I was about to meet the woman who was going to give me my kidney… her kidney… a kidney…
Shaking my head, I looked out the window. I was still having trouble getting used to the idea. When my ma told me that this woman—Iris, I learned—was a match, I felt conflicted. Despite my bah humbug attitude, I was grateful for this opportunity. My ma had been right. This was a huge life change. Between the medical bills and the dialysis that chipped away hours of a day, I would most certainly become depressed if this was my life for years.
But part of me also felt guilty. Now that I’d had time to digest my situation and research the statistics online, I realized how fortunate I was. I was twenty-eight years young and had only been on dialysis for a couple weeks. There were many people out there who were far older and who had been waiting on a kidney for years. People who had felt these strains much longer than me.
Why did I deserve this chance?
Was it selfish of me to take it?
Why has Iris picked me? I kept asking myself.
It heightened my suspicions, bringing about even more guilt. I shouldn’t have agreed to this. It wasn’t going to end well. We didn’t know this woman. We didn’t know—
“Knock, knock,” my ma chirped. I glanced over just in time to see the slightly ajar door swing open, lightly bouncing off the wall. Her smile was wide when she walked into the room. She seemed so weightless and joyful compared to the woman hunched over my hand two weeks ago.
Despite how vivacious she was, my gaze was pulled to someone else. To the woman walking in behind her. I couldn’t fully see her yet—her head was turned, looking back and laughing at something in the hallway.
I stared at the back of the woman’s head. Her light brown hair was pulled into a high ponytail, the ends touching the top of her back, just below where a string of pearls sat on her neck. I couldn’t tell whether they were real or fake. It didn’t matter either way. That simple necklace still spoke volumes about the type of woman she was. She wanted the appearance of wealth, to seem “elegant.” I’d known women like her my whole life. Two-faced. Women who—
All thoughts of other women were obliterated when she turned toward me. Large, chocolate brown eyes, framed by thick lashes, met mine. They were warm and sincere as an even bigger grin spread across her light pink lips. She looked… effervescent. That word wasn’t a regular part of my vocabulary, but it was the first one to come to mind.
I was gaining a kidney.
My ma was getting her son back.
This woman… Iris… she was losing something, and somehow she seemed happier than Ma and me combined.
She appeared a couple inches shorter than me, with B-cups and a slight curve to her waist. Her light green sundress was modest, ending just below her knees, and her shoulders were covered with a white sweater.
Damn, she’s pretty.
That probably meant she was even more used to getting her way. Well, whatever she wanted, we weren’t giving it to her. Not that we had much anyway. Distrust crawled up my spine and settled in my brain, reminding me there was no way this woman was going to give me her kidney without stipulations.
I straightened my back along with my resolve and met her chipper expression with my stony one. She was completely unaffected. Her smile stayed wide and her eyes remained bright.
“Nicky, this is Iris. Iris, my son, Nicholas.”
“Hi.” She gave a tiny wave. Ma grabbed her arm and brought her next to my bed. Iris immediately held out her hand. “It’s great to meet you.”
“Yeah. You too.” The skepticism in my voice was heavy, and if my ma’s scalding gaze—a look that still caused me to shrink back like a five-year-old—was any indication, neither woman missed it. When I glanced back at Iris, she still appeared sincere despite by my gruff behavior. Regardless, my mother hated disrespect in any form, and I knew she wouldn’t let my attitude fly just because I was laid up in the hospital after almost dying.
“Nicky,” she scolded.
“Sorry, ma’am.” After giving her a sheepish, please-forgive-me grin, which she accepted with a nod, I looked to Iris. “Seriously, uh, thanks.”
Internally, I cringed. I didn’t want to be an asshole. But not knowing her motives was seriously affecting my ability to be a gentleman. And I couldn’t exactly cross-examine her with my mother in the room.
“Don’t mind him, dear. I could blame his apish tendencies on the accident, but honestly, my Nicky has never had a way with words. And his social skills, or lack thereof, have always been appalling, no matter how hard I tried to correct him.” I flinched as she pinched my cheek.
“No worries. I’m a teacher—dealing with difficult personalities is half the job.”
“Oh, you are?” She smiled at my “angel.” “What grade?”
“Second.” Iris beamed back, clearly in love with her profession.
“That’s wonderful. But don’t make excuses for Nicky. Your students are seven-year-olds, not grown adults.” Ma shot me another pointed look.
A phone rang and we both watched my ma dig around in her purse until she pulled it out, waving it in the air like she’d scored a massive victory. Her bag wasn’t large and she didn’t keep much in it, but she repelled technology. To the point where merely finding her phone made her feel triumphant.
“Be right back.” I watched her affectionately squeeze Iris’s shoulder before stepping out.
The door shut and our eyes instinctively found each other. I was sizing her up. She just continued to smile.
It wasn’t natural.
“Why are you giving me your kidney?”
She shrugged like she wasn’t even a little bit put off by my distrustful tone or very apparent scowl. “I’d been thinking about it for a while. I’d already done some research and when I met your mother, it seemed like fate.” Iris reached behind her and dragged the chair next to my bed before taking a seat. “Convincing my family wasn’t easy—”
My eyebrows rose. “You’re an adult. Shouldn’t you be making your own decisions?”
