“No, no, put me on the phone with them. NOW.” I tried not to scream, but it had been that kind of day.

The fire marshal got on the phone, explaining the situation, as my rangers in California squawked in the background. My head hurt, my vision was getting fuzzy, and it was way past the time that I was supposed to be at work.

After a few more instructions and handing out my cell phone number to a bunch of various sources, I hung up, letting my forehead hit the desk. I probably had another hour here of emails and reports, and I was so drained I felt worse than the time I’d been in labor for sixteen hours. Just kidding … but in this moment, it felt close.

The forest fire in one of our California national parks had started three days ago, but it had reached peak temperatures and ravaging today. I’d been on the phone all day, trying to calm people down, trying to formulate a plan, get answers.

My cell phone rings on the desk, my lamp the only thing illuminating the office now. Everyone had headed home, but I couldn’t in good conscience, go.

“Hello?” I snap into the speaker, not bothering to see who it is.

“Hey sweetie … I know you’re busy today, but remember I have that poker night with the girls?” Mom’s voice was tentative and sweet, and I knew she wasn’t trying to get me riled up.

Shit, I hadn’t remembered. And Lennon was still at her house. And I had to be here for the foreseeable hours. Typically, I never complained about being a mother. Sure, there were the little everyday gripes, but I knew how lucky I was with my daughter, and how lucky I was to have a mother nearby now who provided so much help.

But it was times like right now that my internal struggle was the worst. That my need to feel like a good mother, and also a successful employee, was completely conflicting.

It didn’t help that Derek had texted me today, cancelling his plans to come out here yet again. It had been two and a half months since we’d moved here, and in that time, he hadn’t bothered to come visit his daughter once. I was past annoyance and onto the stage of indifference, which was probably worse. If he didn’t care about being in her life, than I wouldn’t concern myself with it either.

“I’m sorry, Mom, it’s been a hard day. I’ll … I’ll be there soon.” That was a lie, and I knew that I would be sacrificing one or the other.

And even though it was something that made me tear up, that thing was usually my career.

I dropped my head into my hands, massaging my throbbing temples as I tried to formulate a plan and stand up from my desk.

My cell phone rings again, and I’m reluctant to even look at it as I know my mother is probably badgering me about her social outing tonight.

“Yes, Mom, I’ll be right there.”

“Oh hey, did I get you at a bad time?”

Jake’s voice filters through my ear, a more soothing dose of medicine than I knew it could be. I choke up, my anxiety and rationality strings almost completely cut.

“Sorry, it’s been a … rough day. I thought you were my mom, I have to pick Lennon up but I also need to work—“

“You’re still at work?”

I looked at the clock which read seven p.m. “That I am. There have been a bunch of brush fires that turned into forest fires today in California, and I’ve been dealing with crisis all day. Now I have to drive over to pick her up, but should be stapled to my desk …”

I felt my nerves fraying.

“I don’t want to overstep but … let me pick her up. I’ll grab your keys from your mom and take Lennon home so you can work.”

My immediate reaction was no. “That’s okay, I’ll figure something else out.”

I didn’t want to tell him that I was still unsure about really introducing him into Lennon’s life. As of now, he’d just been a … friend that we saw on the weekends sometimes. One that mommy talked to on the phone, or who dropped by with a treat now and then.

“Come on, Samantha, I want to help. You can trust her with me, I want to be there for you in any way I can. And you need to work.”

The idea toyed in my brain, two sides completely at war. Was it too soon for him to become integral to her? What would happen if we broke up? But what would happen if this was really great, for both myself and my daughter? Was I scared of that?

Yes. I was a wimp. History had shown me that men didn’t stick around for my daughter.

“I know it’s a big step for you, it’s a step for me too. But it’s one I want to take. So please, let me pick Lennon up.” His voice was quiet but serious, and I knew that he knew the weight of this too.

Hesitantly, I pushed aside the fear and pulled up my big girl panties. “Oh … okay. Full disclosure? I’m not one hundred percent on board, but I know that you would never let anything happen to my daughter. That she is my life and if you ever harmed a hair on her head, I’d hunt you down and cut off your balls.”

“Duly noted. I will drive the speed limit, not feed her candy, fight off any rabid dogs, not become a victim to the bedtime story beg … anything else?”

His sarcasm was putting me a little more at ease, but I took on my tough mom tone. “My mom will give you the spare key she has, and I’ll call her and my doorman to let them know you’re approved to take care of Lennon. She’s already had dinner most likely, so if she wants she can have one cookie or a pack of fruit snacks before bed. Don’t worry about bath time, and she’ll know how to get into her pajamas herself so just leave her to that. She likes a sippy-cup of water on the nightstand, preferably her Nemo cup, and only read her one bedtime story. Because as you said, it’ll be like waterboard torture if you don’t stop at one. You’ll be reading until your eyes fall out.”

Silence met me at the other end of the phone. “Jake?”

He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I was just typing it all down in an email to myself so I make sure I won’t forget anything. I’ll text you when I pick her up, when we get to the apartment, and when she goes to sleep.”

My heart sped up a beat, a tickle forming in my throat. “Thank you for doing this. You don’t know how much it means. I’ll try to wrap up here soon.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Samantha, I want to be a support system for you. Just take your time, I know how important this is for those people out in California.”

His willingness to take care of Lennon was sexier than anything he’d done thus far, and he couldn’t possibly know how much he’d just melted another large chunk of the iceberg that had become my heart since the breakup.

We hung up, my stress level going down marginally, but my anxiety tethering to what was happening with Jake and Lennon. I got back to work, waiting for his texts to come through.