TARA

Tommy keeps calling, keeps promising he'll be back soon, but he's not telling me what's keeping him, and it's been days. I called Dad like he instructed me too, and Sam's still angry with me over that. He had them move us to LA and got Sam checked into an expensive clinic so she can begin healing. I'm staying with her, sharing the double bed in her fancy suite. They haven't asked me to leave yet, but I assume eventually they will.

She's not eating much, and not talking a lot either. They want her to testify against the men that took her, but she's refusing to. I've been trying to convince her to do it, since Tommy said it'd be a good idea, and because I think so too. But she spends her days sitting by the window and won't be swayed.

"Want to go to a yoga class this afternoon?" I ask, checking the schedule of group events. "I think that actor goes too, you know the one you liked, what's his name?"

This place is full of celebrities of all ages. If Sam was her old self she'd be having a blast. The doctor says she's just been through a lot, that she needs time to heal, and I get that, but I don't know this new person she's become, and it's frightening.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I need, Tara," she snaps. "A new man in my life."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," I say, laying the schedule down and walking over to the armchair by the window in which she's been sitting since breakfast. "I just thought a diversion would do you good."

She looks at me in mock surprise, her bloodshot eyes very wide. "A diversion? Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"

I could ask her the same thing.

"What do you mean?" I sit on the arm of her chair.

"It sounds like something I used to tell you," she says. "But I guess now that you finally got laid, you know best."

The venom in her voice cuts me to the core.

"I mean, I'm happy for you that you found someone to fuck you, God knows it took you long enough, but now it's just Tommy this, Tommy that, Tommy says call dad and you do, Tommy says put Sam in an asylum, and here I am. What's next?"

She's always been harsh and sarcastic, but never this insulting. I'm getting mad at her, and I don't want to. She's been through so much.

"He never said that," I tell her as calmly as I can. "But I get it, you're angry. Yet if it wasn't for him, you'd still be…"

But I can't finish the sentence.

"A sex slave?" she says. "Still having trouble with the S word, I see. It's probably for the best, because that biker boyfriend of yours isn't coming back. And maybe it's time you started accepting that."

"He says he'll be here soon," I murmur.

"Don't get your hopes up, Tara. I know guys. They make all sorts of promises and rarely deliver. You'll never see him again, mark my words. First his calls will get fewer and fewer and then they'll stop." From the corner of my eye I see Sam is still glaring at me. But I don't look at her, because she'll be able to see the uncertainty in my eyes that her words are causing. "Besides, you probably gave him quite a challenge before he got you in bed, am I right? But even playing hard to get only works until they, well, get you."

"I trust him. He hasn't let me down yet." I move away from her and go to the bed. My phone's charging on the nightstand, and it hasn't rang once today. It's almost lunchtime. Tommy usually calls in the morning and the evening. But he hasn't called since just after breakfast yesterday. I tried calling him half an hour ago, but his phone is off. What if she's right? What if something happened to him? No, nothing happened to him. He told me he was perfectly safe, and I believe him. I have to believe him, or I’ll go mad. Besides, I could feel it if something happened to him, I know I would.

No, whatever he’s doing to take care of everything so he can come back to me is just keeping him busy.

I should just try calling again. And I do, but his phone is still off.

"I'm sorry, Tara," Sam says, suddenly standing right next to me, and I didn't hear her come over. She draws me into a tight hug, her whole body shaking.

"I'm being such a bitch to you, and I don't mean to be. I'm so happy that you found someone to love, and who loves you back," she mutters into my shoulder. "For what it's worth, I think he does love you, judging from the way you said your goodbyes. But now he’s not calling you anymore, and I just don't want you to get hurt."

I hug her back. "I know. But you know I'm tough. You just worry about getting better."

What I want to say is that Tommy hasn't lied to me yet, that he'll be back if he says he'll be back, but I'm afraid saying that will just cause her to flare up again.

She releases me and sits down on the edge of the bed, pulling me down beside her. She's smiling, and if it weren't for the strained fear in her eyes that hardly ever goes away completely now, I'd think my Sam was back. Her eyes used to sparkle. She didn't used to have a care in the world. Now she looks at me with the same strain in her eyes that was always in mine.

"I do know you," she says, squeezing both of my hands in hers. "You used to wrap yourself in layers of icy detachment and cold righteous anger, but your center was always whole and undamaged, always shining brightly. You just pretended to be dead inside so you could protect that. But me, I was always dead on the inside, and I tried to hide it by having so much fun I could hardly keep up with myself. Now it's caught up with me."

"That's just not true."

