CHAPTER 23
With a soft sigh, Teren sank against Nolan’s hard, sweaty body. She nuzzled beneath his jaw, smiling, eyes closed, feeling the undulations of pleasure flooding through her lower body. He made a sound of satisfaction, kissing her tousled hair, sweeping her against him. The late-November moonlight flowed silently into the large bedroom where they lay, breathing fast and shallow, languishing against one another, fulfilled.
Barely opening her eyes, Teren was content to be held against Nolan, feeling his fierce love for her, his lips resting against her damp temple, inhaling his fragrance, the scent of their shared sex. There was such a sweet vibration rolling through her and she stretched upward to kiss the column of his thick neck, tasting the salt of his perspiration on her lips.
“Every time is better,” she whispered.
Nolan eased his embrace, placing Teren on her back, studying her shadowed face caressed by moonlight through the nearby window. He drank in her shimmering, happy gaze, the way those sculpted lips curved upward, telling him how well he’d satisfied her. There was nothing more he wanted to do for this woman than make her smile like that, see the happiness glimmering in her peaceful eyes. “It’s you,” he rasped, kissing her smooth brow. “You inspire me, Teren.”
“Mmm, well, I think we inspire one another, don’t you?”
She heard a rumble in his chest, her lips drawing upward. Absorbing the vibration, her heart swelled with love for him.
“Most definitely,” he managed to say, sliding his fingers through her loose hair, grazing her cheek. Nolan pushed himself up on one elbow, wanting to memorize Teren right now. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes warm with love for him, her fingers caressing his damp shoulder, the moonlight accentuating her naked beauty as she lay beside him.
“Love gives us this gift,” he told her, his voice roughened with emotion. Glancing at the clock on the nearby nightstand, he added wryly, “And the gift of being sleep-deprived is the price we pay.”
Smiling softly, she skimmed her fingers down his tightly-muscled arm, which kept her hip pinned comfortably against him. “Do you think Tal, Matt, and Alexa notice it?”
He laughed. “I think they see us drinking more coffee in the morning. But we put in our eight hours and we get a lot done, so I don’t think they’re concerned at all.”
Sobering, she said, “Then maybe it’s time, Nolan?” She saw him cock his head, confusion coming to his eyes.
“For what, sweetheart?”
“Well, we’ve finished the parlor, the kitchen, and this bedroom,” she began quietly, making invisible patterns across his large biceps. Stilling her hand, she wrapped her fingers around his upper arm, holding his concerned, shadowed gaze. “I know we haven’t made anything official yet, Nolan, but I want to know what you think about something.”
Nolan felt the sudden tentativeness within Teren. He could see worry in her eyes, or maybe it was concern about something new; he wasn’t sure. The last two months, she’d not only become a part of the Artemis family, she’d thrived as never before. He wanted to think it was the love blossoming between them, giving them the deep roots required to make their lives something that would last forever. There was no question that Artemis and Teren hummed together as a smoothly working team. In two months, she had accomplished so much, laying out a grand plan for the software she’d already written, so that it could be sent to every Delos charity that wanted it. Nolan had recognized early on her intelligence and her far-seeing capability, but he knew that Tal, Matt, and Alexa were blown away by her visionary abilities. Teren was such a major asset to Artemis—and to him as well, but in a different, far more personal way.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.” Nolan knew that when Teren had tried to share her ideas with her family, they’d shut her down. To this day, she struggled with speaking her mind. Nolan had made it his personal mission to get her to open up and trust him and talk at length with him. He would not interrupt her. Not like her family always did as a way to control her and shut her up.
Their most important talks seemed to come up after loving one another and tonight was no different. He leaned down, caressing her lips, wanting to erase the worry he saw in her eyes. Nolan would never turn away from her, never not be interested in what she had to say, or how she saw her world—or their world.
“Come on,” he teased with a growl. “Fess up.” He felt Teren quiver with laughter.
She sighed, cupping his jaw. “I love you, Nolan. I never want anything else in this life except you.” She looked away for a moment, as if to gather her thoughts, then tilted her chin, holding his warm, amused gaze, she whispered, “And that’s one reason why I want to get pregnant. I want to carry your baby…our child. Are you okay with that?”
Stunned, Nolan responded with his heart. “Oh, sweetheart, I’d like that more than you can ever know. I want as many kids as you think you want, Teren.”
