Lauren

May 2014

 

 

I waited until the guys separated before following Elizabeth back out to the patio. She was in the exact same spot I’d been only an hour before, staring vacantly over the railing toward the pond.

I reached for her hand. “He’s gone. Nobody had to throw any punches. Mike’s calming David down now—that was Landon, wasn’t it?”

She reached into her purse and grabbed a pill bottle. She popped one in her mouth before taking my drink and swallowing it down. “Anxiety medication—Look, Lauren, I really don’t want to talk about it right now, but yeah, that was him.”

“What was he doing here? Did he know you were going to be here?” My pulse started to race with panic.

I wanted to tell myself that I’d simply been watching too much Investigation Discovery, but it didn’t look good. First, he’d waited for her after work and then her house had been broken into. The police had no leads, but she and I both suspected it had been Landon. Him showing up tonight didn’t seem like much of a coincidence.

Elizabeth rubbed her temples and sighed, “I don’t know why he was here. I didn’t start things up again if that’s what you’re wondering.” She lowered her voice as she said the last part, as if David might pop up out of the pond at any moment. I pictured him spitting out a snorkel, before screaming, “I knew it!” The thought made me purse my lips together in order to remain serious.

Elizabeth looked sincere and based on the way her hands were trembling, she really hadn’t planned on seeing him tonight. I squeezed her hand again. “I believe you. I just don’t understand why he turns up here tonight and what—busts a move on you?”

She was given a reprieve from my questioning when David and Mike walked back up.

Mike.

I still couldn’t believe it. When I saw him standing in David and Elizabeth’s living room, I was almost certain that I’d been hallucinating. The man that no other man could compete against was right in front of me.

He’d apparently been spending all of his time in the gym since I last saw him—the man was rock solid muscle. His biceps were straining to break free from his dress shirt and it took everything in me not to jump on him. While his hair was shorter, I’d been more than a little pleased to see that he still had the beard.

He’d seemed just as speechless to see me as I was him. It dredged up all those lustful feelings I’d been trying to keep buried for the last four years and changed my entire game plan.

I’d convinced myself that I could have casual sex while on my quest to find Mr. Right, but Jack—Mike—had always been the one. Now, I didn’t know what the hell I was supposed to do.

I knew I was tempting fate when I’d felt his eyes on me back at the house. I’d taken my time getting the champagne out of my car, knowing he was watching my every move.

Unfortunately, my confidence had faltered a bit by the time we got to Nick’s. Elizabeth once shared, after several glasses of champagne, that she hadn’t slept with David until she had a ring on her finger. Sandra swore that soulmates didn’t exist and said, “You just have to get it, get it, get it until you can’t get it anymore.”

Those were her exact words.

Sandra had also convinced me in Galveston that Mike was a man who only wanted one thing. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been able to get Elizabeth alone long enough to pick her brain.

I’d grown up not knowing my father. From what I’d been able to piece together from Monica over the years, I’d come to the assumption that he’d been a one-night stand.

Did I want to end up like Monica?

Wasn’t I worth more than that?

When Mike joined me out on the patio, I was right back where I started in Galveston, weighing the pros and cons of sleeping with him. It was futile—the minute he fixed those piercing blue eyes on me, all the cons went right out the window.

David wrapped his arms around Elizabeth. “You okay, Beth? God, you just looked so scared. It’s amazing that some guys have absolutely no respect.”

I turned away, afraid my face would give away all my secrets.

“You got something you wanna share with the class?” Mike whispered in my ear.

I looked over at him and smiled sweetly. “I have no idea what you mean. Weren’t you about to tell me something back in there…before all the drama?”

He’d been going in for a kiss; I knew it.

With a playful grin on his face, he responded, “I have no idea what you mean. Are you trying to pick me up, Lauren? I’m not that kind of guy. I’m actually already seeing someone.”

Maybe I’d misread the situation. I stared down at the patio deck and fidgeted with my earring. I could feel my cheeks growing warm; I was probably as red as a tomato right now.

He reached out and lightly grabbed my upper arm. “Hey, Red, I’m fucking with you. I’d screw you in the bathroom right now if you’d let me.”

I expected him to laugh, but when I looked in his eyes, I realized that he was serious.

And that was the moment I knew that I would never be anything more than a notch in Mike’s bedpost. It was also the moment that I decided, I was worth so much more than that.

My four year-long fantasy came to an abrupt end right there on the patio at Nick’s.

 

“Thanks for inviting me. I had a blast.” I almost tripped over my heels in my haste to get out of the limo and into my car.

I’d sat and picked apart a napkin, while David and Elizabeth danced as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Mike had pulled out his cell phone not long after our conversation and spent the remainder of the evening pretending I wasn’t sitting just across the table from him.

I snatched my purse off the seat and walked briskly to my car.

“Red! C’mon, Red. Wait up.” Mike jogged after me.

I was fumbling through my purse, trying to find my keys, when he caught up to me. “Hey, talk to me.”

