Chapter 9
Noah gazed into his bathroom mirror, trying to determine if there was any difference in his physical appearance, because there was a huge difference with what was going on inside him. He’d started to live again. He was living, breathing, laughing, and God forbid, loving. He was falling in love with a man he questioned would ever be capable of giving his whole self to another person, especially a person like Noah. Loving Zach was dangerous, would probably end up on the south side of happy, and could very well be one of the most frustrating things he’d ever done. None of that mattered though. Once love’s freight train started rolling and picking up speed, it couldn’t be stopped. He’d simply have to enjoy the ride until he fell off and it ran him over.
It’d been one week since Zach and Connor pulled their little stunt to sneak Zach into his apartment. One week for Zach to turn his sad life inside out, upside down, and topsy-turvy. Seven days of living out his fantasies. To say Dr. Zachary Meadows was very inventive when it came to sex would be the understatement of Noah’s lifetime. The man was kinky and vanilla, rough and gentle, and sometimes just flat-out fucking-fun-weird. Being trapped in his apartment building for three years had apparently turned Noah into a top-level pervert, because Zach hadn’t been able to come up with one thing Noah hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed. Perversion was fun; he could live the remainder of his life fully immersed in Perversionville.
Besides the scorching, satisfying sex, Noah felt like they were connecting on different levels, too. At least he hoped they were. He was. Again, Zach’s feelings were still in question. The man loved to have fun and fuck Noah’s ass into the mattress, but he became guarded when their time together turned toward personal topics—like his past, his parents, where he grew up, or what kind of rebellious teenager he’d been. Noah knew practically nothing. What closed up Zach faster than a Venus flytrap on its prey was when Noah asked about his tattoos. Noah loved them. Apparently, Zach hated them.
Zach had infinite patience to listen as Noah rattled off nonsense about his childhood, his high school years, his colossal fuckup with Moretti, and his meltdown afterward. Zach was inquisitive, sympathetic, protective, empathetic, and would get righteously angry when Moretti’s or Cameron’s names were brought up. He was a great listener, but a horrible talker. He shared nothing.
Noah wanted something.
Anything.
Toss him a crumb, for heaven sake.
Zach knew Noah inside and out, literally, but Noah had only learned what Zach liked in the bedroom, what his favorite beer was, and that the man was a little over-the-top when it came to protecting those he felt couldn’t protect themselves. Yeah, that worried Noah. What if Zach was only hanging around, sucking the love from his heart little by little, because he felt like Noah needed protection? As much as Noah would like to laugh that off and tell himself the possibility didn’t really exist, he couldn’t; there was too much evidence to prove otherwise: the new doctor Zach hooked him up with; the fact he’d tossed all of Noah’s junk food and tried daily to convince him to eat healthier; he had Connor reviewing the entire security system in the apartment complex; and he quizzed Noah each day on things to do if anything triggered a panic attack. The list could go on and on. The bottom line was Zach was focused on keeping him healthy and safe. Was that all that drew Zach to him though?
He hoped not. He prayed it wasn’t. It couldn’t be.
Fucking him until he couldn’t walk straight didn’t fit into protecting Noah. Did it?
He shook his head, disgusted with the way his mind worked. For the first time in a long time, he had a good thing going and his warped little mind tried to convince him it really wasn’t that good. Zach wasn’t that into him. How could he believe someone like Zach could fall for someone like Noah? That shit played on a loop inside his brain when Zach went to work and left him alone. When Zach was there, Noah was strong; when Zach left, he turned weaker than a tiny kitten abandoned by its mother.
He looked down at his watch, a gift from Zach yesterday, and counted the hours left before Zach would get home. Three hours. He only had to push this shit out of his head for three more hours. He could do this. Fuck, he needed his pills back. Dr. Livingston, aka Dr. Fuck-Noah-Over, had cut out every pill he took with the exception of two of them—the Xanax and Paxil. Rumor had it the good doctor planned to wean him off one of those sometime during the next three months. His body quivered in rebellion at the thought of it.
Three hours. Three hours. Three hours.
Okay, he knew what he should do. The doctor had given him homework, and since his next appointment was two days away and he hadn’t done the first damned thing the doctor had requested, he should at least try to help himself. He did have three hours to kill.
Three long hours.
Three lonely hours.
When had being alone started being lonely again? When he’d first started allowing his anxiety to control his life, aka agoraphobia, he’d been lonely—so fucking lonely. He’d cried like a child and cussed like a sailor, both angry and horrified by his own weakness but unable to be brave enough or strong enough to overcome his anxieties, and then he’d finally accepted what he was—a coward. Once acceptance had taken place and all urges to leave his safety zone diminished, he’d become less and less lonely and more and more of a hermit. People bothered him; they made him uncomfortable.
They scared him.
Being alone had been…tolerable. Feeling lonely had become a rarity.
Until Zachary Meadows.
