Forty-two

LILAH

“You hate him so much that you were willing to steal his inheritance?”

I’m floored after Edward’s explanation. Not to mention repulsed. How much hatred could someone hold in their heart to their own flesh and blood?

I’ve seen some fucked-up family bonds in my day, but Edward is really pushing the limits.

“He doesn’t deserve a dime of that money,” Edward insists, standing firm in his bullshit. “My father worked hard to give us everything we have and Andrew couldn’t care less. He’d rather squander it away on his failing attempt at an art career and traveling the world to fuck as many women as possible. He’s a disgrace to the family name.”

Blinking slowly, I try to process everything he’s saying but it’s a chore. My brain is at its wits’ end making it harder to process bullshit.

“Andrew is his own person and you hate him for it. I didn’t see it until now but you really loathe him for being his own person because all you ever knew how to do is be a miniature version of your father. You’d really stoop this low to hurt your only remaining family member and that’s some sick shit. You’re the disgrace if you ask me.”

Edward’s lips thin at my words, however he continues silently brooding as I go on.

“I feel sorry for you, Edward. You’re so caught up in this shit that you can’t even see the problem staring back at you in the mirror. Have you ever asked yourself why it bothers you so much to see your brother living his life on his own terms? Are you jealous of his freedom?”

“Enough,” Edward booms, sitting forward in his chair. “I don’t have to listen to this shit.”

Clucking my tongue, I fold my arms across my chest and narrow my eyes.

“If you know what’s good for you, you will sit right there and enjoy every word I have to say. Otherwise, I’m calling the cops and telling them all about the con artist I worked for all summer.”

He doesn’t say a word.

“Did you once consider how this would affect me? I could go to jail!”

Frowning at me, he tries to shush me by holding up a hand.

“Relax, no one’s going to jail. You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”

“I can’t relax. This is my life on the line. My dreams on the line. Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed this summer in order to work for you? Now it may end in a jail sentence if Andrew decides to press charges. This is so fucked up,” I finish, my voice growing faint as I suppress the urge to burst into tears.

I will not break down in front of this scumbag. He doesn’t deserve a single tear.

Shaking my head, I stand strong, ready to flee from his presence. “I came to you for help and you used me to exact revenge on an innocent person. I can’t believe I was naïve enough to trust you, but this is where it ends.”

Tears well up in my eyes as I finish my statement.

“Listen, you’ll still get your money okay? Since you sort of kept your end of the deal, I’ll transfer the morning first thing tomorrow morning,” he offers as if it’s enough to erase all the other terrible things that have happened.

“Keep it,” I spit at him. “You’re out of your mind if you think I’m taking a dime from you. I don’t want your money.”

***

I wake up in a cold sweat, panting for air. When I open my eyes I have a hard time distinguishing my nightmare from reality. The lines are blurred anyway.

In the dream, cops showed up at the elementary school while I was teaching my class and led me away in handcuffs as my kids looked on with forlorn expressions.

As the cops ushered me through the halls, other teachers stood at their doors and watched it, all shaking their heads at my misfortune. At the entrance of the school, Andrew was standing stoically as the police shoved me into the pack of the cop car.

I’d been crying and screaming “no” by the time I woke up.

Now I run my hands over my damp cheeks, wiping away the tears.

The clock on my nightstand reads four-twelve. My camisole is drenched and clinging to me as I sit up against the headboard.

I can lay here and torture myself or I can get up and change into some dry clothes.

Pulling myself out of bed, I pad into the kitchen in the dark and grab a glass from the cupboard. When it’s filled with ice chips, I lean against the counter and focus solely on breathing in and out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I coach myself through that cycle at least ten times before I start to relax. It’s the only way to avoid dissolving into a sobbing mess in the middle of my kitchen.

No matter how much I wish that it wasn’t, yesterday was very real and I’m still reeling from everything that came to light.

In a matter of minutes, I’d gone from deciding to finally come clean to Andrew about everything to having it all snatched away before I got the chance.

And I have nobody to blame but myself. I should have said something. This all could have been avoided if I was just upfront with him from the beginning.

I waited too long and it cost me the man I love.

Nauseated, I slurp some of the ice into my mouth and begin crunching rhythmically.

How the hell has this become my life? It seems so surreal right now and I can barely get a grasp on reality.

It isn’t self-pity I’m feeling at the moment, but shame. Shame that I deceived someone I claimed to love.

Granted, I never said those three words aloud to him but I still felt them in my heart and still decided to do what I did.

Andrew’s really gone.

He kicked me out of his house and I don’t think I’ll ever get the look of disgust he gave me out of my mind.

Where do I go from here?

Without the money from Edward, I’m back at square one. But I refuse to accept anything from him. His money isn’t good money and I definitely learned that the hard way this summer.

Drowning in my burdensome thoughts, I try to focus on something other than the ache in my chest but I can’t.

With my growing business expenses, I can barely afford the rent on this dilapidated apartment. My car is gone and thanks to my summer of distraction, and I’m totally unprepared for the school year which starts all too soon.

All this for a project that I’m never going to see flourish. Suffocating grief sets in when I realize I’m going to lose it all.

There’s only one viable option to get me out of this and it’s an option I never wanted to consider, but it’s looking inevitable now.

I have to give up.