Chapter 8
Delilah
“As happy as a puppy with two tails.”
~ Grant Turner
Not having any idea what was going on I watched as Sawyer’s back disappeared into the sea of people. There were so many ways that I’d thought this night could go, and the reality turned out to be more surreal than anything my imagination had come up with.
I’d just been wrapped in Sawyer Briggs’ arms. We’d had a real conversation. And now, I stood in place waiting. For what I didn’t know. All I did know was that Sawyer had said he would be right back and I could barely breathe from the overwhelming anticipation.
From the moment I’d walked in, this night had been like a dream. He’d taken care of me when I was lightheaded. He’d asked me to dance. Our bodies had moved together in a rhythm that felt so natural it had brought tears to my eyes.
How was this really my life?
I was scared I was dreaming, and if I thought too hard about it, I would wake up.
A friendly face saved me from spiraling. Bella smiled from ear to ear as she weaved through tables and made her way to me. Typically I would have met her halfway, but I didn’t want to move from this spot. I knew that it was silly, but Sawyer said to wait here, and I was waiting here.
“That dress is perfect! You look so beautiful!” Bella enthused.
“So do you!” She was wearing a strapless pink dress that complimented her fair complexion and flawless skin.
When she reached she pulled me into a hug and whispered, “And your plan seems to be working. You and Sawyer were generating so much heat on that dance floor, I’m surprised you didn’t spontaneously combust.”
“Really?” I pulled back so I could look into her eyes. I’d never known Bella to be a liar, but I wanted to see if she was just trying to be nice.
“Yes,” she confirmed firmly. “Really.”
I’d felt like there’d been an energy, a connection, but I couldn’t trust that since I could’ve just been projecting.
“And not just that,” she added. “I happened to be looking his way when you walked in. I didn’t know you’d shown up, but I saw this…look…on his face and turned to see what he was looking at. And it was you. You’d just walked in with Mrs. Nelson.”
“Really?” I repeated.
“Yes.” She nodded as she let out a little laugh. “Really.”
I glanced around to make sure that no one was within earshot, especially Sawyer and asked. “What look?”
“He looked…” She glanced up and to the side as she searched for the right words.
I started getting impatient. I had no idea what time frame I could expect from his “right back,” and I desperately wanted to hear this.
Bella mercifully put me out of my misery when she described, “It was like he was looking at the most beautiful girl in the world and no one else existed.”
I opened my mouth to speak but she cut me off by answering my next question.
“Yes. Really.” She chuckled before her eyes honed in on something over my shoulder. Her smile remained in place, and she barely moved her lips as she said, “Heads up. He’s coming this way looking very Richard Gere at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman.”
“Officer and a…?” I started as I turned and looked over my shoulder. Then I saw what she was talking about.
Sawyer was walking towards me with determined, purposeful strides. My throat went dry picturing him kissing me, picking me up, and carrying me out of the warehouse—or in this case, Old Town Hall—just like Debra Winger.
He stopped right in front of me for the second time this evening. “You ready?”
Yes, my inner voice answered as my outer voice asked, “For what?”
“To go.”
Yes. “I have to wait for Mrs. Nels—”
“It’s taken care of.”
“How?”
“My parents are taking her home when she’s ready to go.”
“They are?”
He nodded.
“Why?” I swallowed over the lump that immediately formed in my throat, and my heart was racing so fast that if it were a cartoon character there would be speed lines trailing it.
His lips turned up in a small grin. “Because I asked them to.”
I figured I should stop asking questions and just be present. Be in the moment. Don’t overthink it.
“Oh.” It wasn’t the cleverest or most witty response, but at this point, I was just happy to be in the game.
“Are you ready?” He circled back to his original question.
Yes. “Yes,” My inner and outer voice chorused.
His hand slid onto my lower back, and he guided me out to the parking lot. I could feel the stare of many of the party goers as we exited, but I kept my eyes straight ahead, I didn’t even blink for fear that this would all be a dream.
He led me to his truck and opened the passenger side door and held my hand to help me up.
