Chapter Six
Things I would tell my fifteen-year-old self now that I’m grown:
“Don’t be afraid to say no.” Melanie
~Tempest~
Deacon is in my house, I want to freak out, but honestly I’m too tired. He is just a hookup. He has been my release when he rides in town and I miss him, but get over it when he’s gone. I have so much on my plate, it’s hard to add anything else. Don’t get me wrong, Deacon is a solid man. He stays in communication with me, never makes me feel less than treasured. I just don’t have time to allow myself to get swept up in it all.
With the responsibilities I have with the shelter and Arika, I have never wanted a relationship. In fact, I have never had any relationship last more than a few months. Most men get tired of my dedication to my business.
Then there is Arika.
I can’t explain it. I just have this heavy pressure on myself to give her everything her mom would have wanted her to have. Stephanie was my very best friend. She was the sister I never had. We went through so much together.
She trusted me with the final piece of her life.
Her child.
It’s something I don’t take lightly. It’s also something not many people know about – including Deacon.
I should feel bad, but I don’t. While Deacon and I have spent some time getting to know each other, we have barely covered the surface. In fact, if I remember correctly, Tamalyn told me Deacon is a roadname and not his real name.
Part of me feels stupid for having sex with a man I don’t actually know his name, but then again, Deacon comes around and my vagina is suddenly in charge throwing all caution to the wind.
I close my eyes praying sleep will come. My mind goes back.
“He kissed me,” Stephanie tells me smiling big. “And he finally told me he loves me.”
“When?” I ask taking a bite of my sandwich. We are on lunch at school.
“After the football game. He kissed me and said I was his lucky charm since he scored. Then he kissed me again before he whispered I love you.”
I laugh. “Is that touchdown all he’s gonna score?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I love Shawn. I could let him pop my cherry.”
“Does it scare you?”
She wipes her mouth with her napkin and drops it to her tray. “I don’t want to be like April and pregnant at fifteen. But sex itself doesn’t scare me.”
“Well, Jessica’s mom put her on birth control because her periods weren’t regular or something. Maybe get your mom to do that for you so you won’t have to worry.”
The warning bell rings telling us lunch is over.
Waking it takes me a few minutes to get myself together.
Fifteen-year-old Stephanie is fifteen-year-old Arika’s twin. Only Stephanie wasn’t nearly as challenging as Arika. She got that and her eyes from Shawn.
I rub my eyes looking to the clock to see it’s a little after seven. If I hurry, I can get Arika to school and still get to work. I’m in over my head with what to do with her running away.
Deacon was right though, I needed him here last night. I wouldn’t have slept otherwise and my head wouldn’t be clear enough to make her go to school today. If I keep her home, she will dwell on the negatives in life rather than facing life. I’ve had enough experience with broken people to know the fine line we all walk with depression. Teenage depression statistics are through the roof. I will need to keep a close eye on her.
Going to my bathroom, I empty my bladder, wash my hands, face, and teeth before getting dressed and making my way to the kitchen.
The site when I walk in is magnificent. In my kitchen, with his shirt off is the beast of a man known to me as Deacon. His jeans are undone and hang low on his hips showing the definition of his muscles. The tattoo of the American flag cut out on his ribs moves with him like the flag waving in the wind. He is in front of my coffee pot pouring a mug full of hot brew.
He looks to me and my vagina wakes up like our whole world didn’t shift yesterday. Putting the decanter back in its place, he carries the mug to me.
“Here ya go, beautiful.”
“You made me coffee?”
He nods, “I heard you moving around. Thought you might need a jump-start this morning.”
I take a sip.
“Don’t know what you got on the agenda today, Tempest, but might need to clear your schedule for your kid.”
Brushing past him, I set the mug on the counter. “Do not tell me how to parent. You don’t know my situation or me well enough.”
“Whoa, whoa, hold on. I’m not telling you what to do. Raising a teenage girl must be hell with hormones, periods, boys, and drama. I’m just trying to help you get your head on straight after a night that I’m sure was hell for a mother.”
“You wanna help, you can leave.”
He looks at me, but doesn’t speak. He goes to the couch where I see his boots at the end on the floor and a shirt hanging over my chair. Reaching out, grabbing the t-shirt he pulls it on.
“You want me gone, I’m out. Just remember, she’s young, confused, and her night was as long as yours. Let her get her space, you get yours. I’ll be out of your hair. You know how to reach me when you want me.”
His words sting even though they shouldn’t.
“Don’t act like we’re something more than a hookup. Shit is bad. My life is more complicated than you or anyone can imagine.”
He sits on the couch and pulls his socks out from inside of the boots and begins to put them on.
“Could be more between us. Could have someone to help you uncomplicate your life. That’s on you. Ball’s in your court. I get you, Tempest. You gotta keep the world at a distance so you stay in control. I’m not a man of games, I’m too old, see too much shit. You want to shut me out, fine, I’m out.”
Too many emotions hit me at once and I feel tears hit the back of my eyelids as I close them tight. “I don’t know what I want!” I admit, not sure whether I really want him to leave or him to hold me and tell me this is going to be okay.