Now, thanks to the gorgeous bastard, he was back to being lonely. Time used to mean nothing; now he counted down the hours until he would see Zach. This wasn’t healthy. His new doctor had already given him the over-the-eyeglasses look of dismay when he’d inadvertently mentioned Zach about twenty times during the first fifteen minutes of their first session. No more talking about Zach to his doctor or Zach might end up where his beloved pills had. If that happened, he would have to kill the doctor, and if he needed to kill the doctor, he would have to figure out a way to get rid of the body. That would be tough since Noah was unable to leave the apartment complex.
So, he couldn’t mention Zach’s name anymore.
It probably wouldn’t hurt if he did some of the stupid homework, too. He could mesmerize the doctor with his homework skills to distract him from the Zach dependency dilemma.
“Shit, John Doe, if the doctor and Zach could hear your stupid mental conversations, they’d realize trying to help you was out of the question,” he said out loud. Shaking his head in disgust, he went into the bedroom and dug around in the drawers for something to wear. “You’ve got to order some real clothes, dude. Zach has to be getting tired of your pathetic display of workout clothes.”
After dressing, he meandered into the living room and went to his desk to dig out paper and pen. He was supposed to make a list of all the things causing his panic attacks and why he thought those things turned him from man to mouse in one point zero seconds. Grabbing the notepad, he said, “Ha! I probably don’t have enough paper to write down the entire list.”
“Stop talking to yourself, dumbass,” he said in an entirely different voice, acting like a total idiot. You aren’t really crazy when you know you’re being crazy, right?
He frowned as he looked at his desk. Why was his laptop open? Had he left his laptop open? He never did.
He must have.
He refused to even contemplate any other possibility. This is my safe zone.
An unopened email waited for him. His fingers froze over the button that would open it up for him to read. Cameron emailed him all the time. Why was he suddenly concerned about what waited for him on the other side of the computer realm?
He wasn’t. He had this. His imagination was running wild because of the decrease in his medications. The doctor had warned him about the possibility. That was all this was. Talk yourself through it. Identify the concern and focus only on the facts. No biggie.
He hit the button and, sure enough, the email was from Cameron. The earth started spinning again. Noah nearly groaned out loud. Was it that time already? Zach wouldn’t be pleased. Zach could go fuck himself. Noah didn’t do this shit because he enjoyed posing nude for sick perverts. He modeled to survive. He’d explained his limited work options. Zach would just have to understand.
Did Zach honestly think this was what he wanted to do with his life? He’d had dreams once. Sure, they’d been all over the board, changing as often as his mood, but never before had he pictured himself posing in provocative positions in kinky costumes for some online viewers who paid big bucks to jack off to his humiliation. Nope, that hadn’t been on his list, not at the top or the bottom. The thing was, he’d learned to improvise to survive. If he wanted to degrade himself, it was his decision, not Zach’s.
He typed a quick note to Cameron, letting him know he was sick and wouldn’t be available for this Friday’s shoot. Missing one time wouldn’t destroy his “career.” He logged off before he had to see and deal with Cameron’s reply. Why have all the fun now? I should save some for later, right?
Taking his pen and paper, he went over to the couch, plopped down, and stared at the blank page. Where to start? He hated this shit, hated himself for being so weak it led to this. He hated Dante Moretti for using him, hated Donovan Moretti for being such a fucking slimeball murdering bastard. While he was at it, he hated his father, too. If he hadn’t gotten involved with the Moretti family, Noah’s life wouldn’t be fucked up worse than Humpty Dumpty’s trip over that wall. He missed his parents. They hadn’t been the most loving or supportive parents in the world, but they’d been his.
He took a breath and started writing.
I’m afraid to leave my apartment building because I know Moretti has somebody on the outside, waiting to kill me.
I’m afraid to talk to people because I have no way of knowing if they’ve been hired to make sure I permanently disappear.
I can’t work because I’m afraid to leave my building—see above.
I can’t have a normal relationship because I’m afraid to leave my building—see above.
If I can’t work, talk to people, leave my apartment, or have a normal relationship, I’m no longer a functioning member of society…so what’s the point of my existence?
If I found myself to be in a wide-open space (like the park), an anxiety attack would come because there could be people everywhere, all around me, wanting to kill me.
Small spaces (like elevators) scare me because there’s nowhere to run or hide.
I don’t like people touching me (so I can’t be in crowds) because I’m convinced they are in possession of guns, knives, or something utterly ridiculous like a drug they could rub on my skin that would kill me…slowly.
Sometimes panic attacks come because people are looking at me with pity or like they think I’m a freak (which I am).
Sometimes my apartment doesn’t even feel safe and I’m forced to hide in my closet—just writing that on paper almost causes a panic attack.
Noah tossed the notepad aside, disgusted with himself because of all his bullshit fears and even more disgusted because tears were running down his face. Fuck, it was even more pathetic when one wrote it down on paper. Was that the purpose? Was the doctor trying to open his eyes to what a disaster he was? Newsflash—he already knew.