“I do. But their opinions matter to me.” She arched her eyebrow and somehow her expression was smug and sincere all at once. “Are you trying to tell me you don’t care about your mother’s opinion?”
Damn.
She had me. “It’s different.”
“Of course it is.” Iris was grinning as she reached into her purse and pulled out a magazine. Silence settled around us, and she started flipping through her issue of People. She was completely calm, while I was crawling out of my skin. How wasn’t she unsettled by the quiet?
“What do you want?” I asked.
She didn’t hesitate. “Currently I’m craving a lemon bar.”
I rolled my eyes, even as my lips involuntarily tipped up. I quickly forced them back into a frown. “I mean, what do you want from us? Why are you doing this?”
“I’m doing this because I want to. I am curious, though—what do you think I could want from you?” she asked, eyes still on her magazine.
“Money is the most obvious.”
Her lips quirked into a smile. “That would be illegal. Besides I don’t need money.”
“You’re a teacher,” I said, like it should be obvious.
When I didn’t immediately continue, she raised her eyebrows and asked, “So?”
“And?”
“And what?”
“You’re telling me you’re a teacher, with no other job, and you don’t need money?” I tried to look down at her left hand but her fingers were hidden. “Your husband must have a pretty cushy job.”
Iris took a deep breath before closing her magazine and folding her hands over it, left hand on top, as she wiggled her ring finger. “I’m not married.”
She rolled her eyes when I continued to stare her down. “Fine. Not that it’s any of your business, but I have a trust fund.”
I started laughing; I couldn’t help it. How often had I seen rich kids go out of their way to do something nice to make themselves feel better? Too often to count. It wasn’t always malicious, and I figured it wasn’t that way with Iris either. It didn’t matter though, the results were always the same. They typically backed out, especially if it was something big. And this was freaking huge.
I shook my head. “Look, it’s a nice offer,” I began, trying to keep the conversation civil like my mother would want. “But you’ll change your mind. And that will just hurt my mother more. So please tell her the truth now.”
Her brows furrowed. “Why would I change my mind?”
“This isn’t a pencil you’re letting me borrow in algebra class or a five-dollar bill you’re loaning me so I can get a fucking sandwich. It’s a freaking organ. It’s a big decision, and not one that should be made on a whim. You saw my mother crying in a hospital chapel, I get it, you felt bad. You made a rash decision. The sooner you tell her, the better.” Civility hadn’t lasted long and my entire speech reeked of condescension.
I closed my eyes and rested my head against my pillow, listening for the sounds of her departure. When I heard none, I cracked open one eye. She was frowning, her fingers lightly tapping the cover, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she was thinking.
“She can’t handle any more heartbreak or disappointment,” I tried again, softening my voice.
“I think it’s you.” Her eyes were now sharp on mine.
I froze. “What?”
“Don’t worry,” she said casually before focusing her stare back down and opening her magazine once more. “I’m not going to change my mind.”
He was staring at me like he didn’t know what to make of me. I could practically feel his eyes boring holes into my skull.
I saw him lift his head out of the corner of my eye. “So why me?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said, my gaze on the same page it’d been on for the past five minutes. “I didn’t even know who you were. But if I had, I’m sure your winning personality would have sold me.”
“It was for my mother,” he guessed.
“Give the kid a prize.” I smiled to soften the joke.
Nick grunted as Catherine came fluttering back in. I closed the magazine and turned in my seat. Her smile was so big she seemed to be making up for her son’s lack of one. My lips automatically lifted. How this bitter man came from this caring, warm woman was beyond me.
She’d just opened her mouth to speak when my phone started ringing. I caught a glimpse of the name and smiled. “Looks like it’s my turn,” I said with a laugh. I stood and excused myself. Nick seemed relieved, while Catherine urged me to hurry back.
I ducked into the hall, almost crashing into a nurse and causing her to drop the files she was holding. I apologized and bent down to help her, but she waved me away with an impatient hand.
“Watch where you’re going,” she muttered as she picked up the last folder before straightening and walking down the corridor, all without a backward glance at me.
“Hi, Calla,” I greeted as soon as I answered the phone.
“Hey.” I didn’t know how a single word could exude so much exhaustion. It had only been two weeks, but my sister was clearly feeling the effects of being a new mother.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I just miss my baby sister.” I could hear the smile in her voice and it lessened some of my concern.
Exhaling, I said, “Me too. I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by. I’ve been at the hospital a lot this week and—”
“The hospital?” Her voice spiked with alarm. “Are you okay? Why—?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rushed to assure her before I stopped, suddenly remembering she had no clue what was going on.
“Oh, okay. Good. What are you doing there?”
“I’m… I’m meeting with a mom and her son.” She stayed silent. “When you were admitted a few weeks ago, I met this woman, Catherine, in the hospital chapel. She was upset over her son. He was in an accident.”
Calla was still quiet, but somehow it seemed more pronounced now. I tried to figure out the best way to word this. After a few pointless seconds, I realized there was no gentle way to tell her. “I’m giving him one of my kidneys.”
