“J enny, we need to talk,” Carson says .

I look up in the bathroom mirror and see him in the reflection. He gave me the space I needed, albeit it was only for a short time. Carson isn’t one to stand on the sidelines. It’s one of the things I love about him. He’s a stubborn man, but he knows what he wants and always wants to fix a problem .

But some things just can’t be fixed .

He’s standing by the bathroom door. He’s slipped on his jeans, the top undone, and his feet bare. He doesn’t have a shirt on and his hair is all rumpled. He’s beautiful—absolutely beautiful . He could have any woman he wanted, and he chose me. But that was before, when he thought I could give him babies. With each month that goes by, the hope inside of me fades. Carson has never said anything; he never makes me feel bad about the fact that I haven’t gotten pregnant yet—but I know .

If I didn’t before, I definitely know now. When I went a month without a period and I took that home pregnancy test… His eyes lit up. He was so happy. He hollered, picked me up and… God. It hurts to even think about that day now. I feel like a complete failure. I feel like I’m failing Carson. Worse. I feel like I’m standing in the way of the one thing he wants more than anything in the world. A family .

A false positive. I could curse out that little pregnancy stick for giving me hope. For giving us hope .

“I don’t think there’s anything to say,” I whisper, washing my face, not wanting to talk about it. Talking about it only upset me. Before I would be sad, but now I’m just…fucking pissed .

“The fuck there isn’t. You’re hurting .”

“Nothing you can say will make that better, Carson. You can’t always fix everything .”

“Honey. It’s only been — ”

“It’s been over a year, Carson. It’s time to face the facts. I can’t get pregnant .”

“You don’t know that. Besides, if there’s a problem …”

“I think it’s pretty clear that there’s a problem, Carson,” I answer, suddenly feeling very tired .

“It could be with me. Did you ever think about that, Jenny ?”

“There’s no way it’s you, Carson. You’re too virile and — ”

I stop talking, because I don’t have the answers. The truth is it could be him. Just because he’s the manliest man I’ve ever encountered, it doesn’t mean he can spawn a whole town of babies. But in the end, it doesn’t matter. Whether it’s him or me, the fact remains that we can’t get pregnant on our own .

“I know you went off to college, but I sure didn’t realize you were a doctor .”

“Quit being a smartass,” I mumble, finally turning to face him, because it’s clear he’s not going to let this drop. I tighten the robe I had put on earlier, and let my hands play with the sash .

“Then quit trying to shut me out. I know you’re disappointed, sweetheart — ”

“Don’t try and pretend you’re not, Carson. I was there the day I took that test. You were on cloud nine .”

“Damn it, of course I’m disappointed,” he growls and the pain that slices through me at his words is nearly unbearable .

I lean on the sink because it’s a blow that could bring me to my knees .

“Carson, I think it’s time we talk about separating.” I’m running on emotions right now, saying things I’m not sure I really mean. Maybe I want him to feel the pain I feel, even though I’m sure he does. He just hides it so much better. I love him with all my heart, but I don’t want to be the reason he’s held back .

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he growls and I jump at the anger suddenly in his voice .

“I can’t be what you need, Carson. I can’t give you want you need. And you deserve a family, a big one. I don’t want to be the reason you’re in a childless marriage. I can’t handle that.” I exhale, the words hurting me so damn badly. I don’t want to say them, but I want them out there. I want him to know he isn’t stuck with me. “I think it’s best if we just… separate,” I whisper, choking on the words, my heart breaking. I hold my head down, trying to get control of my emotions, because I feel like I’m dying .

“What the fuck, Jenny?” Carson growls suddenly right in front of me. His hands grab my hips, the pressure bruising .

“Carson,” I gasp, the anger on his face is the likes of something I’ve never seen from him before. My heart kicks against my chest .

“Is it that easy for you? Can you throw me away like yesterday’s garbage like that?” he yells .

“I… No! Carson, nothing about this is easy! I love you !”

“Then what the fuck are you thinking ?”

“I’m thinking of you! I’m trying to give you what you want.” The last part comes out of me on a whisper .

“I wish to hell you’d explain how you leaving me does that. You’re my fucking world .”

“You want a baby. You want a family. Heirs to leave this land to. You’ve said that for as long as I’ve known you!” I yell back, anger pulling me out of my misery as nothing else could .

“Do you not fucking listen when I talk, Jenny? Have you not heard me for the past year when I told you that you have given me the world? As long as I have you, I don’t need another goddamn thing. You’re it for me, Jenny. You always have been. I love you.” He says the last part with so much emotion I feel like crying .

“I love you too,” I cry. “I just want you to be happy .”

I would have thought I had no tears left, but I’m wrong, because now I’m sobbing my eyes out .

“ Jenny — ”

“I need you to be happy, Carson. That’s all I want,” I tell him in between tears and shuddering breaths .

This morning I was so happy… And now it feels like my world is ending .

“If I’m not with you I’m not happy,” he says and strokes my cheek. “If I don’t have you by my side there’s no reason to keep breathing .”

And I know he means that, because I feel the same way .