I was nervous.
Which was really fucking ridiculous. How a twenty-eight-year-old man was scared to go on a date was beyond me, but there was no denying it. My palms were sweaty and my mouth felt uncomfortably dry. It was a little after noon on the following Saturday. Once I figured out what I wanted to do for her, I asked Iris if we could change the date from Friday to Saturday.
I was dressed in jeans and a plain black T-shirt. When I told her to be ready this early and to wear something she’d be comfortable in, she spent all week trying to figure out what we’d be doing. Every morning I woke up with a text from her trying to guess. She never got close.
Slamming the door, I walked around my car and toward her house. I swallowed, hoping to alleviate my dry throat, and quickly banged on her door three times. She was equally fast in answering, almost like she was waiting nearby. The idea that I wasn’t alone in my excitement and nerves made me feel better, but it didn’t calm my racing heart.
Iris was wearing jeans, a lightweight navy blue sweater, and boots that went to her ankles. Her makeup was minimal, maybe just some blush and whatever that black stuff was girls put on their eyelashes. It didn’t really matter. I’d seen her with no makeup, with a completely made up face, and various things in between, and she always looked beautiful.
The idealistic part of me thought that maybe it was all her goodness shining through. Then I remembered what I saw when she walked into my hospital room all those months ago, and I knew she was one of those rare few whose inner beauty matched her outer beauty.
I’d never considered myself homely, but every time I looked at her I couldn’t help but feel out of my league. Not because I was insecure with myself, but because I was so in awe of her.
I’d been standing there for several minutes, jaw hanging open and eyes devouring her, before I realized I was one or two mannerisms away from looking like a cartoon character in love. It wasn’t until I met her eyes that I realized she had been doing the exact same thing.
God, she was gorgeous. How was I supposed to make it through an entire date—especially the lengthy one I had planned—not knowing what her lips tasted like? They looked pillow-soft, and I licked my own in response.
“I just… I need to do this before we go,” I whispered, lifting my gaze to meet hers. Iris’s eyes widened and her breathing stalled. Making my intentions known, I moved closer, slowly lifting my hands and cupping her cheeks. “I won’t be able to concentrate if I don’t, which will lead to another car accident, and then you’d have to give me another organ…” I cracked a smile as she chuckled, some of her nerves floating away. “It’d be a mess.”
“We wouldn’t want that…” Iris trailed off, breathless, with a sweetness to her voice that I didn’t think I’d ever get used to.
“No, definitely not,” I whispered. I nervously swallowed before my hands tunneled into her hair, gently cradling the back of her head. She froze for a moment, almost like she couldn’t believe this was happening. Her body quickly relaxed. Then her eyelids lowered and the small smile that had been on her face disappeared with the slight parting of her lips.
Eyes closed and head tipped back, she was waiting for me.
I took my time, slowly shuffling forward until I had her back against the door. Her hands came up and gripped my biceps, her chin jutting out just a little bit. No words passed her lips, but she was speaking all the same.
Kiss me. Hurry.
My lips involuntarily tipped up as I teased her a little bit longer, trailing my hands down her cheeks to the sides of her neck, my thumbs meeting in the center to slowly caress the skin between her collarbones. To anyone looking in it would probably look like I was strangling her, stealing her breath and life. They’d be wrong. She was stealing mine.
She stole it every time I looked at her.
And she ripped apart my life—in the best way possible—and changed everything I thought I knew. Every time she spoke or did something remarkably kind, I was rethinking everything.
I was staring at my thumbs when Iris softly moaned, dragging my attention to her face. Her eyes were still closed, but the skin between her eyebrows was pinched. Leaning forward, I kissed her there, feeling it stretch and smooth. My lips moved down the bridge of her nose, not applying any extra pressure, just a slow drag, until I reached the tip. I placed the softest kiss there before slowly withdrawing and moving down. Our faces were no more than an inch apart, our mouths so close I could feel the heat off hers. It pulled me in until my mouth rested against hers.
Finally.
And that soft, almost innocent, touch was all we needed. It was like the shotgun at the start of a race, and once we heard that sound—or felt that first touch—all bets were off… we were off.
Our mouths opened at the same time, trading moans and immediately seeking out the other’s tongue. My skin instantly heated and everywhere she touched felt like a spark of electricity.
Her hands drifted up my arms, gripping my shoulders and trying to pull me closer. I skimmed my hands down the front of her until I reached the top of her jeans. Winding my arms around her waist, I tugged her flush against me, allowing her arms to wrap around my neck. Iris’s fingers sought refuge in my hair, and I groaned loud and long at the contact. She responded by pulling my lower lip between her teeth, lightly nipping, before soothing it with her tongue.
It felt like we’d been kissing for hours when we finally broke apart, panting. I immediately dove back in, only to discover the Beatles were wrong—love was definitely not all we needed. We also needed oxygen, which was pretty damn inconvenient right now.
This time we were laughing as we pulled away from one another.
“I haven’t…” She trailed off and shook her head.