Frustrated, angry, and totally pissed off, he stood, stalked over to the French doors leading to an outdoor balcony, and stared at the thick black curtains separating him from the outside world. Yeah, I need to add that one to my list: heavy black curtains are required to cover every damned piece of glass inside my apartment to prevent panic attacks. He took a deep breath and continued to stare. He could do this. It wasn’t like there was a member of the Moretti crime family standing outside on his balcony, just pissing away the last three years as he waited for Noah to grow some balls and open the curtains. That was fucking impossible. No, but they could be in one of the apartments across the street, ready to blow my brains all over my clean floor the very second the curtains flutter. That was stupid. Open the goddamned curtain, just a crack.
His heart pounded.
His skin was clammy.
His hands trembled in pure fear.
The room started to spin and his chest tightened up.
His finger automatically reached for the panic button on the bracelet he wore, but then he paused. This wasn’t a heart attack. It wasn’t a heart attack. With a willpower he hadn’t known he possessed any longer, he focused on his breathing, counted each and every breath.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Deep breath.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. He sank to his knees.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
*****
Zach was home a little earlier than usual and he’d like to say it was because he’d had a cancelation or the waiting room wasn’t filled to maximum occupancy, but those weren’t the reasons. No, he was home early because he couldn’t stay away from Noah for another minute. Every morning, when he left him all snuggled in bed and looking thoroughly fucked, hair sticking out in every direction and a satisfied smile curving his sexy lips, Zach started counting the minutes until he would get to see him again. It was frustratingly ridiculous, and more often than not, he felt like a teenager in high school, powered solely by testosterone-driven lust. It might be embarrassing, but he wouldn’t change a damned thing with the King Kong chest-pounding feeling Noah caused. As it turned out, shy neighbor boy was sassy, snarky, funny, sexually adventurous, too cute for his own good, and the most trusting person Zach had ever encountered. When he looked at Zach with those blue eyes, Zach felt like he could conquer the fucking world. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time, not since the day he’d realized what a monster he’d become while living in his father’s world.
He wished so badly everything could stay just like this; that Noah would always look at him with admiration instead of it one day turning to disgust when he found out the things Zach had done in his past. Maybe Noah would never learn that sordid truth? How hard would it be to keep it secret?
How unfair would it be to keep it secret?
When he noticed the elevator had reached his and Noah’s floor, he pushed his negative thoughts aside and focused on Noah and the happiness he brought into Zach’s life. The moment he stepped off the elevator, Noah’s door opened, and he stepped out, grinning like he’d just won the fucking lottery. Zach’s heart purred with satisfaction and his cock started to plump with excitement. Yeah, horny high school teenager was the only way to describe his actions and feelings.
“Hey, babe,” he said as he closed the distance between them, dropped his groceries on the floor, and grabbed the back of Noah’s neck to haul him in for a kiss. Zach liked to think he seduced the younger man with his skilled tongue, but it was more like he devoured Noah. He could never get enough of the taste, never get enough of Noah. Already, he was addicted.
Noah returned the kiss with desperation and excitement. His boy hungered for physical touch and companionship. Zach was hungry for Noah, plain and simple—everything about him. “You seem to be in a good mood tonight. Did you have a good day?” Zach asked and then cringed at his own words. How could Noah have a good day? He was trapped in his own personal hell, locked away from the rest of the world.
“I did,” he answered excitedly. “I talked myself off the ledge!”
“Okay,” Zach said slowly. “That’s good, except, why were you on the ledge to begin with? What happened? Why didn’t you call me? I told you to call anytime, regardless of whether you thought it was important or not.” He frowned. “I didn’t get a call.”
“Calm down, daddy,” Noah teased as he picked up Zach’s groceries, made sure his door shut completely and was locked behind him, and then started toward Zach’s apartment. “Nothing exciting happened. I worked on my homework from the doctor and thought, mistakenly, of course, I was badass enough to crack the curtains today. Ha! Yeah, so not ready for that.”
Zach held the door open for Noah to go inside and frowned when his groceries were once again tossed to the ground as Noah stooped to embrace Denala. When they finished their daily greeting, he continued, “Anyway, I stood right there in front of the curtains, trying to get my nerve up, when the panic attack started threatening. I almost pressed my panic button, but talked my way through the anxiety like the doctor worked with me on.” He grinned up at Zach. “It turns out I was a total badass, after all.”
Zach’s heart soared. Noah’s victory might seem small and insignificant to some, but Zach knew just how important the success was for Noah’s battle against his phobias. One fucking visit from a real doctor, and he already had one win in his column.
“I knew all along you were a total badass, babe,” Zach told him. “Were you able to crack the curtains after you calmed down.”
Noah stood and placed a quick kiss on Zach’s lips. “Oh, hell no. I ain’t doing that. It was a stupid idea anyway. What’s in the grocery bags? Some more healthy shit you’re so determined to get me to eat? You’re wasting your time. If it’s not sugar-coated, oozing in oil, or deep fried, I’m not interested.”
