I realised I could hear both Carson’s and Sasha’s voices. Forcing my eyes open, I looked around, instantly confused when I didn’t see them standing over me. A flickering light on my bedside cabinet caught my eye and I glanced over to see the baby monitor sitting on the side, was flashing as he spoke. I smiled, realising he was in Sasha’s room. They were having some sort of conversation, though Sasha’s side was more gobbledygook than anything else.
A dull ache in my head registered as I sat up and stretched. Last night, Carson and I had stayed up talking and polishing off the rest of the large bottle of champagne until well after midnight. I was feeling a little delicate because of that. It had been fun, though, and Carson was right – he certainly did have a lot of questions.
I sat there for ages, just listening to them interact and laugh through the baby monitor. I hadn’t even heard her wake today, but clearly Carson had if he’d gotten in there before me. “You know what we should do today? We should spend some time together; you, Mummy and me. Maybe we should ask Mummy if she wants to go to the beach. Want to do that?” Carson asked Sasha.
“Beach!” Sasha chirped, clapping her hands, barely managing to say the word.
I smiled. Sasha had never been to the beach before. She probably had no idea what one even was, yet she was excited about it by the sound of it.
“Well, let’s leave Mummy sleeping for a little while longer. Mummy deserves a lie in, doesn’t she? She works hard, your mum,” Carson said. “And when she wakes up, we’ll ask her if she wants to go. I have today and tomorrow that I can spend with you before I have to go away. Personally, I think it’s great that you and Mummy aren’t going to school this week. Means I get to hang out with you both.”
“Hangs out! Beach!” Sasha practically screamed.
“Shh, you’re gonna wake Mummy.” Carson laughed. “Can you make me some more tea?”
Chuckling, I pushed myself out of bed and crept from the room. This I had to see for myself. As I peeked around the doorway, I spotted Carson sitting on the rug, cross-legged, wearing another pair of long-leg loungewear trousers and nothing else. In my eyes, he was perfection, made even more perfect by his surroundings.
Sasha’s favourite teddy bears were all sitting in a semi-circle on the rug, too. They all had a little pink plate in front of them. While Sasha walked around pretending to refill everyone’s cup, Carson raised the little pink plastic cup to his lips and faked a loud slurp.
“Eww, sugar! I need sugar!” he said with mock disgust, holding his cup out to her and pulling a funny face. Sasha chuckled and pretended to get something from her pocket and drop it in his cup. Carson grinned. “I would have preferred one from the sugar bowl instead of an old, pocket lint-covered sugar lump, but that’ll do nicely. Stir, please,” he instructed, holding his cup out to her again and laughing as she picked up a plastic spoon, swirling it in his cup.
My heart melted at the sight of them playing together. I never realised how much Sasha was missing out on. He’d known her less than a week, yet Carson was already a fantastic dad. It broke my heart that I’d denied them each other for almost two years.
Unable to watch anymore without speaking, I cleared my throat. “It takes a real man to drink from a pink cup at a toddler tea party,” I teased.
Carson jumped, and his head snapped up. His mouth popped open before he laughed sheepishly, and a huge grin spread across his face. “Busted. I like tea parties, so sue me.”
“Very cute,” I teased, smirking at him. He shrugged, not even seeming bothered. “So, what’s this I heard about going to the beach?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Beeeeeeeeeeeeeach!” Sasha screamed at the top of her lungs, which made a dull thump come from Rory’s room and then a groan of pain. Carson and I both burst out laughing because Sasha’s screaming had obviously caused her uncle to fall out of his bed.
IT TOOK JUST UNDER TWO HOURS of driving before we arrived at Clacton-on-Sea. Thankfully, Sasha had fallen to sleep after an hour, so the drive was pretty peaceful in Carson’s massive four-by-four with the plush leather seats. It was nice, and us talking so much the night before meant I didn’t feel as awkward around him. We seemed to have made some peace last night and bonded over a bottle of champagne and a mutual dislike of designers. The drive time seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye.
After pulling in at the car park and buying an all-day ticket, the three of us set off to find the beach. On the way, Carson stopped and took Sasha into one of the little shops, buying buckets and spades, sand moulds and various other toys for her to play with. The ecstatic grin on his face as he helped her pick out what she wanted was enough to melt my heart. Clearly, spending money on her and giving her things was going to be one of life’s pleasures for him.
When we stopped at the steps and looked down at the beach, Sasha’s excited babble seemed to crank up a couple of notches as she pointed at the sea, her eyes wide. Smiling, I kicked off my shoes and rolled up my jeans before bending and doing the same to Sasha’s.
“Shame it’s not that warm. We’ll have to come back in the summer or something so we can go in the sea,” Carson mused, kicking off his trainers.
