Chapter Twenty-Seven
Maddy spent her days at the home of Kat’s parents sewing and mending children’s apparel, entertaining her niece and nephews, tending the herb, vegetable, and flower gardens, and doing whatever else they required of her. As before, she was perhaps one step up from a servant. She did not mind as much, though. Kat’s mother and father managed to be civil, no doubt at Kat’s urging. And keeping occupied every waking hour prevented her from thinking overmuch of Nicholas.
On the way to Rickerby from Brampton, Robbie had conveyed, in a stilted manner, his sorrow over her recent troubles. After that, they had spoken little. Although she wanted to confront him about what he’d done to save his neck, it wasn’t the right time. Not so soon after they’d been reunited.
From all appearances, Robbie was no longer the irresponsible ne’er-do-well he’d been in the past. He rose at dawn and worked all day with the animals, in the fields, or in the carpenter’s shop, under the direction of Kat’s father. Maddy would have expected him to chafe at such a lack of independence, but he seemed to have made his peace with it. Perhaps he was as hopeful as she that they would someday regain what was rightfully theirs. Soon she must write to Nicholas about how to make an appeal for their land and property.
Some evenings Robbie spent in the local alehouse, but she believed it was with Kat’s blessing. Maddy maintained a distance between herself and her brother. What he had done was repugnant to her, and she didn’t know if she could ever forgive him.
One morning when she and the little ones were picking fruit in the orchard, Robbie came by to do some pruning and cleaning up. They’d had a ferocious storm a few nights before, which had cracked branches and scattered damsons and quinces across the ground like billiard balls on the baize.
Nearing them, her brother said, “Children, pick up the fruit and put it in the basket.” Maddy had noticed that they were quite obedient to him, and now they began to do as he instructed with no argument.
Apparently, he had something to say to her. She lowered herself to a stump Robbie motioned toward. He’d made no effort to engage her thus far, but maybe he was as uncomfortable with the awkwardness between them as she was. “We must talk of what happened, Madeleine, if we are ever to be true brother and sister again.”
Maddy nodded in agreement. “What have you to say for yourself?”
“You are angry with me about what I did to save my life.” It was not a question.
She gazed steadily at him. “How could you? You, of all people, had no right to judge anybody!”
“Would you rather I had died that day?”
“Of course not. But you could have run off, concealed yourself somewhere before the queen’s men had a chance to track you down. Many did.”
“Make no mistake, I had planned to do exactly that. But in the end, there wasn’t time. When the opportunity arose, I had no choice but to seize it.”
“You should have considered the consequences before you cast your lot with Northumberland. Then you would not have had to make such a choice.”
“Aye, hindsight is always sharper, is it not? Rumors were circulating about the way a man’s life might be spared. I found a wastrel, a criminal who was willing, for coin, to take my place. He wished to bestow the money on his family. He said he had no hope of redemption in this life, and mayhap sacrificing himself for me would give him hope for the next.”
“Poor, pathetic creature!”
“Aye.”
Leaning over, Maddy rested her head in her hands. When she felt his hand on her arm, she looked up and was shocked to see his eyes glossy with tears.
“Do you think I do not suffer for what I did? I am mortally ashamed, Maddy. I am working hard to gain God’s forgiveness, and that of my family. Pray, give me a chance. Without your forgiveness, I don’t think I can carry on.”
“Mine? Why?”
“Because you have always been my guardian angel. When I was a lad, it was you who protected me, saved me from Father’s punishment in scrape after scrape. And I disappointed you over and over again. When I married Kat, I beat down my wild impulses, especially after the children came. But the chance to do something exciting—dangerous, even—called to me. I was a fool, in every respect.”
Maddy felt a hard shell around her heart begin to break apart. “If you were a fool, then so was I. Do you think it showed good sense to run off and join Leonard Dacre’s raid? It was a reckless, senseless act. It led to all the troubles that followed.”
His next words surprised her. “I am in awe of you for what you did. But you were hurt by it. For that, I blame myself. And Kat feels responsible, too, for not telling you I was alive. You would never have put yourself in such peril had you known the truth.”
“It was entirely my decision.”
Robbie scowled. “And Ryder. Turning you into his spy. If it weren’t for the fact we likely need his help to get our land back, I’d challenge him to a duel.”
Maddy grabbed his hands. “Oh, no, Robbie, you misjudge him. He has been forced to work for his father, but he wants free of it. Nicholas is a good man, believe me.”
He smiled. “So that is the way the wind blows, eh?”
A blush stole over her face. “I doubt anything will come of it, brother. You need not concern yourself, or tease me about it, come to that.”