“Where are we going?” I asked as I was already climbing in.
“To feed you.” He said as he took my hand to help me in.
To feed me, I repeated his words in my head.
Was that a euphemism?
Did he mean…?
My plan had been to build intimacy, but after that dance, after feeling how good it was to be wrapped up in his arms, after thinking for a moment that he was going to kiss me before my stomach growled and ruined the moment, I was rethinking my stance.
“At The Spoon.”
“Isn’t it closed?” Practically the entire town shut down for the yearly fundraiser. I’d seen Bud, the owner, out on the dance floor, and Tami Lynn, Misty, and Sabrina were all at the table that The Spoon sponsored.
“Stan’s on the grill taking to-go orders,” he explained as he shut the door.
The second he started making his way to the driver’s side, I tugged on my seatbelt and pulled down the visor to take a peek at my makeup in the mirror. It wasn’t bad. The touchups I’d done at Mrs. Nelson’s were holding up nicely. I pushed it back up and adjusted my dress, making sure that the only things showing were things that I wanted to show. Halter tops had a way of leading to wardrobe malfunctions.
I’d just made sure the girls were in place when he got in and started the engine. Or I should say engines, plural. All of my pistons were firing, and the only key he needed to get me going was himself.
This was the first time that I’d been in such a confined space with Sawyer. Maybe it was just perspective, but in the cab of his truck, he seemed larger, stronger, and more dominant.
A thrill of excitement skittered down my spine. My mouth watered. My heart pounded. My sex tightened. My entire body revved with arousal, replacing the nervousness that had been there.
The short ride to the diner was silent. At least outwardly. Internally, my brain was filled with screaming thoughts.
Some of them were shouting my insecurities. Saying things like there was no way Sawyer could ever want me. I was fat. I wasn’t pretty. He was only here because he felt sorry for me for putting in such a ridiculous bid and is about to tell me that he can’t accept it because I’m too pathetic.
Some of the thoughts were convincing me I would do something to mess this up. I was clumsy. I was going to say something stupid. At any moment this entire night was going to turn into a humiliating disaster because of me.
I shut my eyelids and tried to quiet my brain. Stress was about living in the past. Worry was about living in the future. Happiness was living in the present.
A lot of people made fun of self-talk, and when I first dove into self-help books a year ago, I let the opinions of others color mine. Also, I didn’t connect to any of the mantras that I’d seen used as examples. It took me a while to puzzle out that I needed to create phrases that represented the truth I wanted most in my life. After I’d done that, all the pieces fell into place. Now it was one of my most useful tools. It was slowly reprogramming my thinking.
I am enough.
I am present.
I am happy.
Each time I silently repeated those nine words, I felt the storm raging inside of myself calm. The negative thoughts competing for attention in my psyche were all drowned out. No matter what happened tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day I would be okay because I was enough, I lived in the moment, and I was happy.
The truck jarred me to the left and I opened my eyes to see that we were pulling into the parking lot of the diner. It looked closed. The Greasy Spoon sign wasn’t lit up, and the neon Open sign wasn’t illuminated. It was dark inside the dining area and front counter. The only light I could see came from the kitchen and shined through the pickup window.
I shifted towards Sawyer. “Are you sur—”
“Wait here,” he cut me off before getting out of the truck.
It was the second time that he’d barked that same instruction at me and I had to admit, I liked it…probably a lot more than I should. His gruff demand had my engine revving once again and a tingling whirlwind spinning low in my belly.
I watched as he opened the door that I’d assumed was locked, at the same time that Stan appeared through the swinging double doors that led to the kitchen with a white to-go bag in hand. He gave it to Sawyer, who turned and left as Stan walked back the way he’d come. From my vantage point, it appeared that no words were spoken and no money exchanged.
I had planned to ask Sawyer what that was all about, but that question was forgotten when he got back in and set the bag between us. The entire cab filled with the delicious smell of French fries. Salt and fried foods were my greatest weakness. Not sweets. Give me greasy fried chicken and salty chips over chocolate or ice cream any day of the week.