I frowned, shaking my head. “You can’t go in the sea. There are fish in there, and crabs.”
He chuckled, taking Sasha’s hand and helping her down the concrete steps. “Don’t tell me, you don’t like fish or crabs?”
Crinkling my nose in distaste, I shook my head. “Not unless they’re covered in batter and come with chips.”
Carson chuckled. “Well, I’m taking Sasha crabbing later, and you’re coming, so you’re going to have to get over this little issue pretty quickly.” He winked at me before smiling down at his daughter as she jumped the last step and landed onto the cool yellow sand, immediately wriggling her toes and giggling excitedly.
When she plopped down onto her bum and demanded one of the buckets, Carson swept her into his arms, juggling all the stuff he was carrying so he could hold her. “Let’s go further up the beach, sweetness; we don’t have to sit right on the steps. We’ll pick out a nice quiet spot and set the blanket out, and then me and you, we’re making the biggest, most-extravagant sandcastle Clacton-on-Sea has ever seen!” he joked.
I had to chuckle at his enthusiasm. It was like he’d opened his mouth and his inner child had tumbled out.
MY DAY WAS FULL OF LAUGHTER, smiles and sandcastle competitions. Carson seemed to go out of his way to ensure Sasha and I had a nice time. We paddled on the edge of the sea, running away from the waves, collected shells and pretty pebbles, built sandcastles and moats. We ate ice cream and hot doughnuts, and we’d even gone on the pier rides for a little while. It was lovely just to spend the day together and to do things I could never normally afford to do. Sasha and I even had our first go on a merry-go-round together while Carson stood at the side, taking photos and waving to Sasha each time she went past him.
After chips on the beach, Carson had made good on his promise of teaching Sasha how to go crabbing. That was my least enjoyable part of the day – especially when he’d caught a particularly large one and chased me around the pier with it while I howled with terrified laughter. All in all my day was amazing, and it was a shame to go home at the end of it.
Spending quality family time with Carson and watching him interact with his daughter had easily been the best part of the day for me. Every time they laughed together, every time she smashed down one of his castles while he was mid-build, every time he tickled her and made her smile just warmed my whole body from the inside out. I loved it all.
Carson and I had gotten along famously all day long, joking and talking and laughing. It was nice because while we were there, we had no pressure on us, no one watching us, no one judging us at all. There were no complications, no paparazzi, no ill feelings – just two people with a mutual love of the same child all spending the day together. I didn’t want it to end.
The following day, we’d elected to stay in London, taking a picnic to Hyde Park. After eating, we’d visited some of the more tourist aspects of the city that I’d never really had the time nor the money for. Carson went above and beyond to make the two days spectacular. Sasha was now well and truly a daddy’s girl – and the feeling was certainly reciprocated. Seeing him wrapped around her little finger was the most adorable sight I’d ever seen.
That night, he’d been a little deflated, though. As I’d helped him pack up a few things for him to take to Italy, he’d seemed a little sad. I’d kept him talking, asking about what he was going to get up to, who he was meeting with and what sort of things he would see in Italy. He’d promised to take me a few photos while he was there.
Finally, the dreaded Thursday came around. Watching Carson hug Sasha goodbye and try to explain he wouldn’t see her for a few days was actually incredibly sad. As she took his hand and tried to lead him into the living room to watch TV with her, he actually looked like he didn’t want to leave at all. He groaned, looking up at me for help, so I smiled at Sasha and shook my head.
“Daddy has to go to work for a couple of days. He can’t watch The Fimbles,” I told her. “Say bye, and you can see him again in a couple of days. Daddy has to go.”
She frowned, clearly not understanding as she tugged on his hand and shook her head adamantly. “No go.”
Rory stepped in then and picked up Sasha. “Right, we’re going to go play in the garden. Want to ride that shiny new trike and see if we can get it all scratched up before Daddy comes back?” he asked, throwing a wicked grin in Carson’s direction.
Carson rolled his eyes but didn’t answer as Sasha finally let go of his hand and nodded in agreement with the trike idea. “Thanks, Rory,” Carson said. “See you Sunday. Take care of the girls, huh?”
Rory smiled sarcastically. “I always have done.” He carried Sasha back through the house and toward the garden. Carson waved at her, smiling moronically like a guy who was hopelessly in love.
“Ugh, I hope goodbyes aren’t always gonna be this hard,” he muttered under his breath before turning back to me and forcing a weak smile. “So, now you.”
I kicked my toe on the floor and nodded. “Yep. Want me to hold your hand and beg you to come watch TV with me, too?” I joked, chewing on my lip uncomfortably.