Staring up at him, the tears running down her face, she sniffed, “I-I was so worried, Nolan…”
“Why?” he rasped, kissing her gently, her mouth warm and inviting beneath his.
“Because, you lost your wife…your baby…I wasn’t sure you’d ever want another child, Nolan—risking it all again. Oh, I know I’m a worrier, but I had to ask you, I had to know.”
He took her hand from his cheek, placing a kiss in the center of her palm. “I’m glad you asked, Teren. I’ve always loved children. I dreamed of being a father before.” He gripped her hand, placing it over his heart, holding it there. “I want to be a father to the children we’ll have. Okay? I want you pregnant and happy, being a mother, and me learning to be a good parent.”
She searched Nolan’s glimmering eyes, saw tears in them, and knew he was thinking of his losses from the past. “There are five bedrooms upstairs in this farmhouse,” she said, her voice quavering. “When I first saw your house and we toured it, the moment we went up the stairs and I saw those huge rooms, I pictured children in four of them. I know I’m a dreamer, but I honestly saw them, Nolan. I felt like it was a movie playing out in front of my eyes.”
He slid his hand down her shoulder and caressed her arm. “You’ve always been a dreamer, sweetheart. And I like sharing your dreams with you.”
“Then four kids doesn’t scare you?”
He grinned boyishly. “Should it?”
She smiled and shook her head. “I saw two boys and two girls.”
“Then we’ll just have to make it happen.” There was such a rush of joy that came over her face, Nolan thought he was going to die of happiness. Taking his hand, he moved it gently across her soft abdomen. “And I’m fine with whatever nature decrees for us. I don’t care if it’s four girls or four boys, or anything in between. I think we can get those rooms finished over the winter.”
He stilled his hand on her belly. “You choose the colors, decorate them however you want, Teren. I’ll just do the work, the painting or wallpapering for you. All right?”
“Oh, Nolan!” She reached up and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him so hard he lost his breath. “Thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me!”
He sat up and leaned his back against the carved rosewood headboard, pulling her into his arms and across his lap. Teren enjoyed snuggling like this after they made love, and he craved holding her afterward, listening to her talk in wispy, faraway tones, her head nestled on his shoulder, their gazes locked into one another as they shared the contents of dreams and wishes from their hearts. She folded against him, burrowing her brow against his jaw, never releasing her arm from around his shoulder. “When do you want to start?” he asked, already knowing the answer, trying to keep the amusement out of his low, roughened tone.
“Tonight? Later, I mean…no condom this time?”
“Okay, I can do that,” he promised solemnly, smiling into the darkness of their bedroom. “Are you close to ovulation time?”
“Yes…”
“Good.” Nolan smoothed her curved back with his hand, feeling the firm warmth of her flesh. There was such a feeling of bubbling joy around Teren, he hungrily scooped it into his heart, his soul. “You were made to be a mother, Teren. You’re going to be such a natural at it. I saw how you mothered all those babies and children at Kitra, and how much they responded and loved you in return.”
Closing his eyes, Nolan could picture their children, knowing that they would have two very dedicated and loving parents raising them. They wouldn’t be latchkey children, raised by a daycare facility or a succession of babysitters. Already at Artemis, Tal had sent out a directive that female employees who became pregnant would not only get a year’s maternity leave but if possible, could also work from home the first year. And right now, a nursery was available at Artemis with everything a mother and baby could need. And breastfeeding was more than welcome if a mother wanted to come back to work before that year of leave was up. Tal wanted Artemis to be parent, mother, and baby friendly.
And those women who already had young children would have their own facility in another area of Artemis. Moms and dads would be able to visit their children on breaks and at lunch. That way, Tal felt her employees’ children would not feel completely abandoned by their parents. They would be in-house and available, and Tal hoped it would be a healthy environment for the entire family. Nolan remembered how happy Teren when she’d discovered that directive in her welcome packet. He should have suspected then that she was ready for that step into motherhood, but he’d missed the sign.
He smiled to himself, embracing her, inhaling her scent, listening to that sigh that told him she was happy. “You know,” he said, kissing her hair, “if you want to stay home full-time, you can. I make more than enough money, Teren.”