Maddy rose, and he did, too. “Perhaps it is time to stop blaming each other—and ourselves,” she said. “If you require my forgiveness, you have it. And I will pray for you, Robbie.”
He embraced her and kissed her cheek. They watched his children for a moment before he called to them. They lugged the basket over, proud to show him how much fruit they had gathered.
…
Nicholas made it a priority to help Maddy regain the Vernon land and property. From the time he’d first questioned her at the castle, she’d made it clear it was the only thing she truly desired. And he wanted her happiness above all else. The day after he’d said farewell to Maddy, he petitioned the Council of the North to appear before them to plead her case.
The Council usually met in York. But they had administrative business in Carlisle and summoned Nicholas there instead, to the Guildhall. That saved him a long, costly journey. His father agreed to accompany him.
“Are you uneasy about this, Nick?”
“I suppose I am,” he admitted. “For Madeleine’s sake.”
“I believe you may set your mind at rest. This is simply a necessary formality.”
“I hope you are right.”
His father frowned. “You are aware, of course, that because she is a female, the land will be given not to her, but to her brother.”
“Aye. I mislike it, but it is the best outcome I can hope for.”
Surprising him, his father said, “I do believe you love that lass.” The man was actually smiling.
With every fibre of my being. But does she love me?
No need to share his deepest feelings with his father. They’d never had that kind of relationship. So Nicholas simply nodded in agreement and smiled back.
The Earl of Sussex was still the president of the council. When Nicholas was called, he described in detail the work Maddy had done at Lanercost and how she had been instrumental in ending the conspiracy to abduct Mary Stewart. He was less voluble on the topic of Robert Vernon, but he described him as “reformed” and “regretful of his actions.”
In the end, Sussex, looking stern of visage and sounding the same, said, “It appears that Mistress Vernon successfully carried out a difficult assignment beneficial to the queen. Her brother also has…paid his debt. We will confer and give you our decision within a fortnight.”
“I am most grateful, my lord.” Nicholas did not see how Sussex could advise the Council to deny the petition, given that he himself may have been involved in the plot.
Now he would bide his time until they handed down their decision.
…
Maddy’s tasks kept her occupied from dawn to dusk, rarely allowing her the luxury of a wandering mind. Yet there were quiet moments, especially in the evenings, when she and Kat sat with their work. It was then that clary sage eyes and curling dark hair made their way into her thoughts, at times causing her to pause, her needle stilled, staring at nothing. Nicholas had once told his father that if he did not allow him to deal with Maddy on his own terms, he would take Daniel and leave. But hadn’t he said he lacked the wherewithal to do so? How did matters stand with him now? Of one thing she was certain. He wanted to end his involvement with the queen and her doings.
Nicholas Ryder’s affairs are none of your concern, Madeleine.
She did not dare to believe in a future with him. Recently, Robert and Kat had introduced her to a yeoman at a village entertainment. Wealthier than most, he was a widower with two children. They hadn’t said so outright, but she would have had to be witless not to see what her brother and his wife wished. To turn over responsibility for her to somebody else. The man was nice enough, with a pleasing countenance. But he did not stir her blood.
Some weeks after she’d last seen Nicholas, Maddy and Kat were preparing to make a call on one of the tenants whose children were ailing. Together they had readied a basket of meat pies, fruit, bread, and cheese. Maddy tucked in a few balls for the boys and a cloth doll for the girl. Kat had gone to fetch her basket of remedies, and Maddy was waiting for her outside, playing with Useless. Glancing up at the sound of a horse approaching, she could not make out who it was at first. But it wasn’t long before she recognized Nicholas. She did not know why he’d come, but the mere sight of him made her heart leap.
He dismounted and strode toward her, his smile wide. “Good morrow, Maddy,” he said. “Is your brother about?”
“I’ll send one of the children to find him,” she said. “Come inside, pray, and take some refreshment.”
“I shall wait here.”
She nodded and hurried in. Martha was sewing with her grandmother, but Edward and Andrew, Maddy was informed, were in the back garden playing soldier. She sent them in search of their father, then returned to Nicholas.
“Why have you come?” she said. His eyes were fair dancing.
“I’ll explain when your brother is present. How do you get on, Maddy?”
She shrugged. “’Tis not much different than before, but I have grown accustomed to it. What about you?”
Before he could answer, her brother strode around the far end of the stables and hastened toward them. “Ryder,” he said, nodding. “Will you come inside?”
Nicholas again declined the offer. “I stopped only to inform you both that I petitioned the Council on your behalf, and they have decided in your favor. The Vernon land and property are to be returned to you.” He brushed a hand across his beard. “I must warn you—I do not know what remains of your furnishings, plate, and the rest.” Maddy thought of Naworth Castle, and how the Dacres had looted it. It was likely the Vernon home had been plundered, too.
