I can feel the tension radiating from Carson, but I keep my mouth shut and let him control the situation. Yes, I have a lot of questions, the biggest one being what exactly he meant when he said I was his, and how far he is going to take that. Maybe it is obvious to some, and a part of me knows what it really means, but I want to hear him say it. I want him to admit that he desires me in the same way I do him .

I want Carson to tell me that, even though he said he’s wanted me since I was eighteen, what he wants with me is more than just a warm body in his bed. And truthfully, that’s my biggest fear. I worry that when this is all said and done, what he really desires is us rolling around between his sheets, making me just another notch on his bedpost .

We’ve been back at his house for the last twenty minutes, and although I feel a little dumb for walking off, I feel even more ridiculous that he felt the need to haul me over his shoulder like I was a sack of potatoes .

I’m a damn liar. I got so wet when he picked me up, like he was this caveman and he was hauling me back to his lair .

I watch as he walks over to the cabinet, opens it up, and pulls out two glasses. Then he goes over to the freezer and opens it, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. When he comes back to the table and sits across from me, my throat tightens .

He pours both glasses with a shot of whiskey and pushes one of them over to me. I stare at it for long seconds before finally picking it up and downing the whole thing. When I set the glass down, my throat on fire, my breath wheezing out of me, I see that Carson is staring at me with a smirk on his face. I wonder what he’s thinking about right now .

But he doesn’t say anything. He tosses back his own drink and refills both of the glasses .

“I figure we will both need a little kick in the ass after all the shit that went down tonight .”

I nod and drink the second shot of whiskey, coughing slightly once I have it swallowed. God, it’s like liquid fire down my throat and settling like a rock in my belly. The warmth and buzz start immediately. I’m not a big drinker so I know these two shots will really loosen me up .

Good .

“Did I freak you out by what I said? I’m surprised you haven’t packed your stuff and tried to leave.” He looks away and I hate that .

“No, you didn’t freak me out.” He might have admitted that he wants me, but I haven’t exactly told him how deep my feelings for him actually go .

And I want to tell him. I want to admit it all to him. I’m just too afraid, so scared that when I tell him I love him things will change .

I stand, not able to sit still anymore, not able to think clearly. I walk over to the sink and stare out the window, but it’s too dark to see outside. Instead, I can see Carson’s reflection. He’s staring at me, watching me. He stands, but I don’t turn around. It’s then I notice I took the liquor bottle with me .

Despite the turbulent emotions running through me I am aroused, my pussy wet, and my nipples hard. Our gazes lock and I can’t breathe. I turn around slowly, still staring at him, wondering what he’s thinking about. I see him swallow, his Adams apple working as if he is trying to hold off from saying something. I clench my hands around the whiskey bottle, thinking about downing the whole thing, trying to stem off my arousal .

The death grip I have on the bottle seems to ground me, stabilize me. But I force myself to set the bottle aside .

“So, where do we go from here? Where do we stand?” My voice is thick, hoarse. I’m afraid, nervous…excited about his response. Carson doesn’t say anything, and instead he moves closer, just a step, but I feel his body heat slam into me .

He takes another step closer. “I will always protect you, Jenny, always be here for you, no matter what. You know that, right ?”

He hasn’t answered my question, but I nod anyway .

Carson watches me intently, his breathing harder, faster. It matches mine. His chest rises and falls the closer he moves toward me. When we are mere inches from one another, I stare into his eyes, wanting to have the guts to just rise up on my toes and kiss him, to be the one to really start this .

Take me now, Carson. Make me yours .

“You’re shaking,” he says in a low, deep voice. He moves an inch closer, and I press my back fully against the counter .

“Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before,” he probes, questioning .

I know I shouldn’t say anything, but I can’t help myself. I need to have everything out in the open. I need to tell him how I feel. “I love you,” I whisper, knowing I shouldn’t have said that, but needing him to know the truth. And then after a few seconds he closes his eyes, braces his hands on the counter on either side of me, and breathes out roughly .

“I’m so much older than you .”

My heartbeat is loud in my ears. “I’m not a girl anymore. I know what I want, and what I want is you .”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, and I wonder what the next step is. I’ve waited long enough to be with the man I love, to finally be able to express how I feel. This is my life, and I want this more than anything. I want Carson more than anything .

“No, you’re not a girl anymore,” he says almost to himself. “Believe me, baby, I’ve noticed.” This lightness covers his face. “I love you, too, Jenny. God, I love you so fucking much it hurts .”

Pleasure and heat fill me. And then he makes this low sound in his throat, grabs me around the back of my head, and pulls me close. He presses his mouth against mine, and this gasp leaves me. I’m frozen in place, unsure if this is really happening. But in the end it doesn’t matter because the feel of his lips on mine, moving rough, hard, and demanding, has every rational thought leaving my brain .

The way he holds me, kisses me, makes me feel wholly feminine. He’s had me since before he said anything, since before I knew this was what I needed. I can feel the hunger and need in his touch .

I am helpless to stop it, but I don’t want to , ever .