Chapter Sixteen

Selena

I don’t know why it hurts so much. I won’t look like I’m desperate; I refuse to be that woman. He has a family now, and I don’t want to break that up. This has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me, aside from the termination rumor. I flew all the way out here, for what? What the hell did I think was going to happen? This isn’t the movies or a romance novel with a happily ever after for me. I am forcing something that I should just let go.

“Selena, wait.” I turn to see Caleb jogging towards me. He pulls me into his arms, his lips landing on mine. “Don’t go. I want…no, I need you to stay with me.”

I look into his eyes debating what I should do. What would be best for me at the end of the day? If I stay, I would only be hurting myself, and if I go, it will be the same thing. I don’t think I am going to win this battle with him and Evelyn. She has something that will always bind them. She holds the upper hand in this stupid love triangle.

I have to trust my heart.

“I can’t.” I close my eyes as he places me back on my feet. “I am so sorry. I should have never come out here to see you. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was silly of me.”

“No, you know what you were doing, and I do too. I love you, Selena. I am madly in love with you, and I don’t care who knows. I’ve got you back in my life, and I don’t want to be without you.”

“You have a family now.” I bite down on my bottom lip. I will not cry.

“No, I don’t have a family. I am having a child with a woman who only wants to stay in the spotlight. I will love my child regardless of who the mother is, but I want to start a family with you.”

“Caleb?”

“That came out wrong. I want to raise that child with you by my side. We can be a family. If you want children, we can make some, and I wouldn’t mind the making process as long as it’s with you.” He pulls me into his chest and his hands roam my body. He cups my ass and gives it a squeeze. “I would love nothing more than to start that process today—right now.”

He just confessed his love for me, and all I can think about is Evelyn. She looks like she would do something spiteful to him…maybe not let him see his child, or worse. Jeez, Selena, grow up and just tell him what you know. He has the right to know Evelyn is lying to him.

“Caleb, I have something to tell you.”

“What is it, baby?”

“Are you sure Evelyn is actually pregnant? This could be some stunt for you to stay with her. Like you said, she wants to remain in the spotlight.” I look at him and something doesn’t seem right.

“Do you want kids?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want any right now. Why?” I’m now genuinely confused on what the hell is going on here. One minute he is loving and caring, and now he seems distant and cold.

“So, you wouldn’t want to be around my child?”

“I never said that.” Where the hell is this coming from?

“But you are making an accusation—a nasty one at that.” He takes a step back. He thinks I am lying.

“No, no, no, no. Listen, Caleb. I just heard she was out partying hard the other weekend in New York. Taking shots of tequila and vodka, I just don’t think she is pregnant. It has nothing to do with me not wanting kids right now or even being around any. Caleb, where is this coming from?” I take a step towards him and he takes another back. “I am confused. Did I say something wrong?”

He runs his fingers through his hair, exhaling loudly. “Maybe you should go.”

“Caleb?” He turns his back on me. “Caleb? Caleb, please answer me. Caleb?” He starts to walk away. I chase after him, running in front of him. “Hey, what is going on? I want kids…one day, but just not now. Telling you about Evelyn has nothing to do with me not wanting children.”

“So why bring it up after I tell you I want kids with you. Why?”

“I just had to tell you before I chickened out. It was never my intention to hurt your feelings.”

“Really, because you did a damn good job at trying to. Evelyn is having my child, Sel; this is why I left that night. I knew you couldn’t handle this. I knew you would be hurt. You should have just stayed away. Saved us both the pain.”

“Caleb, I wouldn’t have come all this way if I didn’t care about you and what you might be getting yourself into. I apologize for the way I brought it up, but I am not going to apologize for the message. I really want you to think about if she is pregnant or not.”

“Selena cut the shit. She is pregnant…all the dates add up, and she has sonogram pictures. I know it hurts, but that’s life. Don’t take away my happiness at having a child just because it isn’t by you,” he snaps at me. “Your ass should have stayed in LA if all you wanted to do was point the finger at someone.” He chuckles. “You know what I find to be fucking ridiculous? We wouldn’t be in this situation if you hadn’t broken up with me five years ago.”

I push him with all my might.

“Excuse me? You think I am jealous because someone else might be pregnant by you?” I look at him through blurry vision. “You are right; coming here was a big mistake. Welcoming you back into my life after five years was the biggest mistake of my life too. Bye, Caleb. I don’t ever want to see you again. Good luck with that baby of yours.” I storm off to the SUV.

