Day Five
Arabel reached into the armoire in Aunt Matilda’s boudoir to pull out the last stack of shifts.
“We’ll need another trunk,” she told the maid, who was helping to pack in preparation for the move to the dower house. Although the house was located just across the estate from Highburn, Arabel had moved enough in her own life to know that a clean break was best, and her aunt’s things all needed to be ready to go at once. Auntie would be more comfortable if all was waiting for her when she moved in, right down to the last shift.
Of which there appeared to be several dozen. She frowned as she handed the stack to the maid. Heavens. How many shifts did an octogenarian widow need?
“I think we’re done with that one,” Arabel told the maid as she gestured at the full trunk. “Would you call for a footman to carry it downstairs?”
“We’ll put it in the drawin’ room ’til we’re ready to send them all on to the dower house,” Mrs. Stewart instructed the maid as she helped sort through a pile of shoes.
Arabel asked curiously, “Has the house been made ready, then?”
“Yes, miss.” Handing the sought-after slipper to Aunt Matilda, Mrs. Stewart answered over her shoulder, “Been ready fer a while. Jus’ waitin’ on Mr. Davidson t’ settle the will.” She added in a weary voice, “An’ packin’.”
Arabel bit down her smile. Judging from the mess of clothes, accessories, and other whatnot filling her aunt’s rooms, she could only imagine how long the household staff had already been at the task. “Perhaps, Mrs. Stewart, you’d be good enough to accompany me to visit it? I’d like to see if there’s anything I can do to make Lady Rowland feel welcome there.”
Aunt Matilda let out a scoffing laugh. “If I were made any more welcome there, I might think you were attemptin’ to be rid of me.”
“Not at all, Auntie. You know that.” The twinkling gleam in her aunt’s eyes told Arabel that the old woman was teasing. “Besides,” she countered mischievously, giving back as good as she got, “it was either the dower house or the old sheep barn for you, and at the dower house there seemed less chance of the shepherds attempting to shear you.”
Matilda cackled with laughter. The white lace edging the black sleeves of her mourning dress waved in the air as she brandished a finger at Arabel. “You’ve still got the same fierce spirit, lass! The city hasn’t completely stripped the highlander from you.”
“No.” Arabel smiled as she closed the armoire’s doors. “Not completely.”
Just mostly. But then, how else could it be? She’d been gone from the highlands nearly as long as Garrick.
“There’s no reason for you to change houses,” Arabel assured her as she crossed the room to where Matilda and Mrs. Stewart had moved closer to the window to get a good look at a pair of boots that had been shoved beneath the bed. “You’re perfectly fine staying right here. I don’t mind.”
“Aye, you don’t. But does Townsend?”
Arabel startled at the use of Garrick’s title. Would she ever get used to that? He’d left her to become a head groom and returned an earl. The change was unsettling. Just like the man. “It’s none of his concern. I’ve invited you to remain.”
“But Highburn’s half his.”
“Not for long,” Arabel mumbled beneath her breath, then turned toward the window. For once, the day was bright, warm, and clear, so she pulled back the heavy drapes to let in as much light as possible.
“Quite a bind for you, eh?” Matilda commented.
Arabel glanced out the window to take in the expansive view . . . the blue mountains in the distance, the heather fields and loch further in, and close to the house the narrow strip of lawn stretching between the gardens and the stables. “What do you mean?”
“For Townsend to return so close to your weddin’.”
Arabel tensed, not turning around to face her aunt until she’d controlled the emotions on her face. A forced smile hid the racing thumps of her heart. “And so much to do between now and the wedding, too. I hope you’ll consider giving me your opinion on my plans.”
“No worries about that, lass! I’ll be sure to give you my opinion on everythin’.”
Another laugh spilled from her thin lips, but Arabel suspected they were speaking of two completely different things. “Good.” She kept her smile firmly in place. “Because it’s going to be rather difficult to make arrangements for Edinburgh while I’m in the highlands.”
“Let that be the first I give—move the wedding to Kincardine. ’Twill be unavoidable then for ev’ryone.”