“I was thinking about that,” she admitted quietly, moving her fingers across his collarbone. “Because of the type of work I do, I could work full-time at home. I’d have the baby in a little bassinet nearby. I’d be there for her or him when I was needed—and I very much want to breastfeed.”
“I’m sure Alexa would be more than willing to accommodate anything you suggest. You’re far too valuable to them, sweetheart. They’ll take you, your vision, and your dreams any way you want to share them with them.”
“I love Artemis and I love the people there, Nolan.”
“I know you do.”
“I think it’s fully possible that at times, when Alexa has a department meeting, I can be there for it—or at least via Skype, if necessary.”
“Why not? You can do a whole online meeting. I wouldn’t worry about that. Alexa loves you and your ideas, and dotes on you just like those kids at Kitra did.” He smiled, feeling her sigh, as if he’d helped her take a load she was silently carrying off her shoulders.
Someday, he hoped, by living with him Teren would eventually dissolve her childhood past, replaced by him, by their lives together. Nolan had a hunch that when a baby was born to them, Teren would fully focus on today—not on yesterday or on what she had to suppress from the past.
“You’re right,” she murmured. “I have so many good options that would allow me to be here in the house.”
“Besides, you love to cook and bake.”
“I love being at home, Nolan. I truly do.”
Nodding, he caressed her hip, holding her against him, giving her that sense of love and safety. “I’ll support whatever it is that feels right for you and our baby.” He felt Teren nod her head. They shared this invisible connection, he’d discovered. And once they were here in the safety of the U.S., it had strengthened even more between them. Nolan sensed that she might be thinking about becoming pregnant, and smiled.
*
Late-November snow was falling and Teren watched the flakes dancing through the evening sky as she stood at the double sink in the kitchen. All the trees had lost their leaves, gray bare branches poking up, dark and slender, into the gunmetal overcast evening sky. Tal had let everyone leave at noon today because the first snowstorm of the year, shortly after Thanksgiving, was going to blanket the East Coast. She peeled potatoes for an au gratin cheddar cheese casserole.
It had been three weeks since she and Nolan had started making love to one another without a condom and Teren felt subtle differences within herself. It wasn’t something she could express in words. It was a quiet feeling within her body. Was she pregnant? Unsure, she wondered where Nolan was. They had left in separate cars from Artemis and he’d kissed her on the lips, saying he had to make a quick run into Alexandria for something and would be home later. That was two hours ago and already the dark shining asphalt ribbon of narrow road leading to their farmhouse was nearly covered with snow.
Teren quickly finished all the prep and slid the potatoes into the stove to bake. The leftover turkey breast and stuffing were warming in some aluminum foil. The Culver family had invited them over for Thanksgiving and Teren had really enjoyed herself because she got to meet the Turkish and Greek sides of their far-flung global relatives. She had helped prepare the food for the huge U-shaped table in the dining room of the Culvers’ massive Federal house. Their family had fully absorbed her and Nolan as if they were long-lost cousins, with kisses on the cheeks, hugs, more kisses on the cheeks, and more hugs. Never had she felt so warm inside because the Culvers symbolized the relationship she had always dreamed of having. Now she understood why Tal had created such a cozy atmosphere at Artemis. It was wonderful and she felt so much gratitude for being a part of a greater family who accepted her as she was. She had not expected to be invited to Dilara and Robert Culver’s huge home in Alexandria, but it had impressed upon her how starved she’d been for a real family.
Dilara Culver had ample leftover turkey, stuffing, and green bean casserole, and gave them several large containers to take home. Since then, they’d been eating the delicious leftovers—it all tasted so good to Teren. She’d missed the American holidays when she’d lived in Kitra. Now she could celebrate them with Nolan and the people who worked at Artemis.
Kitra had provided her soul food to heal herself from her childhood, and the Sudanese people had accepted her from their hearts. She missed them very much, but being able to Skype them at least once a week helped her so much. It was then that Teren realized she had not lost any of them. Rather, her Sudanese family was now part of her larger global family even though she now lived in America. She’d lost nothing, only gained. That had made her grief and sense of loss dissolve entirely.
Where was Nolan? She craned her neck and peered out of the window, which was now glazed with frost in the corners. Looking down the road, she didn’t see any car headlights coming her way. He had a cell phone on him, and surely if he’d been in an accident or gotten stuck in the ice or snow, he’d have called her. What a worrywart she was turning into! Laughing to herself, Teren shook her head. The past week, especially, she had been more emotional than normal. She was easily affected, more tenderhearted than usual, more apt to cry over something she saw on the nightly news or on a documentary TV program.