“We care not for that,” Robbie said. “This is good news indeed!” Laughing, he lifted Maddy off the ground and twirled her around.
After he set her down, Maddy said, “You have our thanks, Nicholas. This is very good news indeed. I meant to write to you about it, but I have been busy with the children.”
Nicholas looked uncomfortable. “The queen had given it as a preferment to one of Hunsdon’s men. He and his family will have to remove their things.”
“Have they been told?” Robbie asked.
“I’ll be paying them a visit soon. I believe you should be able to take possession within a fortnight.”
Kat joined them then, and Robbie informed her of the news. Smiling, they embraced and then went away, whispering to each other. It had most likely been difficult for them to live with Kat’s parents. Selfishly, Maddy had never truly considered that.
She turned back to Nicholas, who said, “Will you ride out with me, Maddy? I have something I wish to say to you.”
His expression was solemn.
She hesitated only a moment. “Allow me to speak to Kat. I was to accompany her to visit a tenant.”
Maddy soon had things squared with her sister-in-law, who insisted Martha could take Maddy’s place. “No doubt she will be thrilled to give up her sewing.”
Nicholas did not care to wait while another horse was saddled. “You will ride with me,” he said, rather arrogantly. After he mounted and settled himself, he reached a hand down to her. She grasped it and set her foot upon his in the stirrup. With little effort, he pulled her up in front of him.
Which was a very fine place to be. He wrapped an arm about her waist, holding her against him. She relaxed into his solid chest, so close she could feel every breath he took.
“Shall we ride to the river?” he asked.
She nodded her assent. The air was redolent with spring fragrances—rain and sage and pine.
Nicholas suddenly broke the silence. “Will you go with them?”
“Aye. I’ll live in one of the tenant’s cottages, if Robert will allow it.”
The arm encircling her grew firmer. “What? They’ll reside in the house, and you, in a tenant’s cottage?” He shook his head. “It is only due to you that your family is getting the land back at all.”
Irritation got the better of her. “What did you think would happen? I am a female. None of the estate belongs to me—only to Robert. I’ll be grateful to have the cottage, where I can live on my own.”
“I mislike it.”
Awkwardly, she twisted around to look at him. “At least I shall have some degree of privacy and a place to call my own. And a garden. I shall insist upon a garden. Mayhap more than one.”
“You will not be happy.”
Maddy expelled a breath sharply. “Truly? Perhaps you are right. As you once suggested, marriage might be best for me. There is a wealthy man in the village who has expressed an interest. If I marry him, I can live in a fine house and have servants to do all the work. And I’ll have children of my own to mind. God knows I’ve enough experience caring for other people’s.” Her throat thickened, and she felt on the verge of tears.
By God’s light, why did I say such a ridiculous thing? No doubt Nicholas would be the first to bestow his good wishes.
Neither one spoke again.
Their route took them past property owned by the Dodds. Someday, after her own wounds were healed, Maddy would find the courage to visit them and ask their forgiveness for involving Ann in Leonard Dacre’s raid. At present, they would still be grieving, and they would not welcome her overtures. One day soon she would find Ann’s grave in the churchyard and lay some flowers on it.
Maddy felt a fullness in her chest. Weeping would relieve it, but she refused to cry in front of Nicholas. She had been trying to avoid self-pity, attempting to put the horrors of her final day at Lanercost behind her. And now she must put all hopes of a future with Nicholas behind her as well. She refused to speculate on what he wanted to say to her. Probably a final farewell.
When they arrived at an area of the Eden popular with anglers, Nicholas dismounted and helped her down, then hobbled the horse. Squirrels chittered in the branches above, and she gazed at the river. The water pooled here, forming a pond, and fish liked to hide in its depths.
“Maddy.” He was looking at her most intently. “There are a few things I neglected to tell you.”
“Oh?”
“I sent William Cecil a letter and recommended mercy for Lady Dacre. As the queen’s agent closest to the matter, I believe they will give strong weight to my opinion.”
Maddy smiled. “Then I am in your debt.” She hesitated a moment before saying, “I’m surprised that you placed so much trust in my judgment.”
He reached out for her hand. “It was you who lost all faith in me, and for good reason.”
“You are mistaken. I never lost faith in you.” Perhaps she should let go of his hand, but she could not.
“Did you mean it, about wedding that fellow in the village?”
“Should I?”
“Do you want him?” He stepped closer to her. “Has he kissed you like this?” Nicholas crushed her against his chest, wrapped his arms around her, and placed his lips upon hers in kiss full of yearning and desire. She trembled with feelings pent up for too long.