She squeezes my hands tighter. "Let me finish."

But I don't want to hear any more of this. Because what she's saying is so dark, and her voice is so cold that I just want to cry.

"You've finally let your inner light shine through again, Tara, and you're beautiful, you're gorgeous, like I always knew you were. And I'm so thankful to you that you went to such lengths to find me and bring me back home. But I'm afraid it was a wasted effort. And I don't mean to push you away, but maybe I should. Because I'll just drag you down with me. I'm beyond saving this time. I am dead inside, and I don't have the strength or the will to pretend otherwise anymore. I'm so sorry."

She starts sobbing, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. I wrap my arms around her and draw her closer, tears streaming down my face too.

"Sam, you'll be fine. Even after Tommy comes back, I'll stay here with you, make sure you get through this."

She hiccups, rips herself from my arms, and glares at me with tear filled eyes.

"Don't you dare sacrifice anything more for me. You go with him, if he wants you to. Far away from me, because I'll just drag you back down, and I don't want to do that. I really don't want to do that, Tara. I can deal with this on my own. I promise I can."

"OK, OK," I say hugging her tight and letting her sob into my shoulder.

This is the most she's said at one time since we rescued her. I hope it means she's getting better, that she's finally breaking out of the haze of despair caused by having been held captive for so long, and forced into prostitution. But I will stay and make sure she gets the healing she needs. Tommy will understand. He'll wait for me if I ask him to.

* * *

TOMMY

Three fucking days the whole thing took. I gave them everything I promised yesterday morning, right after they gave me my immunity, a new identity, and a letter of promise to do the same for Tara. They monitored my calls before then, but they took my phone away completely after that, and locked me in one of the cushier holding cells, where I've just been staring at the walls going slowly insane for the last 36 hours. Apart from bringing me food, no one's looked in on me once. Maybe they just mean to hold me here indefinitely; while they figure out how to recant the immunity they gave me.

Sure they offered good reasons for holding me. They want to make the arrests without me having the chance to alert anyone to the danger beforehand. It makes sense, I'd do the same thing. But that hasn't helped the voices in my head. Which are mostly just calling me a scumbag backstabbing traitor the whole time, and I can't even call Tara to get away from them for just a little while.

I haven't told her what I've done yet. Mostly because I couldn’t, since the cops are already too suspicious of me, but I’ve also been too ashamed to.

Though I'm starting to think I made my decision to destroy the MC the night my mom died. It just took me fifteen years to carry it out. After Blade took over, decided to go legit, it got better. But then he died too. And Shade is even worse than my father was. At least my dad played with me, took me to ball games, and let me ride with him on his bike before my feet even reached the ground. He also stopped running whores for me, so I'd forgive him for mom. I'll never forgive him, but at least he made an effort.

But Shade would take the MC to such vile pits, no one would remain unscathed. It's quite possible I'm just rationalizing my betrayal. But I'm sure of it nonetheless. On some level, betraying them all was absolutely the right thing to do. But on the surface, I couldn't do anything worse. I was orphaned at twelve, the MC was my family since. So I actually betrayed my whole family, but I would have taken it over eventually. I would be making all the calls one day. By destroying it all now, I just fast forwarded to that day.

Maybe I could've just challenged Shade. Taken over the MC, then handed it to someone else once Shade was out of the way. But that would've taken months. And I want peace for Tara and me, not a lifetime of looking over our shoulders.

The lock rattles and then Sheriff Lance is staring at me. "You can go now. Your brother and the rest of the execs are in custody, as are most of the local MC members. You have maybe half a day before what you did becomes common knowledge, you know how fast news travels in a small town. I suggest you haul ass out of town, or your witness protection won't be worth shit."

I jump off the bed. "You already told them it was me, didn't you?"

It's his payback, I get that, I even admire him for having the balls to do it.

"No, but they'll know soon enough," he says, but I know he's lying. "You sure you don't want that escort out of town."

"I’ll make my own way from here," I say, making sure to bump into him as I exit the cell.

It's unfortunate that people already know about my betrayal, because it gives me less time to do what I still need to do before I return to Tara.

"I need my phone now."

He hands it to me, but the battery's dead. What else did I expect? Of course the bastards didn't charge it for me.

"I'll see you around, Lance." I hope to Christ I'm wrong, and I'm pretty sure he's thinking the same thing.

I take a cab to Crystal's, luckily find Tara's pickup still parked where I left it with my money still inside. It's not even most of what I have, but starting a new life can get expensive. I have three more bags just like this one buried out in the hills, and it'll probably take me the rest of the day to dig them up. But first I need to say my goodbyes.