My stomach, which had a direct line to my olfactory system, growled loudly for the second time. Embarrassment crawled up my chest, and I could feel myself beginning to blush. I was busy trying to think of some witty or amusing self-deprecating joke I could make when Sawyer started the truck.
“Eat.” He instructed, this time there was a smile in his voice.
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I was starving. Those two rolls had held me over, but I needed to eat. We pulled out of the parking lot and I opened the bag and saw that there were two fries and two hamburgers. Without hesitation, I grabbed a fry and popped it in my mouth.
As I bit down on the crispy, salty perfection, my eyelids drifted shut again, and I heard a small moan resonate in the back of my throat. It wasn’t as loud as the growl of my stomach, so I hoped he didn’t hear it. I opened my eyes to try and sneak a peek and decipher if my vocal appreciation had been detected. But when I did, I noticed we were going in the opposite direction of the fundraiser. And my house. And his house. The only three places I could imagine that we would be headed.
I glanced over at him and saw him staring straight ahead. His jaw set. His eyes focused on the road illuminated only by headlights.
My first thought was to ask where we were going, but I stopped myself. It wasn’t like I was with some guy I just met and was scared he could be taking me to some remote location to murder me. I was with Sawyer. Alone.
So instead of overthinking things, I just relaxed and enjoyed the experience, letting go of wherever it may lead. I ate a couple more fries as we drove down the darkened back country road. A few more sounds of enjoyment slipped from me, but I didn’t give them a second thought. I didn’t try and censor my response.
I was enough.
I was present.
I was happy.
In fact, I was so Zen and in-the-moment that I hadn’t been paying attention when he made a sharp right. I was wearing a seatbelt, but it didn’t stop my body from jerking to the left. What did stop me was a large muscular arm that reached across my body, holding me in place. I sucked in a startled breath from both the unexpected turn and the contact.
My human safety belt stayed draped across me as we pulled up to the river that was a local hangout. Except, this wasn’t the public access point. That was on the other side of the river.
“I’ve never seen the river from this angle.”
“I come here to think.” He explained as he removed his arm that had been draped across my body and I noticed that his arm hadn’t only held me in place, it had also kept the white to-go bag on the center console.
I breathed in awe as I took in the new viewpoint, which held unobstructed sightlines not only to the moonlight dancing over the rippling waves but also to the backside of the bridge that I’d fallen off of.
I turned to him and asked, “Is this where you were when you saved me?”
I’d never understood how he’d spotted me when I was out of sight of everyone else.
His chin dipped in a nod as he pulled the food out and placed a burger and fries in his lap and then handed me a napkin and my food. When his arm once again reached across my knees, I thought for a brief moment that he was going to leave it there.
I held my breath as my heart fluttered in anticipation, exhaling only when he popped the glove compartment. He pulled out two bottles of water, handing me one and setting the other in his cup holder.
As I took it, I realized that he must have a cooler built in because it was chilly to the touch.
“Thank you,” I said as I twisted the cap. “And thank you again for saving me that day. I know I’ve told you before, but thank you.”
Like he always did, he dipped his chin in a single nod of acknowledgment. It seemed that he was as comfortable with people thanking him as I was with people complimenting me.
He pressed a button on his dash, and one of my favorite songs started playing through the speakers. I gulped when I recognized the song as one of my favorites by Brett Young called “In Case You Didn’t Know.” The lyrics pretty much summed up exactly how I felt about him. Exactly how I wished he felt about me.
For some reason, it made me feel exposed. Like he knew everything. That I’d been in love with him for years. That I had formulated an elaborate plan to seduce him. All of it.
But when I looked over to his side of the cab, I saw that he was staring out at the gorgeous view and eating. So, I followed his lead. Were there a million things that I wanted to say to him, to ask him? Yes. Did I dare ask or say any of them? No.
There was no way I was going to do anything to mess up this perfect night. I did keep expecting him to say something though, but he never did. After we finished eating, he drove me back to the fundraiser and said goodnight.
It wasn’t exactly An Officer and a Gentleman ending, but I wasn’t complaining.