He drew back and studied her, a bit of desperation in his eyes. “My dearest Maddy. Marry me, sweeting. Marry me. I love you, more than my own life.” He paused to catch his breath. “You said you would tend gardens and look after your children. Let it be our gardens, and most definitely our children. We will have as many of both as you like.” He drew back and looked at her, smiling, hope glowing in his eyes. “Five or ten, if that will make you happy.”
“Truly? I don’t think I’ll need that many.”
He threw back his head and laughed, a joyous sound. “Come. Before you answer, sit here with me for a moment.” He tugged her down to the riverbank. “Do you think you can ever forgive me for not being truthful? At first, my cursed duty to the queen stopped me. But when I knew I loved you, I should have been honest with you. I feared if I told you about the pardons, I would lose you. I wanted you to be free, and yet I wanted to hold you close. Can you understand that?”
She couldn’t speak. Not yet.
“About your brother. When I learned he was alive, I should have informed you immediately. My father was against it, and since telling you would have meant revealing everything Robert had done, I knew it would hurt you. How could you live with it? Especially while staying at Lanercost? I convinced myself you were better off not knowing. It was wrong of me and causes me great shame and sorrow to think of it.”
When still she didn’t speak, Nicholas said, “I understand if I am too late. If begging your forgiveness comes too late.”
Maddy shook her head, vehemently. “Oh, Nicholas, I forgave you long ago.”
A smile tugged at his mouth. “After you took the shot at Dacre to save me, I allowed myself to hope that might be the case.”
“I had a great deal of time to think when I was locked up in that room and feared I might die. I was desperate to see you, to tell you I forgave you a thousand times over.”
“Jesu, Maddy, I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say it.”
With that, he pulled her down, until they were lying side by side. For a time, they were consumed by their ardor and fierce desire for each other, and the world simply drifted away. Nicholas loosened her bodice enough to remove it, and then pushed down the straps of her kirtle and smock to free her breasts. “You are so beautiful, my Maddy.” He caressed her, teased her, until she thought she might die of pleasure.
Nicholas unfastened his doublet and removed it, then tugged his shirt off. Holding her against his bare chest with one hand, he raised her skirts with the other. He slid a hand upward until he reached her core. Maddy had been waiting for this, hungry for his touch, needing it more than she’d known. His familiar, clean scent and the feel of his skin drove her to the edge. He was her light and her dark, her beginning and end. All she was now and all she would become.
And then he entered her and they began to move together, locked in their tight embrace. Nothing could separate them now. The intensity of her release consumed her, and she buried her face in his neck until Nicholas found his release deep within her.
After a while, when they lay peacefully together, Nicholas said, “You are the bravest lass I’ve ever known.”
Maddy laughed. “Or the stupidest.”
“Never.” They both sat up, and he helped her straighten her clothing while relating more news. “I’ve told my father that I will no longer work for him or the queen. I’ve had my fill of it. Nearly losing you was the last straw.”
“I’m glad, for your sake. But what will you do? Where will you and Daniel live?”
“My father has given me the house. To my great surprise, he said I deserved it because I am raising Daniel. All the money his country estate earns is to be mine as well. He has removed to London, to serve the queen there.”
“We will have our own home,” Maddy said.
“Ah, then your answer is yes?”
She laughed. “I have missed you so, and Daniel, too.”
“And we have been miserable without you.”
Tears welled in her eyes, and she made no effort to stop them. “I love Daniel, Nicholas. How could I not?”
“And do you love his uncle then, too, lass?” He looked as though he were not quite certain of the answer.
“How could you doubt it?” Maddy asked, putting him from his misery. “Why did your father have such a change of heart?”
“He received a reward from the queen for thwarting the plot to capture Mary and arresting the conspirators. A grant of land and money. Knowing my father as you do, you must be aware he would not give up his home without the promise of something grander.”
“But he could have had both. Kept the land in Brampton and added the gift from the queen.” Maddy did not say it, but in the future, she wouldn’t put it past Francis Ryder to once again draw his son into his intrigues. To use this gift to make Nicholas feel he owed him something in return.
“Since the glory and rewards should by rights go to you and me, I believe he felt this was my due. I did not expect it, and I’m overjoyed that we’re to have our own home. Humble though it is, it’s a step up from a tenant’s cottage,” he said, a smile in his voice.
Somewhere, the queen’s enemies schemed against her. Her own machinations continued, abetted by her councilors and countless other men in her thrall. It was an endless cycle, and Maddy thanked God they would no longer be part of it.
Instead, they lay on the riverbank wrapped in each other’s arms, the water lulling them and a fresh May breeze grazing their skin. Maddy could have remained there forever, but a pressing matter beckoned. Nicholas drew her up beside him and they rode home together, so that he might ask Robert for her hand.