When Noah started to peek into the bags, Zach snatched them away from him. “No peeking. That’s for later. Connor’s coming by and bringing all of us salads from the deli.” He placed the kitchen bags on the countertop. “This contains our dessert…if you’re good and eat your salad, of course.”
“Is it chocolate cake?” When Zach shook his head, Noah continued, “Chocolate ice cream? Candy bars? Debbie cakes? A pie from the bakery?” He chewed on his bottom and lip, staring at Zach in frustration. His shoulders slumped. “It’s something stupid like…like…fruit, isn’t it? You’ve been harping on me to eat fruit. Please tell me it isn’t fruit,” he demanded.
“It’s fruit.” Zach couldn’t contain his grin at Noah’s antics.
“I can’t eat salad and fruit, Zach. My body will go into shock. You’re asking too much. Hell, I think I’d enjoy cracking the curtains more than eating your nasty good-for-you grossness.”
Zach shook his head at Noah’s over-the-top performance. As much as Noah liked to complain about his new doctor’s ideas for helping him gain some control over his phobias and Zach’s insistence he cut out the caffeine and unhealthy eating, at least while he took the anxiety medications, it was easy to see how proud Noah was of his improvements. Because of his idiotic, nonexistent doctor from before, he hadn’t received any professional help, so he’d started accepting he’d never get better. Fuck that shit. Noah was going to fly.
“Keep talking shit like that and I might make you put your money where your mouth is and open those damned curtains,” Zach growled playfully. After Noah made a zipping motion across his mouth and fluttered his eyelashes, Zach said, “Can you take care of the puppies while I take Denala out for her walk? By the time I get back, Connor should be here with supper.”
“First of all, don’t call a salad supper; it gives the noun supper a bad name. Secondly, of course I’ll take care of the puppies,” he answered. “I live to take care of those fuzzy rascals.” He looked up shyly at Zach and added, “I come over and play with them all through the day. I hope that’s okay.”
“You know it’s okay and appreciated, by me and Denala.” He grabbed Denala’s leash, and she went crazy with excitement. Unlike Noah, she didn’t enjoy being trapped inside the apartment with yapping puppies all day long. “Come on, girl. Let’s get this done.”
Shaking his head, Zach led Denala out of the apartment. As they stepped off the elevator downstairs, Connor walked through the lobby door, carrying a huge bag from the deli. Denala barked a “hello,” which was against police academy etiquette, but she rolled by her own set of rules now. Connor rolled his eyes, but dropped down on his knees to greet the dog he referred to as “worthless beyond words.”
Zach smiled as he listened to Connor reprimand Denala, but he defeated the lecture when he loved all over her while telling her what a naughty dog she was. Zach doubted she even understood she’d done something to displease him. When they’d finished and Connor stood, Zach said, “Thanks for picking up supper, Conn. I was swamped at work and didn’t have time to run by the deli. You’re a lifesaver. You’re staying over to eat with us, right?”
Connor cocked an eyebrow and looked his best friend up and down, his eyes holding the same disappointment for him as he’d shown Denala. “Dude, you weren’t swamped at work. You were in a hurry to get home for a booty call. Admit it. You’re obsessed with your hot neighbor boy.” When Zach started to defend himself, Connor held up his hand to stop him. “Don’t bother trying to deny it. It’s written all over your face. Hell, Zach, you’re walking through the apartment building lobby with a semi right now, and I bet you were only with him long enough for a kiss or two. You’ve got it bad. Enjoy it, my man. Noah’s a keeper. He looks good on you.”
“You know that isn’t possible, Conn. Don’t go dreaming impossible dreams. I’m not the kind of man Noah needs to get mixed up with. We’re just having some fun together.”
“I’m calling bullshit. Again. Stop doing this, Zach. Stop pushing your feelings into the ‘not important’ category. We talked about it. We both know how you are. Don’t fuck this up with the kid. He’s important.”
“We aren’t having this discussion,” Zach said, hating how badly he wanted to believe Connor’s words. “Take the food up and keep your hands off my man. I’ll be up in about fifteen minutes.”
“We’ve got to have the discussion one day, so get ready for it,” Connor challenged. “You can have a reprieve tonight because I’ve got myself a hot date. I’ll stay with Noah until you get back, but then I’m hitting the club with a hottie.”
Zach could hear the excitement in his friend’s voice. This sounded like more than one of his regular hookups. Why didn’t I know about this? “You have date? A real live date? Not a fuck and run? How am I just now hearing about this? Where did you meet him?”
“Cut it with the questions, Dad. The salads are getting wilty,” Connor teased, but his eyes still sparkled with excitement. “Yes, I have a date. Yes, it’s a real live date. Maybe a fuck, but hopefully not a run. You’re just now hearing about this because you’ve had your cock up pretty boy’s ass all week long and haven’t had the time to pay me any attention. I met him at the hospital when I stopped in to check on a patient involved with one of my cases.” He grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “It’s somebody you know, I think. At least he says he knows you.”
Zach frowned. “Who?” He hadn’t noticed any gay hot men around the hospital.