***

“He what?” Anna shouts into the phone.

“I don’t ever want to see him again, Anna; I should have never listened to you. I should have just stayed ignorant to the gossip you gave me.” I bury my face in the pillow.

She groans. “I didn’t want you to go to the Kansas City and drop the bomb on him like that. When a man declares his love for you—you declare it back, not tell him his baby mother is faking her pregnancy.”

“I just had to tell him before it was too late.”

“Too late for what, Selena? You just ruined any chance you had with that man. I would have cursed you out too. What the hell, Sel?”

“I was scared that he might have unprotected sex with her and actually get her pregnant.”

“Selena,” she draws out my name. “You are so damn—ugh. You sure know how to screw up. Look, don’t do anything for the next forty-eight hours. I will look at flights to Kansas City.”

“No, don’t come. I don’t need him in my life if that is how he really feels.”

There is a knock at my hotel door.

Room service.

“Anna, just stay in New York. I am flying back to Hollywood tomorrow morn—Caleb?”

“Huh?” Anna clears her throat.

“Anna, let me call you back.” I hang up on her.

There he is standing at the door. Red roses in one hand, champagne in the other. I close the door in his face. He thinks he can show up after that stunt he pulled this morning? Uh, no.

“Selena, please just hear me out.”

“You showed your ass earlier today, and now I’ve seen the real Caleb Hemsworth. And I don’t want any part of him. Leave me alone!” I place my head on the door.

“Selena, I am sorry about earlier, but I really want to talk about everything. Please. The least you can do is tell me what you know. I need to know.”

“Fine. Ten minutes and that’s it.” I open the door to let him in. Good God, I am going to regret this. I am a walking contradiction around him. I know letting him in will lead to one or two things. Me on my back or me crying my eyes out until morning.

“How did you know where to find me?” I place the roses on the table.

“The paps. They’re speculating about why you are in town.” He takes a seat and I stand my ground by the table.

“Why are you here?” I say with a little bass in my voice. I need him to understand that I am not, under any circumstances, going to be playing games with him. I love him dearly, but that only goes so far. Everyone has their limits.

“I want to talk about what you said earlier. About Evelyn not—”

“I know what I said. Why do you suddenly want to hear it now? When I told you and tried to make you see that I wasn’t doing it out of ill intentions, you basically cursed me out.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. You just sprung it on me. I always wanted to have children, and the thought of not having one now made me feel defeated—almost desperate. So I lashed out.”

“You are damn right you shouldn’t have. I didn’t fly all this way to be put down by you. I didn’t ask for that. I was only trying to get you to see that Evelyn is just using you. I’m sorry to say this, but she is a has-been model.”

He sits there just staring at me, and then it hits me. Why am I doing all of this for a man who doesn’t want to fight for me? This new Caleb isn’t what I signed up for. I am not myself anymore—I shouldn’t have to love myself less to love someone else, and at the moment that is what it feels like.

I am becoming one of those women Anna and I talk about, and how it’s sad that they changed who they were for a man. Which is what I didn’t want, but slowly have become.

“I never meant to put you down, but I have a lot going on in my life, and you saying that just added to my plate. I already had my suspicions, but to hear someone else say it out loud only makes it worse.”

“You’re doing it again!” I snap.

“Doing what?” He stands up, moving from one foot to the next. An old Caleb move when he gets nervous or agitated, which he shouldn’t be.

“Playing the victim card and the blame game; Caleb, that isn’t right. I owned up to all my mistakes. Every last one of them, and you haven’t. I honestly don’t think this new and improved you knows how to,” I point out to him. His face screws up as if I just insulted him.

“Me, the victim? Blaming others? Do you hear yourself? Your family hated me for five years over something you said…and it wasn’t tr—”

“Seriously, Caleb, I already apologize for that, and my family has been reaching out to you since the news broke that I lied. Why are you backtracking here? You’re doing it again.”

“Now who is putting who down?” he snarls.

“Caleb, you don’t get it, and I don’t think you ever will. I need you to leave.” I shake my head. It hurts that this is the man I’m madly in love with.

“No. We are going to talk about this now. We are both grown adults.”

“Barely,” I mumble under my breath.

“What?”

“Us talking about it won’t help the situation if you can’t accept the fact that you need to take some kind of blame for the situation,” I tell him. I don’t see why it’s so hard.

