ADELINE

 

IT'S EARLY IN the morning when I wake up.  My hands move on their own accord, searching for the warm body always by my side, but they come up empty.

When I open my eyes, I discover Lucien is gone, but that he left me a note on his pillow.

I stare at his flawless handwriting and smile.  His penmanship is neat and controlled, just like him.

I hated to leave this morning when you looked so peaceful and beautiful, but I have a business meeting to attend off the island.

Be back soon.

Luc

I clutch the small piece of paper to my chest.  In the entire time I've been here, Lucien's never left the island.  And the thought of him not being here makes me suddenly feel jittery.

I've come to think of Luc as much more than my friend and my lover.  He's my protector.  He keeps me safe.  Always.

I place the note on the stand beside me and crawl out of bed.  I need to occupy my time until he comes back.  If I keep myself busy, then I won't be able to think about what could happen when he's away.

The painful memories of the assault come flooding back to me when I'm in the shower, and I'm almost paralyzed with fear.

I hadn't realized how safe I actually felt when Lucien's around…and how vulnerable I would feel when he wasn't.

Even after I'm dressed and walking around the mansion, I feel anxious and uneasy.

Our daily routine has become wake up, shower, get dressed and go down for breakfast, so I'm hoping that sticking to that routine will help me feel better.  But as I creep down the stairs, the anxiety I've been feeling all morning only intensifies.

Like always, a spread of breakfast foods are laid out in the dining hall, but the thought of food suddenly makes me queasy.

Running to the nearest bathroom adjacent to the hall, I barely make it to the toilet before I begin throwing up stomach acid and dry heave until there's nothing left in me.

Groaning, I stay on my knees for a while, gripping the toilet seat for dear life.

Out of the corner of my eye, a shadowy figure appears in the doorway.  Yelping, I jump, smacking my head on the corner of the porcelain sink.

I curse loudly, rubbing the sore spot on the side of my skull.

"Oh, shit!  Sorry, Addy!" Jax says, rushing into the bathroom.  "Are you okay?"

I glare up at him and nod.  "Yeah.  No thanks to you!" I accuse.

"I didn't mean to scare you," Jax whispers, holding back a chuckle.

I'm the first to crack a smile, and then Jax begins to laugh out loud at my expense.

Pulling myself up to the sink, I wash my mouth out with water and take a few, big gulps, suddenly feeling thirsty.  After I wash and dry my hands, I feel a little better, but the queasiness isn't totally gone.

I hold my hand over my stomach, and Jax looks worried.  "Maria's cooking that bad this morning?" Jax attempts to joke.

"Actually I didn't even eat yet."  He looks at me strangely, but I brush past him and make my way to the dining hall with him close on my heels.  "I don't know what's wrong.  I just…"  I can feel my cheeks start to heat and my lungs starting to seize with the overwhelming sense of panic.

"Addy, what is it?"

I whirl around to face him and stop in the middle of the room.  The smell of food almost makes me gag, and I clutch my stomach.  "When's Lucien coming back?" I blurt out.

"Oh, that's what this is about?  He left early this morning and said he would be back as soon as he could."  He cocks a brow.  "Why?  What's going on?"

"I just feel…safer when he's around," I confess as a heated blush creeps up my neck.  I don't know why I feel so embarrassed about admitting that, but I do.

Lucien and I have been on cruise control, autopilot or whatever the hell you want to call it for a while now.  We've just been going with the flow of things, trying to figure everything out as it comes.

But we haven't put a label on us.

If there even is an us.

I have no idea how Lucien truly feels about me.  But if he feels even a miniscule amount of what I feel for him…

Jackson's hand on my shoulder brings me out of my daydream.  "How about you and me hang out today?" he suggests.

"Really?" I ask, sounding way too eager.  Knocking my enthusiasm down a notch, I quickly recover and say, "Well, okay, sure…if you really want to."

He gives me a smirk and says, "Feel up to eating?"

I eye the food on the table and swallow hard.  "I'm not sure.  Maybe just some toast."

"Then we shall feast on toast," Jax tells me theatrically with a wink.