* * *

My first stop is Sara’s beachside club in the hills. She's sitting alone at the bar, the place deserted. Her head turns as I enter, but the hopeful expression on her eyes is quickly quenched by shock.

"Tommy, what are you doing here?" she says. "They've been arresting MC members all morning. They even came here looking for Brett. You need to get out of town."

The fact that she doesn’t know it's all my doing is a relief. But she'll know soon enough, and I should be the one to tell her.

"I am getting out of town. But I'm not in any immediate danger," I say instead, and carry the bag of money into the back room.

She follows me, staring at it with narrowed eyes. "What is that, Tommy?"

"That's the money Ian left in my safekeeping when he went to jail," I tell her. There's more in that bag than what he left with me, but leaving Sara a little extra is the least I can do. Who knows when Ian will be getting out of jail now that I’ve betrayed the MC. There was no way to keep his involvement in the club’s dealings a secret, he was too enmeshed in it. And warning him wouldn’t have done any good either, since he’s already locked up. Knowing him, it would just make him do something stupid, like try to escape and come after me. "It's yours now."

"I don't want his dirty money," she shrieks, her ears starting to twitch.

I don't have time to argue with her. I just came to say goodbye. "He wanted you to have it, if things went south, so take it up with him, if you don't want it. I haven't told him your secret. That's up to you as well, but I suggest you do it."

She's blinking at me, her mouth open like she's about to argue some more, but I just give her a quick hug.

"I'm leaving, and I won't be back for a long time," I say. "Everyone getting arrested is my doing. And I am sorry, but I had no other choice. Shade is crazy, and I couldn't stand by and watch what he was doing. I had to protect the woman I love. "

Her eyes keep growing wider and wider as she processes what I just told her.

"You?" she finally breathes and it truly encapsulates all she's trying to say. I used to be the MCs fiercest warrior, and I swore I'd never fall in love.

"I knew you'd understand," I say, giving her another quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "But now I really have to go."

"Will I ever see you again?" she asks once I'm already at the door, her voice kinda teary.

"Maybe," I say without turning, because she'd see the lie in my face.

* * *

Bear is lying in one of the glass-walled ICU rooms, hooked up to at least five machines. Crystal is sitting next to him, wrapped in a cardigan, and clutching his hand in both of hers. I don't want to interrupt. I don't want to know there's no hope for him to ever wake up. Though the selfish part of me is glad he's sleeping. Bear is the last person who'd understand what I did. Crystal might, but I'm not counting on it.

She sees me, gasping in shock before releasing his hand and coming out into the hall.

"Where have you been, Tommy? Shade's been arrested, the cops even came looking for Bear, and no one’s telling me anything." She's out of breath by the time she finally pauses.

"How is he?" I ask, glancing at Bear’s motionless form again.

"Not great," she says shivering slightly. "But they think he has a chance."

Ava and Lola are standing next to the vending machine on the other side of the long hallway. They both see me at the same time, start walking towards us.

"I'm leaving, Crystal, I just came to give you this." I fish a set of keys from my pocket. "They're for Blade’s house. I want you to have it. He'd also want you to have it after what happened. And you'll find some money under the floorboards in the attic. Use it as you see fit, but make sure Simone gets all the medical care she needs. She's probably gonna need plastic surgery as well."

She wraps the cardigan around herself tighter. "I can't take that. It's too much."

"Nonsense," I say, jangling the keys in front of her. "The house is yours. Just take it."

Ava and Lola have almost reached us, but I turn my back on them to discourage an interruption. "Look, I'm going away for a very long time. I want to know you're provided for."

Her good eye grows wide. "You're going to jail?"

"No," I say. "I'm just leaving, disappearing."

Her hand flies to her mouth. "It was you."

"I did what I had to," I say, still holding out the key stupidly.

Her eyes are mere slits, and I'm expecting her to start berating me, calling me a traitor at any moment. But she takes the keys, and gives me a hug.

"I know that can't have been easy, Tommy. But for what it's worth, I think it might have been for the best. Your grandfather had a good vision for the MC, but it got all twisted in the end. I doubt even Blade could've fixed it. Thank you for the house, and for everything else," she says. "Go see Simone before you leave. You saved her life, and she wants to thank you."

She gives me another hug, and kisses both my cheeks, then returns to Bear's bedside. I watch them through the window, trying not to think of anything. But at least she has a house now and the money to start over.

"Are you really leaving, Tommy?" Lola asks. Her usually giggly voice is very somber. "Where's Tara?"

