TARA

Crystal left me alone to finish cleaning the garage now that she's gone through all the boxes, while she had an errand to run. Tommy's still sleeping. I didn't have the heart to wake him when I got up this morning, since he must've returned very late last night. I know since I stayed up until after five waiting for him. I was curious if he found out anything about Sam, but I also just wanted to kiss him, hold him, maybe do even more than that to show him how sorry I am for being so argumentative with him yesterday morning. It means so much that he wants to help me find Sam, and that he wants to be with me despite all my problems. I don't think I can ever quite tell him just how very much it means. But I plan on showing him.

I'm almost done sweeping up the floor now, and then I'll go to him. He's slept long enough. I can wake him now, maybe the same way I did that first morning. The thought makes me smile and start sweeping faster.

A shadow crosses the entry to the garage, and I look up hopefully, the smile still playing on my lips. But it's Bear, Crystal's husband. Despite being over eighty years old, he's still an imposing man. He's nice to the girls, and they all seem to like him, but all that about women being the property of MC members has me weary of him. And Crystal wears that jacket with the words "Property of Bear" embroidered on it a lot. Though I think Bear is suffering from dementia, maybe even has Alzheimer’s, because sometimes he has no idea where he is.

Today doesn't seem to be one of those days. His eyes are clear and sharp as he greets me. He walks over to the table where Crystal left a couple of boxes she still hasn't finished going through.

He pokes around in one of them, pulls out the framed photo Crystal showed me a couple of days ago.

"She's throwing all this out?" he growls more than says. “Good."

And he punctuates that by spitting at the photo. I'm so shocked I nearly drop the broom. But he's smiling at me now.

"Did I ever tell you the story of Crystal and me?"

I've hardly spoken to him, so I just shake my head, still shocked that he would spit on a picture of her like that.

He shows me the photo. "She was with this piece of shit when we met. Giant Red he was called, on account of his flaming hair, I suppose. Because he wasn't very tough at all as it turned out."

The mischievous way in which he's grinning makes him appear much younger than he is.

"Now see, Crystal was his old lady," he continues. "I knew that, but the moment I saw her, I knew she had to be mine. He didn't treat her right, see, and it didn’t take long to convince her she should be with me. But he took the bottle to her face in revenge. My poor, beautiful Crystal." He picks up the photo again, wipes away the spit with his thumb and gazes wistfully at her face. His story is touching me in ways I never imagined I could feel. It's almost enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"And what happened then?" I breathe.

He looks up and smiles at me, his eyes cloudy, but I think that's just from remembering. "I made sure he paid for it, and that he never hurt anyone again. Then I stayed at her bedside night and day while she recovered."

"And you never left her side since," Tommy says. He's leaning against the doorframe of the garage, but moves towards me as our eyes lock. His are letting me know he feels the same way about me, that he'll always be there for me no matter what, no matter how damaged I am, even if I was disfigured.

He wraps his arms around me, and I lean against him, suddenly finding it very hard to stand on my own.

"Yes," Bear says. "I told you that story before, haven't I Tommy?"

"Only about a million times," Tommy answers, his voice reverberating in my ears.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then," Bear says, a playful tone in his voice.

I look up into Tommy's eyes, want nothing more than his lips on mine. And he obliges, kissing me like he read my mind, like it's the only thing he wants to be doing too. The dusty garage disappears, the world melting away, wiped clean by the blinding sunshine we create together, ready for us to remake it.

"That was such a beautiful story," I say later. He's only wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt, and I'm a little jealous he walked through the entire club like that for all the others to see. But he's in my arms now, so I shouldn't even be thinking that.

Tommy steals another kiss from me. "Wasn't it? Though to be honest I never really believed it until right now."

His words hit me right in the chest, causing rivulets of bliss to flow all through me. All I want is for this feeling to last and last.

"I didn't find your sister yesterday," he says, his words driving a stake through all that bliss. "But I'll check a few more places today. If she's anywhere around here, I'll find her."

I feel the truth of his words, his desire to do just that somewhere near my heart. But my chest is filling with icy despair regardless.

"I'll go now, so I can be back early tonight, then we can go do something fun. Last night they opened the drive-in cinema for the summer. Ever been to one of those?"

I shake my head. I know what he's doing, he's trying to cheer me up. And I want it to work, I want to let him.

"The movie starts at ten. But I'll be back before then," he says, wrapping his arms around me even tighter. "Maybe you can even wear that pretty dress of yours again."

He's probably referring to the jeans I'm wearing, but they're not even the baggy ones I brought with me. And I'm not wearing a flannel shirt over them, just a t-shirt.

