ADELINE

 

MY HANDS GLIDE across the piano keys as I play a song that I had played once for Lucien.  It seems so long ago now, but it's been only a matter of weeks.

I close my eyes and imagine Lucien's dark eyes on me.  He was always watching me as if I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.  He treated me like a treasure, his possession, but I know now that he would never, ever hurt me.

He loved me more than words could describe.  Maybe someday he would have been ready to tell me those three little words I so desperately wanted to hear, but now I'll never get the chance to find out.

He's gone.

Lucien is fucking gone…forever.

I drop my chin as a sob rips out of my chest.  My fingers falter on the keys, producing a few sour notes.

If my piano teacher were here, he would berate me for not playing perfectly.

But Lucien never cared if I messed up.  Even though he demanded perfection of every single thing in his life, he didn't expect it of me.  He accepted me and all my flaws, and I don't think I'll ever have that kind of acceptance again.

I hear a key sliding into the lock on the door to my room, and my attention snaps to the other side of the room.  My father has been keeping me under lock and key literally since I've returned.

Snapping shut the fallboard, I stand and flee to a chair in the opposite corner.

The door opens a few seconds later with the doctor from the other day following closely behind my father, who looks pissed off at the world right now.

That's never a good thing.  Especially not for me.

"You wanted to see her," my father spits out.  "Now tell me why we couldn't do this in my office downstairs."

There are a few sheets of papers in the doctor's hands, and he's holding them close to his chest, as if guarding the contents.  "There is a very delicate matter I need to discuss with Miss Valenti regarding her blood tests," the doctor tells him.  And then he glances at me before saying, "Perhaps Adeline and I can discuss this in private."

I furrow my brows at his request.  Delicate matter?  Did the tests come back positive for something bad?  Is there something wrong with me?

A million questions swirl through my brain.

My father clenches his hands into fists at his sides.  "Anything you want to say to my daughter you can say in front of me."

"Please, Mr. Valenti, this might be best to —."

My father's hand suddenly shoots out and grabs the smaller man by the collar of his shirt.  "Don't tell me what is best for my daughter!  Now, spit it out what you came here to say, or so help me god I'll kill you and find someone else to read the goddamn results!"

I cower in the chair, curling my knees up to my chest.  My father always had a terrible temper, but I was never really bothered by it before.  I think I was conditioned to just accept what is.  But now I'm suddenly seeing everything through a new set of eyes.

Nothing about this life is normal, and my father is definitely not a good man.  He does very, very bad things.  But I was so naïve and disillusioned before that I couldn't perceive any of this.

Maybe because I didn't want to.

"Well?" my father demands, shaking him hard.

"She's pregnant!" the doctor chokes out, struggling to breathe.

My father releases his grip, letting the doctor fall to the floor in a heap.  Suddenly, he rips the paperwork from the man's hands, and his eyes skim over the words.  "Pregnant…" he whispers in a cold, detached voice.  "How far along?" he asks, eyeing the doctor once more.

The man coughs, trying to catch his breath before muttering, "Couldn't be sure unless I performed an ultrasound.  But an educated guess based on her hCG levels would put her in the early stages, maybe only a few weeks along."

My eyes are as wide as saucers as I watch the exchange between the two of them and the conversation they're having slowly begins to set in.

Pregnant…I'm pregnant.  I'm carrying Lucien's…baby?  The words slowly sink in and tears fill my eyes as I stare down at my flat stomach.

Just when I thought my whole world was falling apart, I'm given this small, little miracle.  A part of Lucien that I can hold and take care of…and love with all of my being.

I remember being sick on the island with what I thought was some sort of flu.  My periods had never been what would be considered normal ever since they started when I was a teen, so I could never truly rely on that as a telltale sign.  Going months without one wasn't uncommon.

But now I know it wasn't the flu or food poisoning or any of the other things I thought I was going through.  I was getting morning sickness.

A smile graces my lips as I think about a cute, little, cuddly version of Lucien…a baby with his hair and eyes and a smile that could melt the cold world around me.

I will give this baby the childhood Lucien never had.  And I'll make sure that our baby knows how much their father would have loved him or her.

"How soon can you get rid of it?" my father asks, his words slicing right through me and plucking me out of my pleasant reverie only to come crashing back down to earth with a bone-shattering jolt.

The doctor clears his throat and fidgets, his eyes darting everywhere except for landing on me.  "Well, there is a clinic nearby that can be very discreet with these types of matters."

"No!" I scream.  No longer feeling numb or despondent, I stand and storm towards my father.  Poking him in the chest with my finger, I shout at him, "I won't let you do this!  I'm keeping this baby!"

My father's face contorts with rage as he wraps his hand around my neck.  "We need to get rid of that thing growing inside of you before Giovanni finds out!  He'll never want to marry a whore with another man's baby in her belly," he hisses in disgust.

When he releases me, I fall to the floor.  I hold a hand over my belly protectively and shrink away from my father and his wrath.

As my father and the doctor discuss the details of my abortion, I make a vow to the precious baby growing inside of me that I will protect it with everything I have and all the power I can muster.

Always.

No matter what.