He sighed and stepped closer to me as he shoved his hand into his pocket and produced his wallet. I frowned, confused, until he pulled out his credit card and a folded piece of paper. “I’m going to leave you my bank card. The pin number for it is written down. I’d hoped yours would be here before I had to leave, but it’s not, so I’ll leave you this just in case you see anything you want. Anything, Emma. If you see something, just buy it, there’s no upper limit on the card.”
I gulped, shaking my head. “I don’t need your bank card. I have my own money,” I protested.
“I’m not fighting with you about this,” he stated, taking my hand and placing the card inside as he folded my fingers around it. “Take the card. You and I are getting married. What’s mine is yours. End of story.”
I sighed, knowing I shouldn’t bother protesting because I knew I’d lose. I’d just agree, take the card for now, and just not spend on it. Simple. “Fine. Thank you.” I nodded, pushing the card into the back pocket of my jeans.
A beautiful grin stretched across his face as he stepped closer to me and dipped his head so we were both almost level. “I’d better go before I miss my flight,” he mused. “Kiss me goodbye.”
I frowned, confused by his words. I looked around, seeing we were the only ones in the hallway; there was no one to put this act on for. “But there’s no one around,” I muttered.
“Exactly.” His smile grew bigger as one of his arms wove around my waist, pulling my body flush against his, and his other hand slid up my back, tangling into my hair. I didn’t even have time to work out what he meant by that before his mouth covered mine.
His soft lips felt so right against mine that I sagged against him and whimpered. When his lips parted and his tongue touched mine, deepening the kiss, my insides melted. Unconsciously, my arms rose and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me as I crushed my body against his. Every nerve inside me seemed to come alive with excitement as he moaned in the back of his throat and pushed me against the wall, pressing his body against mine tightly.
My passion was spiking, rising through the roof as my hand fisted into his hair. The kiss was getting a little out of control. Well, ‘getting’ probably wasn’t the right word because my control had slipped the second his lips touched mine. His hands slid down my body, caressing my buttocks before he gripped tightly and lifted me off my feet. My legs acted as if this were a well-practiced dance, wrapping around his narrow hips where they seemed to fit perfectly.
My clothes felt scratchy against my oversensitive skin as I moved, and I longed to peel them off, to feel his skin on mine, to have his body cover mine like a blanket. My loins burned as the intimate position made us rub together, the friction causing me to gasp and break the kiss. His lips didn’t leave my body, though; instead, they travelled down my neck and his teeth sank into my shoulder gently, nipping me.
“Fuck, I don’t want to go. I want to carry you upstairs and bite every fucking inch of you,” he growled.
Don’t go. Please, don’t go. It was on the tip of my tongue.
“You always do this to me. It’s not fair how much I want you,” he murmured against the skin of my neck. “Ugh, I hate saying goodbye to you.”
I guided his mouth back to mine again, kissing him roughly because I just had no words. My brain was a mess, my emotions were a mess, and his words were cutting me deeply because that was exactly how I always felt about saying goodbye to him.
A car horn blasted outside, but Carson didn’t break the intense, steamy kiss. I was losing my breath; my body was writhing in need of relief as I kissed him like it was the last time I would ever be allowed to. When the car horn blasted again, longer this time, Carson groaned and pulled his mouth from mine. I gasped for breath, not opening my eyes as I tried to come down from the cloud I seemed to be floating on. My jittery body was like a live wire as he pressed his forehead to mine.
“You have to go,” I whispered when he seemed to be making no move to set me on my feet.
“Yeah.” He growled in frustration and traced his nose up the side of mine as his grip on me loosened, and I knew the moment was over. “Get a passport, okay? Let’s not do this every other week when I have to go away,” he muttered, holding me steady as I got to my feet.
“Margo’s getting me one,” I replied, smiling, silently wishing we actually did go through this every other week because making out with him like that was hot as sin.
“Good.” He stooped and picked up his flight bag, turning and walking to the door. As he pulled it open, I waved to Bradley, Carson’s friend who was taking him to the airport. I knew him from the club; he often came with Carson.
Carson turned and frowned, looking down at me with sad eyes. “I guess I’ll see you Monday morning when you wake up.”
I nodded, chewing on my lip. It seemed like an extremely long way away. “Have a safe trip.”
He sighed deeply and stepped closer to me again, bending and capturing my lips in another kiss – this one soft, gentle and somewhat chaste compared to the one from moments before.
As I watched him drag his small suitcase and store it in the back of Bradley’s car, my heart sank. Watching him walk out of my life for days on end was something I should be used to by now, but I wasn’t.
It’s just four days. Ninety-six hours. I can survive that, can’t I?