“I think you mean ‘closer’,” she corrected, yet only drew another cackle from her aunt. Oh, they were certainly speaking of two different things! She wished she knew what, though. “It’s not what Ewan wants, but I’ll consider it.”
“Not what the banker wants,” Matilda repeated with a scoffing wave of her gnarled hand. “Haven’t you figured it out yet, lass? This whole thing is about finally doin’ what you want.”
With a long sigh, Arabel turned back to the window. When had her life ever been about what she wanted? Long before she was expected to marry Ewan, before she had to dedicate herself to helping Mama and Aunt Ethel in Edinburgh, before she was forced to leave the highlands . . . Truly, the last time she could remember doing as she pleased was when she gave her heart to Garrick. Loving him had been her choice, completely and freely hers. But in the end, she’d lost even that.
“All we need is for Ian Campbell to come ridin’ up the lane,” Matilda laughed, “and then wouldn’t we all have a grand time!”
“I don’t believe Lord Townsend would be welcoming to visitors,” Arabel muttered, imagining the fisticuffs that might break out if all three men were together.
“Oh, the lad would surprise you, given a chance.”
As Arabel rolled her eyes, a movement at the front of the lawn caught her attention. Speak of the devil . . . Garrick.
He strode across the lawn with two workmen flanking him, forcing them into quick steps to keep up with his long strides. Behind them bounced three young boys who were shadowing their fathers on whatever errand had brought them to Highburn.
Garrick gestured at the house’s façade, then said something to the two men that made them nod. With his back ramrod-straight, shoulders squared, and legs wide, he possessed a commanding air, the force of which struck her all the way up here on the first floor. She couldn’t tear her eyes away, even as her chest clenched at the sight of him. Not because she still cared about him, but because the irritating man strutted around the lawn as if he owned the place.
Well . . . perhaps he did. But only half of it.
Arabel frowned as he engaged in conversation with the men, all of them gesturing in turns toward the house. “Lord Townsend seems to be making plans.”
Matilda followed her gaze out the window. “An’ you should inquire ’bout what those plans are.”
“I will.” But the thought of confronting Garrick filled her with dread. She’d managed to avoid him since they’d moved into Highburn, which was no easy feat given that their rooms sat directly across the hall from each other.
“We’ll take the first trunks over to the dower house, an’ Townsend will come with us,” her aunt decided. “You can ask him then.”
Arabel stiffened. That was decidedly not the way she wanted to spend her afternoon, having to make polite conversation with that devil in front of her aunt and the servants.
Sensing her unease, Matilda wrapped her arm around Arabel’s. Then she smiled as Garrick finished whatever instructions he was giving to the men and threw aside his commanding presence to catch one of the boys as they darted past. He tossed the boy into the air, and the child laughed with such glee that the happy sound drifted up to them.
“The most important families aren’t the ones we’re born into, but the ones we choose,” Matilda commented as she watched the other two boys fling themselves at Garrick’s legs to capture his attention.
Choosing a family? Heavens. Arabel already had enough trouble with her blood relations. How many more families did she need to be concerned about?
She patted Matilda’s arm. “I don’t think—”
“Your own,” her aunt challenged. “Your own wee bairn you’ll have. And soon. I want to live to see the next generation of clan Rowland.”
“You will, Auntie,” Arabel assured her quietly. After all, wasn’t that the main reason she was marrying Ewan? For security and children? But as she watched Garrick play with the boys, chasing them in a spontaneous game of tag, she couldn’t imagine having any man’s child but his. In all her fantasies, even in the decade since he left, she’d always imagined children who resembled him. The same emerald eyes, the same mahogany brown hair, the same crooked grin . . .
“His lordship will make a good papa,” Matilda commented as Garrick handed the smallest of the boys over to his father, his hand tousling the lad’s hair. “The lucky lass he chooses to make his countess will give him the family he deserves.”
“I’m certain,” Arabel agreed, but did her reply sound as brusque to her aunt’s ears as it did to her own? It was not jealousy.
“He has no family left in Kincardine, nor anywhere in the highlands, in fact. His mama died when he was young, an’ his father right ‘fore he came to work at Highburn. His brothers and sisters had all died off or moved away by then, too.”