“What?” I whispered, unable to stop myself from placing a soft kiss on the corner of her lips. She brought one hand up to her mouth. Leaning back, I watched her trace her lips, and I swear to God, I could see the stars in her eyes.
“It’s never… I don’t…”
She was flustered and speechless, but I knew exactly what she was trying to say. Because I’d never felt anything like that before either.
In theory, it should have been like any other mind-numbing kiss. But it was nowhere close; there was no comparison. I wasn’t sure what made it so different. Were her lips softer? Her hands greedier? Her moans raspier? Her bites a little sharper?
None of those seemed exactly right… it was all just more.
Iris’s kiss was what I imagined taking the first hit of a new drug would be like. It was exhilarating, and unlike anything I’d ever experienced. There was a delicious buzz going through my head even as my entire body felt relaxed, practically melting against her.
People always said that nothing was like the first time. Nothing compared to the first taste. That was what drove addicts—they were constantly chasing their first high. Only to discover they could never quite reach it again.
My lips found hers once more, and just like that, I became an addict.
I had been standing in front of my full-length mirror, my head twisted so I could see how my backside looked, when a firm knock echoed off the walls of the hallway and reached my bedroom. I was never the kind of person to get nervous before a date, but for some reason, this felt like more than a date. And I practically sprinted to the door.
Now, as I was experiencing something that definitely didn’t feel like a first kiss, I knew I had been right. This was more.
I retreated, tipping my head back against the door. Nick’s lips met the column of my throat, gentle and assured, while he whispered words of praise into my skin.
“So soft.”
“Gorgeous.”
“How’d I stay away so long?”
“We’re going to be late,” I murmured.
Nick chuckled and stepped back from me. The only place we were touching now was his hands on my hips.
“You don’t even know where we’re going or what we’re doing.”
“True, but I still don’t want to be late for it.”
He smiled, his thumbs applying extra pressure where they lay underneath my shirt, against my skin. “Let’s go then.”
Grabbing my hand, he pulled me off the porch and down the driveway. I was in a daze as he opened my door and helped me in. He softly shut it before jogging around to his side of the car.
When he slid into his seat and started the car, he glanced over at me and gave me a nervous smile. “Okay, so this date is… unconventional.”
“We’re not going to a graveyard, are we?” I asked as he pulled into traffic.
“What?” His startled eyes quickly flew to mine then went back to the road. “Did a guy actually take you there?”
“Not me; a friend in college.” That’s what happens when you pick your date based on his toes…
I crossed my legs and shifted my body so I was angled toward Nick. “No, my worst one was a third date. He took me to a wedding.”
He shrugged. “That’s awkward and kinda fast, but not too bad.”
“Ah-ah.” I held up my finger. “I wasn’t done. The wedding was for his ex-girlfriend.”
“Hmm… well that’s definitely weird, but not necessarily—”
“He wasn’t invited.”
Nick chuckled. “Okay, that’s really bad.”
I laughed, watching him throw me a flirty grin. “Yeah. It was a big wedding, so at first no one noticed us. But he seemed determined to make a scene.” I shook my head.
“And second place goes to the guy who took me to a strip club. It was our third or fourth date and he thought it was time I met his regular dancer. He was even so generous as to offer her up to give me a lap dance.”
“So the bar is set pretty low for me?”
Grinning, I said, “My point was that this is a giant display of trust I’m exhibiting right now. I haven’t let a guy take me on a blind date in years.”
“I’m honored.” Nick stopped at a light before bringing his hand over to cup my face. “I promise it’s nothing like any of that. But it’s not dinner and a movie, or a picnic in the park.”
We were smiling at each other, his thumb lightly brushing over my cheekbone, when a horn blared behind us. Nick jumped, pulling his hand away and immediately slamming on the gas. With a shriek, I gripped the armrest and held on to my seat belt.
“Sorry.” He gave me a sheepish look.
“No worries.” Calla was a nervous driver so I was used to abrupt driving.
I started paying better attention to our surroundings and… “Are we going to your apartment?”
“Yup.”
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t think his “unconventional” date would be a nooner at his place, but I was at a loss for what we might be doing.
We spent the rest of the car ride in silence. When we arrived at his place, I unbuckled and reached for the door handle before he stopped me with his hand on my wrist.
“Let me.” With a smile, he got out and jogged around the front of the car. Nick held the door open and offered his hand. He kept my hand in his as he shut and locked the doors. We walked up the path until we stood in front of his door.
“Close your eyes,” he instructed while he put his key in the lock. Once they were shut, I heard the door squeak open before feeling Nick against my back, holding on to each hand and leading me over the threshold.
His apartment smelled good, like coffee and pine. Definitely the work of a candle. Nick chuckled into my hair when I inhaled deeply.
“You like?” he whispered.
“Yeah. I didn’t picture you for a candle person.”
Another laugh tickled my ear. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Iris.” He paused and when he spoke again there was a serious and wistful quality to his voice. “That’s my fault, but now I want you to know everything.”
“Me too,” I whispered, aware of the lump in my throat.
He shuffled us forward a bit more before moving to stand directly beside me.