"She's waiting for me in LA, I should go to her now." I don't want to see Simone, I just want to get out of town as fast as I can.

"Simone's sleeping right now, but she wakes up from time to time," Ava says. "She wants to thank you, like Crystal said. That guy who used to come to the club every night to watch her dance visits her too. He's alright. He got Lola, Gwen and me out of the club when those Mexicans came. He was in the military once upon a time, apparently. I think he's really in love with Simone. Maybe he’ll marry her when she gets better. Wouldn’t that be nice? What's gonna happen to us now, Tommy?"

I've never heard Ava speak so much in one go. And she's practically crying now, so it's especially unnerving. "Crystal will take care of you, don't worry. Let's go see if Simone's awake."

I really don't want to see her ruined face again, but maybe I should. I need all the reminders of why I did what I did fresh and clear in my mind, so I can call them up when my thoughts turn dark.

Simone's awake, and she tries to speak, but can't really, because her jaw and lips are still too swollen.

"Crystal will take care of your face," I say dumbly. She nods, and I hope I never forget the thankfulness in the one eye she can actually open. Her fingers are flexing against the sheets like she wants me to take hold of her hand and I do, squeezing once before releasing her.

"I have to leave now," I say, and none of them try to stop me. I hope I treated them OK. I really do.

* * *

No one saw me leave town, or followed me to the hills when I went there to get the money. The plans I made held. I imagined riding out of town on my bike when I originally planned my escape. It'd be kinda poetic to pick up Tara with my bike, and then we'd ride off into the unknown on it, but I had to leave it behind. I spent years working on it, but I don't deserve it anyway. Not after what I did.

My phone charged fully while I was digging up the money. It's almost four PM, and I should've called Tara before now, but I needed to make sure I was actually getting out of town alive today, so I wouldn't make her a promise I can't keep. There's nothing but highway in front of me now. My luck held. It's a five hour drive to LA, but I can make it in four.

I'm holding my breath as I dial her number, growing more and more afraid she won't pick up each time it rings. I leave a message when the voicemail comes on then call back right after.

There's no reason to panic, she'll call back. She's probably just not near her phone right now. The feds are watching them. There's no way Shade could've gotten to her. Him and the rest of the MC were too busy getting arrested, if nothing else. She's safe. And she will call back. She has to. Me and Tara, we're TNT, things get explosive when we're together, and nothing can stop us.

I still try to reach her a bunch of times more, with no luck. In the end, her phone just starts going straight to voicemail. But that just means the battery went dead. It doesn’t mean anything else. I won't think of the worst. The worst is behind me. It's time to start thinking only of the best.

My phone finally rings when I'm about half an hour out of LA, but it's not Tara, it's Jerry.

"What was that?" he asks, since he probably heard the end of my curse as I picked up.

"Nothing, what did you want?" I need to keep the line clear for Tara's call.

"I…umm…finally found some stuff," he says slowly, like it's hurting him to say it. "You know, the producer and his…you know."

"Yes, I know," I snap. "Will it be helpful?"

"I haven't been able to find much, he keeps it secured pretty tight, but I found some older stuff, like ten years old, or more…it's only a couple of videos, and they're fucking horrible," he says, exhaling loudly. "Should I send them through? But I don't know if you want to see it."

"Yeah, send it to me." He's right, I probably don't want to see it. Just the way he's talking about it makes my stomach twist in rage.

"Alright, done," Jerry says after a slight pause. "Please do something about this guy."

"Oh, I will," I promise him, then make my goodbyes. I'll probably never see Jerry again.

He doesn't ask any unnecessary questions.

I'm stuck in gridlock traffic on the LA highway, and I could easily watch the videos he sent me. But I keep tossing the phone back on the seat each time I decide to, and not doing it.

I'm such a pussy. Seriously, Tara lived through it, and I can't even watch it on video?

I pick up the phone again and hit download on Jerry's mail.

My worst fear comes true as I see Tara's face in the video. She's young, maybe fourteen, possibly younger, and she looks so scared, so lost, so angry and sad over what's being done to her. She fights the man—her father—as best she can. It's not nearly enough; she has no chance to escape it. And the resigned look that rests on her face after she realizes that is more horrible than all the fear and sadness before. It fucking breaks my heart the way nothing ever has.

I only watched a couple minutes of the video, and I almost puked. She survived years of that torture. Her father's gonna pay for that. Maybe not right now, because he needs to be able to keep Samantha safe, but eventually I will make him pay for what he's done to Tara. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure that look of anguish never crosses her face again.