Nolan provided the tissues, gave her a patient smile, and held her when she felt suddenly weepy.
Teren had just pulled the au gratin potatoes out of the oven when Nolan drove into the garage. The snow was thickening, and she felt relief. Just hearing him come in from the side door and stomp the snow off his boots in the mudroom made all her worry go away. She heard his footsteps coming down the hall toward the kitchen and turned expectantly. He was holding a huge bouquet of red roses tied with green and gold ribbons in his left arm.
“Sorry I’m late. Quite a few fender benders between Alexandria and here. First snowfall of the season and drivers have to get used to it.” He held out the roses to her. “For you.”
She smiled, inhaling their fragrance. “Mmm, wonderful. There are no roses in Sudan, and I’ve missed them so much.” She leaned over the bouquet, giving Nolan a quick kiss. His dark hair was sparkling here and there with snowflakes that had melted in the short strands. Teren loved the cold, fresh smell, but it was his own unique scent that sent a quiver of yearning to her lower body. “What are these for, Nolan? Are we celebrating something? Thanksgiving has come and gone.” She placed them on the drain board and pulled out a large vase from below the sink, filling it with warm water and a teaspoon of sugar.
He shrugged out of his black leather jacket and hung it over the back of a chair. “Well, yes,” he said. “There is something to celebrate.” He came over, watching her put the two dozen red roses in the vase. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he moved her hair aside, kissing the sensitive nape of her neck.
Giving a little gasp, Teren squealed and dodged his lips, her skin prickling with pleasure. “Nolan! I’ll drop these roses if I’m not careful.”
Giving her a teasing look, he released her. “Okay, I’ll be good. But just for a little while. Can I help you get food on the table?”
Teren always appreciated him helping her. They fell into a routine, placing the hot dishes on metal trivets to protect the tiger-maple table’s surface in the dining room. Soon, they were eating their dinner.
“You look a little tired,” Nolan said. “Are you feeling okay?”
She smiled. “Now who’s being a worrywart? I thought I had that covered.” Her heart widened with love as he gave her a boyish look, his eyes dancing with amusement.
“I do kind of like having you around,” he teased, finishing everything on his plate. He set it aside, pulling over his cup of coffee.
“I think it’s your black-ops ability to see all the teeny, tiny details of a person. I feel just fine. Well…maybe I could use more sleep.” She gave him a playful look.
“That’s probably true,” he admitted. “Because the devil is in the details. It could mean my living or dying if I didn’t observe closely enough, Teren.”
“I’m glad those days are gone, Nolan. I don’t think I could ever stand to have you going out on missions like that anymore.” She felt full and left a small portion on her plate. Nolan rose and took the plates to the kitchen and came back, holding his hand out to her. “I’m done with my undercover days forever. Come join me in the parlor?”
Surprised, she murmured, “Well…okay…I made a chocolate cake, your favorite. Don’t you want a piece of it, Nolan?” She saw the glimmer in his eyes as he took her hand.
“I have dessert of another kind I want to share with you first. We’ll have your dessert a little later. Are you ready?”
Rising, she smiled. “Of course I am.” She leaned into him, his arm sliding around her shoulders, drawing her gently against him. They walked into the parlor, where a fire blazed in the huge redbrick fireplace. This was Teren’s favorite room; the warmth, the snapping and popping of the wood, and the color of the flames were like a meditation to her. She spent most of her free time wrapped up in a pink afghan that Dilara had knitted for her a month ago, lounging on the blue silk sofa, dark blue pillows of the same fabric behind her back, reading a book.
“Come, sit with me,” Nolan urged, sitting on one corner of the sofa, gesturing for her to come and snuggle up against him like she loved to do.
Teren noticed a small, red velvet box sitting on the lampstand next to the sofa. “What’s that?” she asked. “An early Christmas gift? Is that why you were late tonight?” She sat down beneath his arm, content to lay her head on his shoulder, her brow against his jaw.
“You’d be a good black-ops type,” he suggested, leaning over and picking up the box. “You’re very observant.”