He sighs, a flash of anger ripping through the velvety soft night of his eyes. "Is your father in jail for what he did to you?"

His question comes from left field, completely surprising me, my chest filling with another jet of icy cold water.

I shake my head. I tried for so long to make him pay for what he did to Sam and me, reported him, even sued him, but his money and his connections kept him safe, and his lawyers made me look crazy.

"And your mom? Did she do nothing to stop the abuse?" he asks.

"She died when I was two years old," I tell him. "I don't even remember her."

I wish I could, but I only know what she looked like from photos. His eyes are filled with such compassion, I want to cry. But the softness starts congealing into a very hard edge in front of my eyes as I gaze into them.

"What's your father's name? Where does he live?" he asks harshly.

My eyes widen, my breath hitching in my throat. There's no mistaking the look in his eyes now, it screams murder.

"Why?" I mutter, not even sure why I'm asking since I already know the answer.

"I'll make him pay for it," he says. "I'll kill him for what he did to you."

The words pierce me like a thousand knives flung at me at once. I hold him tighter, burrow my head in his chest. "Oh, Tommy, no. He's not worth it. It's not worth it. He's too well connected, and I…I don't want to lose you."

His hands are stroking my back, my hair. "Don't you want him to pay?"

The real answer's yes. To everything he's suggesting. And it scares me. Shakes me to the core that I'm even considering it, that a part of me is rejoicing at the thought of my father dying a bloody, painful death.

"I'm trying to forgive," I mutter.

"Yeah, how's that working out for you?" His harsh, bitter tone makes me shiver.

"I mean, I personally never got very far with that," he adds, stroking my hair gently.

I look up into his eyes, which are cold like a frosty winter midnight now. "Thank you for offering, Tommy, but no. It means so much to me that you'd even consider it. No one's ever done more for me than you. But I…I just couldn't…just couldn't live with that. Or with something happening to you because of me."

I'm rambling so I shut up. He frowns and shakes his head like my answer didn't please him at all, but then he smiles, kisses me again, gently this time, tenderly and slowly. And I know I should be scared of him, because he just suggested murdering my father like it would be an everyday sort of thing for him, but I'm not. I just feel very safe and protected.

* * *

The movie's about to start, and I'm leaning against him, his arm around me, resting against my hip. Today's search for Sam didn't go any better than yesterday’s. It upset me, made me fear the worst even more than I already feared it before. Because this was my best lead to find her, and it's very quickly coming to nothing. But he's so certain I shouldn't lose hope yet, that there's still more places to look, that I believed him, managed to chase my doom and gloom thoughts away. Though the weird stony look in his eyes didn't fade all through dinner. It's probably still there, only now it's too dark to see clearly.

"I've never seen this movie," he says. "Did you?"

It's Casablanca. I've seen it a bunch of times. "Sure. It's a classic, you know?"

I'm trying to keep my voice light, match his tone, but I'm not sure how well I'm succeeding.

"Classic movies aren't my favorite," he says, his hand sliding over my ass.

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you've seen your share of classics bringing girls here," I say. "Don't drive-in cinemas only play classics? Though I suppose you probably didn't come here to actually watch the movies."

He squeezes my ass for a moment, before resuming the slow caresses. "Are you suggesting something, Tara?"

That smirk on his lips tells me he was thinking about it long before I sort of suggested it. "People come here to make out, don't they?"

He chuckles. "I actually wouldn't know, this is my first time at a drive-in."

"Oh, come on, you expect me to believe that?"

"No, I'm serious, I was never much for dating before I met you."

"Yeah, me neither," I admit. So much of what he says sounds exactly like what I would have said. Like we think the same. And it's a little weird, but feels so right.

"So, for example, a blow job at a drive-in movie is something I've never gotten," he says, grinning at me. "I imagine it must be tha bomb."

"Easy, there," I breathe and kiss him softly. Because even though a flash of something very close to fear passed through me at his lewd suggestion, I know he's just playing with me. That he'd never want something from me that I can't give.

The movie's almost halfway done by the time we stop kissing. My skin is tingling from his touches, my mind fuzzy, all of the darkness swaddled in soft mists of pleasure, desire, pure bliss.

"How about we go back home now?" I ask, still breathless from all the kisses we shared. "I've seen this movie a hundred times."

It doesn't really have a happy ending. And I want only that tonight.

* * *

The music from the club is thumping through the walls of Tommy's apartment, but it's a muffled sound, and it only accentuates how alone we are. How it's just the two of us here, the rest of the world far removed, distant, spinning around without us.

