I nodded at the security guards along the corridor. They were almost as still as the suits of armor planted against the walls.

I looked forward. Ayla was headed in my direction. She grinned. “Busy day at the palace, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Extremely now that His Royal Highness is in residence again.”

“Like old times?” she asked. “How is he?”

I pressed my lips together, pinched her elbow, and pulled her into an empty study. I needed to borrow it for a few minutes, and no one ever used these extra rooms.

“What’s going on?” She looked startled.

“It’s not like old times.” I sighed. “I don’t know what old times are exactly.”

I was quickly coming unraveled.

“He’s home. He’s safe. He’s healthy,” she whispered. “Today’s focus.” She eyed me.

I nodded. “Right. Today’s focus.”

“The rest takes time,” she reminded me.

I shook my head. “I shouldn’t feel anything when I look at him,” I confessed. “It should be no different than when you serve the queen. But it’s not.”

I saw the pity in Ayla’s eyes. “You need more time. And patience.”

I covered my face with my hands. “If I could take something to make this stop I would. I’d drink anything. I’d try hypnosis. I can’t function. I can’t sleep. How can I do my job like this?”

She placed her hands on my shoulders lightly. “I don’t know anyone who holds this position with more honor than you. Your duty to your country will come first. It always has. You can do this.”

My eyes flashed to hers. “You make it sound simple. Like I’m in the Royal Navy.”

“The Royal Navy has nothing on you.” She winked.

I patted a tear at the corner of my eye, trying to find the humor in the situation. “Thanks.”

“You could always ask Sutcliffe for a transfer,” Ayla suggested.

“Absolutely not. No. You’re right. This is my duty. I took an oath to serve the crown. And I have to be able to put him first.” I straightened my shoulders. “I can do that. I’ve gone this long. What’s a little longer?”

She stepped back. “I’m sorry it’s so difficult.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. I have to return the dinner invitation to the queen.”

“I can take it,” she volunteered.

“But you were headed in the opposite direction.”

She laughed. “The king showed up. I had to get out of there before he devoured her in front of me.”

We both sighed. Ayla had been hesitant when she was transferred to the queen’s staff. At that time, Molly Washington had only been the king’s girlfriend. It was completely outside the royal protocol guidelines to have any type of staff, but the king wouldn’t listen. He hand-picked Ayla for the position and she had stayed on after the wedding. She liked serving the queen.

I wondered how she was able to deal with having to train someone from scratch. Molly knew nothing about royal life. But Ayla was a few years older and I thought it gave her a sort of grace I still needed to grow into. She was a good friend, and a patient royal manager.

Part of me had been relieved when King Damon told me he couldn’t remove me from Dominic’s staff. I was too valuable. Too irreplaceable. But I knew underneath the king’s words he meant I knew too many secrets.

And on those rare occasions when Dominic did want advice, he’d take mine and no one else’s. His brother knew that.

Ayla smiled. “You know where I am if you need anything. I’m going to take a walk around the palace and head back to the apartment. I’m happy to relay the dinner acceptance.”

“Thank you. I shouldn’t have said anything about him.”

“Stop apologizing. You can save your royal manager face for everyone else. But I’m your friend.”

I nodded. She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I needed to return to Dominic’s apartments. My hand landed on the handle. I twisted the knob and paused. I needed to make a vow to myself that starting today, things would be different.

I had to stop torturing myself. I had to stop pretending that I lived in a world where love with Dominic was an option. Because it wasn’t. I wasn’t royal. And he wasn’t a regular citizen.

He didn’t look at me the way I looked at him. If he hadn’t seen me after all these years, it wasn’t going to start because he was suddenly sober. Love didn’t work that way.

I knew the man who never took a drink unless it was a celebration. I knew him before the alcohol took over. I knew him before Sophia.

I stepped into the hallway.

If he could undergo a transformation, so could I. I’d be the woman who pledged her life to the royal family. The one who walked through the palace doors with one vision—to serve her country with honor and respect.

I’d push the feelings for Dominic Sauvage into the farthest corners of my heart and lock them there until they were so starved for light they faded into darkness. My love for him would become a distant memory.

It had to—or I’d be the one taking a trip to rehab.