“At least now we’re getting somewhere. Look, Tempest, I’m not here to push your buttons or add more to your plate. Hell, till this morning I didn’t even know you had a kid. It kinda fucks with a man that I know every inch of your body and how to make you come with my tongue alone, but I didn’t know you had a kid. Your life is saving others – I get it. I admire it. Damn, it makes you this total package. But you got a kid … a kid you’re hidin’.”
“I am not!”
The look he gives me is a stone-cold stare. “Do not fuck with me, Tempest. Shit I did, people I know, I can dig. I can find out everything you don’t want me to know. Out of respect for you and wondering if one day we could have something real, I didn’t search you.”
Fury boils in my veins. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare. You wanna dig into me, fine. Find whatever the fuck you’re looking for, but you leave my daughter out of it. As for anything we could have had, well, you aren’t the most open book are you? What the hell do I know about you except you like to be bitten and suck the tip before choking down the shaft. Yeah, Deacon, I can play your little sex game too.”
He stands with his hands on his hips. “Not trying to fight with you. I wanna get to know you, but you left out a key element. Having a kid, that’s a huge deal.”
“I ever ask you for money?”
“No, your pride wouldn’t ever let you do that.”
I give out a huff. “Stop acting like you know me.”
“I don’t know you. But I can read you. Consider it a gift from Uncle Sam. Since you don’t know me as much as I don’t know you. I will go first. I was a Navy SEAL, Tempest. I have connections and skills that could make me completely disappear. My name is Gentry Hawkins, I got no family except the brothers I ride with. I got nothing to tie me down except I let myself get tangled up in this woman who is fire and ice, hard and soft, all bundled in one. She doesn’t have to speak to have my attention. She’s stronger than anyone I’ve ever met. She loves hard but can’t give herself a chance to have anything good come back to her. And apparently, she’s got a secret kid tucked away.”
The conversation ends when Arika emerges from her room. She moves down the hall without a word to her bathroom. Neither of us have ever been morning people. I listen as she flushes the toilet and then washes her hands, face, and teeth.
Deacon stands in my living room watching for her to come out and join us. As soon as she makes the first step in the room, he goes to her and extends his hand.
“Good morning, young lady. I am Gentry Hawkins. My friends call me Deacon.”
Arika takes his hand and shakes it. “I’m Arika.”
“Not a man to talk much, not my thing. Had a mom, a single mom, I gave her hell when I was a teenager too. Shit’s tough sometimes. Just remember you got one mom, time will come when she’s gone and you’re gonna wish you did shit different.”
“Mister, all due respect, my one mom is gone. Dead and gone.” She points me. “She’s the fill in. Life is tough when you’re the secret. I get you wanna make things easier between me and my mom, but she doesn’t understand me, she can’t because I was handed off to her and no one ever stopped to think about what I would want for myself.”
Arika is one tough cookie to crack, I hope Deacon realizes what he’s up against. Navy SEAL or not we are talking about a teenage girl who thinks she’s unstoppable.
Deacon looks her in the eye. “You get a choice. One for yourself when you’re eighteen. Get a job, make shit happen for yourself kid, but don’t take for granted the love this woman has given you whether she gave birth to you or not.”
Tears fall down my face. “Arika, our business is between us. You wanna hate me for honoring your mom by doing what she asked of me, then hate me forever. You wanna tell the world I’m not your mom, don’t think I’ll let it happen easy. You have no idea the things I have given up to keep my word to your mother.”
“I just wanna know my real family!” She screams.
“I can’t do that Arika! Stephanie asked me not to.”
Deacon looks between us. He moves to the couch and takes a seat before patting the cushion beside him. I should be embarrassed that he’s stuck in my dilemma, but I am so overwhelmed by Arika’s attitude I don’t have time to be.
“Arika, take a seat.” She shakes her head, defiant little woman. “Look, I know people. I have connections. You want to know your history; I’ll give it to you. Me and you, every single detail you want I will find it.”
“Yeah, and what do you want from me?”
“Respect your mom, chill out, go to school, and I will lay out every piece of information for you with proof it’s real. In return, you cut your mom a break and for now, the world doesn’t need to know Arika Adams isn’t really Tempest Adams’ daughter.”
I bite my bottom lip to stop myself from yelling out to him that he won’t be doing anything about any information on Arika or her past. There is no way I will hurt her with the truth. She’s this pissed off about me being her mom, how can she be reasonable when I tell her that her father killed her mother? At least she can pretend her dad is a superhero instead of the devil himself. If I react right now the way I want, Arika will rebel more. I know her. She has enough of Shawn’s spirit in her soul to move mountains when she is angry. I have to be the calm in her storm.
Arika moves to stand in front of Deacon. She extends her hand, “You’ll tell me who I came from and all I have to do is respect my mom and go to school?”
Deacon shakes her hand, “We have a deal then. No trouble from you and I’ll lay your history at your feet.”
Arika looks to me and I see hope in her eyes.
She has no idea what she’s allowing Deacon to do.
There is no preparing her for what she’s going to find out.
There is no protecting her from the truth.
And there is no feeling for me as her guardian more helpless than this very moment, when I know everything is about to fall apart around me and her.