“Wayne Jericho. He works with the ambulance service. Ring a bell?”
Zach barked out a laugh, pleased with Connor’s selection. “Yeah, I know Wayne. He’s a great guy and, like you said, a real hottie. I didn’t know he was gay but, then again, I hadn’t asked or put much thought into trying to figure it out.” He clapped Connor on the back. “Good for you! Wayne’s a good guy. He helped me with Noah during his ER visit.”
“He mentioned he’d worked with you on a panic attack case last week, but before you get all possessive, he didn’t mention names and I didn’t pick up any weird vibes about him lusting after your neighbor-turned-lover.” Connor tapped his chin. “Actually, most of his interest seemed to be on you. Just so there’s no misunderstandings between us, I’ll kick your ass if he likes you more than me.”
Chuckling, Zach answered, “You don’t have a thing to worry about. Wayne’s always been friendly but there’s nothing there…either way. He’s all yours, hot pants. Have some fun tonight.” Denala tugged on the leash, reminding him of what they were supposed to be doing. “Keep Noah company until I get back.”
“What?” Connor asked suspiciously. “You’ve got this huge grin on your face. What’s up?”
“I’m sure Noah will tell you about it. He’s all full of himself, so he won’t be able to hold it back.” Zach sobered instantly. “Hey, Conn, try to remember while the victories might seem small to you, they are big for him. Share his enthusiasm, okay?”
Connor looked crushed. “I can’t believe you think you have to say that to me. I’m proud of Noah. If he never leaves this building again, I’ll still be proud of him. He’s been through shit, but can still smile…and put up with your sorry ass. For that alone, he deserves angel wings.” He grabbed up the bags and saluted Zach. “See you in a few, man. I’ll take care of your hot neighbor until you get back. Are you guys eating in your apartment or his?” He hefted up the food bags as he asked. “I don’t want to haul these around anymore than I have to.”
“Noah’s apartment. He’s in my apartment, watching the puppies now. If you don’t mind, help him get back to his place. Tell him you need help unloading the food, so he doesn’t feel bad. The pups will be fine by themselves for a few minutes.”
“Got it. See you in a few.” Connor took a couple of steps and then looked back at Zach. “You do realize he moves about the entire apartment complex throughout the day without any help, right? Overprotective much?”
Zach growled. “Just do what I asked you to.” Then added, “Yes, overprotective much.”
*****
Noah eyed the salad with no small amount of fear and disgust as he handed Connor some plates and silverware. Salad? He’d been hoping Zach was teasing about the salad, but it looked like his lover enjoyed torturing him. It’d only been a week, but Zach’s healthy regimen already grated on his last nerve. What did the man have against chocolate?
Connor reached into one of his bags and pulled out another large container, still steaming with heat. When he removed the lid, Noah’s tummy did a happy dance. “Spaghetti! He got spaghetti. I’ve never been so happy to see pasta in my entire life. I honestly thought he was only going to feed me greens tonight.” Noah shivered in disgust. “Oh, and fruit. Don’t forget God’s sugary gift. Fruit. Yum.” Sarcasm laced his words.
Connor barked out a laugh. “Calm down, baby boy. Zach’s just trying to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. He said something about your meds not mixing well with sugar and caffeine.”
“Blah. Blah. Blah. I enjoy putting nasty, vile things into my body.” He winked at Connor. “I let your friend in there, right?”
“I like you, kid,” Connor answered. “He doesn’t have a chance against you. Thanks for waking him up, Noah. He was damned near a walking dead man before you came along. Keep up the good work.”
Noah blushed and beamed at the same time. “I’m a shitty companion; I know that. I won’t be able to keep him interested very long, but I’ll try my best to make sure he’s entertained while he’s here.” Saying the words slashed at Noah’s soul. He didn’t like admitting that one day, probably sooner than later, Zach would grow tired of him.
“Bullshit, kid. I’ve never seen him like this before. Trust me, he’s here until you get tired of him.”
Just as Noah opened his mouth to argue, the elevator dinged. Zach was home. Denala barked a hello through his door. Connor completely forgotten, Noah skipped to his door and pulled it open. “Hey, baby girl,” he gushed as he dropped to his knees. “Did you have a good poop? Your puppies did, that’s for sure. You’re gonna have to teach them to use a litter box, my furry friend. They are nasty little shits. Cute as buttons, though. Your man must have been a looker.”
“Ha! She’s a whore, raised her tail for the first man that came along, she did,” Zach teased. “Let me get her put up and then we’ll eat. How did supper look?” He kissed Noah’s forehead sweetly and then grabbed him by the nape of the neck and kissed his lips…not so sweetly.
Connor came to the door and cleared his throat. “I’ll see you guys in the morning, downstairs at the gym. Nine o’clock, right?”
“Nine o’clock, Conn. Have fun tonight,” Zach said with a wink. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Both Connor and Noah snorted. “You do everything, my friend. That’s leaving the roster open wide for me.” He leaned down and tickled Denala behind the ears. “See you guys in the morning. I’m going to get me some tonight,” he vowed with a wicked smile.
