JOHN IS COMPLETELY SPEECHLESS.

“I’m going to contact him,” I tell him. “I want to visit him for a week,” I say matter-of-factly. “We’ll have to see what he says.”

John is slack jawed. He has absolutely no words. I don’t blame him. I’d have no words either if I were him.

Finally, he manages to speak, “Uh… do you mean, just visiting as friends? Is this guy married?”

“No, he’s single. And no, I don’t mean ‘just visiting as friends’, I mean fucking each other’s brains out if we feel like it.” As soon as the words are out, I instantly regret them — it’s not so much what I’ve said, but how I’ve said it.

“Fuck, Gabbie, you can’t be serious.”

“I’m dead serious,” I tell him. “Why should you have all the fun, John?”

“No fucking way,” he scoffs. “I won’t stand for it. No way you’re going to Copenhagen and sleeping with this asshole.”

I want to grab his laptop, and throw it at his face. I really do. “Well, first off, he’s not an asshole, he’s a nice guy. Second, if you get to fuck someone else, then so do I. Tit for tat and all that. And thirdly, and this is the most important one of all, if I don’t do this, I’ll never ever be able to forgive you.”

“So let me get this straight,” he says. “If you sleep with this guy, you’ll magically be able to forgive me.”

“I know it sounds stupid—”

“It is stupid, Gabbie,” he snaps. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” I argue. “Let’s give it a week, and if I still feel the same—”

“So you’re asking me for a Hall Pass?”

I think about it for a second. “Yes, essentially.”

“You think you can sleep with this guy, and then come back to me, and everything will be great again between us.”

“If I don’t do this, I’ll always be resentful of your affair. I’ll always remember her and her purple tipped hair. I’ll tell myself that it’s not fair that you got to play a little, and I didn’t.”

He doesn’t say a word.

“I’ll spend a week with Eli, and I’ll forget all about her. And then when I come back to you, I will have had my adventure. It’ll be like we’ve just both experimented with open marriage for a short while. Think about it,” I go on. “I’m trading only one week for your five months.”

“Yep, that’s a deal for me,” he deadpans.

“Don’t you understand where I’m coming from? If I do this, our marriage can survive your affair.”

He nods. “I get it,” he says. “Our marriage is the most important thing in the world to me, and I’d like to think it’s the same for you.”

“It is,” I assure him.

He shakes his head. “I can’t believe I’m considering this.”

“You have no choice,” I tell him. “If you don’t let me do it, our marriage is over.” It sounds like an ultimatum, and it kind of is, in a way, but it’s really not. If I don’t do this, I’ll never be able to accept what he’s done to me.

“One week,” he says.

“One week,” I repeat.

“Then it’s over,” he adds. “You break it off completely… just like I’m doing. No more contact.”

I nod. “Yes.”

“And you give me full access to all your online communication,” he goes on, and the business-like formal tone of his voice breaks my heart a little.

“Yes, just like you,” I remind him. “We’ll have a completely open and honest marriage. No more secrets.”

“One week,” he says again.

If I go ahead with this, I’ll feel vindicated, and I’ll probably be able to get past this. Our beautiful family will come out of all this, unscathed.

I nod again. “One week.”

It’s the longest week of my life.

I want to reach out to Eli, but I can’t. I’ve promised John that I’d wait a week before making any rash decisions. He thinks I’m going to settle down and change my mind, but I know I won’t.

I want to do this. I’m just not sure I have the guts to do it. Every day, my resolve weakens, and I doubt myself more and more. What if Eli isn’t interested? What if he’s already moved on? What if he thinks I’m crazy?

John is not helping either. He’s been on his best behavior these past few days, spending a lot of time with the kids, and helping around the house, cooking the occasional dinner, and whipping up lunch in the afternoon. But it’s all a little too late.

He asks me a lot of questions about Eli, and I answer them. After all, he’s answered all mine. When did you two meet? What does this guy do for a living? Is this guy for real?

“This guy could be a fucking psycho, for all you know,” he points out over lunch one afternoon. “He could be a complete fake,” he says. “How do you know you’re really talking to a real person?”

Another day, on the way to pick up the kids from a birthday party... “This man has probably been with loads of women, and you’ll probably end up with an STD,” he scoffs. “If you’re crazy enough to sleep with a total stranger, the least you could do is make sure you use protection.”

“Of course I would,” I tell him. “Did you with your little whore?”

He rolls his eyes. “Of course, Gabbie.”

Well, at least there’s that.

And the worst comment of all, the one that cuts the most, is in bed at night. He’s sleeping in the guest room, and he comes and perches on the edge of our bed, to give me yet another speech about how ridiculous I’m acting. “The man is obviously a player, and gets off on turning on bored housewives.”

I throw a pillow at him. “Get out!”

Maeve and Kayla are flipping through a wedding magazine. I envy the both of them. What I wouldn’t give to be the person I was when I was their age; madly in love with my husband, the mother of a new baby girl, my attention solely focused on my family and my job, busy as hell but happy and fulfilled.

And now… I feel so empty and so desperate, clinging at straws. Of course what I’m doing is crazy. I know it. And I understand it. I am so deeply hurt that I’m willing to try anything to escape my pain. My escape is Eli — he’s the only thing I’m holding on to. He’s my life raft. I’m desperately trying to hold on for the sake of the kids, but betrayal feels almost impossible to survive. Maybe if Eli helps me, I can come out of this alive.

