The Time for Self-Preservation is Now!
Lorelai
“Lorelai?”
I sighed silently at the sound of my sister’s voice, but didn’t respond. I sat against the back of the bathroom door staring at the sink and the porcelain throne that I had met several times since I made it home a few hours ago.
“Lor…” She stood at the back of the door this time. “Please let me in?”
She had been crying, I could hear it in her voice and feel it deep within my soul. I sniffled softly, the bathroom vanity and other surroundings blurred in my vision. I couldn’t talk about this. I didn’t want nor need to talk about the fact that I was a second or third party reason for my brother’s unforeseeable death.
I laid my head against my lap as I felt a warm streak of moisture trickling down my cheek and a soft sob fell through my lips. Trembles shook through my body limb by limb as the emotions became too damn much to hold inside. My heart had been ripped out of my chest and crushed with a sledgehammer. I swore I’d seen the blood splattered on the walls through a blurred peripheral vision.
I was cold. Freezing, actually. I looked up and saw Luci standing across from me, her curls in perfect shape, make-up smeared from the tears she cried, her red lipstick still perfected. Her face was paler than usual and she looked down at me before she crossed the room and sat on the floor next to me.
I felt her arms swaddle around me in a tight embrace. “Lorelai…” She barely spoke above a whisper. “You…you have to know that th-this is not your fault.”
I shook my head. “Don’t say that,” I snapped quietly.
“No…Lorelai. Look at me, dammit.” She pulled out of her hold on me and placed both hands on each side of my face. “You didn’t force Armani to step into territories he didn’t belong in. He went in on his own risk.” She paused.
I nodded. “I’ll try, but I have another problem on my hands.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Uh-oh. Why do I feel sick about this?”
I inhaled a deep breath. “I’ve been throwing up off and on all morning… but, this isn’t the first time it’s happened, Luci.”
Her face hardened as she narrowed her eyes at me. “You’ve been sneaking around to see that Montgomery kid, haven’t you?”
I swallowed the lump that had developed in my throat. “Kind of?”
“Lorelai…”
“Luci. I… I need you to do me a big sister favor.” I sounded desperate, because I was.
She was silent for a moment. “Okay. What is it?”
I knew Marie had my back, but my parents would expect me to stay closer to home after my brother was brutally murdered. What a fucking mess all of this was! I wanted to scream in frustration.
“I need you to cover for me. I can’t stay here. I know Mom and Dad. The family will be flying in from everywhere, and I can’t be around people right now. I need to find Chris. I need time away.”
She eyed me carefully. I knew she didn’t agree with this plan, I could hear her inner thoughts screaming silently through the furrowed eyebrows. How could I be thinking of Christopher when our brother was just murdered? The long silence present in the room filled with tension could be cut with a butter knife and it would still explode.
She took my hand holding it with both of hers. “I will cover for you under two conditions.”
I straightened up my posture sitting on my knees. “Name them.”
“You have to show up at Armani’s funeral; and you have to promise me wherever you plan to go, that you’ll stay safe.”
I gave her a gentle smile and nodded. “That I can promise,” I spoke above a whisper.
Her lips pressed to my temple before she looked at me. “Are you feeling okay? Your face is flushed.”
I bit my lower lip. “Not really, but I’ll survive.” I could see the concern in her eyes, but I couldn’t tell her I was pregnant or it would get back to my parents; and then my father would kill Christopher and lock me up, and I’d never see the light of day again.
She nodded and stood up. “I should go check in with Mom and Dad.”
I stared off, quietly taking in the reality of life and death that surrounded me on this daunting late fall day. I knew what I had to do, and that my family would not approve of it; but it wasn’t just about my parent's values and opinions anymore. This was my life, and I’d be damned if it ended like my brother’s had.
Standing to my feet, I went to my room and started packing as many clothes as I could possibly fit into my suitcase. Going back into the closet, I stood in front of the safe, turning the combination numbers in until the door popped open and grabbed the stacks of cash sitting in paper band holds. I didn’t need the family business, nor to wait around here until I graduated. Hell would freeze over before I allowed them to dictate who I could love.
Once the essentials were packed, I zipped the bag closed and placed it on the floor, picked my keys and purse up off the bed, and grabbed a few coats and blankets, placing them into a trash bag for easy transfer.
Stopping at Luci’s room, the door was cracked open. My sister had a niche for style and chic design. I realized then that when I agreed to walk away from the family business, it meant that I would also be leaving my family behind; and that Christopher was meant to come into my life so that I wouldn’t be left alone when this time came. Walking out the front door to the building, I knew there was no turning back.
Arriving inside the cabin on Cakes and Pies, I hobbled my way to the bedroom and threw my bag and the blankets in the closet, grabbed the stashed pregnancy test, and decided to take one more for good measure.
Setting the test on the sink, I went to stash the money away in a safe spot and came back. Two bright pink lines were painted over the window. I knew what I had to do now.