Zach shook his head as he watched his friend step onto the elevator and disappear behind the closing doors. “He’s crazy,” he muttered with a smile.
“He’s awesome,” Noah corrected. “Rumor has it he’s responsible for convincing you to buy me the spaghetti. For that alone, I’ll forever be in his debt.”
Zach smacked Noah’s ass. Hard. “Very funny, babe. You damned well know spaghetti was my idea. I noticed your eyes glassing over with lust when you were watching the food channel the other night. You were practically orgasmic.”
Noah shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I’m going to grab the fruit and I’ll be right over,” Zach said. “Get those clothes off, babe. You’re eating naked tonight. My eyes missed you all damned day. They deserve to be rewarded. Naked. Got it?”
“Consider it done,” Noah answered. “Don’t make me wait too long.” He turned to go back into his apartment but stopped and added, “You can forget the fruit if you want to. Fruit is yuck, Zach. I don’t want any.”
“Too bad, babe. You’re going to be full of fruit tonight,” he promised with a smirk.
“You’re evil,” Noah grumbled as he let himself back into his apartment.
*****
Dinner took almost two hours and Zach literally had never had more fun in his entire life. Not only did he get to enjoy admiring every inch of Noah’s gorgeous body, he was entertained by animated expressions, funny stories, and a smartass mouth begging for some discipline. Noah would sass him and then his blue eyes would sparkle with a challenge. His lover bitched through the entire salad but then dug into the spaghetti like a six-year-old. As hard as he tried, Zach couldn’t remember seeing or hearing a grown man suck and slurp spaghetti. He was surprised to find it could be both humorous and erotic. Yeah, he’d managed to make it erotic—the hollow cheeks as his lips wrapped around a single strand and sucked hard. No doubt, his arousal from Noah’s performance made him all kinds of creepy, but with visuals like that, he had no desire to improve on his creepiness level.
For the first time in a long time, he was fine being just who he was, not the straight-laced Dr. Meadows he’d created to escape his father’s shadow. No, he was Zachary Meadows, pervert extraordinaire. It seemed to work for Noah, so Zach let it work for him. He’d worry about the consequences later.
“Okay, so I haven’t shut up the entire time and we both know how boring my life is,” Noah said as he leaned back in his chair after cleaning his plate. “What happened with you today? Save any lives? Have any embarrassing ‘sex sent me to the hospital’ scenarios you can share…without giving names, of course.”
“Of course,” Zach agreed with a laugh. “Nah, an absolute boring day. Three cases of the flu, one broken ankle, one dog bite, and an allergic reaction to a bee sting; the rest was boring paperwork. Trust me, babe, I spent most of my day thinking about you.” That wasn’t a lie. He had spent a dangerous amount of his time wondering what Noah was doing, imagining Noah naked, fantasizing about Noah eating his dessert tonight. It’d been hard to stay focused and, not for the first time, he considered taking some time off. He hated putting the hospital in a bind, especially since he was still a newbie to the area, but it wasn’t fair to be there when he desperately wanted to be somewhere else.
Noah snorted. “Yeah, that sounds painfully boring, Zach. I’m beginning to fear you’re only with me so you can live vicariously through my exciting lifestyle. While you were doctoring, I followed my usual routine. I took a shower, worked out in the gym, took another shower, dusted the entire apartment, made the bed, checked the locks, ate the pathetically boring sandwich you’d left me for lunch, talked to myself…out loud, worked on my homework, contemplated cracking the curtains, and last but not least, fought off a panic attack. Woo-hoo!”
“Hmmm,” Zach murmured. “It sounds like you left something very important off your to-do list.”
Noah’s blush started with his ears, and slowly but methodically covered every inch of his body. Zach’s eyes followed the trail of red all the way to the tips of his lover’s beautiful toes. Noah was so fucking gorgeous it was almost too much to handle. The innocence mixed with the sassiness caused Zach’s aggressive side to completely take over. He walked a fine line with Noah. His lover seemed to crave all things kinky. Zach loved all sex—sweet, rough, and everything in between. Sharing his fantasies with Noah turned him on and clearly revved Noah’s engine too, but Zach feared one day he’d take it a step too far.
His father’s blood flowed through his veins. Not to become the monster his father had been would be a battle he fought his entire life, he supposed. It’d been easier before Noah. He’d turned himself into an entirely new person and didn’t have any problems keeping the old Zach from wanting to force his way out of the imaginary prison created inside Zach’s head. Noah changed things.
Zach vowed to dance along the edge but to never, ever step over the line. Like any other alcoholic or drug addict in the world, he kept telling himself he could handle a little bit. He and Noah could enjoy themselves without either of them getting hurt.
“Hell, Zach,” he muttered as he hung his head. “Uh, yeah, I did it.”
Zach grinned. “Why are you embarrassed, babe? Surely you’ve had an enema before?”
