Thirty-five

LILAH

“What do you mean you haven’t told him yet about his estranged brother being your boss?”

Charli’s voice is too loud as we shift into downward dog in a studio full of sweaty bodies.

“I don’t know how,” I puff out, balancing myself on my hands and feet.

I’m not a fan of yoga as it is. But I absolutely hate hot yoga. How I let Charli talk me into it, I will never know. Even with her promise of wine afterwards, I’m questioning my sanity.

The participants around us are moving fluidly, bending like pretzels and it’s all I can do not to fall flat on my ass. We won’t talk about the close calls I’ve already had.

Beside me, Charli expertly twists her lithe body into the next pose the instructor calls out. As I try to mirror her stance, she shoots me a disbelieving stare.

“What do you mean you don’t know how?” she hisses.

“It doesn’t exactly come up in a normal conversation, Charli,” I tell her, fighting to hold my balance.

How the hell do people find this enjoyable?

“You make it come up!” she exclaims even louder than before. “What the hell, Lilah? Tell me you understand that this situation is a ticking time bomb. He’s bound to find out!”

Of course I already know this. But hearing it aloud only causes the panic seizing my chest to grow to astronomical levels.

So much for a relaxing yoga class.

I feel more on edge now than I did when I arrived.

When I catch an irritated glance from one of the students in front of us, I give a contrite look in return and turn to Charli.

“Let’s stick a pin in this conversation,” I suggest, halfway relieved that I get a few extra minutes to ignore the magnitude of my problems.

At the end of class, we wipe down our mats and grab our water bottles before heading outside. The sun has just disappeared beneath the horizon and the humid air from earlier is no longer stifling.

Trapped in the confines of Charli’s Range Rover, I can no longer escape her interrogation.

“Lilah,” she starts with a solemn sigh. “I love you. I really do.”

I wait for the other shoe to drop, because I know it’s coming. Whenever she opens a conversation like that, I know a nice dose of tough love is sure to follow.

Groaning, I slump in the passenger seat and stare at the people still filing out of the yoga studio.

“I know I’m asking for trouble. Believe me, I do. But it’s easier said than done, Charli. I was blindsided.”

If I confront Edward and tell him that I want out, I’m not going to get the funding for my project. Plain and simple. It makes my skin crawl to think that I could have done this all in vain.

“Well, how do you think Andrew’s going to feel when he finds out? Because trust me, it’s going to happen,” she tells me matter-of-factly, her voice breaking into my thoughts.

Bile begins rising in my throat at her words. The thought of losing Andrew is too much to bear. He’s the only bright spot in my days and if he isn’t around I don’t know what I’ll do without him.

Massaging the tension in my stomach away with my hands, I avoid Charli’s probing gaze like the plague.

“Oh my God,” she says studying my actions. “Are you pregnant?!”

Eyes bulging, I look at her like she’s grown two extra heads. Even though it’s just the two of us, I still think her voice is too damn loud.

“No!” My hand falls away from my tummy.

Narrowing her eyes at me, she still looks suspicious.

“Then what is it?” she poses. “What’s holding you back from being completely open with him about this? Don’t you think he deserves it?”

“Of course I do,” I sigh. “It’s just complicated.”

“How so? You’re not pregnant. So how much messier could it get?” she probes with a stern look on her face.

Shrugging, I fail to voice an answer so she goes on.

“You’re a kindergarten teacher posing as a financial advisor and working for his brother. A brother he hasn’t spoken to in years. A brother who also won’t tell you why he’s so obsessed with having his estranged brother as a client. Did I miss anything?”

Charli watches me expectantly as I continue to fidget in my seat like a teenager under their parents’ scrutinizing gazes.

Knots form in my stomach as I open my mouth to tell her my secret.

“I’m in love with him.”

Charli’s reaction isn’t what I expect. Unblinking, she gawks at me like I’m the one with three heads now. Then she bursts out laughing.

“Well, duh. Anybody could tell you that just looking at you from a mile away.”

Feeling exposed, I look at her in shock.

“What are you talking about? These feelings are new.”

Charli shakes her head knowingly. “Maybe you’re just putting a name on them but you’ve been in love with him for quite some time.”

Still reeling from her dismissive response, I purse my lips and pout, “Elaborate.”

“Whenever you two are in the same room, it bounces off you in waves and smacks everyone in the face. Hell, it’s coming off you now and he’s not even around!”

Gaping at her, I feel like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

I want to ask her how she’s so sure, but she’s still talking.

“Don’t forget, I’m your best friend. I’ve seen you through your puppy love phase with Mason and up to that last jerk you dated whose name we won’t mention.”

She’s talking about my ex from two years ago. What a scumbucket. He cheated on me every second of our relationship and I was crazy enough to be heartbroken over it.

“The point is,” my best friend continues. “I know what love looks like on you, and you’re deep in it right now. I think this is the worst case yet,” she summates.

I don’t have a problem admitting she’s right about that one. I’ve never felt this before. How did I go from rolling my eyes at Andrew’s bold advances to daydreaming about his phone calls?

It’s ridiculous how much I miss him when he’s not around. I barely even sleep at my place these days. It’s like I’ve become dependent on him without even realizing it.

Just his presence is comforting and that’s how I know I’m in a hell of a lot deeper than I bargained for.

“You being in love with him is even more reason to be honest with him before he finds out from another source. You won’t be able to hide the fact that you’re an elementary teacher forever.”

As she finally starts the car.

“Doesn’t it bother you that you can’t share Thriving Together with him?” She interrogates, name dropping the project I’ve spent most of my summer trying to secure funds for.

Damn it, she’s right.

“Look at it this way,” she says putting the truck in reverse. “Andrew is probably falling in love with you, too. But you’re only allowing him to experience a side of you that isn’t completely true. How would you feel if someone knowingly let you fall in love with a lie?”