I’m feeling bold. I’ve never video chatted with him with John in the house before. My husband could walk into our bedroom any minute, and catch me in the act. But I just don’t care.

A few seconds later, his sweet face pops up on my phone. A look of concern washes over his features. “What’s going on?!”

His hair is all mussed up and he looks sleepy, and he’s shirtless. There’s a huge tattoo on his right pec, and it flows onto his shoulder. I can’t quite make it out, but hot damn, I’ve never seen anything so hot.

I’m completely speechless for a second. My mouth is hanging open. I close it immediately and swallow hard. He studies me curiously, awaiting my response.

“Uh… nice tattoo.”

He smiles and looks down. “Oh… that, yeah. Thanks,” he says, suddenly realizing that he’s half naked in bed. I wonder if he’s fully naked. Yeah, my mind goes there. Totally does. I shake my head.

“So what’s going on, Gabriella?” I love how he says my name.

“I…” I’m suddenly very self-conscious. It seems so self-indulgent and self-centered to wake someone up in the middle of the night to bitch about your problems. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have woken you.”

“It’s okay,” he says. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s just,” I start. “John and I had a fight,” I say. I feel guilty because for all the conversations Eli and I have shared, I’ve never once bitched about my husband, or spoken of him in a negative way. But tonight, I really want to rant.

Eli nods patiently, curious.

“It was about how he’s always gone, and I have to do everything around here.”

He nods. “Yeah, I got that sense.”

“I mean, that’s life, but I’ve had enough lately.”

He stares at me for a beat. “Do you miss him when he’s gone?” he asks softly. “Are you lonely?”

I nod. “Yes,” I confess. “It’s probably the reason I’m talking to you right now.”

He grins, a playful smile, sexy as hell. “So you’re using me?”

“Definitely,” I tease.

His grin widens. “Use me all you want.”

My smile fades. “Why are you talking to me? Are you lonely too?”

He nods. “Yes,” he says quietly, and in that moment, he’s so damn beautiful. I can’t believe someone like him could ever be lonely.

“I wish you were closer,” he says. “It would be nice to have coffee together.”

I close my eyes. “Yes.”

“Two senses,” he says. “That’s all I get with you.”

I’m not quite sure what he’s getting at. “What do you mean?”

“I get to see you, and I get to hear your voice,” he says, “but I don’t get to smell you, touch you... taste you.”

Holy fuck.

A heat spreads through my core and I feel dizzy, dizzy with desire. He’s turning me on. I can’t believe he just uttered those words. He’s never crossed the line before.

Fuck, never.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re married… I just,” he stammers. “I just like you,” he goes on, completely flustered. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s okay,” I tell him.

A long silence fills the screen with tension. After a long beat, I say, so quietly I can barely hear myself, “I feel the same way. I wish I could touch you... taste you.”

He closes his eyes, and I shut mine too. This feels so heavy, so amazing. I want to hold on to this feeling forever.

But we’ve both just crossed the line, and I swore to myself that I’d never do that to John.

“I should go,” I say. “It’s late, and I should let you get back to sleep.”

“Yes,” he says. “Sweet dreams, Gabriella.”

“Sweet dreams.”

Damn.

I turn off the lights and lie in bed. It’s still early, and I’m not ready to sleep yet, but I want to be alone with my thoughts. I try to think about the situation logically, objectively. I try not to think about Eli — it’s impossible to think straight when I’m picturing his beautiful face. I was obviously vulnerable. I was angry with John. It was a revenge chat. It was wrong. What I’m doing is wrong. I’m cheating on John. I’ve been telling myself it’s all innocent; sharing laughs, and chatting about art and music. But who am I kidding? It’s so much more than that. I know it, and he knows it.

Just the thought of saying goodbye to him rips me apart, but I need to end this.

For John, for my kids.

I have no other choice.

Dear Eli,

First, I just want to tell you how much you mean to me. And that’s the problem… you mean more to me than you should. I keep telling myself that we’re just friends, but I think we both know we’re more than that. I’m not exactly sure what I am to you, but you are everything to me. I think about you all the time, every hour of every day. It’s a little ridiculous, to be honest. I am a happily married mother of two, and I should start acting like it.

I’ve really enjoyed our conversations about art and life, but it’s time for me to end this. For a bachelor like you, this is just a fun distraction I’m sure. But for me, it’s so much more, and it really shouldn’t be. What I’m doing with you is not right. I love my husband and my children, so it’s because of them that I need to say goodbye.

I’ll always remember you. : ) And I’ll smile every time I do.

Your friend,

Gabriella

I’m sobbing like a child by the time I finish the message. This is so much harder than I’d anticipated. It’s crazy — I’m crying over a man I just met a few weeks ago, a man I’ve never even seen in the flesh.

I spend over an hour, poring over the message, making sure it’s just perfect, and when I finally hit ‘Send’, I feel sick, but a weight instantly lifts off my shoulders. I needed to do this. My life has felt so heavy lately, so confusing. I want my old life back; my boring, predictable, ordinary life.

I spend the next three hours frantically checking my Inbox. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, he responds.