Arabel knew all that, but she’d never really considered what that meant to him until this moment. Seeing him with the children only reinforced how alone he must have been in those years before he left. Was that the reason he never understood why her family meant so much to her?
“He had no one in Kincardine to call kith nor kin when he left.”
“He had me,” Arabel countered softly, unable to stop the old pain from tightening a knot low in her belly.
“Did he, lass?” Matilda slipped her arm from Arabel’s as she stepped away, to leave her standing there, staring down at Garrick. “Did he truly?”
* * *
Garrick squinted against the afternoon sun as he watched the carpenter and stonemason from the village walk down the sloping hill toward the road that would take them back to the village. The boys bounced in energetic circles around the two men, chasing each other and knowing just how far they could stray from their fathers before they’d be called back.
A smile tugged at his lips. He was once a lad like those boys, following his own father around his blacksmith’s shop. Now he wanted sons of his own, to follow him around his estate with that same boundless energy and carefree happiness.
Sons he’d once wanted to raise with Arabel.
The weight of the past pressed heavy onto his shoulders. Soon, he would have to marry and sire an heir. But he couldn’t imagine having a child with anyone other than Arabel. It was always Arabel he’d envisioned in his bed, she who was heavy with his unborn child, and she who held the babe in her arms, singing it softly to sleep. But none of that would ever happen now.
He turned toward the house, and froze.
As if conjured up by his imagination, Arabel walked slowly toward him. The soft summer breeze stirred her skirts, and the sunlight burnished golden-red over her hair, her smooth cheeks flushed with fresh air. His heart thumped wildly as she approached. For one fleeting moment, it was as if ten years’ distance and her family had never come between them.
She caught him staring and hesitated, and he was nearly undone by her distrust for him, visible in every inch of her.
But then she offered a faint smile and continued toward him. With each step that brought her closer, his gut tightened with a resurrected yearning he’d once thought was long dead. When she stopped in front of him, she tucked a loose curl behind her ear. Garrick’s eyes followed the small movement, feeling the warmth of her fingers as surely as if she’d brushed them against his own cheek. Her lips parted, hesitantly, and for one moment, he hoped—
“Aunt Matilda wants to take the first load of trunks to the dower house this afternoon,” she told him.
Disappointment flooded through him, and he felt like a damn fool. What had he expected—a declaration of her undying love? An imploration of his forgiveness? An explanation of why she’d shattered his heart and his life?
He forced a tight smile. “I’ll tell the grooms to fetch a wagon.”
“Actually,” she explained, returning his smile with a slightly embarrassed one of her own, “she wants you to come with us.”
Hell no. The last place he wanted to be today was in close quarters with Arabel, especially when she looked so delicious. “Why?”
“Auntie doesn’t trust the footmen with her trunks. Apparently, she’s afraid they’re going to steal her unmentionables and sell them at the Saturday market.”
He quirked a brow at the absurdity of that. “Well, we certainly can’t allow that.”
“Heavens, no.” Arabel fought back the twitching at her lips, but she couldn’t hide the amused gleam in her eyes. “It would terrify the daylights out of small children throughout the village.”
Images filled his head of Lady Rowland’s undergarments strung up across the churchyard, flapping in the wind like flags. He heaved out a shivering breath. “And grown men.”
She couldn’t stop a bubble of laughter from escaping. Her hand flew to her lips, and she had the decency to look remorseful. But when he grinned at her, an unrepentant smile brightened her face.
His heart tugged at the sight. Good God. She was just as beautiful as he remembered, her laughter just as lilting on the warm summer air. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and run away with her into the heather.
A lock of her hair stirred on the soft breeze. Unable to resist, he reached out to tuck it behind her ear.
Her breath hitched. Staring warily at him, she stepped back, and his hand dropped to his side.
“She wants to leave within the hour,” she said quietly, retreating both to safe conversation and to safe distance as she placed another step between them. “I’ll tell her you’re coming with us.”
She turned to hurry back into the house.
“Arabel,” he called out.
She stopped, hesitating. Then faced him. All of her was suddenly rigid, even holding her breath as she steeled herself for whatever he was about to say.
Her unease hit him like a punch. That she would be this wary of him when all he’d ever done was love her—Christ.
