and I reach for it, pressing a hand to my chest as I do. Thank God I’m wearing a button-down that covers the blotches. “Uh, yeah,” I say, straightening. “I’ve been swamped.”
He nods and taps a hand to the table. “I hope you remember what I’ve taught you.” His expression is stern, but his eyes drink me in, completely unnerving me.
Does he think I’ll need to punch someone sometime soon? Maybe he thinks every guy I date is an asshole, though Edward has done nothing to give him that impression. “I remember.” I steal a look at Edward, wishing I could turn him to stone for five minutes so I could ask Ryan what he means. Twisting my napkin in my hand, I mutter, “You taught me well.”
Our eyes lock, and I wish I could decipher what’s in his, but I’m no better than the psychic who thought we were a lovely couple. Ryan’s impossible to read. “Enjoy your meal.” He turns to Edward with a wave. “Nice meeting you.”
Once he’s out of earshot, Edward whispers, “Who was that?”
“A guy I know from my gym.”
He nods as he twirls noodles with his chopsticks, a pensive look on his face. “I gathered as much. Is he your trainer with the awesome tattoos?”
“No. He’s not my trainer.” I wish I could tell him everything. It’s burning to leap out, but I extinguish the temptation. If I were to mention a word of my feelings for Ryan, it would put Edward in a horribly awkward position. And it’d ruin whatever chance I have with him.
“Oh. A lot of guys in that scene have tattoos, I presume.”
I shrug. “I guess. How do you like the yakisoba?”
“It’s great. You should try the tempura. It’s delicious.”
“Thanks. You look very handsome, by the way. In case I didn’t mention it before.”
He lowers his chopsticks. “You’re going to make me blush. Damn pale skin. But thank you. You’re sweet for saying that.”
“It’s true.” I focus back on my food, promising myself not to sneak another glance at Ryan. This is where I should be. Across from Edward Benner, having a positively lovely dinner with my perfect date. But my mind travels back to Bud’s. I try to crash-land and run from the thought, but it’s no use. My memory accelerates to the moment when we shared burgers, and I wondered what it’d be like to date Ryan. He sat across from me, and I felt safe. And lucky. So very, very lucky. Swallowing hard, I remind myself I’m lucky to be with Edward, too. It’s just different.
We finish our food, and Edward insists on paying for everything, even though I offered to buy this time. I can’t help but smile to myself when I think about offering Ryan money and he called me stink foot. But the next second, a feeling of sadness slams against me. Those days are gone. At least I have my memories of him. He was the one who reminded me the memories help. My eyes burn as I relish a last look at him, giving him a silent goodbye. It’s time to move on for good.
Edward and I head outside, and his car is parked next to mine. “It’s still early. Would you like to have a cocktail somewhere?”
“That sounds great, but I should get home. I need to catch up on some sleep, as sad as it sounds. Work has been killing me lately. Next time?”
He sighs. “I don’t like that you won’t have a drink, but I love that you mentioned a next time. Can I call you again?”
“I’d like that.”
And then he leans in and kisses me. His lips are soft. Nice. He tastes of tempura, but then, I probably do, too. There aren’t any fireworks to speak of, but it’s not uncommon for first kisses to feel a bit awkward. Anyway, I’m sure our next kiss will be amazing. He briefly links his fingers with mine, and I move my hand to get my keys from my purse. Maybe too quickly, but I don’t want him to go in for a second kiss just yet. He opens my car door once I unlock it and steps aside to allow me to get in.
A question circles through my mind as I make the short drive back to my apartment. Why did Ryan ask if I remembered what he taught me? Does he think I’d actually seek out another guy like Lachlan? Ha! Thoughts of Edward snap in, like meerkats popping their tiny heads up, but I shoo them away. I need to figure out this business with Ryan first.
It’s simple. I’ll just call him. We’re friends, after all. That’s how he wants it. And as his friend, it’s perfectly fine for me to ask. God knows he won’t call me. He admitted he’s not good at telling people how he feels. I look at the time on my phone as I walk up the stairs to my apartment. He could still be at the restaurant. Or maybe he’s going out after. With a sigh, I unlock the door. I’ll just watch a show, and when it’s over, I can call.
A commercial plays, and I sneak a look at my phone. An hour has easily passed since he stopped by my table. It’s fine to call now. I mute the TV as I touch a finger to his number.
My heart tries to distract me with its thunderous beat, but I stay focused. I’m calling a friend. That’s all.
He picks up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Katie.” I wait for him to respond, but there’s only silence. “I, um, wanted to ask you—”
“Hey. Now’s not a great time. I’ll talk to you later.”
I strain to listen for background noise, but there is none. Maybe he’s with a girl. Or maybe he’s home and just doesn’t want to talk to me. “Sure. Bye.”
He mutters a response and ends the call.
And I’m an idiot.