Alys

“From the first moment I saw you, Alys, you stole my heart. No woman has ever made me feel that way,” X whispers.

I bury my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of sweat and aftershave. I’ve started to love the smell of him. It’s become a comfort to me, a promise of joy when I thought my heart had crumbled to dust.

Just as I’d had my heart broken, the universe sent X to heal it.

Lying here in his bed, I’m safe, sheltered from a world of hurt, and I can’t find fault in it. A few hours ago, I had only been with one man, and it’s a little strange to have had earth-shattering sex with someone other than Connor. But X made me let go, made me give in, and I’m so happy I did.

I don’t know if I’m in love with X, but I’m not far from it. He’s forced his way into my head, my heart, my life.

His fingertips trace beats down my spine, gently tapping against my tailbone. I wonder what it is he hears, for all I can hear is the strong, vibrant thrum of his heart, the pulse of it pressed to my lips.

It’s different, but it’s still joy, and I can’t—I won’t—find a way to stop it.

Thursday, I woke up with tears dried to my face and my vision gritty.

I spent the day catching up on the work I’d neglected while getting my ass to London. I’d emerged from the bedroom only to eat a little bit of food. I thought maybe Eric was slightly alarmed when I poked at my dinner of seared ahi tuna, wasabi mashed potatoes, and cucumber and sesame salad.

Friday dawned overcast and cold—well, cold for my Louisiana-acclimated self. First thing, Eric made me a hearty English breakfast of toast, fried tomatoes, beans, a poached egg, and bacon.

“Holy shit,” I gasped as he slid the plate in front of me. “You expect me to eat all this?”

Eric smiled. “Eat what you can. I’m taking you out, and this will keep you full and warm while we find you better clothes.”

I got through about half of it. Then, I headed back to my room to change into jeans and a sweater before being whisked out the door. Unlike Kenna, I enjoyed shopping.

Eric took me to all the upscale, expensive outlets where I splurged on a whole new wardrobe. I’d have to buy more luggage to bring my stuff back home with me. The thought crossed my mind that I might need a new closet, too, and I wondered if Kenna would mind me stowing my stuff in her old walk-in. Most of her things were over at Phil’s place. Well, I supposed it was their place. It had been for a long time.

While Eric was great to hang out with—not to mention, the man insisted on carrying my bags—I missed my girls. It felt strange, being without them.

Even when X and I would go off on our own, it never felt wholly right without Kenna and Lili by my side. I’d never tell Lili, but when she had moved to San Francisco, it had been like having a piece of my life surgically removed. I knew she had felt the same way. Lili and I had something different. We were comrades in arms, so to speak. Ever since we were kids, we’d been Kenna’s eternal sidekicks.

With Connor, I hadn’t been a sidekick. I had been the sun to his moon, the light that revealed all his secrets. With him, I’d been my truest self.

Without him, I didn’t know how I’d have ever made it through X’s death. Connor had been by my side through all of it.

Except the five minutes it took him to knock up Quinn.

It fucking burned me just as hot as the first time I’d heard it. I needed to quit thinking about it for a while, to give myself time to simmer the fuck down inside so that I could consider everything with a clear head when it didn’t hurt so damn much.

Because I had no right to be this fucking hurt.

Connor hadn’t done anything wrong. I knew this. Deep down, I knew how unfair I was being, but it was as though I just couldn’t face another fucking disappointment.

“Phil called,” Eric mentioned as he pulled the car into the garage of Devon’s building.

“He did?” I asked, searching through my bag for my phone.

“He told me to take you to one of the clubs they’re interested in buying. There are some bands playing. Do you feel up to that after dinner tonight?”

“Sure,” I replied, sounding a lot more cheerful than I felt. “Do you want to go out for dinner?”

“We could do that. What do you feel like having?”

“Well, since I totally snubbed your awesome ahi tuna last night, I figure I owe you some sushi.”

“You don’t,” he stated firmly.

“I do,” I insisted. “Seriously, between the two of us, I don’t think money is an issue. So, let me take you out for sushi, okay?”

His lips mashed flat, and he threw a glare at me in the rearview mirror.

“And I get to sit in the damn front seat. You might be Devon’s chauffeur, but I’m not used to all this crap. It’s bad enough you’re being paid to hang out with me.”

His lips twitched. “I enjoy your company, Alys.”

I rolled my eyes and opened the door. “Come on. I need you to find me some damn weed.”

As it turned out, Eric didn’t need to find weed. He already had some. He rolled me a few joints for later and smoked me out before I went to shower and get dressed. It felt strange, dressing up—well, tight jeans and a black top with some badass red heels—without Kenna and Lili. Normally, we’d be blasting some Zeppelin, and Lili would be holding Kenna down and forcing makeup on the poor woman.

I wanted to call them and see what they were up to, if they’d be going out tonight. They’d probably all be going to Bougainvillea to listen to the bands the guys were interested in producing.

X had never really been into the producing bit. He had been happy that they’d gotten the studio, but he’d never had real enthusiasm for producing other bands. He’d loved doing the NOLA’s stuff, but he’d confessed to me that he wasn’t all that talented when it came to writing music and that the only reason he was as good as he was on bass—which had been pretty fucking amazing—was that he practiced constantly. He’d wanted NOLA’s Junk to be the best heavy metal band. He’d found it a challenge to keep up with the guys.

I didn’t know how long I’d been staring in the mirror, but I shook myself from that trip down memory lane and reached for my eyeliner. Suddenly, I felt exhausted without any interest for the night ahead.

I yearned to call Connor, to hear his voice, to tell him I loved him and needed him. That I was sorry.

But I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to, I also knew that it wouldn’t get me anywhere with myself. Kenna was right. I needed to find out who I was now before I could move forward with anyone.

Even the love of my life.