Chapter Twenty-Seven
The woman across from me swipes a finger beneath her lashes but succeeds only in smearing more mascara. “I’m scared.” Her shoulders shake as fresh tears spill down her cheeks. The first time I helped someone like her, my eyes filled, too. It was hard not to want to slide the paperwork aside and hug her. It still is, I suppose, but with Valentina’s guidance over the past two weeks, I’ve become better at leaving my feelings at home and focusing on the work.
“I understand. And it’s okay to be scared, but we’re here to help you through every step. You’re not alone, Miriam.”
She looks at me through her watery eyes and nods. “Thank you.”
Valentina peeks her head into the tiny office I share with another volunteer, though I’m the only one left tonight. “It’s eight. How are you coming along?”
“We’re wrapping up. Thanks,” I say with a grateful smile. If I had said I needed help with a form, she would’ve pulled up a chair and gotten down to business. Her level of patience is impressive.
“Very good. I’ll be in my office for another half hour or so. Stop by when you’re done.” She smiles and steps out.
Twenty minutes later, Miriam has filled out all the necessary documents, and I’ve given her detailed instructions on what to do tomorrow. “Here’s my cell phone number. I’m a five-minute walk from the courthouse, so if you need anything at all, call me, and I’ll be right over, okay?”
“Yes. I can’t thank you enough. I finally feel like I’m doing something right.”
“I’m proud of you. I’ll check in tomorrow. Good night.”
She leaves, and I head down the hall to Valentina’s office. “Hey,” I say when she looks up from her laptop. “Miriam is all set, at least for now.”
“Good. Do you have a second?”
“Sure,” I say, taking a seat across from her. “What’s up?”
She slips off her glasses and sets them on the desk. “I wanted to thank you. Your dedication to the program is impressive. You stay late, you’re engaged, and you’re empathetic. And furthermore, you have a tremendous understanding of the law.”
“Wow. That means a lot coming from you. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It appears you enjoy this kind of work.”
“Yes, a lot.”
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” She folds her glasses and leans forward. “My partner and I are looking for a new attorney to join us. It’s currently just the two of us along with a paralegal and secretary, but we’re in a position to grow our firm. As you’re well aware, we’re a victims’ advocacy firm, but we have had great success with the family law side of things.” She raises a brow. “Divorce is lucrative business, as unfortunate as that sounds. That being said, I know you’re at a great firm, and understand if that’s where you want to remain, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t put it out there for you to consider.”
I swallow hard. “Really?” I squeak.
“Yes. Really.” She smiles. “Does that look mean you’re open to the idea?”
“Yes!” I stand, and she moves from around her desk to hug me. “Absolutely.”
“Good. I’ve already told Barbara Nussbaum, my partner, about you, but I’ll set up a formal meeting, and we can all chat. I think you’ll love her. We can talk salary once you come in. How’s early next week?”
“Perfect. Thanks.”
“Have a great night. And thanks, Katie. I have a good feeling about all this.”
“So do I.”
Twenty-four hours later, I’m standing in Mom’s kitchen, trying to act like everything is fine and normal when inside I’m a mess of nerves. I can’t stop questioning what the best move will be. Last night it seemed so simple: I would agree to the interview, and if they offered me the position, I would give my notice at Janks and Lowe.
But the what-ifs started rolling in bright and early this morning. Will I seem flighty if I leave Janks and Lowe before a year’s up? And secondly, Ramirez and Nussbaum won’t offer as much as I’m making now. I’d be looking at a pretty significant decrease in salary. But can you put a price on happiness? Ugh. I’ve made a list of pros and cons for both firms, but I can effectively argue my way around the entire spreadsheet.
Mom fills two glasses with Chardonnay and sets them on the counter. “It appears you have a lot on your mind.” She points to my hand. “You’re doing that thing with your fingers. Stop.”
I close my hand into a fist. “Sorry. You’re right.” The apology rolls out automatically, and it hits me: I’m always worried about what someone else will think. I’ll apologize even if it’s not my fault. And that’s not me. That’s the scared version of me. I tighten my fist. The real me is fierce—a badass. The girl Ryan brings out in me. A vision of him drifts into my mind. If he were here now—if we were still friends—he’d cheer me on, firing off my positive qualities with passion.
I return my gaze to Mom. “You know what? I just had an epiphany. I thought I was coming here for advice, but I’ve figured it out.”
“That was fast. What’s your epiphany?”
“I’m going to do what you’ve always taught me.”
She raises a brow. “And that is?”
“Fight for what I want.”
She smiles—a genuine one that reaches her eyes. “And to think I’ve always credited that to your dad and Gran.”
“They taught me to follow my heart. You taught me to be strong.” I look at her intensely. “It’s all so clear now,” I say, more to myself than to her.
She slips off her shoes and pads over to the kitchen table. “Bring your wine and sit with me. My feet are tired. I want to know what exactly you’re talking about. You may need advice, after all.”
I take the seat across from her—the place I’ve sat so many times before—but something is different. The resentment I’ve felt toward her is slowly seeping out of me. “I won’t, but I’ll fill you in.”
“You sound remarkably sure about that.”
Leaning forward, I say, “I am sure. Here’s the thing. I’ve always felt like I got the job at Janks and Lowe only because of your influence. I—”
She frowns. “That is categorically untrue.”
“There’s some truth to it, Mom. We both know that. And the other thing is, it’s never felt like I earned it, like I wanted it and went for it. The truth is, it was handed to me. And maybe I shouldn’t have taken it.” She starts to interrupt, but I talk over her. “There have been some great things about it. It’s a good fit in many ways.”
She adjusts her bangle bracelets before looking at me. “In some ways, but not all?”
“Yes.” I heave a sigh. “Kenneth hasn’t been the easiest person to work for.”
She purses her lips and sips her wine. “Most attorneys aren’t easy to work for, Katie.”
“Right. Well, to be perfectly honest, he’s an ass. I’ll just leave it at that. Anyway, it’s really beside the point now. He’s leaving the firm to hang his own shingle. He’s asked me to go with him, but I can’t do it. Thomas and Steven have offered to have me stay. It would be a relatively simple transition…”
“But?”
“But I’ve been volunteering at the Holden Center. Mom, it fulfills me in a way I never could’ve imagined.” I take a breath. “One of the women is a partner at Ramirez and Nussbaum. She wants me to interview for a position at her firm. They do family law, and…” She unexpectedly smiles across from me. “What?”
“You just reminded me of the day your father told me he wanted to do freelance photography. I was still in school, and though we had help from his parents—your Gran and Grandpa—we wanted to make it on our own. He was afraid I wouldn’t support him and gave me an impassioned speech.”
“It’s a risk.”
“Yes, it is. You have a tough decision ahead. Take the time to make the right one.” She looks at me, taking me in. “You’re all grown up, aren’t you? You’ve done well for yourself. No matter what your decision is, I will support you. You’ve proven yourself again and again. It’s time I give you the credit you deserve.” She touches a hand to my face. “Daddy would be extraordinarily proud of the woman you’ve become. I know I am.”
Tears pool in my eyes. “Thanks, Mom. It means a lot. The best part is, I finally can say I feel proud of myself, too.” In my mind, I cross helpful mother off my list and change it to supportive mother. Just a change in one word, but it makes a world of difference to me.