Alys

September 1998

Kenna’s birthday was going off just as Lili and I had hoped. For weeks, we’d planned it out with Jimi to get Kenna in the door. Being a whole year younger than Lili and me meant that, if Kenna was to go anywhere with us, we would have to do some sneaky shit.

NOLA’s Junk had been fucking off the chain. I couldn’t help but wish that Connor had been here with us to enjoy his favorite band. There was no way he’d have been let in though. As tall and gorgeous as he was, Connor looked like a fresh-faced teen.

Even if he does know how to fuck me five ways to Friday.

Ever since the day of the music festival, Connor and I had been…something. Not that anyone knew about us. We kept that shit on the extreme down-low. He wasn’t too thrilled about it, but I really couldn’t see how declaring our undying love to everyone would help us at this time. He was just sixteen. I’d be nineteen in a month. I’d already left for college; granted, it wasn’t so far away that we couldn’t see each other from time to time. But I missed him terribly.

But he still had so much more to experience. He had two more years of high school. It was just best to see what we wanted for ourselves in the future before we started planning on having one together.

Kenna, Lili, and I grabbed a free table near the bar and parked our asses. I skimmed the crowd, looking around for any acquaintances. There were a few, but I knew that Kenna was happy with it just being the three of us. Jimi would’ve joined us if he hadn’t had to work.

Glory Hole was just awful. I couldn’t help but wonder how they’d gotten the headlining position. They had a sound that resembled nails running down a chalkboard, and the singer was so full of himself, like his shit didn’t stink.

I was watching Glory Hole onstage with no interest when I saw the massive form of Phil Deveraux and the cute bass player, Xavier “X” Johnson—damn me and my weakness for redheads—approach the bar. Phil was looking our way.

No fucking way.

“Wait, wait, wait!” I shouted over the hot mess of Glory Hole’s noise. “What time is it?”

Lili took her beeper out from her pocket. “Twelve oh three!”

We let out some cheers, and Lili pulled out a lighter. “Time to make your birthday wish!” She flicked the Bic to produce a flame.

Kenna closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. I glanced over at the bar and saw Phil fucking Deveraux still watching us. Kenna. He looked like a fucking demon staring at the next soul he was going to steal.

Or maybe…as though he’d lost his soul to her.

X leaned over and shouted something in Phil’s ear. The bartender handed them a couple of beers, and then Lili started caterwauling to Glory Hole’s…well, I wouldn’t call it music, but I had no other term for it. Kenna and I cracked up.

“God, you’d think their friends would have told them to just give it up already,” said Lili.

As if out of nowhere, Phil and X materialized before us.

“Hey,” said X.

“Hey,” the three of us replied at once.

“You ladies enjoy the show?” asked X.

He was really much cuter up close. I was trying not to bust out in fangirling hysterics. Glancing over at Lili, I saw her struggling with the urge as well. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going through Kenna’s head.

“Best one you guys have put on to date,” Kenna replied.

She sounded so cool and laid-back, but I knew my Sweet Pea. She was probably freaking the fuck out more than the rest of us.

“Hell yes, it was,” I stated. “An hour and a half of balls-to-the-wall rockin’. Not too many bands can pull that off.”

“The new stuff you guys played was fantastic,” said Lili. “It just keeps getting better.”

“Shit, X, we’ve got some true fans here,” said Phil.

Damn, man! His voice was just the deepest, sexiest thing I’d ever heard.

I didn’t blame Kenna for falling in love with the man. Hell, I was pretty sure we all were a little in love with the guy.

After a few minutes of banal chitchat, Lili whipped out a spliff, and the guys stood to attention.

“You guys smoke?” asked X, a huge grin spreading across his face.

“Follow us,” said Phil.

X led the way, followed by Phil and then Kenna. Lili and I brought up the rear.

“Holy shit, Alys!” Lili hissed.

And then it happened.

Phil looked back at Kenna, smiling in that way that was meant to melt the female population into a globular mass of hormones. Dimples popped, and I could practically feel Kenna’s heartbeat pitch wildly. He reached for her hand, his eyes on only her.

Lili and I stopped dead in our tracks.

“Oh, wow,” Lili breathed.

“No shit,” I breathed in reply.

Lili whacked me on my ass. “We just witnessed fucking fate, man. Destiny just came down and poofed all over the place.”

I snorted. Lili, man.

“So, what do you do?” X asked me after taking a hit off the spliff.

“I go to the University of Louisiana,” I replied. “In Lafayette.”

X laughed. “Yeah, I know where it is. What are you studying?”

“Accounting.”

“That’s cool.”

“Pfft!” I snorted. “Compared to what?”

“Naw, I just mean, it’s awesome you’ve got your shit together and you know what you want to do, is all.”