I held my breath. Truthfully, I had no clue how Calla would react. She wasn’t like Aster.
He could easily turn a blind eye to a homeless man on the street. I’d even seen him throw some looks of disdain their way. That wasn’t to say he was a bad person, but he would only help those he felt were worthy. He had no sympathy for those who made poor choices or whose actions caused disastrous consequences.
I never understood how he looked at everyone and saw only the bad; why not choose to see the good? Maybe it made me naive or foolish, but I didn’t want to live my life seeing the worst in people. How was it my place to judge the worst thing a person’s ever done?
But Calla wasn’t like me either. She thought I trusted too easily too.
“You w-what?” she stuttered over the phone, sounding slightly panicked.
I exhaled. “I’m donating my kidney.”
More silence.
“Iris—”
“No,” I cut her off, hoping I could stop her before she said the same things Mom, Dad, and Aster had. “I know your concerns are going to come from a good place, and I respect your opinions, but I need to do this.”
“How will it work with school? You already missed a few days for Mirielle’s birth.”
“It’s not like I’m in a hospital bed being rolled into surgery right now.” I gave a small laugh, trying to cut the tension. “The procedure won’t be for a couple months. It’ll be in the middle of summer and will give me plenty of time to rest.”
Calla was quiet. She wouldn’t be as vocal as Aster, but I really needed one person completely on my side right now. And since that was usually my sister, I didn’t think I could handle her not standing by me.
My eyes moved to the room across the hall. I watched the nurse from earlier, the one who gave me the stink-eye, help a patient from her bed to a wheelchair. The little girl couldn’t have been any older than eight or nine, and she looked terrified. Her wide eyes were bouncing between her parents who were arguing in the corner of her room. From what I could gather, they were divorced and the father had their daughter when she got into some kind of accident.
“This is your fault!” the mother screamed before poking him in the chest. “You’re a terrible father.”
Looking back at the girl, I saw her upper lip tremble and her tiny hands shake as she gripped onto her hospital gown. The nurse knelt down in front of her and grabbed her hands. I was too far away to hear what she said since she wasn’t yelling, but the girl giggled and nodded, forgetting all about her parents and the unforgivable shouts they were hurling at each other. Shouts which were hurting their daughter more than they would ever hurt each other.
The nurse stood and walked over to her patient’s parents. They appeared shocked and a little chagrined at whatever she said, and both nodded before the nurse wheeled the little girl, still smiling, away and down the hall.
My lips lifted. This was what I always tried to explain to Aster.
Why would I choose to remember her snide comment to me, when I could remember the wonderful way she made that girl’s day a little brighter? It seemed like a no-brainer.
“Okay,” my sister whispered into the phone. “Just be careful.”
As we said our goodbyes, I tried to figure out what was causing the more-than-average apprehension in her voice.
I was still lost in my thoughts, staring at the ground, when someone tapped me on the arm. Looking up, I saw the nurse from earlier standing in front of me, her hands tucked into the pockets of her scrubs.
“Hey,” she began slowly, clearly embarrassed. “I wanted to apologize about before.” She waved her hand toward the area where her papers had fallen. “I wasn’t paying attention either. I’d…” The nurse gave me a wobbly smile as her eyes started shimmering with tears. “I had just delivered some bad news to a patient.”
My lips curved down and I put a hand on her arm. “I’m sorry to hear that. Don’t worry about earlier.” When I smiled she seemed relieved.
“Thank you.” A code went out and she gave me a quick nod before dashing down the hall along with a few other medical professionals. My grin inched up even higher as I turned back toward Nick’s room.
Catherine and Nick were exchanging heated whispers when I walked back in.
“Sorry, should I head back out?” I pointed to the hallway.
“Nonsense.” Catherine stood. “We were just finishing up.”
I smiled at Nick, hoping his mother had managed to make him less ornery. The glare he was sending me indicted she had not. Catherine started talking about the weekly dinners she and Nick always had, completely oblivious to her son’s distrust and growing displeasure with my presence.
“You know what would be wonderful?” she asked as she sat on the edge of her son’s bed, her body facing me. “If you came over and joined us for dinner on Sunday.”
I saw Nick shoot up a little from the corner of my eye, clutching his midsection when he moved too fast.
“Oh, Nicky.” His mother stood up and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Take it easy.” She walked around his bed, where there were fewer cords and machines, and begin fussing with his pillows. Catherine smiled over at me. “But really, you must come over, dear.”
“I—”
“Ma,” he said, cutting me off. “Don’t put her on the spot.” Looking at me, he said, “Sorry about her. We’re sure you’re very busy and have no time.” Nick nodded and grabbed his phone, effectively ending the conversation before it had really begun. He refused to look at his mom, who was glaring at him.
“I’d love to come.”
Nick’s head whipped in my direction, and when his mother’s expression brightened and she skipped back around to hug me, his mouth dropped open. I met his eyes. He seemed shocked, like he couldn’t possibly believe I’d be defiant. Just because I wanted to make people happy didn’t mean I let them walk all over me to do it.
He was about to learn there was a lot more to me than met the eye.