As he stared at her, he realized that everything had changed between them, and the soft summer air now crackled with electricity. With the same rising tension that preceded an oncoming storm. Poised on his tongue was the demand to know why she’d turned on him all those years ago. Why she’d allowed her family to set McTavish and the grooms on him—
“Why were you talking to those men?” she pressed before could find the words to broach what needed to be said. What had been ten years coming and still hovered over them like a specter.
“I’m getting estimates for repairs to the house.”
Her shoulders relaxed visibly. “I saw you . . . You were very patient with the boys.” She smiled, but a melancholy stole the pink from her cheeks. “You’re going to make a wonderful father.”
His chest tightened. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” Then, much softer, she added, “I’ve always known that.”
A hard pinch low in his gut ripped his breath away. The pull of her was too strong to ignore, even now. “And I always wanted to have children with you, Arabel.”
She looked away, blinking hard against the breeze that stirred her ginger curls gently against her cheeks. “I wanted that, too.”
He replied quietly, plunging a knife into both their hearts, “But not enough to choose me over your family.”
For one heartbeat, he felt her freeze. All of her stiffened, and even her breath hitched. Only the stray curls moved, dancing against her face on the warm breeze.
She whispered, “That’s why you want to take Highburn away from me, isn’t it? So you can get your revenge against my family.” Her voice lingered softly on the afternoon air, but each word was a piercing accusation. “And against me.”
“Yes,” he admitted. After all, that was why he was still here rather relinquishing the property as he should. Wash his hands clean of it. And of his past with Arabel.
But he couldn’t. He was still drawn to her, even now. Like a moth consumed by the very flame it craved.
“I won’t let you have it,” she told him with quiet determination.
He shrugged a shoulder, feigning indifference. “I don’t think you have a choice.”
When she turned back to look at him, the glistening of unshed tears in her eyes struck him like a punch to the gut. “Just as I didn’t have one ten years ago,” she said softly. “I couldn’t leave my family when they needed me. Not even for you, Garrick.”
He clenched his jaw. She’d opened a dam with her turn of conversation, and he welcomed it. It was ten years in the making, and now that she’d opened the floodgates, he refused to hold back. “It was then or never, you knew that. The only chance we had to start our future together.” He advanced slowly until he stood so close that he could smell the sweet scent of her lingering on the soft summer air, that fragrance of heather and the highlands that filled his senses. So painfully close but not daring to touch her. “But you refused me.”
“I refused to elope that night,” she countered. “I never refused you.”
He bit back a bitter laugh. “No difference.”
“Every difference,” she corrected.
“Damnation, Arabel!” The words were forced out between teeth clenched so tightly that the muscle in his neck jumped. “What you and your family did to me—”
“Ten years!” she cried, drawing her hands into fists at her sides. “Not once did you try to contact me to find out how I was, to let me know how you were, or where. Not once—” She choked on the angry words.
Garrick stared at her, her pained anger cascading into him and mixing with his own. He should have cursed at her or yelled at her. At the very least laughed at what she was suggesting—that he should have contacted her, the woman who had rejected him and the future he wanted to give her.
But when he saw pain in her eyes equal to his own, he couldn’t bring himself to attack.
“What good would it have done?” he asked instead, unable to keep the resignation from his voice. “By the time I was in a position to contact you, a year had passed. I was certain that by then your family would have arranged your marriage to Ian Campbell.” Bitterness mixed with hot jealousy inside him. “The man they’d wanted for you all along.”
She blinked rapidly but couldn’t stop the tears visibly threatening at her lashes. “I could have told you that I didn’t marry. You could have returned to Scotland.” She hesitated before adding in a whisper, “And to me.”
“A groom turned penniless soldier with no prospects except dying in battle. A man your family would never have accepted. A man everyone knew wasn’t good enough for you.” The man who would always come in second to your family. With a defeated shake of his head, he repeated quietly, all the fight leaving him, “What good would it have done?”
She didn’t answer—couldn’t answer. After a moment’s pause, she turned away and walked slowly backed toward the house.
But Garrick was certain that the anguish he saw in her tear-filled eyes would haunt him until the day he died.