“Oh. Well, I’m not sure it’s what I want so much as what I’m good at. My dad’s an accountant, too. He’s got his own firm and shit. So…at least I’ll have a job when I’m done.”

“Sweet.”

“Are you excited about the record deal?” Shit, what a lame-ass question. Of course he is!

“Hells fuck yeah!” he said, passing me the spliff. “We’ve been bustin’ our asses for this. It’s gonna be fuckin’ epic. We got all these songs ready to go. It’s just a matter of gettin’ into the studio and recordin’ shit down.” He reached over and tugged on the longer locks of my bobbed haircut. “I like your hair.”

“Thanks. Yours is extremely red.”

“Right? It’s good to be a redheaded bass player. You get fuckin’ noticed even though you’re the band member no one fuckin’ knows.”

I cracked up. “I happen to prefer bass players myself.”

“Oh, yeah?” He smiled, and I couldn’t help the little flutter of appreciation that trilled through my blood. “You got a boyfriend, Alys?”

Yes. “Nope.”

I couldn’t tell him I was taken because Lili and Kenna didn’t know I’d spent the last two years in a very committed relationship with Connor.

I was very much in love with my own ginger bass player, and though I would love nothing more than to tell the world about it…I couldn’t. It still felt skeevy on some level. In the state of Louisiana, what we had was statutory rape. Until Connor was at least seventeen, our relationship was illegal.

Fucking bullshit. Connor is a goddamn man.

I slid a glance toward Phil Deveraux. Well, not as man as that yet.

But, seriously, Connor had been growing more beautiful as the days slipped by. He was tall, and with all the yoga he did, his body was fucking perfection. Next to him, X was…well, he wasn’t unattractive. I did find the guy adorable and fucking hilarious, but Connor was the whole damn package.

And he’s already mine.

I couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow. While we wouldn’t be able to touch the way we wanted to, at least we could see each other. We were going out to dinner for Kenna’s birthday. If it was possible, maybe we’d be able to sneak away for a few minutes of inappropriate fun.

“What are you ladies doing later?” X asked, sliding a little closer to me.

I shrugged and spotted their drummer, Flipper, bouncing out onto the veranda. “We’re crashing at Kenna’s place.”

“Yeah? Where’s that?”

“In Ormond—LaPlace.”

“Cool, man. Phil used to live in that neighborhood as a kid.”

“Really?”

“Yup. Maybe I can convince him to break into the old house they used to live in. They still own it, so I don’t think it’d technically be breakin’ in.”

“What’s in there?” I asked.

“I have no clue. But there’s a lot of bedrooms available.”

I snorted again and shoved him. “If that’s your flirting game, buddy, it needs some work.”

“It was pretty obvious, wasn’t it?”

“A tad.”

He grinned, and I decided I liked the guy.

“I think Phil’s head over heels for your friend there,” X said.

I followed his line of vision, finding Kenna wrapped in Phil’s arms. The man had the most blissed out look on his face, as though he’d found what he’d been looking for his whole damn life. Kenna had the same look herself.

“It’s kismet,” I stated.

“Yeah, man, I think it is,” said X. “I guess, when you know, you fuckin’ know.”

I looked up into his electric-blue eyes. “Yeah, I guess you do.”

Just then, an older man came out onto the VIP terrace and spotted the guys. He had a pair of thick black-rimmed glasses and the bushiest brown hair I’d ever seen on a white guy.

“Hey, guys!” he said. “Come on! Rattlesnake is upstairs, waiting on your asses. They’ve got the contracts ready to go. So, let’s do this.”

“Damn it,” grumbled X.

I chuckled. “Isn’t this your dream?”

“Yeah, but we could sign this shit when we were a little more sober and not missing our fuckin’ guitarist.” He backhanded Flipper’s shoulder. “When was the last time you saw Jace?”

Flipper shrugged. “I think he was headin’ to the VIP area with some blonde.”

“He’s up there already,” said the older dude.

“We’ll be back,” X told me.

“Don’t go anywhere,” said Phil.

Looking over, I saw him pull Kenna in for a kiss that made my jaw drop; it was that fucking sexy.

“Hot damn!” I whispered.

Then, the guys headed out, leaving Kenna, Lili, and me staring at each other in shock.

“That just happened, right? Please tell me, that just fucking happened,” Kenna said, flushed and slightly panting.

“That just fucking happened,” I replied.

After Kenna’s birthday dinner, we all went back to Grandma Betty’s house to hang out.

Kenna’s mom—Laurie—wanted Kenna’s da and Gloria—Connor’s mom—to stay with her for a bit, and they all headed out to the back porch to drink iced tea and shoot the shit. Kenna and Lili went off to Kenna’s room to scrapbook, which I never had any interest in.

That left me alone with Connor.

“Wanna go around the block?” he asked. “I stole a joint from Da. It’s got seeds, but it’s all right.”