“Okay,” he said, and without the advantage of sight I could hear the nervous pitch to his voice. “You can look.”
I opened my eyes and let my gaze float over the two rooms I was standing between, unsure of what I was seeing. To the left of us, where his couch was in front of his main window, there was a variety of things laid out on the coffee table. Small packs of tissues, deodorants, toothbrushes, toothpastes, tiny bottles of mouthwash and shampoo, and bars of soap.
On the bar that separated the kitchen and the family room, there were stacks of blank copy paper, envelopes, and a roll of stamps.
And on the far counter sat a bunch of ingredients, but I couldn’t make them all out from here.
“What is all this?” I asked with a sweep of my hand.
“Well… I thought we could do some volunteer work?” Nick awkwardly chuckled when the statement came out as a question.
My breathing stalled. This couldn’t be…
“None of this is terribly original. I just googled it and these seemed the easiest.” He walked over to the coffee table. “So over here we have a couple bathroom items.” He pointed to the backpacks on the ground that I hadn’t seen earlier. “I thought maybe we could make hygiene kits for homeless people. There’s also a blanket in the bottom of the backpack already. If you can think of anything I forgot we can always stop at the store before we hand them out.” Nick’s speech was hurried and he wouldn’t look at me.
“And over here I thought we could write some letters to the troops…”
I stopped listening. I didn’t mean to. I wanted to hang on every word he said. My gaze drifted over everything, and I couldn’t help it when tears pricked at my eyes. Who did something like this? This was perfect…
I’d dated a few guys over the years, and most treated my need to volunteer or go out of my way to help people like Aster did. Sometimes they would treat me like a child, as if I didn’t understand, as if I was naive and didn’t know all the horrible things that could happen or what people could do. They were condescending.
And the thing was, I didn’t need them to come with me or to want to help. But I hated the feeling that they were rolling their eyes behind my back. I knew they didn’t mean to be rude about it, but that almost made it worse. They genuinely thought I was a joke. I never truly admitted to myself or anyone else how much that hurt. Maybe I just hadn’t realized it until I was standing here in front of a man who may not understand this part of me but still treated it with respect.
“Iris?” My head snapped up and I met his worried gaze. “Are you all right?”
I wondered how long I’d zoned out for. “What? Yes, yes. Sorry. I’m great.” More than great.
Nick’s lips pulled down. “Are you sure? I mean, if you’d rather do dinner and a movie, we can do that.” He ran his hand over his head and tugged at his hair. “Like I said, I know it’s nothing terribly original in terms of giving back…” He shrugged, like he was a little embarrassed. Like this wasn’t the nicest, most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me. “I thought… ah… never mind.” The tense smile he gave me broke my heart and immediately had me snapping out of the haze I was still floating around in.
He had just turned toward the door when I grabbed his arm and pulled him back around. “No, I don’t want that. This is perfect, Nick.” I looked around the room once more. “Definitely the best date I’ve ever been on.”
His features relaxed as his lips kicked up into a goofy grin. Nick’s fingers skated down my arm until he was holding my hand, giving it a light squeeze before he started talking. “The date hasn’t even started yet.”
I stepped closer, removing my other hand from his bicep to touch my lips. “Really? My lips seem to a recall a rather spectacular kiss.” I frowned and looked down at his chest. “Maybe that was with another guy? It—”
Nick’s mouth crashed down on mine without letting me finish, his lips stealing my air and thoughts all at once. This kiss was hungrier than before, like he was branding his lips on mine so I’d never be able to forget him. His tongue quickly demanded entrance, which I eagerly gave. My moan spurred him on and before I knew it, my hands were in his hair, his hands were cupping my ass and I was being lifted. My legs instantly wrapped around his waist as my back hit the wall.
Nick’s body pinned mine, allowing his hands to roam. He slipped his palms under my shirt and softly caressed my hips. When I moaned, he broke away and started dropping kisses down my neck before coming back up and resting his lips against the shell of my ear.
“Iris.” I shivered at the deep, dark way he said my name. It almost sounded like a threat, but I didn’t understand why, nor did I understand why it turned me on the way it did.
“Who’s kissing you?” he whispered, his fingers ghosting over the skin along my stomach and causing me to tremble.
“Whaaat…?”
Nick chuckled as his fingers inched up toward my bra.
“I said, who”—kiss—“is”—kiss—“kissing”—kiss—“you?”
“Y-you?”
“That’s right.” One hand moved a couple inches further and skimmed the side of my breast. I shuddered and my breathing hitched. “And the only way you won’t know it’s me is if you’re so out of your mind with pleasure that you don’t even know your own name.” His hand left my breast and moved around to my back before he drew a soft line down my spine. “Understood?”
I nodded, only exhaling when he pulled his hands out of my shirt and gently set me on the ground. He stepped back and my gaze involuntarily dropped to the front of his pants.
Clearing my throat, I stepped away from the wall. “Okay, so, uh, where do you want to start?”
When I met his eyes, they were lingering on my body, clearly saying we’d already started. He wasn’t wrong.
Oh boy… this was going to be a long day.