Snorting, Teren said, “I wouldn’t last two seconds in the kind of work you did, Nolan.”
He chuckled and brought the box over, holding it between his hands so she could look at it. “You’re made of strong stuff,” he told her in a gritty tone, kissing her brow. “You’re a lot stronger than most people I know.”
“Nolan, what’s in the box?” she asked curiously. “Do I get to open it up now or do I have to wait until Christmas morning?” She was joking, but she saw he’d suddenly become very serious.
“This isn’t a Christmas gift, sweetheart. This has been a long time coming, but I felt like it was the right time.” He opened the box.
Teren nearly flew out from beneath his arm, her hands pressed to her lips as she gasped, her eyes widening. There on the plush red velvet sat a pink diamond engagement ring. The wedding band was a gleaming gold with intricate designs etched in the metal. “Nolan!”
He chuckled, giving her a wry look. “You just about jumped off the sofa, Teren. It isn’t going to bite you.” He held it out toward her.
Tears stung her eyes as she slowly reached for the box, barely grazing the large, sparkling engagement ring with a fingertip. “I-I wasn’t expecting this, Nolan. We’ve sort of talked about it from time to time, but we said we felt waiting a bit longer was okay.” Teren lifted her chin, holding his warm gaze.
“Just because I wasn’t pressing you with the idea didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do something about it, Teren. Will you marry me? Put up with me? Let me help diaper those babies that will be coming along sooner, not later?” His mouth twitched, love coupled with amusement dancing in his eyes.
She nodded and pulled out the engagement ring. “I will marry you, but only if you’ll put it on my finger.”
Nolan did, seeing that it was a perfect fit. He’d had Alexa trick Teren about three weeks ago into trying on one of her rings because Nolan thought their fingers were about the same size—and he’d been right. Such was the value of his black-ops mentality.
He smiled fully, seeing the tenderness come to Teren’s expression as she slowly moved her hand, watching the stone catch the light from the chandelier above the sofa. He could feel how much she liked the diamond. It reminded him of the color her cheeks would flush after he had pleased her.
“I love this color,” she whispered. “It’s so mystical, so otherworldly…like a dream come true.”
“You are my dream come true,” he told her seriously, picking up her hand, admiring the ring on it.
Leaning over, Teren pressed her lips to his, sinking into his waiting arms, surrendering to him, lost in the heat and love Nolan was giving to her in that beautiful moment. Then she lay against him and enjoyed the tenderness of his mouth on hers. This was dessert of the best kind!
Finally, Teren eased up and Nolan moved his hand across her hip and down her thigh. She knew what was coming next and her whole body quivered in anticipation.
“When do you want to get married?” he asked, kissing the curve of her ear. Nolan knew that Teren had not been in contact with her real family since returning home in September. He felt her tense a little as he cradled her in his arms. “I’m all for going in front of a judge in Alexandria and marrying you, Teren. Are you opposed to that?”
“No, I’m not. Could we invite our friends from Artemis?”
“Sure, whoever you want, sweetheart.” He saw the tension fade from her expression and happiness replace it. “When?”
“Anytime,” she said, giving him a wicked look. Sitting up, she closed the ring box and held it between her hands. “I love you, Nolan. I’d live with you whether I was officially married to you or not.”
“I know that. But you’re going to carry my children, Teren. I was brought up that way, and while I know it’s fashionable for people to live together and never marry, I’m not comfortable with that arrangement.”
She nodded. “That’s okay. I’m fine with it, Nolan.” Giving him a dreamy look, she offered, “Wouldn’t it be nice to get married on Christmas Day?”
“Then all I have to do is put a red bow on my head and sit under the Christmas tree next year. I’d be your gift every anniversary.”
Laughing, she said, “You’re a gift to me every day, Nolan.” Teren watched him become sober and his mouth thinned for a moment. She had the feeling he was remembering Linda. Reaching out, she added, “Christmas Day just becomes that much more important to me—to us.”
“Okay, we’ll let everyone know. I’m sure they’ll be happy for us.”
Moving back into his arms, Teren wrapped one arm around his waist, closing her eyes, content as never before. She nuzzled against him, kissing his black tee which stretched across his magnificent chest. “I love you, Nolan. Forever.”
He whispered her name, holding her tightly in his arms, kissing her temple. “Forever, sweetheart.”
THE BEGINNING…