chapter twelve
Things I would tell my fifteen-year-old self now that I’m grown:
“Don’t be afraid to speak your truth.” Carol
~Tempest~
The knock at my door startles me because I gave Deacon a key this morning before I left for work. Why would he knock? I’m not expecting anyone else. The man has me tied up in knots. I want to be angry with him for getting involved with my situation with Arika. Then he goes and orders dinner early. I have never had someone concern themselves with whether I have a good meal and an evening to relax.
Actions speak. His today spoke volumes. He left me and Arika a note on the kitchen counter. He didn’t just think of me. Here, I dropped having a child on him without warning, but he accepts it. Watching her read the note he left specifically for her, my heart swelled with happiness. More so, I could see in her eyes, it mattered. She was shocked he thought of her as much as I was, maybe more.
And dinner.
Before he went about his day, he took the time to think ahead about my evening and again he had food delivered for Arika and me. It wasn’t pizza either. He had philly cheesesteaks delivered, along with fried pickles. He also had a ham and cheese sub delivered with instructions for Arika to pack it in her lunch tomorrow.
Excitement fills me to think of the many ways I plan to ‘thank’ Deacon for his act of kindness and consideration.
I look through the peephole to see Judge and Tamalyn standing on the other side of the door. Strange.
Tamalyn is my cousin and my best friend, she would text or call before coming over. If that didn’t work, we have Twitter. When she was hiding from her dad, we used Twitter and still have our profiles active. I wouldn’t imagine she would use it now, but why wouldn’t she at least call or text? Automatically, I have my guard up.
Opening the door, I let them in as Arika comes from her room to see who is here. Like every time she sees Tamalyn, she rushes to her, hugging her tight.
Family.
It means so much to my daughter.
I just wish she would see sometimes family isn’t the blood shared in your veins but rather the people who have your back, share your heart, and give you unconditional love and loyalty.
“Hey guys, why are you here?” I ask Judge while Tamalyn immediately goes to the kitchen with Arika asking about her day and the protest.
Luckily, I text her about the meeting at school, so she knows Arika isn’t in any trouble with me for the project anymore. I even explained, I was wrong for not allowing my daughter to explain herself to me in the first place and me simply backing the school.
The running away – she was wrong, and we still have to tackle it.
“Deacon’s on his way. He just didn’t want y’all here alone with it getting late.” Judge explains stepping inside. “We’re gonna hang out and he’ll be here soon. Need some food, Tempest. I’m hungry.”
I study the man who has been in Tamalyn’s life forever. He literally grew up next door. Through the years, he stayed in contact with me to keep an eye on her since she lived here for some time.
“Bladen,” I toss out his real name instead of his road name to show him how serious I am. “Don’t fuck with me. Where is Deacon?”
“Feed me first,” he jokes and we go into the kitchen.
“Deacon ordered me an extra sandwich for my lunch tomorrow if you wanna eat that, Judge.” Arika offers up.
“No!” I say back smirking at Judge. “He can eat buttered noodles. That sandwich was ordered for you with a purpose. Judge can suck it up or he should’ve eaten before he came over.”
Judge looks to Tamalyn then to me. “I did, we’re a little late because I had to finish.” Tamalyn smacks his chest.
I love their playfulness, but I don’t want to hear about their sex life.
More so, I need to know Deacon’s safe. Why else would they be here? Why am I so worried about a man I barely know? Deep down, I know why – the connection we have is something special deep inside me that every time I try to push it away, it comes back stronger, announcing itself and making me aware. Everything with Deacon is different, stronger, and harder to let go of or walk away from. It also scares me to death.
I make buttered noodles while Arika goes on and on about her version of the project. Breaking the chains of the past, she continues on and on while I cook. She takes off to shower when I serve the plates to Judge and Tamalyn.
“This thing you got with Deacon, is it what you want?” Judge asks surprising me.
I jerk my head back surprised by his question. “What thing with Deacon?”
“Known you a long damn time, Tempest. I know my brother. I know the kind of men we are. Deacon’s laying claim. That’s as serious as it gets in our world. Marriage isn’t a commitment as strong as claiming a woman to a biker. Deacon’s making claim. I know him. If he hasn’t said it yet, it’s coming. Need to know it’s what you want. If not, brother or not, I’ll step in for you because of the history we have, Tempest. I won’t like it because Deacon is a good man. He’d be good for your life. But out of respect for who you are to me and to Tamalyn, I’ll make him stand down.”
I try to process what he’s telling me. He would make Deacon back off and leave me alone. I don’t want that. Not at all. I try to process my own emotions. I know I would like to see what we could have together. The problem, I have a hard time trusting it’s real.
“Bladen, I’ve never had someone else. I’ve never had a partner, a long-time lover.”
“Getting deep with me, Tempest. Like you want me to step into the feelings pool with you.” He laughs and Tamalyn comes over standing next to her man.
“Take a chance, Tempie. Deacon’s a good man. The Devil’s Due it’s a family like we always wanted and never had.”
“Yeah, Mom, take a chance. Deacon listens to me. I feel like I have a voice.” Arika immediately hangs her head. I hate that I’ve made her feel this way. I want her to be empowered and open to telling me anything. I want her to know she is heard.
Just not about her dad.
I can’t risk it.
She just doesn’t see it. I’m going to have to face telling her the truth.
I don’t get to answer any of them because Deacon walks through the front door. I exhale long and hard. Relief. He’s safe. He is here and okay. My heart swells, my belly swirls, and I find myself moving towards him automatically.
“Thanks, man,” he addresses Judge as he makes long strides to me.
His eyes are driven, hungry like I’m the prey.
“How fast did you drive? We just got here about forty-five minutes ago.” Judge says but Deacon’s eyes are trained on me.
“Throttle down,” is the only response he gives before reaching me, pulling me to him and planting a loud, wet kiss on my lips in front of everyone. Finding myself relieved he’s here, I give in and give back like this is the last kiss I may ever get with him.
When we’re both breathless, he pulls away. “Gotta talk outside with Judge. We’ll be on the front porch, then I’ll be inside for the night.”
With a kiss to my forehead he lets me go and steps out front.
“Mom!” Arika says covering her eyes.
Tamalyn smirks at me. “Damn, that was hot!”
“Shut it!” I feel my cheeks heat.
Does Deacon know how twisted in knots he has me? I crave his touch. I want nothing more than to get to know the man who makes my toes curl with every kiss. I want this.
I want a life and a love with Gentry “Deacon” Hawkins.