My eyes began to sting and I mentally kicked myself for being weak. I bit down on the inside of my cheek and looked up from my purse. “It’s Lauren and I just want to get home. It’s late.”

He ran both hands through his hair in exasperation. “At least let me walk you to your car.”

I pointed at the window. “We’re at my car.”

He dropped his hands. “Right. I could go back to your place and we could talk.”

I snorted and shook my head. “Yeah, I’m gonna pass on that. Thanks for the offer though, and good luck with the whole cop thing.”

I located my keys and managed to get the door unlocked and open when he slammed it shut again. “Just hear me out, Lauren. I don’t know what you’re expecting, but—”

“You’re not it,” I finished helpfully, before reopening the door and climbing in. It wasn’t the truth. The truth was that I wanted him just as badly, if not more, than he wanted me. Being transparent about that would only cause me more hurt in the end.

I made it to the end of the block before the sob broke free from my chest. Then I pounded my fist against the steering wheel and screamed.

Why couldn’t he have seen me as more than just his next conquest?

Didn’t what we shared mean anything to him?

He probably did that sort of thing with all the girls he met.

That thought caused me to dissolve into full-blown weeping. I just wanted someone that wanted to fall in love with me—was that too much to ask?

I pulled into my apartment complex, knowing that the only resolute decision I’d come to tonight was the realization that I was most certainly never going to be a one-night stand girl. I’d also decided, about three blocks ago, that I had been born in the wrong time period.

I changed my mind.

I didn’t want a love like David and Elizabeth’s—theirs was flawed by modern day problems like infidelity and job locations.

I wanted a love like Darcy and Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice. Mr. Darcy would never have asked Elizabeth to ‘screw in the bathroom.’ Granted, their relationship got off to a rocky start, but it grew into something amazing. Maybe that’s what I’d really been holding out for the last few years. A great love that wasn’t attainable in this day and age.

I parked my car and rubbed the remaining tears from my eyes. If that was the case, then I’d have to make my peace with dying a lonely, cat-collecting spinster.

First, I was going to have to go buy some cats.

What I wasn’t going to do was waste one more tear on a man who wouldn’t know great love even if it jumped up and slapped him in the face.

“Hey, Lauren.”

My chin dropped onto my chest and I contemplated climbing back inside my car and speeding off again.

Instead, I stood my ground. “Wow, Monica. I’m starting to think you have a radar that goes off just when things in my life are starting to look up. Ding! Time to fuck up Lauren’s world. Am I close?”

She cautiously took a couple of steps toward me and I realized it was the healthiest I’d ever seen her. She’d put on some weight, but it looked good on her. Her hair had been washed and straightened and while her makeup had gone out of style when the eighties ended, she was at least wearing some. She was also wearing a leather vest for some inexplicable reason.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to see you,” Monica ventured, as she took another step closer, “Have you been crying?”

I gave a half-hearted shrug. “What does it matter? I’m guessing you’re here for the car or what? My wallet? My apartment? What possession of mine are you entitled to have this time around?”

Thanks to Mike, I’d officially run out of fucks to give.

She shook her head. “I’m not here for anything like that. I’ve actually got my own thing going on now.”

I laughed bitterly, “Doing what? Running a motorcycle gang?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Something like that. I’m an ol’ lady. It’s real classy. See?” She twirled around and there it was on the back of the leather vest: Property of Torch.

I bobbed my head up and down slowly. “I see. So, what does an ‘old lady’ do?”

I didn’t care and I didn’t know why I was humoring her. I wanted to get upstairs to my apartment, kick off my heels, and throw myself face down on the bed.

“I just do whatever needs to be done for my man—I started out as a club whore, which just meant that anyone could use me for sex or—”

I held a hand up. “Okay, I’ve heard enough. I’m just going to head upstairs and get some sleep. If you’re planning on stealing anything, just let me know and I’ll make sure I just leave it out for you.”

She reached out and grabbed my arm and I wrenched it back, knocking her to the ground in the process. “Do not touch me! Don’t you ever touch me!”

“Lauren, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not here for anything, I swear. I’ve been sober for sixty-three days and I wanted you to know.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. “I also brought you some money to pay you back for the car and for other stuff I took from you.”

There she was, sitting in the parking lot offering me money that she’d probably gotten by performing sexual favors for a biker gang. It was a pathetic sight.

I tightened my hold on my purse strap. “I don’t want your money. I just want to be left alone.”

She moved onto all fours and got herself upright again. “I understand you might need some time to think it over, but you can accept this—free and clear.”

My jaw ached from clenching my teeth and I barked out, “I don’t need some time, Monica. I don’t want anything you’re offering. Not now…not ever. I just want you to leave me the hell alone. Can you do that? Can you just disappear?”

She wiped at her eyes and I realized she was crying. “I’m sorry, Lauren. I’m so sorry for not being the mom you deserved—”

I turned and jogged up the stairs to my apartment in heels. I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t stand there a moment longer, listening to her regrets over parenting.

The entire evening had been filled with wishes that were never going to come true and dreams that had morphed into nightmares.

I deserved so much better than the shitty hand I’d been dealt.