***
Arriving to Planned Parenthood, I signed in and took a seat looking around at the variety of men and women sitting in the waiting room. Is this where the helpless came to find answers to the questions they feared the answer too?
Signing in, I looked at the woman behind the counter. “Hi. I um, I need to confirm a pregnancy.”
She slapped a board against the counter. “Fill that out, I’ll need your state ID or driver’s license when you bring that back up.”
I flashed a gentle smile, taking the clipboard to go sit down and start filling out the paperwork. I tried to focus on filling out the general information and found myself getting distracted by intimidating eyes staring toward me.
Ignore them. Get this taken care of.
Sitting down after turning in the paperwork, I pulled a Walkman from my purse, covered my ears with the headphones, grabbed one of the many parenting magazines sitting on the table and sat back to start reading. My mind raced at the thought of bringing a child into this world to raise on a yacht. Would Christopher still be there once he found out I was due to have his child in nine months? How could I break this news to him when it’s barely been less than six months since we met? Perhaps I had just answered my own question. Even if he wasn’t there, I’d emancipate myself and raise this child where he or she wouldn’t be exposed to the danger of the Castillo family. I was raised in and around parents, a brother, sister and many extended cousins, aunts and uncles that ran an organized crime business. They hurt people and got paid to do it! How could my parents think it was smart to raise their children around such an atmosphere? The stacks of cash I took came to mind as well. Was it earned through the syndicate? No. I refused to believe the money my parents threw at me came from the syndicate. They owned many yacht clubs and casinos out in Vegas. This wasn’t blood money.
I never understood why they had to hurt people and orchestrate crime to make a better living, and I never would. Perhaps, the voice in my head telling me to ignore these people in the waiting room spoke beyond that. I needed to ignore anyone standing in the way of my visions and dreams.
“Lorelai Castillo?”
I turned my head toward the nurse holding the door open sometime after all these thoughts marinated into my head. “Yes?”
“Come on back. We’re ready for you, dear.”
The universe had spoken, and it was calling my name. I stood and walked toward the nurse ignoring the narrowed eyes, staring at me as I approached the door.
“Right this way. How are you today, Miss Castillo?”
“I’m good. Just in a little bit of a hurry, to be honest.”
“We’ll do our best to get you in and out of here.”
She stopped at the exam room. “We’ll be right in here, but first we’ll need a urine sample. There’s a bathroom right across the hall with a cup all ready for you.”
Following the instructions from the nurse, I did as I was told and returned to the exam room.
A few minutes later, the doctor walked in. “Good morning, Miss Castillo.”
I smiled nervously. “Good morning.”
He set down a folder on the counter and took a seat. “I just had a look over the pregnancy test. Congratulations, you had a positive result.”
I nodded, before I looked down.
“Was this unexpected?”
I nodded. “Very unexpected and not planned for.”
“Hm. I understand. The good news is, you’ve come to the right place to get all the information you need to make a decision in what route you’d like to go. Is the father in the picture?”
I inhaled a deep breath. “Yes he is, but he doesn’t know yet. I’m unsure on how he will react.”
The doctor nodded and proceeded to stand and gather a number of pamphlets. “Do you know what you want regardless of his position?”
“Yes. I will have this child with or without him, doctor.”
He looked back at me and walked over. “Can I answer any questions for you right now?”
“Can I make an appointment for a follow-up on further prenatal care?”
“Of course. Stop at the desk and let them know and the girls up front will take care of you. I would strongly recommend you make time to read through these materials.” The elderly gentleman placed the pamphlets of all shapes and sizes in a bag and handed them to me. “Good luck, Miss Castillo. I hope to see you again soon.”
“Can I get a letter of confirmation on the pregnancy?”
“Of course, they can provide that at the front for you as well.”
I jumped down off the table. “Thank you.”
The doctor opened the door, and I took my bag of information overload and walked through. Stopping up at the front desk, I made my next appointment, and made sure not to forget the letter of confirmation before I headed out to the car. Tossing my bag and purse on the passenger seat, I dug into the center console and hooked up the car phone, dialing in a familiar number.
The phone rang in my ear, and I sat back praying silently for an answer.
“This is Matteo Castillo. How can I help you?”
“Matteo? This is Lorelai. I need a favor.”
Uncle Matteo came up from Vegas after completing his law degree under Uncle Thad’s orders.
“Lorelai?” The husky voice replied. “Lorelai! Oh my… What’s the favor?”
“Is your firm in Sausalito still open?”
“Yes it is. I’m actually in town right now.”
“Okay, good. I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
“Hey wait!”
“What! I said I was on my way, damnit!”
“I know, I know. But answer me this. Is everything okay with you? I heard about Armani.”
“No! Nothing is okay. As far as Armani goes, I can’t talk about it right now.”
“Fine! Fine! I’ll see you when you get here.”
There was a click on his end, and the phone line dialed back. I hung up slowly, and put the phone away before I drove back toward downtown Sausalito.