“Sure,” I replied.

We headed out the front door.

“Dinna be gone fer tae long, Connor!” shouted Da. “I dinna want tae have to chase yer arse down when we need to leave.”

“Just give me a beep if that happens,” Connor replied.

“Oh. Aye, that’ll do.”

As soon as we were out of sight of the house, Connor took my hand, lacing our fingers together. “I miss you,” he breathed in my ear.

I squeezed his hand. “I miss you, too. So much.”

“I hate that you’re so far away now.”

“I know.”

We were passing by a pocket of trees, and he dragged me off the sidewalk into them. The foliage was pretty thick. Before I knew it, Connor had me backed up against a walnut trunk. His mouth crashed down on mine, bruising, desperate, and I returned it in equal measure. He’d started sprouting some scruff, and it scratched the skin around my lips and chin. He tasted like mango iced tea and key lime pie, forbidden lust and the greatest of loves.

“Let me in, Sunshine,” he whispered against my skin. “I need to feel you.”

“Yes.”

His hands moved to the waistband of my jeans and tugged them over my ass, taking my underwear with them, and he lifted me up. For a second, I was afraid he’d drop me.

“I got you, Alys. I’d never let you fall.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he fumbled with his fly. I wasn’t wholly ready for him, but he was able to push home with little difficulty. In fact, the burn of him made it that much better. I’d be feeling him long after we were done.

“Gods above, you feel so good,” he groaned.

The rough bark bit into the flesh of my back, scratching deep. I wanted it. I wanted the evidence of our stolen time on me, so I could take it with me back to Lafayette. I needed it to hold me over.

“Fuck, Connor!” I gasped.

His fingers dug into the meat of my ass, promising to leave their mark, as he pumped into me. Sneaking a hand in between us, he rubbed the pad of his thumb into my clit. Connor never stopped until I was left satisfied. Between his hand and his cock, I shivered with a deep orgasm pulsing its way through me. When he felt it break loose, he buried his head in my shoulder and let out a cry. As he pounded into me, his own release poured out of him, hard and fast.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chanted.

I hugged him tight, never wanting to let him go. It terrified me—how much I loved him, how much he consumed my thoughts, day and night. With my whole heart, I waited for the day when we wouldn’t have to hide what we had from anyone.

I lived for the moment when it would just be easy to be him and me.

I hated the shame I felt for loving him the way I did. Because I wasn’t ashamed of us. Not how we felt or what we had. I was just so scared we’d lose our friends and family if we came clean too soon.

Slowly, he pulled out and set me on my feet. He tugged up my jeans, and just as he did, I felt the rush of cum leak out of me. I loved that—the feel of him inside me, being a part of me, even when he wasn’t there.

Without a word, he took my hand and walked me out of the copse of trees.

“How was the concert last night?” he asked.

“Fucking awesome,” I replied. “NOLA’s Junk signed with Rattlesnake Records.”

I didn’t mention hanging out with the band. The flirtation with X had been innocent on my end, and admittedly, it had boosted my ego somewhat. It had been nice to feel desire from a man older than myself, someone who had been around and still thought it was worth getting in my pants.

“That’s fuckin’ badass,” said Connor. “And about fuckin’ time, too. Those guys have way too much talent not to be global.”

“For real.”

“Will you try to come over tonight?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know. It might be a little tricky with Lili sleeping over.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I want to though,” I told him.

His smile, even though it held a hint of sadness, still warmed me.

“I know. One day, it won’t matter. We’ll be able to just be together without having to worry about all this shit.”

“Do you think you can hold out for that long?”

Connor stopped and stared down at me. “Why would you say that?”

“Because…we have a lot coming at us. I’ll be in Lafayette for the next four years. You plan on busting ass and getting into the music program in Miami. We’re talking years of being apart. It’s not going to be easy.”

“Nothing that’s worth anything is easy,” he replied. “I don’t want anyone else but you, Alys. Don’t you feel the same way?”

“Of course I do. I just think…”

“What?”

“That we shouldn’t feel like we’re holding each other back. You…Connor, you’re so beautiful and talented, and if you go to Miami, you’re going to have women throwing themselves at you.”

“So?”

“So, I think that being in a committed relationship might put too much pressure on us until we can be together for real, you know? No, I don’t want to date other people; that’s not why I’m saying this. I just think it would be less stressful for both of us if we weren’t forcing a commitment when we wouldn’t be able to see each other for months on end.”

He was angry; I could feel it. But he also knew that arguing with me wouldn’t bring about a change of mind.

“Don’t read too much into it,” I said. “I get that you’re pissed now, but there’s so much we’re not going to be able to experience with each other for a long-ass fuckin’ time. I’m just trying to be realistic here.”

He nodded, but he let go of my hand, and we made the rest of our way back to Grandma Betty’s in silence.