Chapter Twenty-Two
Austen
That kiss with Nathan made my body feel warm. My lips tingled from the sensation, and my breathing went haywire. I definitely felt something, just like I did when we were together.
But I felt something more for Ryker.
I was nervous to tell him how I felt. I wasn’t even sure where to begin. There was a good possibility he would say he saw me as nothing more than a friend he enjoyed screwing. That sounded like something he would say. But then I thought about all the times he held me against his chest in bed, the way he kissed me when we were out to dinner, and the way he kissed my temple at the most unexpected times.
Maybe he did feel the same way.
I wouldn’t know until I spoke to him.
After work, I finally summoned the courage to text him. Hey, Sexy.
He texted back immediately. Hey, Stone Cold.
Can I come by?
No gym today? I could hear his tease through the text.
You already know the answer. I smiled as I slipped my phone into my back pocket, excited to see him. Hopefully, he would just be in his sweatpants and without a shirt. That was my favorite way to look at him.
I arrived at his door a few moments later, and he let me inside. He gave me a smile and a quick hug, but he didn’t kiss me.
That was odd.
“How was work?” He was in the middle of cooking. Raw chicken sat on the cutting board along with a bowl of freshly prepared marinade. The vegetables were washed and drying on a paper towel.
“Good. Pretty much the same as always.” I eyed the food and felt my hunger grow. “So, what’s for dinner?”
“Honey garlic chicken with rice and vegetables.” He grabbed a large knife and began to slice the chicken into quarters. “I’m having a date over, and I felt like eating in tonight.” He watched his hands as he worked systematically, dropping the sliced chicken into the bowl with the marinade.
I stood on the opposite side of the counter, but I suddenly felt weak. I heard what he said, but I couldn’t digest it. Every syllable was too difficult to take in, too painful. “A date…?” I didn’t realize he was seeing anyone else. The surprise caught me off guard, and I gripped the edge of the counter.
“Yeah. I met her last night. Her name is Cheyenne.”
“Oh…” I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I was more devastated than I ever could have predicted. I came over here to see if he wanted to take our relationship to the next level, but he’d spent the night with some woman. “Oh…”
He kept his eyes on his hands, like everything was perfectly normal. “So, you’re back together with Nathan?” There wasn’t any aggression in his tone, just pure acceptance.
“Why do you ask that?” It was random and out of the blue. I hadn’t even told him I was spending time with Nathan.
“Because I saw you two kissing last night.” He finally looked up from the cutting board and met my gaze. Again, there wasn’t any hostility. He looked at me just as a friend—nothing more.
“You did…?”
“I went to watch the game at the bar, and when I walked in, I saw you guys going at it.”
“We weren’t going at it,” I argued.
“Whatever,” he said. “A kiss is a kiss, right?” He dropped more chicken into the bowl. “If that’s what you want, that’s fine with me. Just be careful. Give the relationship some time before you trust him again. That’s my best advice.”
“I’m not getting back together with him. It just happened…”
“But you’ve been spending time with him, right?”
“Well…yeah.”
He finished the rest of the chicken and tossed it into the bowl where it was coated with the glaze. “I’m not angry, but I would have appreciated the heads-up. Have you slept with him?”
“No.” I was offended by the question. We agreed to tell each other in the event that happened.
“Well, I slept with someone last night. So I guess we’re back to condoms.” He grabbed a plastic bag and transferred the chicken inside before he pushed out the air and zipped it shut. He talked like everything was fine, like this conversation was borderline boring. “That is, if you still want to keep doing this. If you’re trying to make it work with Nathan, it might not be the best idea.”
Now that I knew he was sleeping with someone else, I wasn’t sure if I could share him. I was used to having him all to myself, to waking up with him the following morning. I saw him almost every day, told him everything about my life. But now he would do the same thing with someone else.
I shouldn’t be upset because these were the terms I initiated. But the devastation crept into my veins like a poison. I would hurl at least once before the night was over.
“Austen?”
I looked up, coming back to the conversation. “Hmm?”
“Should we call our arrangement off?” He must not have a clue that I was heartbroken because he continued to talk like we were having a business meeting. There were no feelings and no emotions. Nothing at all.
“Yeah…I guess.” I didn’t want to think about him kissing some other woman. I didn’t want to think about some other woman sleeping in the bed I slept in almost every night. Since I didn’t want to share him, maybe being in this situation wasn’t the best. At some point, Ryker began to mean a lot more to me than I anticipated. And if he didn’t feel anything for me, it was dangerous for me to stay.
It was just like Nathan all over again.
Ryker walked away.
But I didn’t have any right to be mad.
Ryker nodded then carried the cutting board to the sink where he washed it. “That’s probably for the best. But we’ll still each other all the time, I’m sure.”
“Yeah…”
He scrubbed the board then washed his hands before he dried everything. Then he brought the vegetables and began to work on those.
The only reason why I was still there was because my legs couldn’t move. I didn’t know how to carry myself out of that apartment. I didn’t know where to go if I didn’t stay here. Ryker had become a large component of my life. But now that connection ended like the snap of a finger.
Ryker diced the vegetables like it was a normal afternoon. The knife continued to slice through the vegetables, making an audible crunching sound that was loud in my ears. I recognized the same sound from inside my chest—the sound of my breaking heart.