Fear of what's to come is mixing with the tantalizing sparks of arousal inside me, but it's not quenching them, not making me reconsider. Though I am a little apprehensive, because the loving softness in Tommy's eyes has a jagged edge that's all predatory desire.

But I can do this. Because I want to.

We're still standing by the door, kissing, and I take a step back, sliding out of his arms. He lets me go, only gripping my arms tight for a second before releasing me. And it's all the reassurance I need. Even if I say no right now, after being the one to suggest we come here, he won't force me to do anything I don't want to do. I already knew that, and now I'm sure.

I untie the strap holding my dress together, and undress for him, smiling as his eyes take in all of me with such hunger I feel it everywhere, deep in my chest, in my belly, in my pussy. His look is bidding me come closer, and there's no force in this world strong enough to prevent me from ignoring that call.

I return into his arms and kiss him, the soft firmness of his lips between mine so sweet, so tantalizing I can't help but bite down ever so slightly. He responds instantly, grabbing my ass and grinding his hard cock into my belly as he deepens the kiss, his desire for me ripping through my entire body all at once. But I slow him down, not because I fear it, but because I have different plans for him tonight.

My fingers are fumbling with his belt buckle, not quite succeeding in undoing it, since I've never undressed a man before, never even wanted to. He takes over and does it himself, lets his pants drop, and steps out of them. I trail my hands down his defined chest, let my fingers bump against the hard six pack of his abs, as I kneel in front of him.

He's grinning down at me as I free his cock from his boxers. I'm completely lost in his eyes as I take a tentative lick. The darkness is there, but it's no more than shadows on the edge of my awareness. It's more like a grey mist than anything tangible.

He groans as I take the head of his cock between my lips, his hand stroking the back of my head. I feel him tense as I take even more of his hardness in my mouth, enjoying the velvety firmness, the pulsing heat against my tongue. His cock fills my mouth completely, and I gag as I reach my limit. He exhales harshly, his hand tightening its grip on my head. And I know how much he wants to take over, thrust his cock deep into my throat, yet he's letting me do it at my own pace, surrendering all the control to me.

It emboldens me, makes me flick my tongue out, stroking the shaft, as I work on just the head, rolling my tongue around it, tasting every last, sweet millimeter of him. His fingers are tangled in my hair now, his eyes glassy, half-closed, fixed on my face. His breaths are coming faster, more jagged, his stomach taut. I know he's close to coming, and I want him to, want to be the one to give him pleasure tonight.

"I'm gonna come if you keep that up," he whispers hoarsely, and I just continue to bob up and down on his cock, letting it invade my throat now, my gag reflex finally under control. And still he's just letting me have all the control, letting me set the pace.

He's trying to hold out, I can feel it in the tension radiating from him, but he has no hope of succeeding. I want him to come, give him back just a little of what he's given me. He makes a fist in my hair right before his hot semen floods my throat, and I'm trying to swallow, but I can't do it fast enough.

He lifts me up in one fast motion, displaying energy I was sure I'd drained from him. Before I know it I'm on my back on the bed, braless, my panties hanging off one ankle, my neck and breasts, belly and thighs, tingling from his kisses. I'm giggling, thinking of nothing but where his lips will touch me next. They land on my clit, making me gasp and moan at the same time as his tongue goes to work, stoking the embers of desire smoldering inside me into flames.

He knows exactly what he's doing, and my body's responding in ways I didn't know it could, my breaths coming in jagged little moan-laced exhales, my fingers making fists in the sheets. I'm so close to coming, but he keeps me on the edge, my orgasm so near I can almost feel it consuming me, yet so far beyond my reach it's driving me insane. Just as I'm sure it'll come, and I open to let it flood me, he pulls away kissing me wetly.

I'd protest, but he doesn't give me the chance to as he climbs on the bed and leans against the headboard, pulling me into his lap. His cock enters me in one long stroke, and the orgasm that washes over me is explosive, so all-consuming I forget where I am, who I am, know only this searing pleasure ravaging through my body.

He keeps thrusting into me, his strokes sure and precise, hard yet controlled, and before I even recover from the first, I'm cresting another wave of intense searing pleasure. I'm holding onto the headboard, screaming, no longer aware of anything but his cock deep inside me, his arms holding me firmly in place as he takes what he needs from me, but gives me what I need too.

I may be straddling him, my way to escape easy and clear, but he's in complete control of my body now, of my pleasure, and this is exactly where I want to be. Because I've never experienced a more satisfying escape than the orgasms ripping my body, my soul, my everything to shreds right now, revealing a lightness, a weightlessness, a brightness that no dark memory can ever weigh down or conceal again.