“Well, to be honest, no, I haven’t,” Noah retorted, some of his sass returning. “I’ve never had to and hope I don’t have to again. It, eh, wasn’t pleasant.”
“Some people enjoy it,” Zach answered dryly. He loved watching Noah squirm.
“Some people also enjoy eating healthy, Zach. I’m not one of those people either.”
“Okay, okay.” Zach laughed. “I hear you loud and clear, babe. I thought you mentioned you might like to try a little medical fetish fun. An enema is fairly basic, but if that’s too much for you, I think we need to mark medical kink off your list of things to do.”
Disappointment shattered Noah’s beautiful face. “Maybe we could just say I don’t enjoy any medical shit I have to do by myself. I might have enjoyed it a lot more if you’d been with me.”
“You think so?” Zach bit back another laugh.
“No, but I don’t want to mark medical fetish off my list.” Noah pouted.
“How about healthy foods like fruit? Do you want that on your list?”
“Don’t bring fruit into my sex life, Zachary Meadows,” Noah demanded. “When you do shit like that, it makes me think you’re trying to turn me against sex. That’s just fucked up on every single level, dude. Sex equals good things. Fruit equals bad things. Those two things don’t go together. Nuh-uh. No. I’ll eat your nasty fruit just to make you happy, but I want you to know, inside my head, I’m not eating it. I’m telling you to shove it up your ass.” Noah stuck his tongue out at Zach when he finished his overly dramatic tirade.
Zach tried his best to look disappointed as he answered, “Oh, well. I understand. I had something planned for tonight, but I understand.” He shrugged. “If you’re not interested, you’re not interested.”
Noah frowned.
“Let’s go downstairs and work out for a couple of hours,” he suggested. “We both need it after all that spaghetti.” He stood and started to clear the table.
“Sit. Down,” Noah ordered.
Zach hid his smile. “What?” he asked innocently. “Let me get this cleaned up and then we’ll head downstairs.” He nodded down toward Noah’s crotch and added, “As bad as I hate to say this, you might need to throw on some clothes. I’m not sure anybody in the gym would get anything done with that beautiful cock of yours out and proud.”
“Stop messing with me, Zach. What did you have planned? Come on,” he urged playfully. “I wanna play! I’m sorry I complained about the enema. I loved it. It was fun, fun, fun. It was one of the best ideas you’ve ever day. And the fruit? I love fruit. I’ve just been messin’ with ya. Fruit’s my favorite.” He batted his eyelashes foolishly. “I’ll be good. Show me the fruit.” Noah slid Zach the sweetest, most innocent smile in all the world. “I want to be a good, fruit-eating boy.” He added a wink to the smile and hoped they outweighed the sarcasm of his words.
After pretending to really ponder whether he believed Noah or not, Zach agreed. “Okay. Go in the living room and get on your hands and knees.”
Noah looked all around and then back at Zach. “Uh, okay, but I thought you were going to make me eat the fruit first.” Then, very quickly, he corrected, “I meant I thought I was going to get to eat the fruit first.”
“Are you complaining?”
“Oh, hell, no!” Noah jumped up from the table and skipped to the living room. “Anywhere?” he yelled over his shoulder.
“Anywhere. Hands and knees,” Zach answered as he started digging around in the bags for the fruit he’d had prepared. Finding everything he needed, he dumped it into a large bowl and carried it into the living room where Noah was as he’d been directed. He twisted his head around to watch Zach’s every move.
“You’re gonna make me eat the fruit before I get some satisfaction, aren’t you?” he asked. “Kinda like…if I eat this, you’ll do this?” He grinned. “I can play that game. Sounds fun.”
Zach set the bowl of fruit right in front of Noah and went back into the kitchen to get the other items he needed for their game tonight. He removed items from their sealed bags and carried them back into the room with him. Carefully, he sat down next to the bowl of fruit and watched Noah’s face carefully. He didn’t seem to have a clue what the items were or what they were going to be used for. Zach hid his smile.
“Here’s how this is going to work, babe,” Zach said. “All the items in front of you are either items doctors use on a daily basis or some of them are items created specifically for someone interested in the wonderful world of medical fetish.” He grinned at the look of confusion on Noah’s face as he eyed the items displayed in front of him. He guessed that Noah probably knew what some were used for, but had to be in the dark on most of the devices he’d selected for tonight. “You eat a few bites of fruit and then select which device you want me to use on your beautiful body. Sound fun?”
Noah nibbled on his bottom lip, a nervous habit, as he worked out the logistics of the fruit game in his head. “But I don’t know what most of the devices are used for.” He pouted. What if I pick something icky and I’ve already eaten my fruit?”
“Yes, there’s a chance that could happen,” Zach answered without hesitation.
Noah laughed nervously, like he waited for Zach to say he was just kidding. When he didn’t, Noah’s frown deepened. Zach was okay with him saying no to any of their games. At some point, they’d certainly stumble across something his young lover wouldn’t be comfortable with. If the fruit game was a turn-off, there were plenty of other wicked ideas dancing around in Zach’s head.