“Come here.” He reaches for me but I take a step back. I can’t fall for this. It’s not who I am. It should never be who I am. I shouldn’t be defined by a man or anyone but myself.

In college, Caleb was the sweetest man I had ever known. He loved to find solutions to problems, and he never lashed out at me for speaking my mind. Old Caleb was the love of my life—I was in love with him. I’d just been fooling myself; it was the old Caleb I’d been in love with this entire time. He was familiar and a comfort zone for me, so to speak. It was never about the new one. This is going to kill me, but it has to be done.

“Caleb, just stop it. I don’t know who you are anymore, and I honestly don’t want to get to know the man before me. Please, just leave.” I sigh, opening the front door.

“Sel, you aren’t serious? Let’s just open the champagne and talk about it. We always work it out once we are relaxed and loose.” He’s reminiscing. Of course he is. He thinks sex will just make this all better. In the moment yes, but once morning comes, we’ll be back at square one.

“No, Caleb, you need to leave. I can’t do this right now.”

I look into his eyes, hoping to see something, anything that will make me not want to kick him out. However, there is nothing.

Nothing to stop me.

Nothing to second guess my decision.

Nothing at all.

He picks up the flowers and champagne and walks to the door. He’s taking back the things he brought me. Really? I want to say out loud, but it isn’t worth it.

“You’ve changed.” He stops before me. “Hollywood has changed you.”

“I think you’ve had one too many tackles—I haven’t changed, Caleb. It is you. I never let the fame or fortune go to my head.” I shake my head at him; this is new to me. “But I believe you have. Especially, when you got Evelyn on board with your publicity stunts. You said you love me…you are in love with me, but actions speak louder than words and—I don’t have to explain myself to you anymore.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” I reply, slamming the door behind him. “Good riddance!” I shout.

***

I sit alone at the hotel bar wondering what the hell happened two hours ago. I flew all the way from LA to be with this man. I raise my glass to the bartender and order another cranberry and vodka. My sixth one so far—I shouldn’t be drinking, but I am doing a lot of things I shouldn’t be lately.

A bar stool moves closer to mine, startling me. I look up…Rosa. I dismiss her, telling her I am fine and will be ok for the rest of the night. Having them hovering around me is a bit too much. The hotel bar literally has five to ten people here. I down my drink, raising my hand for another.

The bartender takes my empty glass. “I think you had one too many, little lady.”

“I’m still functioning pretty damn good. Another one and this time don’t water it down.” I tilt my head to the side, smirking at him. He has watered my drink down since my third one. I didn’t complain at the time because it was what I needed until I could clear my head. Now that it is cleared, I needed something just a little stronger.

“One more, Ms. Lane, and then you should call it a night.” He winks at me, sliding me a new drink.

“The night is still young.” I wink back at him. “When do you get off?” He walks closer to me but another customer calls him. He tells me to give him a minute. Sure, I have all the time in the world for the next two days. I take him in as he walks back to me. He is hot. His dark hair is pulled up in a man bun and he has a beard. He’s buff as well; he must hit the gym at least twice a day. He stops in front of me, elbows on the bar leaning forward. I look right into his warm brown eyes.

Fuck. I need to babysit this drink. Now isn’t the greatest time to get drunk and fuck the bartender.

He smiles. “Were you trying to ask me out on a date, Ms. Lane?” His smile is sexy and his teeth are white as can be.

“No. I was just curious.”

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Thank the heavens I am no pussy.” I sip my drink. Where the hell did that come from? God, I can be such a twat at times.

“I like pussy, though.” Ooooh, he’s good.

“Not all pus—”

“Twenty minutes,” he interrupts me.

“Huh?”

“I get off in twenty minutes. Are you going to wait around or what? I would love to chat a bit more.” He places his hand over mine. I can’t help noticing how big and mainly his hands are. Despite their size, they’re really soft and smooth.

I look at his name badge and back to his face. “Joey, I would love to stay and chat, but you were right—I should call it a night. Rain check?” I move the hand he is covering, digging in my purse to tip him.

“Awww man, and here I thought you were enjoying my company.”

“I was, but I need to get going. I totally forgot I have to call a friend of mine,” I lie to him, placing a fifty on the bar.

“No tip necessary.” He shakes his head, standing up straight. “I’ll take that rain check though. Goodnight, Ms. Lane.” He winks, walking over to another customer. I leave the fifty on the bar anyway and head upstairs. Today’s events call for a nice bubble bath and a good night’s sleep.