My family has always been my first priority, and that hasn’t changed.

“What’s going on?” Kayla asks. “You seem really down, Gabs.”

Leave it to Kayla to notice. I’ve been putting on a brave face, and pretending to be normal, but I’ve never been a good actress. Kayla is the most intuitive of all my friends, and she can easily see through the façade.

She cradles a cup of tea. “I know something’s up.” She’s not letting this go.

I stare at her hands. I can’t bring myself to look her in the eye because I know I’ll break apart. She wears a collection of bohemian silver rings and her short nails are painted a pretty shade of nude pink. Her tea cup is pink and covered with polka-dots.

“What is it, Gabs?!”

I finally venture a look up. They’re both watching me intently.

“I…” I start, but I can’t speak. I’m all choked up. “I… John and I—”

“Hey, girls,” Corrie cheers, completely oblivious. “What’s up?!”

When I look up at her, her face falls. She sinks into the empty chair next to mine. “Gabbie… what’s wrong?”

I’m crying now. I was hoping to avoid this, but there was no way I could when Kayla spoke in that soft soothing voice, and contemplated me with those big doe eyes of hers.

I’ve opened the flood gates. I’ve started the movie. I’ve read the prologue. I can’t just end it here, and say, ‘No, seriously, it’s fine. Everything’s good. I don’t even know why I’m crying.’ It’s too late for that.

I decide to get straight to it, and get it over with. “I just found out that John is cheating on me.”

They all stare at me without a word, mouths agape and eyes wide. The silence seems to be endless, and I wordlessly plead with them to say something.

Corrie is the first to speak. “That little asshole, I’m going to kill him.”

I smile a little. That’s so Corrie.

“What happened?” Kayla asks. “With whom?”

I swallow hard. “With another author,” I tell her. “Pretty, smart, successful,” I point out. “You know John… only the best for him.” I don’t tell them her name, and they don’t ask.

Corrie shakes her head.

“Oh, Gabbie,” Maeve chimes in. “What does this mean?”

I can’t answer because I’m not quite sure myself. Will we break-up? I hope not. But can I get past this? I don’t know.

Corrie steals a sip from Kayla’s tea. “You kicked him out, I hope.”

I shrug. “Well, no. He’s sleeping in the guest room.”

“What are you waiting for?” she snaps. “Kick the little fucker out.”

Her words almost make me smile. Yeah, he is a little fucker.

“It’s not that simple,” Maeve cuts in, the voice of reason. “They have two kids, and they made vows.”

“Vows, my ass,” Corrie argues. “He broke those vows when he cheated on her.”

Maeve is a dreamer, and Corrie a realist. And Corrie was married and separated so she sees this whole thing from a different angle, and she’s been through this before.

“Can you forgive him?” Maeve asks. Her pretty brown eyes fix me, silently hoping for a ‘yes’. Maeve is the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet. She has a child-like innocence, and has never lived a hard day in her life, save for the death of her father. She wears pretty dresses and cardigans, and always has a pretty smile on her face. Maeve doesn’t like conflict, can’t quite face reality. And I don’t want to let her down. “I don’t know, Maeve,” I tell her honestly.

“These things can be worked out,” Kayla says. “My friend’s sister is a counsellor, and does couples therapy—”

I shake my head. “No, I don’t want therapy.” Sitting on an uncomfortable chair in front of a stranger, and telling her all our problems is not going to make me less angry. If anything, it’ll make me more upset.

“But…” Kayla says, at a loss for words.

“I have another plan,” I tell them. The girls and I share everything, and I don’t see why I should hide this from them. They’ll wonder why I’m flying off to Denmark out of the blue. I might as well tell them.

They’re all wide-eyed, waiting for me to elaborate.

“What?!” Corrie asks. “What plan?”

“Remember the guy I met on the Internet, the one I told you about?”

Corrie sits up straighter. “The hot one with the scooter?!”

I nod. “Well, he and I have become friends—”

Maeve leans in. “I thought you were staying away from that guy.”

“Well, I was, but now everything’s changed.”

“So what, are you going to fuck him?” Corrie says, asking the question on everyone’s mind.

Maeve and Kayla’s jaws drop to the floor.

I bite my bottom lip. “Well, I’m planning to go see him for a week, and we’ll see what happens.”

Corrie laughs out loud. “A revenge fuck,” she says a little too loudly. “I fucking love it!”

Kayla shakes her head. “It sounds crazy, Gabs. Do you even know this guy? He could be a serial killer.”

She sounds exactly like John. “I do. I do know him.”

“Does John know about this?” she asks.

“Yes, he doesn’t like it, but he has no say in the matter. I told him that he needs to let me do this, or I’m leaving him.”

Maeve is still wide-eyed. If she doesn’t blink soon, her eyes will shrivel up like raisins. “You gave him an ultimatum?”

I shrug. “I guess.” I know it sounds childish, and a little crazy.

“Well, he got to have some fun, why shouldn’t she?” Corrie points out. “I love it!”

Corrie is enjoying this a little too much.