“You don’t have to, babe,” Zach told him. “It’s only fun if we both are enjoying it. Don’t do something just because you think I want it.”
Noah snorted. “I don’t do that, Zach. I’m a coward in every other aspect of my life, but I won’t be with you. You’re the only person I can be myself with, so I’m not going to fuck up by pretending to be something I’m not. If I don’t want it, I’m not doing it. End of story.”
“So…you don’t want it?” Zach asked, trying to follow Noah’s train of thought.
“I didn’t say that,” Noah corrected quickly as he eyeballed the giant bowl of fruit and the metal devices next to it. “I mean…you’re a doctor, right? You know how to use these…these…things.”
“I am and I do.”
The frown on his face stayed firmly intact.
“Since I’m a beginner and all, do you think we could bend the rules and explain what each of those things are used for?” His gaze left the fruit bowl to confront Zach. “Oddly enough, it’s the smaller toys that are scaring me the most.” He laughed deliriously. “Because not only does leaving this apartment building for an ER visit lead to a panic attack, I feel confident if I was forced to explain to the attending doctor that I was merely playing a fun medical fetish game and things got out of control, I would have another panic attack.” He sniffed the fruit. “Seriously, Zach, fruit is gross, so I’m going to need to know pleasure is going to be involved.”
“That’s a valid question, babe,” Zach answered. “I certainly wouldn’t recommend this to just anyone wanting to add a little kink to their sex life but, like you said, I am a doctor. I’m also a sweetheart and pushover, so I’ll explain each one to you. Does that make you feel better?”
The frown lightened up just a tad.
“Do I get to reject anything that I deem…unreasonable?”
“Of course, Noah. This is all about having fun and getting you to eat healthier.” Zach dropped his hand to pick up the utensils he’d placed next to the fruit bowl. “I brought an anal scope, a speculum, prostate stimulator, Wartenberg wheel, a beaded urethral dilator with plug, and a cupping set.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Stop everything. See, I noticed how you tried to slide that beaded urethral dilator in there, innocently nestled between whatever the hell a Wartenberg wheel and cupping set is. Why would you do something like that, Zachary? That’s sneaky.”
Zach grinned. Noah was right. It had been sneaky. “What? You don’t think you’d be interested in having your urethra stretched? A lot of men find it very pleasurable.”
“That little pretty down there is exit only,” Noah quipped. “Can I get rid of it? The dilator thing, not my pretty.”
“Most definitely, Noah.” Zach picked up the thin metal instrument and laid it aside. “Perhaps another time.”
“Sure…right after I walk downtown, buy a lottery ticket, and win millions. Okay, I understand the prostate stimulator, and I’m one hundred percent on board with that one. I think I can figure out how the Wartenberg wheel and the anal scope work.” He frowned. “Is the cupping thing for, uh, suction?”
“Correct,” Zach answered.
“Got it. What’s a speculum?”
Zach chuckled at Noah’s perseverance. “A speculum is an instrument doctors use to dilate an orifice to an acceptable level to allow us to properly inspect the canal in question.” He picked up the device, held it from the base. See? This rounded end is inserted into the orifice and pushed into the canal. As I turn this, it clicks open wider and wider and wider.” Click. Click. Click. The noise reverberated in the room as Zach opened the instrument to a…challenging width. “Once you have the orifice open properly, you lock the mechanism like this.” He turned the lever, holding the speculum immobile. “It simply opens a tight area to help the doctor see what he or she is, well, getting in to. Or, as in your case, getting out of.” Zach had no idea what Noah would decide; it was asking a lot. He had, however, noticed Noah’s cock had gotten harder and harder as he’d explained the workings of the speculum. His lover’s eyes were practically glazed over with lust. The fact he was intimidated by the whole scene only made it more fun.
Noah puckered his lips and glared at Zach. “Soooo, this is medical fetish, eh? I’ve been running my mouth, just asking for new adventures, and you decided to come at me with both barrels. You are a very naughty young man, Dr. Meadows.”
Zach shrugged. “You wanted medical fetish. This is medical fetish. I wanted you to eat some fruit, and this will lure you into eating fruit. It seemed like a win/win situation to me.” He winked at Noah. “But, I’ve been wrong before. No pressure, Noah. We’re here to have fun.” Zach couldn’t believe Noah was considering it. He could be wrong, but it looked like Noah was busy sliding all the puzzle pieces into their correct spots. That was how he did things—thought it through and then went for it.
Finally, Noah grinned and said, “Feed me some fruit, Doctor.” He opened his mouth but then slammed it shut again. “Don’t feed me any grapes, though. Those fuckers are just gross. Don’t like ’em. Never have and I never will.”
“I’m thinking about spanking your ass when we’re finished…just for the fun of it.”
“Promises, promises,” Noah quipped and then opened his mouth and obediently ate a plump strawberry.
Zach determined, right then and there, he wanted to keep Noah forever.