M y heart is thundering and I haven't even gotten off the plane yet. I know Carson will be waiting for me, know he won't have Mavis pick me up .

Although it hasn't been that long since I've been back at the ranch, it feels like an eternity. Truth is, every time I see Carson my feelings for him grow. He is all I think about, all I want. I’ve foolishly saved myself for a man who probably sees me as nothing more than his ward .

Carson has been my guardian for years, looked after me when my father passed away, and here I am lusting after him when I have no clue if he even reciprocates my feelings .

And truth is, I am too weak, too much of a coward to ever admit how I feel .

I grab my bag and get off the plane, my heart pounding so hard I feel like it's going to burst through my chest. The airport is small, very rural for this area. I had to do a layover before boarding this smaller airplane, and Carson's ranch is still almost an hour away .

But honestly, I've been looking forward to this trip since I was last here. I finally graduated with my degree, put what little possessions I had in storage, and couldn’t wait to get back here. But for the last year I've been working on finals, making sure I pass my classes, and trying not to think about seeing the one man who I want more than anything else .

I leave the small airport and am momentarily blinded by the sun. I blink until my vision clears. I see Carson standing there, his back against his old pickup truck, the red color faded, and the rust spots around the wheels telling of age and use .

He's had the truck for as long as I can remember, and damn does he look good with his arms crossed, a faded baseball cap on his head, and a pair of sunglasses covering his eyes. When he’s not wearing a cowboy hat while working out in the fields he has on that ball cap, one that I will always associate with him .

The smile he gives me has my heart pounding faster and this warmth seeping through my entire body. I smile in return but I feel like it’s a bit shaky, a little bit forced. My feelings for him are so consuming. Even though it has been a while since I've seen him, my love for him has only grown. But I can never admit how I feel for Carson, can't even say it out loud when I'm alone .

He takes the bag out of my hand and puts it in the back of his truck. When he turns around, there's only a second where we stare into each other’s eyes before he pulls me into the hardness of his body and embraces me. He's so big and strong, and my head fits perfectly against the center of his chest .

I close my eyes for a second and listen to the beat of his heart. It sounds fast, as if maybe he's a bit nervous too. But no, Carson wouldn't be nervous. He's always so steady and controlled .

When he pulls away, the grin he gives me is genuine. He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers linger right at my pulse point. Can he feel how hard and fast my heart is beating? Can he see the effect he has on me ?

“How was your flight?” he says, his voice gravelly, harsh. He takes a step back and clears his throat. I watch as he lifts his hand and runs it over the back of his head, his bicep bunching underneath the red plaid shirt he wears .

God, he's so big, so muscular. But working on a farm your whole life will bulk you up that way .

I nod and glance away, my cheeks feeling hot. I know I'm blushing, and wonder if he notices I am staring at his body. I clear my throat before looking back at him. “It was good .”

“You're probably hungry and tired,” he says and I stare into his blue eyes .

So many times I've thought about the dirty, inappropriate things I wanted Carson to do to me. I should feel ashamed, given the fact that he looked after me when my dad died. But the truth is I never saw him as a guardian, never saw him as a parental figure. Even before I knew what attraction and love was I knew there was something more I felt for Carson. I just didn't know what it was until later on in life, until we lived under the same roof and I felt my feelings for him grow to something womanly .

I may have graduated, but I still don't know what the hell I am going to do with my life. I haven't even told Carson that my plane ticket is one way. I no longer live in the dorm, no longer have connections to the university that will keep me there. Sure, I made friends along the way, even went on a few dates, but I have nothing substantial back there .

The only thing I want, the only person I want to spend time with, to be around, stands right in front of me. I just need to know, to understand and realize, that I will never have the courage to admit it to him. I’m too afraid of losing him .

Which brings me to the decision I’ve made. I promised myself when I came back to the farm that I would finally move on with my life. I’ve had feelings for Carson forever, but I can’t continue to build dreams around a man who more than likely will only see me as his best friend’s little girl—his ward…another responsibility in his life .

I have to move on. I have to begin building a life without Carson being the focal point. It’s not going to be easy, but I don’t really have a choice. I want to keep Carson in my life and if he knew the feelings I have for him, what I want from him, it would ruin our relationship forever .

I can’t let that happen .